Just Let Me Cry
Chapter Two: So I Don't Get Hurt
Sam,
I understand. I had a wonderful time at the dance to.
It was nice having you there. I was so worried about you though.
You know that you can tell me anything right? I will understand,
and I won't think any different of you. You're my girlfriend, but
more than that, you are my best friend. The day that you said
yes to me, I became the happiest person in the world. What you
had with the last guy may not have been love, but what we have
is. What we have is amazing. We can't lose it. I want to be
with you, I don't think that anyone could change that. It's a
relief to know that I didn't hurt you though. You need to know
that whatever that guy did to you, it was NOT your fault.
Whatever he did was his own fault, and it was sick. If you
ever feel comfortable enough to tell me, to get it off your
chest, I'll listen. I won't judge and I'll try to help you. I
care about you so much. I love you as a friend, and I too
see a deeper love in our future. And there is a future for
us… a promising one.
Love ALWAYS,
Ghost Boy
P.S. You're not holding me down, you raise me up.
I lift the note to my face and inhale deeply. A scent that is a mix between grapes, rain, and masculinity, the scent of Danny, lifts into my nostrils and makes me smile the saddest smile ever. I'm sitting on my bed, and just got done crying again. I hadn't cried in two years, and then semi-formal happened. It was so fun until they played that song. My last boyfriend, Gunner, ruined it for me. I want to love Danny, but because of gunner, I don't know how. He abused me in many different ways, Emotionally, physically, and sexually. I thought that he just loved me so much that he couldn't control himself. I justified everything. Some of it I just ignored. Now I don't know how to let anyone else in. All that I know how to do is shutdown and push away and withdraw. Sometimes, I'm afraid because I get this feeling that there is someone else out there. Someone better for Danny that would help him in ways that I can't. I hold the picture frame to my chest and rock slowly forward and back as tears wet my cheeks again. The picture is from when we were still just friends, I'm on his back, my arms wrapped around him tightly, and I have the realest smile that I've ever shown. I rub the cross hanging from my neck and I can't shake the feeling that someday soon, I will lose Danny. I shutdown so I won't get hurt. I always try to be safe, so that I won't get hurt. I need to let go.