Chapter Twelve: Asking You
Alex
We eat an early dinner, and everything is amazing. I don't know… or care what you did to the turkey but I've never had anything so delicious and full of flavor in my life, even mom's best cooks never came close to this. Now I understand why you were up so early-- I'd never be able to coordinate all of this, but because you're you everything is perfectly timed and steaming from it's place on the table between us.
When we've finished stuffing ourselves, we decide to let dessert wait until later, and I'm glad I bowed out of making the pie. I don't know what you made instead, but I can guarantee we wouldn't have anything edible if I'd done it. We leave the dishes for later and head into the living room to watch the fire crackle, listening to the rain pouring down around the house.
I wake up alone on the couch, not sure when exactly you extracted yourself from my arms, but knowing from the sounds in the other room that you've left to do the dishes. I debate getting up to help you, but I'm lulled back to sleep by the fire, and the sound of you in my home, filling up the space inside me that felt so empty before I met you. In my dreams, I think about how far we've come these last years, how much we've been through. The scent of you fills my dreams, and I smile as sleep leaves me again and I find myself in your arms once more.
Olivia
I hate to leave our snuggling, but I want the dishes to be done before dessert. I put away most of the silverware, and package up our leftovers. When it's all done, I set the table again, using the few pieces of blue-patterned china you brought with you from New York. I place a spoon next to each plate, and dig up the candles we didn't have room for on the table during dinner. I find the blue linen napkins I picked up in town earlier this week, and tie a white ribbon around each, making a tiny bow like Casey taught me before I left New York. When everything else is ready, I tuck the spoons under the bows, and on yours I add a little something extra, laying it carefully by your plate, placing an empty black box in a drawer, and putting it's still-full matching velvet box in my pocket.
I return to you on the couch after checking to make sure the dessert has set properly, and gather you sleeping back into my arms, waiting for you to wake up and enjoying the chance to watch the reflection of the fire on your face. How is it that one person can be so beautiful? Sometimes the sight of you moves me to tears, the lilly-glow of your skin, that crystal in your eyes. The shape of you is something out of an art book, delicate lines and shadows to inspire even the crudest sculptor. Your weight in my arms is comforting, giving me a warmth beyond just the heat of our contact. I try to figure out when exactly you dug into my heart this way. When was it that I first knew there'd never be anyone else but you? Last year? Before you died? Before we lived together? Or maybe it was the first time I saw you, eyes flashing and lips set in that firm lawyer grimace. I couldn't stop looking at you. I couldn't stop staring at that face, at the fire you have inside.
I pull your hair back over your shoulder, relishing the feel of its softness in my fingertips, lowering my head to breathe in the scent of you. For the first time today, I'm a little nervous. We haven't talked about this step really. Haven't talked about the levels of our relationship. I've been trusting this is something you'll want, but for just a moment, before your eyes start to flicker beneath their lids as you cast away your sleep, I feel the slightest twinge of worry. It's quickly banished though, as a smile plays across your lips at the sight of me watching you. No. This can't possibly be wrong.
Alex
I love waking up in your arms, still feeling full from our dinner, feeling fuller still with the feeling of graciousness for your presence in my life. I wish I was going back to New York with you on Monday. I feel silly for all of my insistence on independence for my return.
There's a new expression on your face, something I've not seen there before. I flush from your study of me, and pull one of your hands to my lips, kissing the palm, as I push my body further back into your embrace. I don't know how you pulled me into your lap without waking me, but I'm glad you did. I love the feeling of being tucked into your body this way. I pull your hand to my heart and hold it there with mine, not speaking, just soaking in this time together. I can feel you breathing behind me, and I match myself to you, incredibly moved by the intimacy of this moment.
You kiss the top of my head and break our silence, and in your voice I could almost swear I hear the barest trace of anxiety,
"Ready for dessert?"
Olivia
You sigh in my arms, then nod. I pry myself away from you then take your hand, pulling up to kiss me.
"Stay here, I have to make sure it's ready. And no peeking."
You nod again, and head towards the fireplace to encourage the flames, readjusting the logs carefully.
I move to the kitchen and pull out the nameless strawberry and chocolate dish that I spent three days perfecting. I'm relieved to see it's set the way I hoped, and I take a minute to drizzle a fresh cocoa glaze over the top, then set it in the center of the table, between the candles that I light before going to get you from the other room.
You've been asleep for several hours, and outside the house the world is dark, and I shut off the light in the living room, taking your hand in mine, and placing the other over your eyes. I lead you gingerly into the kitchen, pausing to dim the small chandelier before I take you to your chair, telling you to keep your eyes closed as I move to sit next to you at the adjoining corner of the table. I want to be close when you notice your napkin, and I want to be able to see your face without having to look over the candles.
Alex
I can't understand why you're being so mysterious about dessert. I mean, I realize I've been forbidden to peek at whatever's been setting under the foil in the fridge for the last three days, but this is starting to feel a little ridiculous.
Still, I let you place a hand over my eyes and lead me into the kitchen, pausing to dim the lights before you seat me in my chair, admonishing me to keep my eyes closed. I hear you settle next to me, and tell me to open my eyes.
I look at the table, seeing a masterpiece of chocolate and strawberries before me, resting between two delicately lit candles. I see the good china plates and beautiful blue linen napkins. It takes me a minute to notice that something on my napkin catches the candlelight.
Olivia
I watch you take in the table, licking your lips at the dish I've made from two of your favorite things. You gaze at the candles, and smile at the sight of your favorite china. And then you see the napkin. I watch you look once, then back as one eyebrow lifts ever so slightly. The candlelight catches the beautiful silver ring and I can see the reflection of it in your eyes. I watch confusion, and then understanding pass across your face, and see your eyes well with tears.
I move from my seat and kneel next to, using one hand to draw yours away from the napkin, as I use the other to release the little white bow.
Alex
For a minute, I don't understand. I can't figure out why there's something tied to my napkin and not yours. And then I realize what it is that's tied to that tiny white bow. I reach out my hands, touching the blue linen with my fingertips for a moment before you draw them down, and towards your now kneeling form. When did you kneel? Your left hand moves to the beautiful ring, and I stare down at your face, golden in the flickering candles, staring at me with those incredible chocolate eyes. I feel the tears welling up in my eyes even before you speak.
Olivia
"Alex. This morning, I was trying to remember when it was exactly that I fell in love with you. And I couldn't. I think maybe it's because I… I've waited for you my whole life." This sounded much better in my head, and I can't keep the sudden flush of nerves from my voice. I continue anyway.
"You have put up with so much being with me. My past, my drinking, my cruelty. For some reason you kept coming back to me, and I have to take that as a sign that you've felt the same way that I have.
"Before you left work for this little vacation, I called your mother. I told her that I was going to propose to you, that I wanted her to know my intentions. As you can imagine she was… less than supportive. But Alex, that call was mostly courtesy. I don't care what your mother thinks of me, or us. I'm sorry she doesn't approve of the person you've become, and I want a chance to spend every day proving that she's wrong. I want a chance to spend every day proving how real this is. I'm tired of waking up without you."
Alex
By the time you get to being tired of waking up without me, I'm crying outright. Your hands are shaking almost imperceptibly, and their movement lets the candlelight catch and play on the silver ring. I hold my breath, waiting for the question I know is coming.
"Alexandra Cabot, will you marry me?"
Even knowing this was coming, I'm speechless. All I can do is nod as you guide the ring up my finger, leaning to kiss my knuckle, and I feel tears drop onto my hand from your eyes.
Olivia
I was hoping to avoid crying as I did this, but I can't help the tears that spill as I see you nod at me, unable to find the words to respond. I take your hand and lift it between us so you can see the small diamond set in platinum. You divide your gaze between the ring on your finger, and my own face as I pull the second velvet box from my pocket.
I take your right hand and press the box into it, nodding at you to open it.
There's a delicious sparkle in your eyes as you see a matching ring inside. Pulling it out you set the box inside, and you take my left hand, moving in to kiss me as I feel the cool metal slide over my knuckle. Without pulling away from your kiss I remember the one thing I forgot to say during my proposal speech.
My "I love you" is a whisper against your lips as we stand together, sealing our new fate with the press of lips and tongues, and the feeling of our bodies wrapped together in the flickering candlelight, your ring a beautiful cool line across my cheek as your left hand frames my face.