Okay, I was actually gonna make this chapter a lot longer, but I was nauseating myself while writing this so I had to stop. I'm sorry this chapter contains what it does, but well, I'm just sorry. This is just so wrong and against the laws of nature…
After leaving the restaurant, Will and I decide to do a little shopping. This also gave me a chance to tell her about what happened after my parents' party.
"Why do you let her do that you?" Will suddenly turns to me and asks.
"Well… to be honest… the sex is incredible," I feel the blood rush to my cheeks.
"You know, Buff—"
"I know, I know, that's not a good reason to stay with someone but…"
"As long as you know that," she chides.
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter, perusing though some more designer goods.
"Kennedy!" Willow shouts excitedly. I spin around to see my ex.
"Hey Willow," she smiles, then turns to me, "Buffy, it's good to see you again."
"Hi Kennedy, um… your arm looks like it's healed well."
"Yeah, well, you know what they say, what doesn't kill you will make you stronger," she laughs.
"Yeah," I look away uncomfortably. Last time we were together, it was because I was using her to try and make Faith jealous. Though Faith didn't really show any outward to jealousy to me, she did discreetly introduce Kennedy to the business end of a baseball bat. I might as well have 'Property of Faith' tattooed to my forehead.
"So… you look good Buffy, how've you been?"
"I, eh, I've been better," I sigh.
"Not too happy 'bout Cordelia being back, huh?" Kennedy asks, sympathetically rubbing my shoulder.
"You've heard about that too? I—"
"Oh, I just realized that I have to go, I forgot that I have a… uh… something to do," Willow supplies lamely. As she leaves, she leans in to whisper, "Do it, show Faith what she's missing." Oh, great.
…
Though Kennedy and I actually dated before Faith and I got together, I've just never felt that fire that I do when I'm around Faith. When were together she was nothing but kind and caring and thoughtful to me – which is far more than I can say for Faith. But it didn't work out because she was in love with me and I was… well, I was in love with Faith. I had to do the only thing I could… I let her go.
…
Even though Kennedy's not even in same ballpark as Faith when it comes to sex, I can still close my eyes and imagine she is. I can pretend that Faith's the one who truly cares about me… the one who actually wants to be with me… the one who doesn't mind doing some post-coital cuddling. I think about it all the time, Faith would hold me like there was no tomorrow and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. She would use my actual name and not some insincere pet name.
"I love you, Buffy," she would whisper in my ear and finally mean it.
Then I could whisper back, "I love you too, Faith."
"What?" I'm snapped back to reality by the harshness of my lover's voice.
"Wha? Huh?" I'm still temporarily confused by my day dream.
"You called me Faith," she hisses, getting out of bed and putting on a robe.
"When?" I'm seriously confused now.
"Uh, just now, when I told you I loved you," she scoffs, picking up my own clothes and throwing them at me. Oh shit, that was real?
"I… I…" didn't know I said that out loud, "am so very sorry." I reach for her, but she quickly pulls away.
"I think you should leave," she says softy, but sternly. I know I hurt her and I feel terrible about it. She's never been anything but sweet to me.
"Kennedy, please, I didn't mean it, I—"
"Stop Buffy, don't. Please, just go," she chokes back a sob.