By Psychocynic
...and her younger sister SexyBod
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and it's characters do not belong to me, though everything else (including Potato Palace and the original story) belongs to me.
Psychocynic: Ho. Sorry it took a bit long. SexyBod did more than usual for this chapter, so let's all applaud!
SexyBod: I am so sexy!
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Chapter Three
Two Men with One Potato
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---Flashback------>
The rain miraculously ceased the moment Sesshoumaru stepped outside.
'So graceful... So elegant...' Kagome thought admiringly, still not moving from where she was rudely plopped.
But suddenly...
Kagome had thought that all of the potatoes had flown away.
But somehow, one potato had managed to find itself under the foot of one Yaseishin Sesshoumaru.
One wet, squishy, slippery, potato.
"OOF!"
------End of Flashback--->
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Sesshoumaru fell face first into a muddy and jelly-like lake.
Not quite so graceful anymore, eh?
Grime splattered everywhere, which included a certain potato peeler's face. Said potato peeler blinked, assessed the damages before her, and came to the assumption that... it was probably... no, it WAS her fault.
Kagome got up, rushed out of the booth, and hurried toward the spread-eagled, muddy object (Sess, who's an object because he's inanimate) and guiltly looked him over. Immediately, it started to rain again.
Slowly, menacingly, Sesshoumaru raised his mud-caked, rain-splattered face to look into Kagome's. He glared at the offending object: the potato. Then he glared at the offending person: Kagome.
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Her damp uniform had "POTATO PALACE" plastered all over the front in plain sight.
Not to mention that the aforementioned potato was squashed and lying a few feet away from Sesshoumaru's foot.
Uh-oh.
Kagome quickly covered the words with her hands.
"You... woman..." Sesshoumaru shook with anger.
His fangs seemed to grow longer, sharper.
His face darkened and his fingers seemed to be unsheathing deadly claws.
His eyes were steadily turning red and blue-pupiled. So scary!
DA DA DE DUM....
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In the appointed restaurant...
"Why are they still not here?"
"Kya---! Why isn't my Sessyochan here yet?"
"Inuchan too---!"
"The Yaseishin brothers aren't the type to miss such an important meeting..."
"The elder, yes. But I doubt the younger..."
"The crazy one you mean? With a fetish for red and a freaky fashion sense? Oh, yes... He's probably late... like usual."
"I'll bet that he's tearing down the highway on his little red wagon, right now."
"Then Sesshoumaru...?"
"Knowing his luck, he's probably having a rendezvous with some hot babe."
All of the young men at the table sighed jealously.
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The lipstick-red convertible sped down the street at full speed as the driver leapt out of the car before it even stopped at the curb. The car screeched to a halt, just a hair's breadth away from the telephone booth. The driver, with a windswept white mane of hair and a tasteless red suit and a flapping red polka-dotted tie, landed lightly behind his vehicle.
'TRUIMPH IS MINE!' The driver thought smugly as he jutted out his chest and lifted his chin high into the air.
He swaggered towards the telephone booth and saw an extremely unnoticable, very plain-and-dull-looking girl who was covering her chest and looking at a strangely, much more eye-catching, shockingly familiar heap of mud at the same time.
Huh?
As he neared, he came to the astounding realization that the clump of mud at the woman's feet was actually (though disappointingly not screaming, but even better) a totally mud-covered Sess!
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Inuyasha thought he was going to pee in his pants.
He whooped.
"HAHAHAHAHA!!!! SESSHOUMARU! BOWING AT A WOMAN'S FEET! HAHAHA! COVERED IN DIRT! GROVELING! BEGGING! THIS IS FREAKING BETTER THAN I HAD EVER IMAGINED!!!!!! HAVE POTATOES BEGAN TO PEEL POTATO PEELERS??!!" Inuyasha crowed.
Inuyasha looked gleefully at the mud-crusted Sesshoumaru on the floor, in the rain. It couldn't have been better! Inuyasha was wallowing in impure bliss. He (Inuyasha) looked like he was in the middle of unmentionable (and dirty) pleasure.
"Well---! I guess it's YOU who's late this time, my beloved brother!" he drawled, doing a perfect imitation of a Texan sheriff.
Sesshoumaru wrenched his right arm out of the muck, and then his left. He tried to stand up, but the sticky quicksand-ish mud with the consistency of New Year's mochi pulled him back.
Inuyasha grinned. "Guess that since you're not going to be able to attend the meeting, I, Yaseishin Inuyasha, though a bit late, will be promoted from Co-Head-Boss to The Only Head Boss," he announced in mock politeness, with a tad of British accent.
Inuyasha pulled off one of his dainty white gloves and waved it in the air.
"Ta-ta, Sesshoumaru---!"
In slow, exaggerated moves, he moved towards the sidewalk in the direction of the fancy restaurant (it was a stuff-as-much-grub-in-your-mouth-as you-can-endure buffet).
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Fate, it seemed, had a sadistic sense of humor.
For somehow, the mighty potato that fell Sesshoumaru had managed to find itself squashed under Inuyasha's foot.
The somewhat squished, slightly muddy, slimy, slippery, infamous potato.
And down he came.
"OOF!"
Facefirst into the mud.
(SPLAT)
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Sesshoumaru snorted in grim satisfaction.
Kagome rushed towards the newly-fallen, crumpled, muddy heap (Inuyasha) and nervously looked him over.
There was a muffled sob and a cry of, "My suit---! Oh-oh-oh... My extremely clashy flashy red suit---! Waah---!"
And then...
Slowly, horrified, Inuyasha raised his mud-caked face to check his beloved outfit and then he folornly fingered his prized tie. And he had worn it for good luck today! And he usually only wore it for special occasions!
Too bad, so sad...
All of a sudden, Inuyasha snapped his head back up to look at the potato, looking mashed and stuck to the heel of his red two-inch heeled boots. Then he swivelled his gaze sharply into Kagome's. And lastly, his eyes traveled downward to her uniform, which had "POTATO PALACE" emblazoned all over the front.
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The potato peeler's face told a thousand words.
Uh-oh. Kagome quickly covered the words with her hands again.
"You... woman..." Inuyasha shook with anger.
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You know the expression, two birds with one stone?
Well... yeah.