This was it. Time to tell the truth, or more lies. Remus was a bad liar, he knew that.
'Do I trust them? Stupid question, of course I do. They are considering becoming Animagus for me, the least they deserve is the truth, its not that much of a terrible secret, is it? Peter had a crush on Professor McGonagall for a day, and not one of the Marauders said anything about it. Well, he was under the influence of a love potion, James and Sirius have a very interesting sense of humour, but the concept… it's the same isn't it?
Remus continued this self debate for about five minutes. Finally a defeated look appeared on his face.
"Ok, I'll tell you, but you cannot tell a soul, or I'll bite you all"
"Ok, ok. We wont tell. You have my word. But, what could be worse than being a werewolf anyway?"
James was always the one to ask the logical question, of course.
"I know what it is, its something to do with Snape. Did you see the look on his face when we told him he was gay? He knows something. Talk, Lupin"
Sirius did the most accurate impression of Professor McGonagall, Remus had to smile, even if only for a moment.
There was no way of getting out of this one. But maybe, he could use it as a diversionary tactic, to get around telling them about his elderly love.
"Well, two years ago, I was walking to the library. My arms were full of books so I couldn't see in front of me properly. Suddenly someone shoved their hand over my mouth and muttered in my ear "Move, scream, breathe, and I'll kill you" I could feel their wand on the back of my neck, so I did as I was told. Slowly they let their hand fall from my face. They moved in front of me and I saw that it was Snape."
"Why didn't you rip his greasy hair from the roots? Why did you just stand there? He couldn't have really killed you, you're on school property for a start!"
"Shhhh, Siri, wait for the rest of the story. Go on Moony"
"So I saw that it was Snape. He licked his lips and smiled at me. "I've never fucked a werewolf. You can be my first. I grant you the honour of taking my werewolfginitiy. But only if you want to, of course." As he said this he was pushing his wand into my throat, hard. "Now, my hairy friend. What do you say we stroll over to that broom cupboard?"
Remus swallowed, here was the bit he had gotten rid of Snape, but the REASON he had finally built up the courage to strike him was because, well, this was the first place him and his lover had first ,well, made love. He didn't want to tell the others this though, so he altered the course of events a bit.
"He pushed me in front of him and threw me into the cupboard. I tripped over a cat bowl, presumably left by Filtch because I could also see worming pills and a pink cushion, I was very observant, you know, cause I've never been in that broom cupboard before, you know?"
He went scarlet to the tips of his ears and he had started to rapidly scratch his arm.
James and Sirius exchanged looks and raised their eyebrows, but said nothing.
"Anyway"
He said, still blushing furiously
"He walked to where I was lying on the ground and stood over me, and I'm telling you, his breath smelt terrible. He said "Ravish me wolfie, slowly" That's the bit he pushed me too far. I kicked his shoe and his leg bucked beneath him, he crashed to the ground and I shot up, grabbing my wand as I went. Now I stood over him, holding my wand to his greasy temple. "You won't kill me, monster child, you don't have the balls. Virgin." He spat at me and threw the cat bowl at my head. "Wingardium Leviosa!" I stole his wand then cast my favourite bluebell flames at him. I shut the door behind me and wedged his wand in the side of the door, muggle trick, I learned it off Lily, then I left. I've got no idea how long it took him to get out."
James and Sirius were staring at him, unblinking, completely awestruck.
"Moony! This is a side of you we've never seen before, I like it. But next time I see Snape, I'm still going to turn his tongue into a crayfish."
This was high praise from Sirius, sometimes Remus got the feeling Sirius found him a bit, well, feminie.
"But Moony, This may be a very surprising story, but it still doesn't explain where you were tonight, we were following Snape and you were not with us, so where were you?"
Damn James and his bloody good logic
"To tell the absolute truth, and it's not very interesting, I went down to the broom shed too… Polish my broom handle. Now I better be going to bed, double history first tomorrow, and I don't want to be tired before I even get there, goodnight everyone"
Sirius smirked at James when Remus had left.
"How incredibly discreet of him, its so obvious."
Peter squeaked his little laugh
"He's fucking the broomstick bitch, isn't he?"
"He sure is, my friend"
James said, pouring himself another butter beer.
"He sure is"
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I don't really know what to do next, I've got some ideas but I would really like to know what you think first. Review!