Chapter Twenty: Fly Away Home

Alex

By nine am I'm at work, and you're winging your way back across the country. I sit at my desk where I should be working, and instead spend a good twenty minutes playing with my engagement ring. I'm distracted without you, finding it hard to work. My replacement will be in tomorrow and then the training begins. She's been working homicide cases so it shouldn't be too difficult to groom her for the SVU loop, although having done it myself I know it can be difficult at first. Hopefully she'll have better luck with this particular squad than I have. In the meantime I force myself to stop staring at my ring and actually clean up some files. I'm trying to fine-tune a system so that the next ADA doesn't encounter the same crazy stack and fall I walked into. I wonder what you're doing? Are you still flying? I can't remember when your flight was scheduled to get in.

I resist the temptation to call your cell, and turn back to my work as a knock sounds on my half-closed door. I look up to see a raven-tressed woman in a sharp suit.

"Can I help you?"

"Cassandra Jackson, I'm the new ADA. Alexandra Cabot I presume?"

Wow. The woman is beautiful, perfectly coiffed, an eager light in eyes that I'd swear were violet. I stand and hold out my hand to shake. Her grip is firm, and there's an exuberance about her that seems at first charming, and quickly wanes into skepticism. I once had that kind of exuberance. Before I spent my days staring at crime scene photos, and listening to rape victims.

"I was led to believe you would be starting tomorrow. Was I misled?"

"No, I know I don't start until tomorrow technically, but the meeting I had scheduled today was cancelled so I thought I'd drop by and get a head start."

In a few weeks she'll regret that decision. She'll wish she'd taken one last day away before starting this rotation. ADA's don't last long on SVU detail. It's a rough pick, even when you've started with homicide. I wonder how long she'll have that shine in her eyes, then realize it doesn't matter to me. By the time she's worn thin I'll be back in New York working with my own squad again. The sun catches my ring through the half-shaded window and I see Cassandra's eyes fall to study the small diamond-décored band.

"So, leaving to get married?"

"Not exactly. I used to work in New York, but a few years ago I had to enter Witness Protection… I went after the wrong guy, and he came after me."

I see a new light dawn in her eyes, "Wait-- You're that Alex Cabot? Wow. I thought you were an urban legend."

I'm starting to get a feel for how young she really is. I'm barely thirty but next to her I feel old, she's still got that youthful sense of naiveté. When did I lose that exactly? When did you? We were never ignorant, not in the way that some women are, but weren't we once naive this way? I can't help the sigh that escapes my lips.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry, it's just-- well my law professor told me all about you. Especially when I told him I was considering this specialty. I guess he wanted me to be prepared for how bad it can get. But yours was sort of a special case right?"

I nod, not really wanting to discuss it. Suddenly I feel as though I'm being studied. I speak to break the sudden silence,

"So, ready to start?"

She nods eagerly and we set to work. I start by outlining the system I've spent the morning not working on. By the time lunch rolls around I'm swimming in her adoration. She lays it on thick, and I'm beyond ready to hand over this innocence-shattering job. You'd say that's unnecessarily cruel, but I can't help it. This girl is a precocious 24 year old recent Yale grad who should know better by now. I spare a sad thought to my new jaded attitude, but the last few years have taught me only too well that this job is far from sunshine and roses. Cassandra, or "Cass!" rather, will learn soon enough that optimism will only go so far with a 6 year old rape victim, and her sunny-side-up attitude will scare off a woman who's been left beaten and raped in a cold dark ally.

As the day ends, I realize these are lessons for another day, and as I bid my farewells I hit my first speed dial and grin as your voice comes on the line just as I lock myself into the safe silence of my car.

Olivia

"I'm alive and in one piece, safe in my apartment… excuse me-- our apartment, missing you like crazy."

"Why do you answer the phone that way?"

"What way?"

"Like you know it's me."

"Haven't we had this fight before?"

"Ok, Ok, I give. How was the flight?"

"Eh, fine. Long. Had a baby behind me the whole way, and a chatty old woman next to me. Want to hear all my new knowledge about varicose vein removal?"

I can hear you cringing over the phone and I can't resist a laugh. "Yeah, I know. Lord. I heard about the whole thing in detail-- I'd rather watch Casey close a case in a lime green top and purple pinstripe suit."

"Have you talked to anyone since you've been back?"

"No, but Elliot left about four messages, I had one each from Munch and Fin, one from Serena and Casey, and… one from Kathy believe it or not."

"What aren't you telling me?"

How do you do that? I didn't want to tell you this, "There was also a message from your mom. She-- she wants to have dinner. Just the two of us. On Friday."

"Oh good Lord. Liv ignore it, you don't have to do that, and it's not her place to try and talk you out of this."

"I was thinking maybe I'd go." I'm not sure why since I'm not entirely convinced your mother won't just have a sniper waiting to take me out as I walk to the door.

"Olivia, no. Ok, look we can have dinner with her together when I get back if you insist, but I don't want you going over there without me."

"Alex, I'm a cop, I think I can hold my own."

"Not against mother."

"Oh ye of little faith. Do you honestly think she could talk me out of this? I love you, I proposed, I want to marry you. She can't change that, not in one night anyway."

You scoff, and I can hear your anxiety radiating through the phone line. It's hardly my idea of a fun evening, but I can't imagine Juliana has anything to say that would actually get me to change my mind about you, about us. She certainly hasn't stopped me before, and not for lack of trying.

Alex

I'm not worried about you. Really, I'm not.

Ok, I am worried about you. I know you've had run-ins with mother before but I don't think you understand the way my mother handles things like this. I'll never forget the first time she tried to get me to marry Trevor. I still shudder when I see him. Ugh. Whatever it is she wants, I'm positive this won't end well.

"I'd just rather you passed on it Liv. It's not safe."

"What is she going to do, shoot me?" You laugh, but it's tinted with nervousness. "I'll be fine Lexi, trust me. You're mother isn't going to ruin this, I promise."

"Just be careful Liv, she's got a golden tongue. And a will of steel."

"Sounds a lot like her daughter."

I roll my eyes. "Please don't lay on the crap tonight, I've spent the whole day listening to how 'amazing' my story is."

"Ah, the new ADA arrives?"

I groan and hear you giggle on the other end. "She's horrendous. She's twenty-four Liv. Twenty-Four! She graduated top of her class at Yale Law, about 3 years before the rest of her should-be classmates. And she's so … perky. Lord. I wanted to wrap her ponytail around her neck and pull."

You've given over giggling to full-blown laughter and I can't help but smile at the sound of you. "I miss you Livvy."

"Awww, I miss you too. But look it's almost over right? The sooner you get her trained, the sooner you get to come home. And the sooner we start winning cases again."

"What do you mean?"

"I talked to Elliot before you called. Casey blew another one. Some ridiculous technicality that you would easily have objected right out of the trial."

"Yes well, I can't wait to work with an SVU team that actually works with me instead of against me. I can't wait to hand these losers over to Cass."

"Cass?" Is that a jealous twinge I hear in your voice?

Olivia

"Cass?" I can't keep the touch of jealousy from my voice. You're certainly talking a blue streak about her. "Is that actually her name?'

"Actually it's Cassandra, but she prefers 'Cass'. Ugh. She's positively insipid."

"She certainly seems to have garnered your attention."

"Olivia Benson, are you actually jealous of that infant?"

"Well--"

"Olivia, you've been gone less than a day-- you really think I'd replace you that quickly? I need at least 24 full hours to find another willing body."

You try to sound serious but your laughter finds its way to the open and I laugh with you, my odd possessiveness fading with our humor. As we say our goodbyes I set my alarm, giving myself time in the morning for a jog. I've gotten lazy in two months with you and it's time to get back into a routine.

When the alarm goes off at 5am I snooze it, my good intentions out the window. I forget how tiring it is to fly all day. Besides, I'm sure I'll get in lots of running at work. Cap won't leave me on ass-duty all day. Elliot'd kill him-- he was desperate for details when we spoke, and he'll want more tomorrow. For a guy, he certainly is a gossip-fiend. Doesn't share much, but wants to know everything. I roll over in my bed and reset the alarm to give me time for a shower before cabbing it to work. Exercise can wait until I'm on the job. I'd rather have an extra hour to dream about you.