This is why gambling is bad...
by uchihachik
Summary: Kakashi gets drunk. Team 7 takes advantage of this and challenges him to a bet.
Warnings: SasuNaru, SakuLee, yaoi-ness, Language, Mass alcohol consumption, pink, frilly-ness, gambling, Underage gambling, careless bartenders, death of two characters, NHL de-lockout etc, etc.
Note: This is my fic dedicated to Blood red nin. She sent me review that said she wanted the fic to be about Kakashi 'cause he's hot, and I agree, so, this goes out to her. .
Disclaimer: I don't own.
(Kakashi's POV)
I lost count when I hit fourteen...I sat on that barstool for god-knows-how-long. I looked groggily beside me, and saw my team occupying the table. How did they get in a bar? They must've used an illusion to appear older...Or the bartender just didn't care. Probably the second one...I stood up, barely able to walk. I shuffled my way over to their booth. "How'd you guys get in here?" I asked, unaware of what I'd just said.
"We just walked in..."Naruto replied.
"Ah."I said simply, taking seat with them.
"Kakashi-sensei...I think you've had enough to drink..."Sakura cautioned, taking the bottle from my hand.
"Yeah. You're right." Oh, but wasn't she always?
Sasuke still hadn't said a word. Then, with a smirk, he pulled Sakura and Naruto off to a corner. After a few seconds of hastened wispering, they returned, Sakura and Naruto wearing evil smiles and Sasuke a smirk. It was obvious he would do all the talking.
"I'd like to propose a bet?" Sasuke began.
"On what?" I asked.
Sasuke motioned to the TV above our heads.
"Hockey." he replied.(A/N:Yay! In this story, the NHL isn't locked out! Go NHL!)
I glanced to the screen. It was the Tampa Bay Lightning versus The Calgary Flames, the final game of the Stanley Cup. (A/N:Just pretend, it's last year. For those of you who know who won, good for you. It just means that, as soon as the bets are placed, you'll know who will win. But, this story has a suprise ending.)
"We'll bet as a team," Sasuke explained "And you vote as one person."
"Makes sense..."I muttered.
"We vote for Calgary." Sasuke added.(A/N:Yay! Go Sasuke! Bet on the Canadian team! Yeah!)
"Then I bet on Tampa Bay." I replied."If you lose,"I continued,"Sasuke has to walk around in public shirtless wearing only a skirt and not running away from fangirls for a week, Sakura has to go out with Lee, and Naruto has to be my servant for a week." I finished.
Sakura shivered. Naruto's eye twitched. Sasuke's face remained in it's usual poker-face expression.(A/N:Just like Itachi! God, I love him...)
"If you lose,"Sasuke began,"You have to go maskless for a day. Not covering your Sharingan, either."
"The bet is sealed."I declared.
During the game...
Third period, Calgary was up 1 goal, all was looking hopeless for me...But wait! Tampa got the puck...Down to Calgary's zone...Weave through those opponents...And shoot...SCORE! Inwardly, I cheered. Tampa's not out yet!
I heard a groan from Naruto and I smirked under my mask.
As the third period ended, the game went into overtime...And...Calgary's got the puck...Skillfully skating between Tampa defensemen...Calgary took a shot...And missed...Tampa in possession...Past the blue-line...Closer to the net..Shoot...SCORE! Tampa Bay wins the Stanley Cup in overtime!
Sakura and Naruto groaned. "I knew your plan would fail, bastard!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke.
"Everyone, come back to my apartment so we can get this all sorted out." I ordered. I was sober now, so I took on my usual so-called 'sensei/gaurdian/baby-sitter/a million other horrifying things' responsibility and lead them out of the bar.
At my apartment...
"Sakura, phone Lee."I ordered, tossing the phone to her. She caught it clumsily, being in shock and all...But then, it's Lee, who wouldn't be in shock? She dialed the required number.
"So, you know his number...Interesting.."Naruto taunted the pink-haired girl and earned a bruise on his head.
(Sakura's POV)
Okay, I can do this, even if it kills me...
"Hiya!"Lee exclaimed from the other end.
"Hey, Lee. This is Sakura..."I muttered.
"Ah, Sakura! How is the beautiful cherry blossom today?" I almost gagged at his lovey-dovey tone of voice.
"Ummm...I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?" I asked, trying not to throw up my lunch. Inner Sakura was throwing up, as a matter-of-fact.
"Of course, Sakura! Saturday, 8:00 pm?" he asked.
"S-sure." I stuttered.
"Alright! See you then then!" he exclaimed and hung up.
Naruto was laughing his head off.
"Oh, god." I thought.
(Lee's POV)
"YAY! I must go tell Gai-sensei!" I yelled, dashing out the door.
(Kakashi's POV)
They say I can tell the future, but I can't. I had no idea Tampa would win. It just, ya know, happened.
"Sasuke," I began. "Do you happen to have a skirt already picked out?"
"No."
"Sakura, do you happen to have one of Sasuke's size, by chance?" I asked.
"Probably..."the traumatized girl muttered.
"Go grab it." I ordered.
Sakura left without another word.
15 minutes of Silence later...
She came back with a bag in her hands. "Here, Sasuke." she said, tossing the bag to him. He caught it with ease and looked in, fearing the worst, and that it was.
Many expressions crossed Sasuke's pale face at that time. Probably the most evident, of course, was fear."I get to wear boxers, right?" he asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"Yes, yes. Just go." I ordered again. He disappeared down the hall presumably stepping into my room. He was there about 5 minutes, and then emerged.
The skirt was a bright, blinding pink, it had one of those lop-sided belts, and it had what looked like a handprint on the ass, as though Jiraiya had had a go at the wearer. It was also so short that the young, dark-haired ninja's boxers stuck out at the bottom, and the top. So, his waistband was sticking out, the words 'Joe Boxer' going around his slim waist, and the legs of the boxers sticking out at the bottom. He was shirtless, too, so he looked utterly ridiculous.
Naruto laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
"Naruto," I said, walking out the door. "Don't move. Your torture's next."
He gulped.
(Sasuke's POV)
'God...dammit...'
(A/N: Suprisingly, these 2 words and 7 dot-dot-dots lasted 45 minutes.)
(Kakashi's POV)
I walked back in, carrying a bag. "Here." I said, tossing the bag to Naruto. He disappeared into my room for a few minutes, and came out wearing more frilly pinkness.(A/N: that's why here was a warning about it.) He had a pink skirt, a little longer than Sasuke's, a frilly pink apron, a little pink bonnet thingy, and pink, fuzzy slippers.
"Kakashi-sensei!" he exclaimed.
"Maid." I began.
(Naruto's POV)
'Damn you, Kakashi-sensei!'
(Kakashi's POV)
"Quit whining, Naruto." I ordered once again. "First, you must feed my treasured pet. He is thy God. Also known as Billie Joe the cat." I insisted. (A/N:I actually do have a stuffed cat named Billie Joe...)
"You have a treasured cat?"
"Yes. He's almighty. He's blue." I declared.
He looked at me like I was nuts.
(Naruto's POV)
Kakashi-sensei has officially lost it. He's crazy! He has a blue cat named Billie Joe...Isn't that the singer of some punk band?...(A/N: Green Day!)
And he made me wear this stupid get-up! Grrrr...Sometimes I just wish I was stronger than him so I could rip him limd-from-limb! Then I would put him in a blender! Then, once I had a Kakashi-sensei milkshake,(Woah...Naruto's an angry child...Like me! I'm an angry golfer...) I would find that freaky shark-guy...What was his name again?...(A/N:Kisame! Ha ha ha! It's me and my friend's newest obsession! His name is just freaking hilarious to say! Kisame!) Ah, who cares. But, I'll find him, and feed him the Kakashi-sensei milkshake. Then he'll be all like "Wow. This is good. What's it made of?" And I'll be all like "The secret ingredient, Kaka-"
(Kakashi's POV)
"Slave." I ordered. "Do my laundry." I gestured to my heaping laundry basket.
He scowled. "Yes, Kakashi-sensei."
"Kaka-sama." I corrected him.
A sigh. "Kaka-sama." And, the short, blonde dunce dragged the laundry basket behind him to the washing machine.
"Now, let's go..."I began.
"Shopping!" Sakura suggested.
"Uh...Okay, fine." I replied. Unaware of the suicide I had just committed with those 3 words.
That sure brightened her spirits.
"Slave." I called. "We're going out..."
"Shopping!" Sakura pepeated.
"Yes..."I mutttered.
Sakura grabbed mine and Sasuke's hands and dragged us behind her. "You guys can carry my bags!" she suggested.
Oh, god. This day would be hell...
(Naruto's POV)
"Stupid...Perverted bastard..." I growled under my breath.
I opened the lid to his washing machine, having to stand on a very tall stool to reach it. Kakashi-sensei is waaaaay than me...
I began to put in the assorted articles of clothing into the washer. 'Does Kakashi-sensei wear nothing other than uniform?' I thought, as I, once again, threw in another one of his shirts. I browsed deeper through my perverted sensei's clothes. I was answered by never-ending dark-blue pants, masks, and wrist length shirts with the little swirlies on the shoulders. As well as the occasional flash of green from a vest or silver from the plates on hs gloves.
'Sensei must use Kage Bunshins to do all his laundry, or something!' I thought.
Oh, I was finally coming across the occasional change in clothes. He's got about a dozen band tees. Green Day, Nickelback, Theory of a Deadman, Pink Floyd and AC/DC were just a few of them.
He had a couple novelty tees, too. One black one said 'Make your own whine. Get a woman.' (A/N: Not being sexist!) The other said 'Does NOT play well with others.'
He also had one that said, 'Perverted bastard, coming through'. This one fit the jonin's personality well enough, but what it fit even better was the jonin himself. (A/N: According to me, uchihachik, at least.)
It loooked a few sizes too small for the silver-haired sensei, but, in truth, it clung perfectly to his chest to make him look (A/N: Dare I say it!) hot. It usually drew girls like honey draws flies, but Kakashi was quite used to it already. When he looked like this, its what most females would refer to as 'uber-sexy' and he usually became extremely popular. (uchihachik and other Kakashi fangirls: O.O drools)
Kakashi also had a few pairs of patterned shorts. Some had flowers, flames, and animals printed on them They were extremely vibrant and colourful.
He had loose jeans, studded belts, long sleeved shirts, pyjamas, socks, bed sheets, pillowcases, and curtains.
He even had a dress-shirt and tie. I mean, wow, Kakashi, in dressy clothes? Looking formal? Che, I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't been writing these very words, right now. Yes, I know these things. I've seen it. I see ALL. How? I am the Jesus of Suburbia...MWA HA HA...Bow down to me...
cough
Anyways,
Later that day...
I continued to sort through the jonins clothes. With relief, I reached the bottom of the basket...But I noticed something missing. I began to come to scary conclusions. I screamed.
(Kakashi's POV)
Never take Sakura shopping. Never. Never. Never. Or, in my case, never again. (A/N:Good song!) Sakura had quickly exausted her supply of money and pouted until Sasuke gave her some money. Technically, she harassed (A/N: Sexually harassed.) him until he would have ripped out his own hair with his own hands in his own frustration if he didn't. Eh, the Uchiha boy was loaded, anyways. After the massacre of his clan, he inheirited the Uchiha clan wealth. Each adult Uchiha owned a small fortune, there were a LOT of clan members. Therefore, all the money was willed to Itachi, who insisted it be deflected to Sasuke on account of the fact that he couldn't use it anywhere 'cause he's on the run and people would recognize him and get suspicious.
If ya didn't catch that logic, lemme simplify, Sasuke is filthy stinkin' rich. Make sense? Great.
Anyways, after Sakura had drained Sasuke of all the money he had on him, she tried to mooch off me. I refused and then we reached the point we're at now. Sasuke and I had to make 3 dopplegangers in order to carry all her bags. And our original hands were full, too. Meanwhile, Sakura was prancing around in front of us, chatting away on her cell phone, empy-handed.
Bitch...
Anyways, she dropped her cell when we heard a scream from my apartment. We and our dopplegangers threw the bags at Sakura and pushed past her, dashing to my apartment.
Sasuke and I burst through the door.
There was a flash of pink and yellow as something jumped at Sasuke. "Sasuke, what was-" I began, but looked at him and saw a fearstruck Naruto in his arms. (A/N: A little gift to SasuNaru fans.) Naruto had leapt at him, and Sasuke had caught him.
I raised an eyebrow. "What's up?" I asked.
"When I put your clothes in the wash..." A quivering pink ball known as Naruto began. "I noticed that I didn't see any underwear in the wash..."
"And?" I asked.
"It hit me that..." Naruto began. But, suddenly, Sasuke snapped back and realized the position he was in and threw Naruto to the ground, quite forcefully.
"I think he's dead..."Sasuke said as we silently watched and the blonde idiot remained motionless.
I bent down next to the body and put 2 fingers to his neck, checking his pulse.
Nothing.
"Yep." I replied, standing back up. (lovelovesugar1994: NOOOOO!)
"What should we do with the body?" Sasuke asked.
"Dumpster?" I suggested.
"Nah."
"Lake?"
"Nah."
"Garbage barge?"
"Sure."
So, we dumped the corpse on the garbage barge off a large bridge.
Then, Sakura came and saw Naruto's body on the barge, therefore, I 'accidentally' pushed Sakura off the edge of the bridge. She landed on her head, there was a sickening crack as her neck cracked in 2.
"I guess the bet's cancelled, ne, Kakashi-sensei?" Sasuke asked.
"Yeah." I replied.
(Sasuke's POV)
Then an obsene thought entered my head.
"Kakashi-sensei?"
(Kakashi's POV)
"Hmmm?" I asked.
"Is what Naruto was leading to true?"
"Yes."
And his eyes were all like: O.O
"What?" I asked, breaking the silence.
Yes, ladies, that's right. He was 'going commando'.
The end
LOL! Funny, ne? Well, not the funniest I've written, but 'tis all good! Again, congrats go to Blood red nin! Yay! Now, I must begin to write my other story! It's gonna be called The Strawberry Inciddent. As usual with my ItaOC stories, it's gonna be Kady's POV. It'll be based on my bad experience with strawberries. If you want a technical discription of Kady and my other OCs, just read Holiday or 20 Letters of Pain.
Bye,
uchihachik
BTW:
(Kakashi's POV)
I returned back to my apartment to put away my clothes. The washing machine had finished, so I took out my clothes, and re-loaded the washer. Busily multitasking by reading 'Come Come Paradise' while doing laundry.(A/N: That's actually the first time 'Come Come Paradise' had appeared in this fic. Weird, ne?) Therefore, I didn't notice that I put a blue ball of fuzz in the washer, presuming that it was clothes.
The washer started, and a screech was heard.
I have one of those laundry-mat style washers, with the little window in the front. I peered in curiously.
The water darkened to blood red.
Then I saw it.
"Billie Joe!" I yelped.
And that was the end of my cat.
The end
LOL! A little sidestory. Now, I leave you with one quote:
"Iron what! Iron f Maiden!"
Wooo! Yay! Go Iron Maiden! Now, just like in The story of Gai I'm gonna set up a contest. Read through my fics, and name the 5 Naruto characters I have a crush on.
That's all.
Bye (For real this time!),
uchihachik