Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

A/N: I'm new to this whole write the fanfiction yourself thing. I'm usually just reading. This writing thing doesn't come naturally to me. I'm no english major, actually I'm the right opposite... I'm a math major, so this takes an immense amount of effort by my part. So tell me if you see any character flaws... yes yes... that is the one thing I really want to know about.

Thank you to those who reviewed.

Chapter 2: Mustard Incident

I bolted up into a sitting position. I looked over at the alarm clock, glowing in neon blue numbers was the time. Was that thing right? 2:53 am?

The hairs on my arms stood up, a sudden cold shiver ran through me. I had the feeling I was being watched. I looked over to my door way. Nope, no one leaning against the door way. I looked around the room. Nope nothing. Then suddenly the thought struck. Was my window closed and locked?

I looked over to window, bed sheets clutched to my chest in fear. The curtains were drawn closed. No one could possibly be on the fire escape outside my window, could they? I wasn't about to find out so I sat still watching the window, hoping a mysterious wind could come and ruffle the curtains a bit so I could see outside. But no such luck. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see what was there anyway. Not sure what I could have done if it was some psychotic stalker. My gun was in the cookie jar and it wasn't loaded.

I could try calling Morelli or Ranger, but they were out of town. Just when I needed them. Okay, so I'm just going to have to get out of this bed, walk over to the window and take a peep outside. If there is a psychotic stalker out there then….

I didn't want to think about it, I got up out of my bed as fast as possible and moved to the side of the window. I pressed myself against the wall and moved the curtain barely enough to see outside.

Nothing. I moved right in front of the window and parted the curtains. Nothing. I was just being paranoid. Nothing was out there. I breathed a sigh of relief and berated myself for getting worked up about nothing.

I walked back to my bed and crawled between the sheets, lying back to fall asleep again.

Fifteen minutes later and I wasn't asleep. My eyes were wide open and my ears were perked at full attention. That's it! I'm not getting any sleep. Time for some Ghostbusters.

I walked out of my room, into my living room, turning on lights as went. I found the movie and popped it into the VCR and let it start while I made some popcorn in the kitchen. I padded back into the living room and sat in front of the TV to watch my all time favorite movie.

I woke up at who knows what time the next morning curled up on the couch. All the popcorn was gone and the screen was glowing blue. I turned the TV off and took the popcorn bowl to the kitchen where I washed it and laid it by the sink to dry. I looked on the microwave clock.

Shit! 10:30, I'm late. The phone rang.

"Hello?" I said groggily.

"Stephanie, you're late." Connie was on the other end.

"I woke up late. I'll be there in 30."

"Bring donuts." Click.

Does anyone know how to say bye before they hang up?

I made my way into my room and stared out the window at my fire escape. Nothing. How could I have possibly thought that there was someone there.

I was in and out of the shower in 10 minutes, dressed in 5, done struggling with my hair in another 5. Another 15 minutes and I was at the office, donuts in hand.

Lula pounced on me, all 200 pounds of purple spandex, grabbing the donuts. She grabbed one for herself and handed the box to Connie who took one out and put it down on her desk within everyone's reach. I took a Boston crème and sat on the couch.

"God girl, you look awful." Lula commented.

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Oh?" Connie gave me look that said, so you finally got some sex.

"Nothing like that." I said. "I had the strangest feeling I was being watched, so I was up all night watching Ghostbusters." Ok so I wasn't up all night but interruptions in my sleep didn't show well. I continued eating my Boston crème.

"So?" Lula prompted.

"There was no one there, or at least I didn't see anyone."

"So, you going after that John Smith again? Or that assault?" Lula asked.

I groaned. I was in no mood to go after either. I didn't know anything about John Smith and I don't know where to start with him. And the assault case, I haven't even read the assault case. I was hoping Ranger would come back soon and I wouldn't have to go after the assault. "Assault. I don't have any information on John Smith yet."

"So you got a lead then?"

"Albert recognized him. He uses that Laundromat next to his office. He said he'd call me if he saw him." I wasn't betting anything on it though, how lucky can I really get with Albert Kloughn. Okay, eww, so not that way. I just meant that he's not the most reliable person. And I should probably look for another source.

I grabbed another donut and my bag. "You riding shot gun today Lula?" I didn't know why I asked.

"Of course. You couldn't leave me behind." She was up and following me with her bag, which I was sure contained her glock.

We got into my car and I reached in the back seat for the file. I opened it to reveal a picture of a woman. She looked to be in her mid-thirties, thin and blonde. Her eyes looked sunken in like she hasn't slept in months or she had been doing a lot of drugs. Oh great. With my luck she was probably arrested for getting high and then getting angry enough at her boyfriend or husband to try and cut off his balls. Name, Gina Hughs. Lived in Hamilton Township. Was arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. I read then rest and stared at the file, stuck on shock.

"Who is it?" Lula asked.

"Gina Hughs. She attacked her boyfriend with a butcher knife for cheating on her. She threatened to cut off his balls, she was apparently high at the time."

"Really?" Lula grabbed the file on from my hand and proceeded to read. I started up the car and drove to the address on the bond. I parked a couple of houses down from Gina's and stared at her house. The curtains were drawn, it looked dark inside, and there was no car in the drive-way.

"Looks like no one's home." Lula said.

I checked my supplies in my bag. Pepper spray, hand cuffs, and cell phone. "Lets take a look. Leave the gun here."

"You kiddin' me? That girl attacked her boyfriend with a knife."

I gave up and stepped out of the car. Lula followed and I beeped the car locked.

We were on her door step. I reached up and knocked and waited. No answer. I tried to look through the windows but the curtains were tightly drawn and there was no way to see in. I knocked again. Nothing.

"She's not at home." A voice said. I looked around and saw a woman on the side walk. We walked down to her. "I'm Sandra, her neighbor."

"Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum." Her eyes twinkled with recognition. "Do you know where she is?"

"No I don't. Is she in trouble for threatening her boyfriend?" She asked. "He was a real asshole you know. They used to fight a lot. I think he used to hit her."

"She missed her court date, we're just here to try and get her to reschedule." I handed her one of my cards. "You should call me when she comes back."

Sandra agreed to call us and we walked away. I wasn't sure if Sandra would call, but you got to take a chance once in a while. When we got to the car my phone began to ring. I dug through my purse looking for it, but it stopped ringing before I could find it. Who ever it is can call later, but the phone started ringing again.

"Shit! Where is it?" I started pulling things out of my bag until finally I found it. "Hello?"

"Hey Stephanie. This is Albert."

"Hey Albert, you have a name for me?"

"Yep. Michael Kurtis."

"Thanks Albert."

I hung up and called Connie. "Connie, I need you to check out a name."

"Give it to me."

"Michael Kurtis."

I heard a tap tap on the other end from her typing in his name. "I don't have anything on him on the computer. Let me look him up on the phone book."

"Okay." I heard some flipping of pages and silence.

Connie gave me an address and hung up.

"So?" Lula prompted.

"We have a name and an address. Michael Kurtis. Connie didn't have anything on him on the computers. We are going to go check out his place."

We were in front of his apartment in 20 minutes. We parked in the parking lot in front of his building, I showed Lula the picture of him and we both got out of the car. "No shooting Lula. We are just going to knock on the door and check if he's home."

"And if he is."

"We take him in, but no shooting."

"Alright, alright."

His was a second story apartment in the back. We walked up the stairs and up to his door. We listened to for a moment and then I knocked. No answer.

"Maybe he didn't hear?" Lula said and tried knocking on the door again. There was still no answer. "Maybe we should take a look inside. He might be lying dead in there and no one would know."

"Oh no! We are leaving now. I don't care if he is lying in there dead. That'll be one less dead body I discover. One less cop joke."

Lula gave an almost pout to this, but she followed me out anyway. Outside in the car we waited to see if anyone came out of or back to the apartment. A hour and something later it was close to two and we were starving.

"What'll it be?" I asked Lula as I pulled out of the apartment parking lot.

"I feel like chicken."

"You feel like chicken everyday."

"Nah uh!"

Ten minutes later I was pulling into the cluck in buckets parking lot. Lula and I decided it would be good for the both of us to go inside and eat something before we both dropped dead from starvation. We each got ourselves a meal and sat down to eat. We were both pretty quiet, more concentrated on the food rather than on conversation or any other distraction.

Then suddenly Lula was pointing over my shoulder to the register. Her mouth too full to make coherent sounds. I turned and there he was. Mr. John Smith himself, Michael Kurtis.

I wasn't thinking, I blame the hunger. I stood up and shouted "Bond enforcement, stop right there." I could have easily walked behind the man and slipped the cuffs on him but no I had to yell after him. He turned and recognition registered in his face and he bolted right past the lady mopping the floor and out the door. I ran after him. Right after I pass the lady with the mop, I felt my feet slide under me, and I went down hard on my ass. As I went down I heard a squish!

I was afraid to look. I closed my eyes, put my fingers to the floor and picked up whatever it was that was on the floor and brought my fingers to my nose. Mustard.

"Girl, you okay?" Lula was standing beside me, staring.

"Why did it have to be mustard?" I asked her, reminding me of my mother when she asked why she had a daughter who blew up cars or found dead bodies or the many other complaints she has about me.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" There was a man asking me, his name tag read Clifford Hangers, Manager. "I called an ambulance. Please don't get up until it gets here."

"I'm not going to sue." This was obviously his main concern. All I could think was mustard. Mustard of all things. I reached behind me, grabbed the table for support and pulled myself up.

"Please sit down ma'am. It's company policy that you be checked out by the paramedics." At this point I could hear the sirens wailing closer.

"I got to get out of here. If they find me like this I'll never hear the end of it."

Lula had picked up our meals and bags and was ready to go. We were almost at the door when the manager barricaded the door with his body. "Ma'am you can't leave. You have to be checked out first." Clifford Hangers pleaded with us.

Lula stepped forward and eyed the man. "If you don't step out of the way I'm going to knock you out of the way." The manager flinched at this and backed closer to the door, but it was too late. An ambulance escorted by a cop car was here. Carl stepped out of the cop car along with Big Dog. They followed the paramedics in.

He walked in and smirked. "When I heard a woman slipped and fell on mustard at the Cluck in a Bucket I knew it had to be you."

I gave him the most intense burg glare I could muster. "Not another word." Then the paramedics moved in on me and Lula just stood there with an amused look on her face. The cops for some reason hadn't scared her off.

"Ma'am could you please sit down so we can check you out." I didn't recognize any of the paramedics, but I'm sure they knew me because they were trying their hardest not to laugh. Damn news papers that always find pictures of me to stick on their front pages. I mean, is it really my fault all those cars blew up? I was no where near them! Sort of.

I slapped their hands away when they tried to guide me to a chair. "My ass if fine." I said angrily and walked out to my car, Lula following obviously trying to stifle a laugh unsuccessfully.

When I got to my car I was faced with another problem. I couldn't very well sit on those beautifully clean new seats with my mustard ass. I groaned and looked in the back seat for something I could cover the seat before I sat. Score! A newspaper. I didn't know why it was in there but it was there. Lucky for my car.

I dropped Lula off, she had a laughter under control. And I had my anger under control. I was no longer determined to kill Michael Kurtis when I found him. I drove on auto-pilot to my building and parked. A couple of minutes later I realized I was still in the car imagining what I'd do to Michael Kurtis. I shook my head trying to get all those thoughts out and concentrating on not letting anyone see me.

The coast was clear so I took the back entrance in, up the stairs (I didn't want to risk the elevator) and into my apartment. I locked the door behind me and I gave a sigh of relief. I did a walk through making sure no one was there and I went straight for my shower. And no one could drag me out of there until I got this smell off of me.

It only took me 20 minutes to get the smell off, but it took me another good 40 minutes to step out. The shower felt good and I was having a rough day, no one was going to object to a long shower.

I got dressed in some jeans and a Rangers Jersey and walked into the kitchen saying hi to Rex who was busy on his wheel. I told him all about my day and even about the mustard incident to which he actually stopped running and blinked at me. After I was done talking I gave him a grape and a couple of raisins as a reward. He stuck a raisin in his mouth, he grabbed the grape and proceeded into his soup can.

I noticed my answering machine blinking. I played the message.

"Stephanie? This is your mother. What is this I hear about mustard?" I should probably call her back, but she'll call again later.

It was still to early to call it a day. So I grabbed my keys, a jacket and locked the door behind me on my way to the car, which was still here. I'm drove to Gina Hughs' house and noticed the car in her drive-way. I parked in front of her house, if I needed to get away the car ought to be near by. I walked up to her door and knocked. I heard the sounds on someone moving around behind the door.

"Who is it?" A woman's voice asked.

"Stephanie Plum." Surprisingly she opened the door.

"Sandra told me about you." Gina looked awful. She was in her bathrobe, her hair was a mess, her nose was red, she was holding tissues. She was clearly sick. "I didn't go to court 'cause I was sick." Cough. I was feeling sorry for the woman.

"Well do you want to go down to station with me now and reschedule?" I asked hopefully. She looked to be too sick give me trouble, but if she said no I couldn't do much. I would feel too guilty about dragging a sick woman to the station. "I can have you bonded out in no time."

She nodded to this. "Okay, I need to go put on some decent clothes and fix my hair." She left me standing outside. Twenty minutes later, as promised she was out of her house and in my car. I'll have to buy something to disinfect my car.

At the cop shop I did the paperwork and called Vinnie to rebond out Gina and told her Vinnie was on the way. There were a few cop jokes, which I ignored. I asked about Morelli from one of the guys but they said they hadn't heard anything about him yet.

On my way home I picked up a pizza from Pino's and a tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish food. Soon as I got through the door of my apartment my phone rang and like the idiot I am I picked up.

"Stephanie this is your mother." Like I didn't know it. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I was busy mom."

"Too busy to talk to your own mother. What's this I hear about an accident with mustard at Cluck in a Bucket?"

"I slipped and fell on mustard mom, its no big deal?"

"No big deal? Mary Meyer's daughter doesn't slip and fall on mustard at cluck in the bucket. I'm the only one with a daughter who slips and falls on mustard and finds dead bodies and blows up cars."

"I don't blow up cars!"

"Don't you raise your voice to your mother!" she said sharply. I sighed and hoped she didn't hear that. "I expect you for dinner tomorrow." She commanded and hung up. I hung up the phone. I didn't have an excuse to refuse dinner and I don't think I had much of a choice anyway.

I grabbed a beer from the fridge and took the pizza to the couch. I turned on the TV and settled on a baseball game. I put down three slices, eyed a forth and decided against it. I should really go on a diet. I walked to the kitchen and dropped a piece of crust in Rex's cage, Rex came out of his soup can and took the crust back to the can.I put the pizza box away in the refrigerator.

"I'll go on the rabbit food diet as soon as I'm done with this pizza." I told Rex. "So enjoy it while you can." I thought I saw a butt wiggle, which probably meant 'yeah right.'

And sat back down in front of the TV to finish watching the game. The 6th inning and I was getting tired so I turned off the TV and went into the bedroom. I changed to a large t-shirt that hit me mid-thigh and was about to turn the lights out when I noticed the window. I should probably check if it's locked.

I walked up to the window, it was locked, and just as I was about to shut the curtains I noticed it. On the fire escape there was a cigarette butt.