Author's Note: My second Lost and second Skater fanfic. It's not linked to the first story, The Dreams of Tortured Souls, though the themes and mood is very similar. Unlike the first, this isn't a dream-walk story and there's really nothing too weired about this one. Enjoy, and once again, check my profile for a link to Island Lost, the lost RPG. Oh and there will be another chapter after this. It's not finished.

Twilight of the Idols

By: Silver Spider

"Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am, but I know who you are, and I know what you've done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry, and he killed my mother. And then he killed himself, too.All I know is your name, but one of these days I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer."

When the dust had settled, the expression on Sawyer's face was completely unreadable. There were so many emotions racing within him, the southerner probably couldn't decide on which to stay with. He was absolutely irate, blood and anger pounding in his ears, but confusion, regret, and pain also played across his tanned features. He felt sic and marveled that he hadn't emptied the contents of his stomach all over the sand beach. In the end, all he could do was slowly turn around and walk into the jungle. No one stood in his way, partially out of the desire to not get involved and partially because they knew that at the moment Sawyer could explode at anyone.

Sawy… James, he's dead. I shot him…

Five words. That was all it had taken to break a man who prided himself on not letting anything get to him. Oh how she wanted to go after him, to help him finally overcome his pain, maybe even to heal her own. Now it was too late. From the moment she'd put the pieces together, she knew those five words would either heal him or destroy him. She'd taken a risk. She lost. Maybe there was still hope for him to heal, but Kate knew for a fact that he would never speak to her again.

So she stood on the very edge of the beach, her bare feet sinking into the sand, green eyes staring into the horizon and the slowly setting sun. Her fingers kept running over the seal of the envelope that he'd thrown at her feet before stalking off into the jungle. Kate hated crying, but she couldn't stop the tears that streaked down her cheeks, so she silently let them run their course until she tasted the salt on her lips. Angry, she whipped them away.

She could sense Jack approach her before she heard his footsteps in the sand. It was funny; Kate probably lost count of how many times he'd found her this way, just standing on the beach and staring into the ocean. He could never tell what was on her mind, never guess the darkness of her past. This time he knew exactly what she was thinking about.

"James," she stated in a matter-a-fact tone, "will probably never speak to me again."

In the chaos of the past several hours, Jack completely lost track of who she was talking about. He frowned at her in confusion. "James?"

"Sawyer," she replied simply, pressing her lips together as if the name was a bad taste in her mouth, "and that's the last time I'm calling him that. It's a vile name of a vile man. He's not that man anymore, if he ever was to begin with."

"I…I'm sure that's true," Jack began, not sure how to talk to her. Kate seemed so despondent, as if she wasn't talking to him, but rather reasoning things out for herself out loud.

"He's angry," she said, arms folded under her chest as she stared out into the horizon, not bothering to turn around and look at Jack, "because I took away his revenge. Because he realized that the man he's been hunting for nearly twenty years has been dead for half that time. I honestly don't think he'll ever speak to me again."

"Then are you sorry it happened?" Jack asked carefully.

"No," Kate replied without a second of hesitation. "He was a monster who deserved to die. I'm sorry he ruined my life, and James'. I'm sorry James will never speak to me again. But I was the one who pulled the trigger, not him, and I'll always be grateful for that."

"So you're willing to go to jail for the rest of your life just to prevent Sawyer from killing a man he holds responsible for everything that went wrong in his life?" Jack sounded almost appalled at the idea. "Why do you think that you're responsible for saving him? What makes you think he wants to be saved?"

"He doesn't know what he wants," Kate agreed softly, "but I know that he and I desperately needed this closure for the past decade. Even if he hates me for the rest of his life, I'm grateful for the way things worked out."

"I don't understand," Jack admitted. "Kate, I'm trying. I really am, but I just don't understand."

"Of course not," she released a short humorless laugh, sighed pulling back her hair. "I don't expect you to, nor do I want to. Jack, you're a doctor, a healer. You can't bear the thought of taking a life. It's understandable, natural. It means you're a good man. Taking the life of another human being is an unthinkable act for you. I'm glad I killed him, because it means James won't have to.

"You see, Jack, once you take a life, nothing is ever the same again. It doesn't matter how good your reasons are for doing it, it doesn't matter if it was in revenge or self-defense. Once you pulled that trigger, there's something inside you that breaks. You loose a little peace of yourself and become somehow less than human. The tragedy is that you don't realize what it is that's haunting you. You don't realize why you feel so different, so alienated from everyone. You start thinking that maybe there's someone haunting you, so you go out into the night and find another face. And whatever any shrink says, the second or third death you're responsible for," Jack noticed that she didn't say 'person you kill,' "is no easier to get over than the first. Every time another piece of your humanity is lost. So you see, if I hadn't killed him, if James had the chance to take his revenge, he would never be able to live with himself. We're broken people, Jack, sometimes I think broken beyond repair, but I'll be damned if I let him have blood on his hands again.

"I understand you are trying to help, Jack. You're a healer; it's what you do. But you can't help me. I used to think - hope - that you could, but I finally realized you can't. I'm sorry it took so long, but you can't save me, and if you ever thought you could save James, you can't. We're beyond any help that you can give us."

Both were silent as Jack let everything she said sink in. He felt like he was on the brink of a truth he didn't want to admit. A week ago it would have made him angry and jealous to hear that Kate was putting so much thought into Sawyer. Now he felt almost grateful that both people had someone who understood them so well.

"You must..." he finally said, bitting his lip hesitantly, "You must care for him a great deal."

It was a simple statement. Not an accusation, not a demand for an answer. Just a simple observation from an outsider. There was a line of regret in the doctor's voice, but in the end it was mostly acceptance. Kate wasn't his, even if he ever thought she was, it was clear now that he was not what she needed.

Kate looked back up at him, meeting his eyes for the first time that evening. Somehow she managed to keep her voice steady. He hadn't said the word, but Kate knew full well what he was implying. "It's too late for that, Jack, far too late. Too much has happened to us. I don't think," she took a deep breath, cutting herself off, "I don't know if either of us are capable of that emotion."

Jack wasn't ure how he should feel about what he'd just heard. "If you need anything…"

Kate gave him a sad smile. "Nothing you can give, Jack."

He nodded slowly left her standing on the beach, returning to the other survivors. Kate took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as her hand tightened around the letter. She looked at the sky and noticed that the night had prepared a full moon for her. For better or worse, a part of her old life had just washed away with the tide.