Sorry it took so long to update…but I did…I get credit for that right? dead silence
The painted colors of the slowly rising sun were seeming to slowly dance off the tip of the paintbrush and sway across the canvas that was the sky and Veronica couldn't remember the last time she had watched and actually enjoyed a sunrise. For years she had considered it to be something that welcomed in the new day that was to be filled with new laughs and memories but after Lily's death it came to be a sullen symbol, just another reminder that it was just another day without her best friend, just another day of cold shoulders and icy stares. Now though, it kind of seemed like it could be a new beginning, a fresh start. Although maybe this painting, radiating beauty could be signed by an ending and Veronica wondered how something so somber as another goodbye could be meant by something so beautiful, but maybe, she told herself, it was some sort of consolation prize in which it was supposed to piece back together the shattered pieces of a heart and give some sort of rescue attempt and fill it with some sort of elated emotion, some sort of beauty.
Lily had hated sunrises as much as she had loved sunsets. Sunsets meant that the night was closing in and that the party was about to begin. Veronica had never understood this idea since Lily's life was already a 24 hour party that never really started or ended and Veronica speculated that maybe it still hadn't ended and never would. Maybe death was the ultimate end, but not necessarily the end of the life, just now it was harder to 'live' for now you had to live through others because they kept your memory alive. They kept you alive.
If not for the whispered voice that pulled her out of her trance Veronica wondered if she would have remained that way forever, tangled in the past and only when some form of reality grabbed her was she able to return to realness. Would reality always have the stronger pull or would eventually the past win the battle and she would remain there, but come on Veronica let's be serious.
"Where do you go?"
"What do you mean where do I go? Where do I go to shop? Where do I go to eat? Where do I go to rent movies? Where do I go to do what?" Veronica quickly replied with a coy smile.
"I don't know... where you went right now, where you go to dream, to think? Wherever it was you just went. Where is it?"
"If I told you I would have to kill you," was the unsatisfying reply.
"Oh that helps. The answer to all my questions."
"Well, come on Logan, what good would telling you do?"
"Some would look on the more positive side, the one where the glass is half full not half empty, and say what harm would it do?" Logan stated sounding more like a shrink than the sharp tongued individual that he was, letting the defensive tone slip from his voice.
They sat in silence for a few minutes both knowing that the question was never going to be answered outright, both dug their toes deeper into the sand until the flat of their feet touched the cool, damp sand that stealthily hid under the drier, warmer sand. Logan finally, in a quiet, saddened voice asked, "Do you think of her?"
He looked up at Veronica to receive an answer but the quiet, dismal gaze was all he needed to suspect the affirmative.
"Yeah, I do too. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she were still here and..." Logan's voice trailed off as Veronica tuned it out for once not wanting Lily's death to change the mood and for once not wanting to think about it for just a few minutes. And honestly, was that too much t to ask?
Logan had eventually let the topic of Lily roll away with the waves and Veronica had told him what Mac had said and he nodded in silent agreement letting the quiet, awkwardness of the moment hang in the air, mixing with the fog and polluting the air before Veronica turned toward him and asked, "so... do you think we can do it?"
"Do what?" Logan asked in a confused tone.
"Throw the rock through that glass?"
"Oh...that..."
"Well you always were the over enthused sixth grader on class field trips, but yet I still can't elicit a more deep response than "oh...that...," Veronica cooly said letting the words and her tone careen through the air giving Logan a chill down his back when they finally did reach him.
Logan didn't respond and Veronica took the silence as permission to continue instead of letting the anger that was surging through her veins simmer down when she could talk without the anger's red needle sewing hatred into every word that passed through her lips.
So she continued, "Why did you come pick me up tonight? Honestly, I feel I should know... Did you feel like a nice stroll on the beach, but Duncan was busy and I was second best, as always. Because if you did well then next time cut out all the emotional bullshit. Did you feel like maybe you could mend this 'relationship', and yes I use that term very lightly, into a friendship? . Because if you did I'm sorry to say that I took you advice from a few months ago and I already stopped braiding. These words managed to penetrate through Logan and jab a dagger right through his already emotionally crippled heart, and still she persisted.
Did you just feel like breaking my heart again? Because if you did then yes you succeeded and we can go now. The words were barely whispered through Veronica's cracked voice with her eyes filled with tears, maybe of anger or just pain. And that was it the knife was in his heart and she just twisted it to elevate the pain a little more.
Logan took a step and tried to wrap his arms around a distraught Veronica but she pushed him away.
"Go, Logan, just go."
She turned and began the walk to the water wrapping the sweatshirt that hung on her shoulders, his sweatshirt, tighter around her in the cool morning air. She sat down close to the water, pulling her knees to her chest and allowing herself to calm down. She sat there until someone tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around.
"Weevil's taxi at your service," was the snide remark that greeted Veronica as she stared at Weevil. She had calmed herself and was thinking about leaving when she had heard him.
"Hmm... that's funny I don't seem to remember calling a taxi," Veronica said as she stood up.
"Well a young gentlemen called from your cell phone and told me where you would need to be picked up and ta da I'm here at your beckon call."
The two started walking toward the parking lot when Weevil ventured, "So Mr. Logan Echolls..."
"Don't you even start Eli, Veronica snapped back as they finally reached her shoes that she had taken off and left next to Logan's in the sand. She pulled out her cell phone that she had put in the toe of the sneaker, so that it didn't get wet, and put it in her pocket.
Weevil drove her home and Veronica was thankful that motorcycles were loud so that conversation was impossible.
When she got in the apartment she checked and saw that her father was still asleep and she went into her room. She took her cell phone and put it back on the charger and in doing so she noticed the corner of a white piece of paper that fell out when she flipped open her cell phone.
No one calls and awkward discussions. There were no strangers showing up, knocking on the door at three in the morning. Nope, for everything that Veronica needed to know was in that letter and the ball was now on her side of the court and it was up to her to decide what to do with it.