Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...
Author's Note: Well, it looks like we are coming to the end of this fic. Just this morning, I was finalizing my outline for the next chapter, and when I finished writing everything down, it shocked me because I realized that there are only two chapters left after this one. I guess you could say that the ending of this fic just crept up on me. Anyone, I thank you all as usual for continuing to read this fic and stick with me. Also, I want to give a special thanks to Smile My Empty Soul for recommending the lyrics that you will see at the beginning of this chapter. You were right, they really do fit the mood!
To Love You More
Chapter Thirty-Eight
"And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right
So you sailed away
Into a gray sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted?"
-"Best I Ever Had" Vertical Horizon
FIVE minutes later, both Irvine and Selphie had assembled in Rinoa's dorm. Rinoa hadn't said much over the phone. The second Irvine had hung up with her, he had called Selphie, and now here they were. Both of them were dying for some answers. What could have caused Rinoa to change her mind so suddenly?
"Okay," Rinoa began when she saw their expectant faces, "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Selphie sighed exasperatedly. "Are you kidding me? All you told Irvine was that you aren't leaving anymore. Why the sudden change of heart?"
Rinoa shrugged. "I just decided that it would be best to stay here."
"Are you shitting me?" Irvine broke in. "Rinoa, when you talked to me yesterday, you were pretty damn set on leaving. You don't just change your mind all of a sudden. Why don't you tell us what's really up."
Rinoa just smiled to herself. "Let's just say that I've had a change of heart."
"Squall came to see you, didn't he?" Selphie suddenly asked.
"Why would you say that?" Rinoa replied innocently.
"Oh, he definitely did!" Selphie exclaimed. "Just look at you! You've got the glow!"
"What glow?"
"The glow! Rinoa, you can't wipe that smile off of your face. What did Squall say to you?"
Seeing Rinoa's hesitation, Irvine couldn't help but tease her as well. "Yeah, Rinoa, you definitely have 'the glow'. You better tell us what happened before it eats you up."
"Irvine!" Selphie exclaimed, swatting his arm, "Are you making fun of me?"
"Of course not," the cowboy replied. "Why would you say such a thing?"
Selphie rolled her eyes, causing Rinoa to giggle. "Oh, you guys are too cute!"
"Hey, don't try to make this about us now. You're not going to make us forget about this one, so spill," Selphie told her sternly.
"Alright, alright," Rinoa said, holding up her hands in defeat. "Geez, you two sure are persistent! If you must know, Squall was here to say goodbye to me before he left for some meeting in Deling City."
"And..." Selphie prompted.
"And what?" Rinoa replied defensively.
"Rinoa! Out with it!"
Rinoa sighed. "Squall and Quistis are getting a divorce. Squall said he wanted me to know before I left. I was ready to let him go then, but at that moment, he asked me to wait for him, and I just couldn't say no. Do you guys think I did the right thing?"
"He asked you to wait for him?" Selphie squealed. "That is the most adorable thing ever!"
"It was," Rinoa agreed, "But that was the problem. I just couldn't say no to him. I...didn't want to say no to him."
"I think you did the right thing," Irvine said suddenly. "Rinoa, we've all seen you and Squall together. We all know that what you two have is undeniable. It's not fair to anyone if you lie to yourselves."
Rinoa sighed once more. "But what about Quistis? Every time that I feel like I'm doing the right thing, her face pops into my head, and I feel so incredibly guilty. I know how much she loves Squall. How can I take that happiness away from her?"
"Rinoa, do you hear yourself?" Selphie asked exasperatedly. "You are so concerned with other people's happiness that you are completely disregarding your own! No offense to Quistis, but how can she possibly be happy in a loveless marriage? If my husband loved another woman, I'd want to set him free."
Irvine nodded. "Selphie's right, Rinoa. When we were dating, and I found out that you still loved Squall, it hurt for awhile. After I thought about it, though, I accepted it because I know how much you guys mean to each other. I wasn't going to hang around you and try to make you magically fall in love with me. I knew that, even if we hadn't broken up, we would never have what you and Squall have. What I'm trying to say is, Quistis is a smart woman. She agreed to divorce Squall, so she must see what I saw when dating you. Sure, it'll hurt like hell at first, but she'll come to realize that she was just as unhappy in her marriage as Squall was."
Rinoa nodded. "I know. I just want to set things right between us. When Squall gets back, the first thing I'm going to do is tell him about the baby. Then, I'll sit down and have a long talk with Quistis. I'm going to tell her everything...even if the price is our friendship."
"Aw, Rin," Selphie sighed, putting her arms around her friend. "Everything will work out. You'll see."
"Thanks, Selphie," Rinoa said, squeezing her friend back. "Thank you so much." She pulled away and faced Irvine, enveloping him in a hug, as well. "You, too, Irvine. You guys are the best."
As Rinoa stood there, surrounded by two of her best friends, she began to feel hope again. Selphie and Irvine sounded so certain that everything would fall into place that Rinoa couldn't help but feel the same way. It had been so long since she had felt that her happily-ever-after was possible, but now, it felt just within her reach. At that thought, she smiled.
QUISTIS sat in her classroom, furiously trying to grade tests, but failing horribly. It was fairly hard to concentrate on the history of magic when she had so much on her mind. Teaching used to be something that she loved, but now it seemed more of a nuisance than anything. She only had two classes to teach, but she felt like she had been so caught up in her personal affairs that she hadn't been able to dedicate herself fully to her students. With a sigh, Quistis forced her mind to clear, and focus on nothing but grading the tests.
She had just been getting back into the swing of things, when Dr. Kadowaki came rushing into the room. "Quistis!" she exclaimed, panting. "I'm so glad that I found you!"
"What is it?" Quistis asked, alarmed, as she came to her feet. "Is everything alright?"
The doctor nodded as she caught her breath. "Yes, yes, not to worry. It's just that I am needed in town to assist with a birth, and I have no one to cover for me in the infirmary on such short notice. Do you think that you could cover down there?"
"Well, my classes are done for the day, so I suppose so. I was just grading some papers, but they can wait."
Dr. Kadowaki sighed in relief. "Oh, Quistis, you are a lifesaver! You won't have to do much, just get some papers in order and assist anyone that might show up."
Quistis nodded. "Don't worry, Dr. Kadowaki. You've trained me well. All you should worry about is delivering that baby."
Dr. Kadowaki laughed. "I see that I don't need to worry now! Thank you again, dear. Shall we get going?"
Quistis nodded and followed Dr. Kadowaki out of the classroom. She was secretly relieved that she would be spending the rest of the day in the infirmary. At least she would be kept busy there. She wanted to get as far away from her thoughts about Squall and Seifer as possible. Her feelings about the two men were a jumbled mess, one that she did not care to pick apart.
As the two women reached the infirmary, Dr. Kadowaki once again thanked Quistis, quickly gathered up the materials she would need, and took off. With a small smile, Quistis collapsed into Dr. Kadowaki's desk chair. The doctor had told her to organize some files, and by taking a look at the desk in front of her, she could see what she had been talking about. Patient folders littered the desk in stacks piled high.
Deciding that she should get to work, Quistis picked up a pile of the folders, and headed over to the file cabinet. She had almost crossed the room when her foot made contact with a hard object, and she found herself on the floor, folders and all. It took her a minute to realize that she had tripped over the leg of a chair. To her surprise, she began to laugh at the realization. I'm really starting to lose it. She gathered all of the folders into a pile and set them on a nearby table. She was going to have to make sure that everything was in order.
As she began work on the folder in front of her, the name on the cover caught her eye: Heartilly, Rinoa. Quistis frowned. When had Rinoa been to the infirmary lately? Maybe she had had a physical. Then, she suddenly remembered hearing a rumor about Rinoa having gone to the infirmary during Zell and Carrie's wedding reception because of exhaustion, or something like that. Of course, she could confirm all of that with just one peek into the folder lying in front of her. No, Quistis thought, I'm not going to snoop into Rinoa's files. I'll just make sure everything is in order. Quistis skimmed through the pile of folders, looking for any stray files that belonged in Rinoa's folder. As she came to the end of the pile, she found a paper with Rinoa's name at the top, as well as the date of Zell and Carrie's wedding. She had promised not to snoop, but her eyes seemed to travel down the paper of their own free will. Underneath the date, it read:
"The patient had been having frequent dizzy spells, with today's episode being the worst. After running several tests, it has been confirmed that the patient is several weeks pregnant, making the dizzy spells quite normal for her condition. The following files contain detailed information on the health history of the patient, Rinoa Heartilly, and the father of the child, Squall Leonhart."
Quistis froze, the paper falling from her hands. She did not want to read any further, and wished that she could erase from her mind what she had already seen. The blonde felt completely numb at what she had just read. In that moment, everything around her seemed to grow fuzzy, and before she realized what was happening, she was passed out cold on the floor.
WHEN Xu entered the infirmary minutes later, she found Quistis on the floor and unmoving. Papers were scattered all over the room, which immediately led Xu to assume that Quistis had been attacked. She quickly headed over to the blonde's side, checking her pulse.
"Quistis?" Xu called as she confirmed that she was breathing. "Can you hear me?"
Quistis' eyes fluttered and then opened. "Xu?" she asked wearily. "What's going on?"
"That's what I was hoping you could tell me. I just got here and found you like this."
At Xu's words, Quistis suddenly remembered just what she had been doing before passing out. Obviously, she couldn't tell Xu what she had found out. "Oh, I was just feeling dizzy," Quistis lied as she sat up.
Xu frowned. "First Rinoa and now you? I hope something isn't going around Garden."
Quistis had to resist the urge to snort, instead replying, "I'm sure that it's nothing."
Xu offered her hand to Quistis and helped pull her up. "You know, Quistis, you don't look so well. Where's Dr. Kadowaki?"
"She's in Balamb, helping with a birth. I'm covering for her here while she's gone."
"Well, I'm officially giving you the rest of the day off. You're in no shape to be staying here."
Quistis rolled her eyes. "It's not a big deal. Besides, there's no one else to cover if I'm not here."
"That's where you're wrong," Xu said, smiling. "I know a thing or two about medicine. I'd be happy to fill in."
"That's very kind of you, Xu, but I know that you have your hands full upstairs."
Xu waved that aside. "Irvine has everything under control. Come on, Quistis, go rest." Her tone became serious. "I know that you've been going through some tough times. Any time you need some time off, just say the word. Don't be afraid to ask for help, okay?"
Quistis nodded. "Thanks, Xu. Are you sure you don't mind covering for me here?"
"No way. You just take it easy, okay?"
"Thanks again, Xu. I'll do just that."
However, the second Quistis left the infirmary, she found that she was filled with a boiling anger. Rinoa was pregnant with Squall's baby! From the information from Rinoa's medical file, it was obvious that she had slept with Squall while Quistis had been away. She could not believe how low that girl had stooped! Sure, things had always been awkward between the two women, but in her heart, Quistis had believed that they were friends. Some friend! Seifer's words upon their first meeting in FH suddenly popped into her head..."They're probably screwing each other's brains out as we speak." Oh, how right he had been! Quistis suddenly felt a profound sadness at the thought of the arrogant blonde, but quickly brushed it aside. She had bigger things to worry about right now.
No, Quistis was most certainly not going to go back to her room and rest. She was sick of being the one who was supposed to step back and make room for everyone's happiness but her own. Quistis had given up everything and it was all going to that whore who had slept with her husband! No, this was the last straw. It was time to confront that arrogant little sorceress. That was why, minutes later, Quistis was pounding on Rinoa's door, demanding that she be let in.
Rinoa opened the door, looking confused to see Quistis. "Hey Quistis, is everything okay?"
"No, Rinoa, everything is not okay," Quistis said coldly as she entered Rinoa's room, slamming the door shut behind her.
Rinoa frowned at the coldness in Quistis' voice. "What's going on?"
"I don't know, Rinoa. Why don't you tell me?"
"Quistis, I wouldn't have asked if I knew the answer. Please, just tell me what's wrong."
"How can you do that?" Quistis whispered.
"Do what?" Rinoa asked, feeling more confused than ever.
"How can you stand here, acting as if everything is okay and normal, when you are pregnant with my husband's baby!"
Rinoa froze at Quistis' words. How could she know? How could she possibly know? "How did you find out?" she whispered, as she collapsed onto her bed.
"I read it in your medical file."
"You went through my medical file?" Rinoa asked angrily.
"No, Rinoa, I didn't intentionally go through your medical file. I was working in the infirmary, filing folders, and I happened to drop the stack I had been holding. As I was getting everything back in order, I happened to come upon your files."
"Oh, so that makes it alright, then? Because the papers spilled on the floor, you decided that it would be perfectly fine to read them?"
"That's not what I said, Rinoa."
"You didn't have to! Admit it, Quistis, you wanted to read my file, so you did. There was no accident about it."
"Alright!" Quistis shouted. "Maybe I was curious about what your medical file said. I could have put it away without looking, but I didn't. Give me a break, Rinoa! How can you possibly stand there and point the finger at me when you slept with Squall!"
Rinoa's eyes blazed with anger, and she had to clench her fists to keep from lunging at the blonde. "So because I slept with Squall, you suddenly have the right to go through my medical file?"
"Oh, get over it, Rinoa. The fact of the matter is that I know you are pregnant with Squall's baby. What I want to know is, how could you have possibly done this to me?" Tears suddenly stung her eyes. "I thought we were friends, Rinoa. Yeah, things were rocky, but that was completely understandable given the situation. Now, I find out that you went behind my back and had sex with my husband! Not only that, but you are going to have his baby. The baby that I was supposed to have!"
Rinoa shook her head. "Do you know how much guilt I have felt ever since that night? It was one night, Quistis, one night. I knew how much my betrayal would hurt you. Quistis, the night I slept with Squall, I did not do so to hurt you, nor did Squall. We were just caught up in the moment, and for that one night, we threw responsibility out the window. I am sorry, Quistis. I am so sorry for hurting you and for betraying you, but I am not sorry for what I had with Squall that night, and I am not sorry for this baby."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Rinoa, you don't care about my pain or my failed marriage. All you care about is easing your guilty conscience."
"Quistis, that's not true."
"Don't lie to me, Rinoa. Haven't you already done enough of that?"
"You know what's funny, Quistis? If I had stuck with my original plan, none of this would be happening right now. I would be long gone, and you would be living your life as usual."
Quistis narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"After I found out about the baby, I had this whole plan. I was going to leave for Zuwang and never come back. That way, no one would know about the baby and everything would go on as usual. You and Squall could continue your marriage without me ever getting in your way again."
"Then why didn't you go through with it?" Quistis asked.
"Squall came to see me this morning before he left. I had braced myself for my last meeting with him, and I knew that would be it. However, he caught me off guard. He told me that you and him had agreed to get a divorce. Even when he told me that, I was ready to go to Zuwang and leave him behind. But then..." She closed her eyes, remembering his words. "He asked me if I would wait for him, and I'm selfish, Quistis. I just couldn't say no."
Rinoa's words cut Quistis deep. Squall had asked Rinoa to wait for him? Well, he sure moved on quickly. No, she silently reminded herself, He was never yours in the first place. The truth had finally dawned on her. It was nothing against her personally, she hadn't done anything wrong. The simple truth was that Squall fell in love with Rinoa when he was seventeen, and he would love Rinoa forever. Nobody could ever change that.
"Does he know about the baby?" Quistis found herself asking.
Rinoa shook her head. "I tried to tell him this morning, but we got interrupted. The second he gets back, I'm going to tell him." She paused. "Quistis, I know you hate me right now, and I can't say that I blame you, but I just want you to understand that I never wanted to hurt you. I just...I love Squall. I can't change that, no matter how hard I try."
"And Squall loves you," Quistis said quietly. She could feel all of the anger seep out of her like the ocean tide. All that was left was a heart full of sadness. "I don't hate you, Rinoa. I just hate circumstance. I watched you walk into Squall's life, and I knew that you never walked out, I saw him fall in love with you, I saw the way he looked at you. I wanted to be you, Rinoa. Everyone knew that you were the perfect couple. You had melted Squall's heart of ice, not exactly an easy feat. Meanwhile, I stood by, trying to be a friend to both of you, but never able to kill the seed of jealousy and longing within me. When Squall asked me to marry him, it felt like all of my dreams were finally coming true. I could finally be with the man of my dreams. I was so caught up in those feelings that I never even realized that I could never replace you. Squall could never think of me the way he thought of you."
"Quistis," Rinoa said gently, "You should have told me. I never knew that you felt so strongly back then."
"I couldn't have told you. It would have bothered you and Squall, maybe even cost us our friendship. I couldn't have that."
Rinoa shook her head. "I wouldn't have treated you any differently, Quistis, and I doubt Squall would have. However, what is done is done and in the past now. I think that we all need to move forward with our lives."
"Rinoa, before you said that you were selfish for staying with Squall, but look at me! I was selfish for keeping him tied down to a marriage that was never meant to be. The point is that we are both to blame. Nobody is without fault. I...I want to start a new beginning, too. Suddenly, I feel like everything has become crystal clear, and I know exactly what I want to do. I almost feel...free."
Rinoa smiled secretly, pretty sure that she knew what Quistis was referring to. "We've been through a lot, Quistis, and it's been a bumpy ride, but I don't want it to end here. I don't want this to be the last time we talk."
"I very much doubt that it will be, Rinoa. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. I was just shocked and upset. The thing is, though, I've been holding onto Squall for so long that I lost sight of what I really wanted. I had this image in my head of a man that I loved, but I have come to realize that that man is not Squall. I think that I am finally able to let him go." Quistis smiled uncertainly. "I know what I have to do now, and I'm going to do it. Goodbye, Rinoa, and good luck."
"Goodbye, Quistis," Rinoa echoed. "Good luck to you, too. I hope you find what you are looking for."
"So do I," the blonde replied. "I just hope that it is not too late."
GENERAL Caraway was not having a good day. He had woken up late, due to his incompetent maid running behind schedule. His breakfast had been cold and ill prepared, and the maid had forgotten to bring him the morning paper. He had had to rush getting dressed, which resulted in wearing a pair of mismatched shoes. Now, he was sitting in a meeting room at the Presidential Palace in Deling City, directly across from the last person he wanted to deal with; Squall Leonhart.
The General felt his hands clench in anger as he studied the man in front of him. From the moment he had met Squall Leonhart, many years ago, he had taken a strong disliking to him. There was just something about him that grated on the General's nerves. He supposed that it was the look that was constantly evident in the young man's eyes. A look full of pride, determination, and even a little bit of defiance. It was a look that General Caraway was familiar with, for he had seen it within himself, as well as within the eyes of his daughter. That was why Squall Leonhart was so dangerous. A man with that look was unpredictable, and to pair one such as Squall with one such as Rinoa, was, in the General's opinion, a fatal mistake.
Besides, Squall had broken his daughter's heart. Of course, Caraway had always suspected that he would, had even told Rinoa has much, but his daughter had been as stubborn as ever. She had filled her mind with foolish notions of fairytale romance and happily-ever-after. She clung to Squall like a sick puppy, all the while breaking Caraway's heart. He knew the kind of person that Squall was, knew that it was only a matter of time before he brought Rinoa down, and he was right. Even now, after all of this time, Squall continued to bring Rinoa down. The General found himself clenching his teeth. No, he definitely did not like the man sitting in front of him.
"...which concludes this portion of the meeting. We will continue this discussion tomorrow at 1500 hours. Dismissed."
The General briefly looked up as one of the officials declared the meeting adjourned. Caraway did not remember the man's name, or his position. To be honest, he hadn't paid much attention to the meeting, instead letting his mind drift to more personal matters. Now that the meeting was over, he supposed that he would head home and sulk for the rest of the day. He was in no mood to handle any business matters that could come up.
The members of the council began to file out of the room, causing Caraway to realize that he was one of the last people remaining. He also noted, with disdain, that Squall still remained in the room. Although the General's pride was screaming against it, he decided to approach him. He wanted to know how his daughter was doing, and he sure as hell couldn't call Rinoa and ask her. There was no choice but to swallow his pride for the moment.
"Leonhart," Caraway said as politely as possible. Squall nodded toward the General, and began to turn away. "Wait! I need to talk to you."
Squall turned around, a bored expression on his face. "I'm not at liberty to talk to you."
The General was genuinely surprised at Squall's words. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "On whose orders?"
"Your daughter's," Squall replied, and could not stop himself from smirking at the look on Caraway's face.
"I don't care what Rinoa said to you! Do you think I enjoy talking to you, Leonhart? It's the last thing on Earth that I want to be doing. However, I want to know how my daughter is doing, and I realize that going through you is the only way to find out."
Squall shrugged. "You're talking to the wrong person. You told me to stay away from Rinoa, remember? How would I know how she's doing if I haven't been near her?"
"Don't play smart with me, boy! If you think that you can fool me-"
The General's phone suddenly rang, cutting him off. He shot a glare at Squall, daring him to walk away, before stepping away to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hello, General. I have some information for you that I think you will be very interested to hear."
Caraway frowned. "Who is this?"
"Let's just say that I am someone looking out for your best interests. What I'm about to tell you will probably be public news soon, but I thought you should know first."
"What are you getting at?"
"What am I getting at? Well, General, it's very simple. Let's just say that the buzz around Balamb Garden is that your daughter, Rinoa, is pregnant with none other than Squall Leonhart's baby. Congratulations, General. You're going to be a grandfather."
"What!" Caraway exclaimed. "Who the hell are you? How did you get this number?" Caraway's only answer was silence. "Leonhart!" he roared.
Squall sighed and walked over to Caraway. He was really starting to get tired of the old man. "What is it now?"
"You just finished telling me that you have been honoring my wishes and not seeing my daughter, correct?"
Squall nodded. "Yeah, that's right."
"Well, that's funny. Maybe you would like to explain to me how, if you have been spending so much time apart, Rinoa came to be pregnant with your child!"
"E-Excuse me?" Squall stammered, momentarily stunned.
"Yeah, you heard me, Leonhart. How the hell did my daughter became pregnant with your child! I want answers and I want them now!"
Squall, however, could do nothing but stare at the General, speechless. Surely, what he had just said was some kind of joke. He couldn't possibly be telling the truth. Rinoa couldn't possibly be pregnant...could she?