Hey everyone! I'm sorry this chapter is kind of short, but I promise it's got some good stuff in it. I felt bad being on a two-week hiatus and everything. Thanks again for all the review, you jsut keep making me want to right more!
-Lauren (manydreams1216)
There's a light knock at my door the next morning.
"Come in."
Dad walks in and sits on my bed quietly. I'm in my closet trying to figure out what to wear to Great-Grandma Emily's funeral. I know I have to wear black, but I'm unsure what black dress I should wear.
"Mary, can I talk to you?" he asks. It sounds serious.
"Okay." I make my way over to where he is sitting on the bed and sit next to him
"You're not going to like what I have to say, but I have to say it."
"You're scaring me Dad."
He looks me in the eye. "Well you're scaring me. Mary you can't see Alex anymore."
"What do you mean I can't see Alex anymore?"
"You can't see him anymore."
I get up off the bed. I can't believe he's saying this to me. "I don't believe you."
"Well you have to."
"Dad, I love him."
"You're too young to know what love is," he says harshly.
"I'm too young to know what love is? Are you kidding me? Do not talk to me about love." I pull my face away from him. I can't look at him right now.
He doesn't fight me. He just says plainly, "Dugreys and Ryderstans don't mix Mary. They never have and they never will. If I ever see you with that Ryderstan kid again, you will be sent to a boarding school in England. I've already made the arrangements. All you have to do is look at him and you'll be gone." And with that he walks out of my room.
I can't see Alex or I'll be sent to England. Did Dad actually say that? I can't believe him! He has some nerve. I've got to talk to Mom about this.
"Mom! Mom! Where are you?" I scream through the house.
She comes out of her office down the hall. "Mary what is it?"
I march down to her, "Did you hear what Dad said?"
"What did he do?"
I take a deep breath then say, "He said I couldn't be with Alex anymore and if I continued seeing him that he would send me off to boarding school in England. Mom, I love him and I can't be without him. I don't want to go England!"
In an incredulously tone she explains, "I don't believe it!"
"Well that's what he said."
"I can't believe he would do this now of all times. He knows we leaves for Grandma's funeral in an hour. I'm going to have to talk to him." To herself she mutters, "He should have done this tonight."
"What did you just say?"
"Nothing dear."
"No, you just said that he should have done this tonight. Did you know about this?"
"No." I think my mom is an even worse liar than me.
"You knew about this? You knew that he was going to tell me that I couldn't be with Alex? Why can't we just be honest in this family for once? I don't understand. Yesterday, Dad was seemed okay with Alex. I mean they aren't going to be best friends anytime soon, but he tolerated him. Ugh!" I groan in frustration.
She shrugs knowingly, "Mary, you have to know that a Dugrey and a Ryderstan being together isn't going to work." Mom sighs. "We'll talk about this after the funeral. Go get ready we have to be there in an hour. After that everyone is going to come back here so don't do anything you'll regret," she warns.
Right when I thought we were going to have a better relationship. I'll be damned if I let my parents say who I can and can't love. Why can't everyone just get over this whole thing? I need to talk to Alex. He's the one I always run back and tell everything too. He's probably the one person that really knows me.
In an hour I got ready to go to the funeral. I'm even bringing sunglasses, but something tells me that I won't exactly be crying over my great-grandmother. That's sounds absolutely horrible, but I hardly even know the woman. I mean I saw her at the occasional family get together, but the only times I spoke with her was when she wanted to know if I was doing as well as my mother did in school. I always gave her the right response and then she would just move on to the next person to talk to. I don't really blame her. After all she was a product of Hartford society.
Riding in the car there is complete silence. No one is speaking to each other. There's the occasional whisper from Mom or something, but nothing of substance. The one action between them that I notice is that in the front seat they are holding hands. Their fingers are entwined in a loving way and once in awhile Dad will bring up Mom's fingers to her mouth and kiss them lightly.
I hate to admit it, but maybe he does know something about love. He loves her with every single part of him. I can only think of how much it hurt him when Mom cheated on him. The one person that ever truly loved him had betrayed him in perhaps the worst way possible. Even if I don't like the way he thinks, I have to respect him for the way he always finds the good part of Mom.
There's this unspoken bond between them that can't be broken. Logan rattled it a little bit, but it's there and perhaps as strong as ever. I don't want to sound selfish, but if that bond is strong enough, there's no way I'll be able to be with Alex. Mom can give into Dad's demands, which it seems like she already has, and then where will I be? I know they love me, but can they really expect me to give up on something that I've wanted for so long? After all, I only want to emulate what they have.
I only want that one person that I can spend the rest of my life with and be completely and totally happy with. I know Mom and Dad fight a lot, but as ironic as it sounds, I think it helps them stay together. They are able to cherish those moments when they're not fighting, like now.
The funeral, was well a funeral. There's not much you can say. I guess the only thing that makes this an interesting funeral is the fact that everyone who is anyone in Hartford was there. These are the same people that are at all the right parties and all the right country club events and their kids go to all the right schools. Everyone came back to our house for the party, if you can call it that, and as usual I know absolutely no one.
"Miss Dugrey, I'm sorry for your lost. Emily was a great woman," some guy with gray slash white hair says.
I nod solemnly pretending to listen to him drone on about how wonderful a dinner party hostess she was. I can't really say anything because I hardly know her. My mom would go over to the Gilmore house pretty often, but I never went with her. Occasionally Dad would go if he was in town. He's always been good at keeping up appearances.
God, I can't listen to this guy talk anymore. You think he would get the picture that if I don't say anything, then maybe he should just stop talking. Maybe he just likes to hear himself talk. I hate these type of people.
Finally when he pauses for a moment, I interject, "Excuse me for a moment."
Behind me I hear him mutter to himself, "Poor girl."
"Mary, can you come here for a minute?" I heard Dad call from across the room.
Reluctantly I walk over to him with my head down. I don't want to look at him.
"Mary this is Mr. King, the admissions director at Yale. Mr. King this is my daughter Mary."
"It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard great things about you," the elder man states.
In protocol he shakes my hand, "It's good to meet you too."
"Your father tells me that you are interested in attending Yale."
For the first time I look at my father. It's not a look, more of a glare. He knows I want to go to NYU, not Yale. I've made that very clear over the past few conversations we've had about college.
Through my teeth I reply, "I suppose it's an option."
"Your mom and I both attended Yale," Dad chimes in. "It was one of the best experiences of my life and your Mom loved it too."
"I know," I mutter under my breath.
"We have some of the best undergraduate programs in the country and offer excellent opportunities for you to expand your horizons. From what Tristan has told me, it sounds like Yale would be a perfect fit for you," the Yale spokesman says.
"I'm sure it would be," I pause. Then something occurs to me. I'm going to be rebellious for once. "Although I don't want to go to Yale."
Both the man and my father look at me.
I continue, "I actually want to go to NYU, in Manhattan."
"NYU is an excellent school Miss Dugrey. If you'll excuse me for a moment, Tristan." The elder man leaves.
Smiling at myself I begin to walk away, but then I feel a strong hand on my shoulder. "Mary," Dad says in a restrained voice.
I turn around to face him. "What my dear father?" Sarcasm drips from those syllables.
"How dare you embarrass me or yourself for that matter in front of Mr. King. You have just effectively ruined your chances of getting into Yale."
"So?"
"That's all you have to say."
"Yes. Dad, I don't want to go to Yale. I've told you for the past six months that I want to go to NYU."
"You don't know what you want."
The volume in my voice rises, "You think you know what I want? That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard. I hate how you think you have all this control over me. You don't! I'm going to do whatever I want to do. Whether that be going to fucking NYU or fucking Alex Ryderstan."
Now I know I just turned a few heads with that one, but you know what, I don't really care.
"Mary," he says again.
"No, don't 'Mary' me." We're almost at a screaming battle in front of all of Hartford.
Mom saunters over. She must have heard all the commotion. "Tristan, Mary what is going on here?"
Before Dad has a chance to say anything, I give my interpretation of what just happened, "Dad thinks he can control my life and have a say in where I want to go college and who I can be with. And apparently so do you. Don't you both get that I'm not you? I may have some of your qualities, but that does make me you or Dad. I am my own fucking person!"
Angrily, I stomp out of the party. Wow, I can't believe I just did that. I mean not only did I just insult Yale University, but I seemingly ruined my great-grandmother's funeral after party and maybe destroyed my flawless image of the perfect Dugrey daughter. Tomorrow at school, there is going to be a field day. I can guarantee that half the people there have kids at Chilton. Crap, another thing for the Chiltonites to talk about.
In the heat of the moment, I somehow am able to make it to the part of Hartford that is home to Chilton Academy. I glance at my watch and notice that it's a minute till 3 o'clock. That means about 3:05 Alex will walk out of the "off with their heads" institution and I can talk to him. I can explain to him why I am so pissed off and he'll listen to me. The only person that will listen to me. I am way too dependent on my boyfriend. That's what he is my boyfriend. This isn't that weird.
The bell rings. Okay five more minutes and then I can see him. All the familiar faces that have blended together over the past year and half walk outside of the stone building. Some give me weird looks. They know I wasn't in school today and by the look of my attire I assume they can only guess why, but the real kicker is that they really don't know why I am at school. Oh well, I think I've given up on my reputation with inside these walls.
Great I see him. He looks so good in that uniform. God, the blue just goes really well with his dark eyes. Listen to me, I am turning into sap. Stop it, Mary.
His smiling eyes glaze over in concern when he sees me. Quickly he walks over to me.
"Mary, hey." He wraps his arms around me in a hug and I just melt into him. My knees almost give up.
"Hi. I'm sorry about showing up at school like this, but I had to see you."
He runs his hand along my cheek. "It's okay. I'm glad to see you."
"I really have to talk to you."
"What's wrong?"
"A lot. Can we to your house or something? I don't want to do this here in front of them."
"Yeah of course." He places his arm around my waist and leads me to his car. Like a gentleman he opens up the door for me and when I sit down he places a kiss on my forehead. I smile weakly at the gesture. It's stuff like that, that made me fall in love in him. I know I told him that I didn't want any of the cutesy stuff, but the only reason I didn't want that stuff was because it would make it too real. It would make it too hard for when it would have to end. And believe me, I didn't want it to end. Now more than ever that statement is true. It can't end.
The ride is silent on the way to his house. Alex understands that I just need to gather my thoughts. He looks over at me occasionally and tries to read me. He knows that something is up. He knows it's big too.
In his room with me sitting on his bed and him standing up he asks, "What's up Mary? You're scaring me."
I take a deep breath. "Okay well today was my great-grandmother's funeral and that's not that bad I mean she was like 90 or something, but anyway I got into a really big fight with my dad because, well, he told me that I can't see you anymore and that if I even looked at you I'll be sent to England to some boarding school. I don't get it! I mean come on. And then he's dictating to me that I have to go to Yale and I want to go to NYU, not Yale. I don't want to be like my parents."
He doesn't say anything for a moment, almost like he's contemplating something. "I'm going to Stanford Mary."
"Wow."
"I know."
Genuinely I smile at him, "I'm really happy for you. I know you really wanted to go there."
"How did you know that?"
"You have that Stanford sweatshirt you wear, so I just assumed."
He nods. "Mare, I'm going to be 3,000 miles away."
"So?"
"Your dad has a point and I don't want you to have..."
"To have to what? Depend on you? Why are you letting him do this? God, you're just like them!" I yell. I can not believe what he is saying. I'm on my feet ready for a fight.
"I am not them," he insists.
"Yes you are. You're giving into them."
"Mary you're just going to end up hurt if we stay together. You'll be in England and I'll be in California. In the best case scenario you'll be here, but I still don't want to hurt you. Either way you're going to be hurt."
I groan, "You're not thinking straight right now. Alex Ryderstan would not say this. I mean you were the one that pushed this. You were the one that made me fall in love."
"I was the one that made you fall in love? What about you Mary? This isn't just my fault."
"Maybe it isn't, but if you hadn't kissed me that day then we never would have been in this situation! You screwed us all up. I was perfectly content being Mary Dugrey."
"Right you were content. That's all you were, you weren't happy."
"What does happiness have to do with anything? I'm no more happy than I was five months ago. In fact, you've only made it worse."
"You don't mean that," he says.
"Oh but I do."
With that I walk out of the room I had become so comfortable in. The room that I had actually become myself in. And the room that I realized everything was a lie.