The mutated cyborg bunny let out a horrible screech, like a panda bear on crack. It leaped out of Cortana's arms and made a beeline for anywhere 10,000 miles between him and the (somehow) intoxicated AI. "No, baby, don't go," Cortana mumbled in her sleep. She groped for her lover but found only Marines and mustard. She snapped awake and looked around her. Somehow they were off the ship and most of the others were slathered in the yellow paste. Cortana attempted to wake the others, especially the ones sucking on Johnson's head, but to no avail. She had one option.

"GET UP, YOU LAZY SONS OF BITCHES!" she screamed in her trademark uber-nag voice. The Marines rose immediately, at attention. Some of them looked down and noticed flowers tattooed on them in strange places, and fixed their pants. Johnson, more than a little embarrassed, told off the Marines for slacking and substance abuse. He was greeted only by snickers, due to saliva dripping from his head and mustard infesting his skin. There was only one way to react to this situation: flail your arms, run around and make monkey noises. He did just that, but tripped over his pants during the second step. Cortana snorted.

Finally, after much giggling and pointing, and not to mention nagging from Cortana, someone asked, "Where's the Chief?"

No response.

Cortana made a sound similar to 'Vasumee's earlier, only this time it was more like a cow giving birth to a truck. "Well, not only are we all plastered, but now we're missing our only Spartan. No matter... you guys are going to FIND him, whether you're sober enough to walk or not." The Marines groaned in frustration.

Meanwhile, back at the "ritual"... the Elites had changed their pattern, and now, instead of a tribal jig, they had changed to a traditional ballet. Orchestral music, with an unknown source, came out of nowhere. The Chief was hanging on the edge of his sanity.

Suddenly, a Warthog drove up and smashed into a couple of Elites. The rest squealed and pranced away, still keeping in time with the source-less music. John breathed a sigh of relief and surveyed the 'Hog. For some reason, its normal grey-green color was replaced with hippy-flowers and the words "PEACE" and "LOVE" spray-painted in bad graffiti. A Marine popped his head out of the drivers seat and gave a salute to Master Chief. "Rich Matthews, reporting for duty, Mister Chief sir!" Simultaneously, Matthews stepped on the gas, on accident, and rammed the Warthog into a nearby tree.

The Chief groaned. Yep. That guy's definitely a Private.

Johnson, with Cortana's chip in hand, and ten other Marines (don't ask me how they all fit in there–I don't know) jumped out of the jeep before it exploded. They all stood and watched as Matthews tumbled out of the wreckage. He gave a salute to Master Chief. "Request permission to react to the excruciating pain in my body, sir!" Even though he was blackened, the marine's enthusiasm didn't seem to be damaged.

"Permission granted."

Matthews blinked for a second, grinning happily, and then rolled over on the floor, screaming like a taquito on fire. John sighed. "So, why are you guys here again?"

Johnson had untied the Chief by now. He was too lazy to answer the question, so instead, he smacked Cortana's chip into the back of the Spartan's helmet. Cortana appeared in full body form and explained, "Well, you went missing after we woke up, so, we went to go look for you."

"Could you have gone any slower? The torture was unbearable."

"What are you talking about?" Cortana asked skeptically. The Chief motioned towards a couple of roadkill Elites, both proudly showcasing pink, frilly panties. "Eww!" she jumped back. "That's... disturbing." The others nodded in agreement.

A cry of fury came from the trees outside the clearing. Out of the shadows stepped 'Vasumee and his other, intact Elites. He wore a look of unfathomable anger. "How DARE you interrupt the sacred dance!" He roared as he pulled out a plasma rifle. His lackeys did the same.

The plasma's blue glow illuminated the human soldiers' terrified faces. Even the Master Chief knew he couldn't get out of this one.