Running Blind
Just A Starving Writer
Disclaimer: nope, not mine.
Author's Plea: Please forgive me. For everything.
Major lack of editing in the name of sanity and time. If I play with this chapter anymore than I have, I'll have to kill it. Of course, that probably means it'll end up like last time.
For those of you who may be curious, I left out a very important thing in 8 because I had an idea I wanted to try out here in 9. Unfortunately, I didn't fully think it out before posting 8 and was left with something of a dilemma. I hope I have solved it. It was always my original plan to include Miroku's issues here in such a way, but I should have addressed it better. When I am finished with the story, I'll prolly go back and edit that. For now, this is what I have.
Now, enough of that! Here's the chapter!
As always, enjoy if you can.
Part 9: May, June
May
The silence was complete. It seemed as if the entire world had stopped breathing in this tense moment.
"Prove it," the hanyou finally stated with authority, keeping his stance rigid and prepared.
The wind sorceress, 10 meters away and already fan-free, merely nodded and removed a bottle from her sleeve. It was quite miraculous that the object could fit in her sleeve, but they weren't currently focused on that oddment. Instead, their entire attention was on the jar itself, or rather its contents.
"Is that…?" the monk finally questioned.
"His heart. Naraku's heart. Kept alive by a mere sliver of the Shikon Jewel."
"So, that's all that is left of him?"
"Yes. All that I know about. Regardless, he cannot live without it so if there are any more copies, they will die when you kill this."
The shard hunters shared a tense and speculative glance. It could very well be a trap, but it was so incredibly tempting to believe her. Kagura looked different than they had ever seen her. Though her nervousness could easily been that of maliciousness, the worry and overall hope mixed in were heartening.
"Why did you bring it to us, Kagura?" Kagome questioned softly. The youkai's keen ears still picked it up and she smiled wryly.
"I would like to live. In exchange for leaving me to my peace, I bring you proof of my former master's demise."
It was so honest and heart-wrenching that Kagome nodded her approval without even consulting with her group. Approaching the sorceress, she extended her hand, ignoring the hanyou's protests, and accepted the jar. A brief look at the contents was enough to make her stomach groan as the red heart seemed to radiate an aura of blackness even as it steadily pulsed.
When she looked back on the moment, Kagome knew she had not acted consciously. Instead, being in the close proximity of so much evil prompted her miko powers to action. Despite the drain that still affected her from the powerful display she made before dying, the pink glow was enough to surround and destroy the black aura, purifying the tiny sliver of jewel as it did so. However, the heart did not crumble into dust as she had expected once the glow retreated.
"Wha…?" Turning toward the approaching shard hunters, she passed the jar to the monk.
"Ah," Miroku mumbled in thought. "So this is all that remained of his humanity...Then I suppose it must be dealt with through the usual means." And, without further warning, he dropped the jar where it fell and shattered on the hard earth.
If they had been expecting some form of grand declaration that the enemy had finally been defeated, they were sorely disappointed. However, as Kagome bent and retrieved the jewel shard, a miniscule piece that would have been near impossible to find otherwise, there was a sense of release that none in the small group had felt in quite a long time. No grand declaration could have made them feel as powerful and great as that internal sigh.
They were there for some minutes before the kit moved, signaling the end of the moment. The monk immediately turned his attention to his hand, something he had been reluctant to do until they completed the jewel. But with only Kohaku's shard missing and with Kagura nearby, this seemed like the opportune moment.
"Miroku?" the miko questioned softly, sensing his hesitation.
"If it's gone…I believe I have come to depend on it."
She nodded solemnly and took hold of his staff as he unwrapped the prayer beads from his cursed hand. The others had moved out of the way but were not expecting the wind that burst forth. With no small amount of dread, the monk closed the kazaana and turned sad eyes to the wind sorceress.
"I don't know," she admitted softly, turning her attention to the ground. "He said…he said you were foolish to believe his words. But…but it could be me. As Naraku's incarnation, the curse may find my existence as enough to continue…"
Trailing off, the wind sorceress bravely met the eyes of her accusers.
"What do you think will happen, Kagura?" Kagome asked softly.
"I…I believe that without Naraku alive, the curse will not expand or spread to your kin. I believe it took him some amount of conscious effort to transfer it to each new generation. I could be wrong."
"If…" the monk began slowly. "If the curse spreads, threatens the life of me or my loved ones…can I find you?"
Understanding his question, she met his honest gaze before nodding resolutely.
"If you must find me…just ask the wind."
Her business done, the former minion turned and began to walk away, still unsure of whether any display of strength would be welcome. As she passed the miko, the young woman laid a hand on her shoulder. The sorceress stopped but did not turn.
"Kagura…I'll do what I can to stop Kouga from looking for you."
Smiling, the sorceress nodded again before she continued her exit.
It was a scene Kagome would look back upon at odd times in the future and think she'd never seen something so hopeful as that. The sorceress walking into the woods, into the sunset, her shadow long and her very aura one of infinite release and hopeful fear… It was a picture of one gifted with a second chance.
It was an image she vowed she would never forget.
It was spoiled by the incredulous voice of the hanyou once the wind user was safely out of hearing range.
"Why the hell did you let her go?"
"Kagura is not one for subterfuge. The heart, the shards, her admittance that her survival could determine my death…I sensed no lies in her. If she truly thinks that the Kazaana will not spread or further threaten my life, I will believe her."
"Really? So you really believe that if something goes wrong, you can just ask the damn wind and she'll come by and let you kill her?" The hanyou's suspicion seemed to be spreading to the exterminator and fox, but the monk and miko remained optimistic.
"Yes. I believe exactly that."
Without further explanation, Miroku turned and walked ahead, continuing on the course they had been following earlier. It wasn't long before Kagome came to walk beside him though it was some time before she spoke.
"You felt it too, huh?" she whispered excitedly.
"I felt a release of evil intent from my hand, yes."
"I really don't think it's what Naraku had in mind for your curse. I always thought it was a lose/lose situation. You keep it, you protect yourself but die. You lose it, you live but without your greatest weapon….but now….I really don't think this was part of his master plan."
"Yes, the thought crossed my mind as well. However, I believe it has everything to do with the intentions of his remaining incarnations."
"You mean…"
"It exists as long as Naraku, or part of him, exists. But without the mal intent…."
"I get it." She smiled up at the young monk. "You are very wise, Miroku."
"Why thank you, Lady Kagome…"
Within seconds, a smack and a scream of "pervert" rent the air. With it, all tension that had yet to be dissolved dissipated into calm contentment.
The talk with Kouga had not gone as well as it could have, but it was to be expected. Really, nothing had been in the wolf demon's favor. They wanted his jewel shards, they wanted him to forget his anger towards Kagura, they wanted him to forget his supposed love for Kagome…Negotiations had finally broken down and as the wolf and hanyou fought, the miko had channeled her frustration into energy for a run.
However, tearing through the forest with an air of distraction, she felt none of the release she had hoped to find. Instead, now that she was away from the bothersome demons, she felt her mind drawn to another bothersome male.
"Everything has changed," she murmured as she easily leapt over a fallen branch.
And it was true. Since her death and subsequent resurrection, the demon lord had been distant. He no longer participated in their games, no longer made any move to make contact with her, no longer did anything more than watch her with an air of godliness.
His demeanor had a similar effect on her. He seemed untouchable, looked untouchable, acted untouchable, and therefore she refrained from touching him. Their relationship had shifted from what could have been the most odd and satisfying love of their lives to that of deity and worshiper.
She hated it. She had never felt so small and insignificant before.
But then, that had always been the problem. Unconsciously she began slowing to a jog as the thought began to solidify in her mind. Sesshoumaru had always seen her as less than him and so when the obvious attraction had begun, he sought to justify it by forcing her to prove herself. And she had obliged, because she had always believed she would eventually reach a level that he would deem acceptable. Now, however, her death had proven that no matter what level she reached, she would remain human. No matter what power she accumulated, she would always be subject to restrictions he faced not. Her death must have been a slap in the face to him, irrefutable proof that, in his biased eyes, she would never be worthy of his affection.
Anger spurred her to run again, her legs pushing her faster until her skin once more began to glow slightly.
She had allowed it, she realized. She had allowed him to think less of her by placing him on a pedestal of God-like power. By looking up to him, relying on him for her safety and life, she had belittled herself. All out stopping her progress into the heart of the forest, she leaned against a tree as the idea came to her.
They, as they were now, could never have formed a working relationship. It would have taken years, decades even. While he needed her to climb higher, she needed him to lower himself from the clouds. Otherwise, they would have never met on equal footings. Without his willingness to view her as something more than an inferior, they would have been stuck playing the game forever. Now that she finally was ready for the rest of her life to begin, she was not sure if she was willing to restrict herself to being his toy. If she did, then everything she had accomplished, everything she had achieved would be worthless. Staying with him, allowing him to continue his tests of her worth would only be proving her lack of strength.
Still, giving him up was not an option she was willing to consider. He was necessary. Even if he did not have a starring role, she would need him in her life. And still, she believed that all he needed was time. Time to realize that while he may be more powerful, he was still fallible. Time to realize he was not a deity.
And, oddly enough, time was something she had available in abundance.
Pushing off from the tree, she felt a sense of peace fill her being as she once again began running toward where he was most likely waiting. She would state her purpose, state her intentions. He would be unable to refute what she said. She would give him an offer he couldn't refuse. And, should he refuse, she would give him five hundred years to reconsider.
She smiled sadly as she saw his figure in the distance. Leaving this place had always been in the plan. Despite her love of the Feudal Era, she had never had any hopes of remaining.
Still, it was bittersweet and painful. She resolved not to think of it further. It was done. The choice had been made. There was no turning back. Once her business with the shikon was completed, she would leave for her own time. Looking back would do no good. If there was anything that her encounters with the lord had taught her, it was that being alive was all that she could ask for. Living in her memories would only demean her existence. Resolved, she approached the waiting taiyoukai and looked him in the eye before smiling wryly.
"I really do love you," she said with a sigh. His eyebrow twitched. She continued, undaunted. "Or rather, I love what you are and what you could be."
Golden eyes widening were the only indication that he gave any thought to her words.
"But really, I am tired of trying to live up to your standards. Doing so is only making me live for you. That is not what you taught me."
She sighed. His countenance, though still, spoke volumes of his unwillingness to end his ways. It only solidified her resolution. Turning on her heal, she immediately broke into a steady jog.
No turning back, she assured herself. There would be other meetings. She still had work to do here. But should he not see her point in time, she would continue with her plan.
The Past was bothersome. The Future was uncertain. The Present, with its quickly darkening forest, whispering trees, soft earth, and brisk breeze was all the more welcoming.
June
The wood of the well was cool against her back. The scant shade it offered was gladly accepted on this hot day. Twirling the completed jewel in front of her eyes, she reflected briefly on its completion.
In the end, getting Kouga to relinquish his shards had been the easiest. Getting him to release his vendetta against Kagura had been much more difficult. Getting him to realize Kagome would only and always be a friend had been down right impossible. The wolf still harbored affections for her, though they had made him aware of her imminent departure.
Kohaku had been found wandering the forest in a half daze. Oddly enough, the treacherous removal of the shard did not result in his death. Upon later reflection, Kagome and Miroku figured that long term exposure to the jewel's powers had granted him his life. The theory went a long way to explain the pinkish tint to his aura that the miko had noticed that night. It seemed Naraku's influence was being minimized by Nature itself, the stars aligning so that those influenced by the evil hanyou did not suffer unduly after his destruction.
It was this line of thought that also seemed to explain the young slayer's attitude. While there was still much work to be done, he was for the large part free of the burden of his memories. Kagome felt it was more likely that he had chosen to forget his past and she couldn't blame him. There was no point in remembering if it brought nothing but pain and kept him from living in the present. Still, it was bound to catch up to him eventually. She just hoped he would be strong enough to deal with it.
A hot breeze floated by, stirring her hair and cooling her exposed skin. Yes, he would be strong enough. There were no doubts about it.
She had said her goodbyes at the village so that she could get this last moment. It might have been selfish to want her last memory of the Feudal Era to be tearless, but she did. Therefore, she had left her friends, her dear close friends, behind and spent her last few moments waiting, meditating, and wondering if he would come.
It was doubtful he wouldn't show. At the very least, he would be curious. She knew well enough that he would not come to proclaim his undying love, but she did hope that he would acknowledge her position in his life enough to bid her farewell.
It was difficult not to pray for him to be waiting on the other side of the well, 500 years into the present. It was terribly difficult not to think of what it would mean if he wasn't. Such thoughts were useless and changed nothing. She simply had to have faith that if she lived her life fully, without regret, everything would fall into place. She simply had to believe that the simple joy of living was enough to offset all pains that befell her along the way…including him.
A prickling at the edge of her senses stirred her from her thoughts. Opening eyes that had drifted shut, she turned her attention to the edge of the clearing.
He was easy to spot. His pristine white clothing and hair picked up the sun's rays and made him a star ascended to earth, glowing with stunning radiance.
He approached, which was more than she had ever expected him to do. In the wordless language he had adopted to show affection to her, it was equivalent to stating she was worthy of his consideration.
It still wasn't enough. He still wasn't ready. And then, neither was she.
"I'm leaving," she said from her spot against the well once he was close enough for her to determine his expressions. He remained blank faced.
"I think I understand part of it," she said softly. "Coming here was always meant as both a beginning and an end, just in the wrong order."
A slightly raised eyebrow showed his interest.
"I was here to complete the jewel, end the troubles of the Shikon…but for every ending there must be a beginning…"
Stillness.
"We were never meant to finish anything here. I don't even think we were meant to do more than start…"
Stillness, though she thought she might have detected a growing intensity in his eyes.
"If you are interested in seeing the end with me, find me. It shouldn't be too hard."
A tightening of his jaw told her plenty.
"Higurashi Kagome. Higurashi Shrine. On this very spot, 500 years in the future. June the 10th of 2004."
All her planned words had been said. All that was left was a goodbye.
Pulling herself up, she absently dusted the dirt off her skirt, delaying the inevitable. He, however, had no intentions of letting her go so quietly. An arm darted around her waist and she was against him, basking in his attention, accepting his seeking lips. Before she could completely lose herself in the sensation, effectively return the sentiment, he pulled back and flung her off.
"You are still human," he spoke softly, resolutely, his manner belying the passion he had just moments before expressed.
Sighing, she rose from the hot ground, noting the new scrapes and bruises. This was one of the reasons their game had to end. Dusting herself off once more, she approached him again, certainty gathering with each step. Stepping up to him, she merely stared into his eyes for a long moment before raising a hand to skim along his cheek.
"Yes, I am," she finally stated. "Find me when you decide that doesn't matter."
In the end, turning away from him was much easier than she had anticipated. She didn't look back when she reached the well, and she didn't look back as she sat and pulled her legs over the rim. She didn't even look back as she pushed off and plunged into the darkness.
It's not the end, so still the torches and pitchforks.
If you like the story, the site A Single Spark is currently doing its Annual Awards, and this story, as well as all my others under JustAnotherGirl/Just A Starving Writer, are up for several awards. While I can't link, I can say its easy to find. Check it out and take a gander at all the other great stories that were nominated this year. Voting ends April the 22nd.