By Psychocynic
...and her younger sister SexyBod
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and it's characters and Popeye the Sailor Man do not belong to me, though everything else (including Potato Palace and Tomato Tower and the original story) belongs to me.
AN: Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been banned from writing until the end of school, and sophomore Finals too. Heh, well, my grades ARE important to me... Mmm, and now that my school had ended on Thursday... and SexyBod's on Friday... Mwahaha! Friday suckers! No, just crazy me, sorry to those who have an extra day of school... So, enjoy this chapter and summer!
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Chapter Six
When You Were Sleeping
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The look on Sesshoumaru's face?
Priceless.
Sesshoumaru was such a self-controlled, sophisticated, (and somewhat scary) head boss that a picture of him now could be auctioned on the black market.
Unfortunately though, Inuyasha was in the same state.
"What the fuck are you blubbering about?" Inuyasha stuttered as he, too, jabbed his finger in the direction of his brother's equally flustered face.
Inuyasha stared at his psycho brother for a moment before registering what had been said before.
And then it hit him like a sack of potatoes.
Then he fell off the bed.
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Kagome the rabbit was burrowing through the tangled underbrush of her refrigerator, tossing things out like one would with old socks, looking for something incredible and edible and buried within the dirt of the fat ice box.
Spinach. Naw. Kagome didn't need that. She was buffer than Popeye the Sailor Man anytime she needed it and minus the green blobs.
Onions. No way. Their peeling dry skin reminded Kagome of her own.
Carrots. Which was what she was metaphorically supposed to be looking for (as she was being likened to a rabbit). But she tossed them aside anyway.
Tomatoes. Now, if Sesshoumaru was still towel-clad then they would be her kin. But the rival to Potato Palace was the too-terrible Tomato Tower.
But she was such a loyal employee, wasn't she?
If she only knew what she had done to the Mr. Potato Heads.
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Inuyasha was dying.
Serious. Incurable. Life-threatening.
He had contracted an STD.
A Sesshoumaru-Transmitted-Disease.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Inuyasha could not stop laughing.
The upper part of his torso was hanging halfway over the bed, and slowly inching down until his head smacked the floor and continuing till his back plopped to the pearly pink carpet, legs still perched on the edge of the bed. Laughter contracted his stomach like he was going into labor, sweaty damp hair lustily embracing his face with out-of-place forelocks, collar loosening and slipping past his shouders, nose somewhat snorting, ears red as strawberry wine, tears squeezing from his eyes, fists vigorously pounding the floor, as Inuyasha laughed.
And laughed.
And hollered, bellowed, screamed, shrieked, snorted, guffawed, whooped, snickered, gasped, shouted, cried, doubled up, hystericalled, giggled, cackled, cheered, flapped, cracked up, pounded, heaved, roared, writhed, howled, squealed, screeched, hooted, rolled, puffed, exploded. There was nothing he could possibly say.
It was embarrassing.
Nearby, the brother of the object of attention was lounging gracelessy on the bed, white silks tangled around his form. Eyes half-closed in annoyance, Sesshoumaru's face had long since faded into an expression of disgust as he watched the scene unfold, his face grim.
Was it his fault that his brain still had the status of intoxication? Shit... Seriously, the first thing after waking up... even a drunk that HAD done the dirty deed would have reacted the same. Sleeping with Inuyasha... only a woman who liked red could have even qualified for it. He couldn't believe that he had thought he'd done it. And even voiced it aloud.
A day ago he would never have imagined this happening to him.
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After a ridiculously long period of time, Inuyasha was still indulging in inappropriate joy.
Until Sesshoumaru figured that he'd had enough and was getting up and going over to squeeeeeeze--- his brother's neck until said brother's face popped purple.
Until he shifted on the bed and hoisted himself into a semi-crouch, swaying drunkenly as the sleeves of his kimono drifted with the movement.
Until his eyes widened for another surprise as the fact registered in his brain that said sleeves were dyed red.
He was wearing red.
His eyes traveled painfully slowly over what he was wearing, scanning for any splashes of red, and twitching with a start every time he found one.
Speechless and mouthing his disbelief, he yanked desperately on the kimono collar, struggling to get out of it. He was trying to rip the cloth with one hand while stabbing a finger at Inuyasha's nose and looming ever closer, casting an ominous shadow on the obvious offender.
Just WHAT had he done in the past few hours?!?!
"What. Happened." It was more of a statement than a question. Sesshoumaru's voice had lowered to a soft, deadly whisper as his auric eyes darkened in hue and the finally stripped-but-still-intact red and white kimono top dangled threateningly from his claws. The pants were completely white, so, no need for Sesshoumaru to remove that too.
Then he bitterly balled the clothing up and flung it into an Inuyasha indignant of the insult given to his favorite color and his brother's renouncement of the Red Religion, catching the still somewhat unable to stop snorting sibling full in the face, muffling the noise.
Then Sesshoumaru pounced like a wild animal, ready to choke Inuyasha until his face ballooned blue.
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Down below, loud and noisy muffled sounds could be heard.
Kagome extracted her head from the freezer, clutching a fat watermelon that had failed to pass her test (and made her wonder why on earth was a watermelon doing in the freezer), crooked her head to the side and wondered not-so-innocently.
And being the perverted person she was, she hurriedly scurried upstairs.
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---Kagome Dream Sequence--->
Sesshoumaru slowly slipping off his robe, holding Inuyasha down on his back.
Inuyasha screaming in terror as the robe slithers down...
Sesshoumaru coming closer and closer...
"AHHHHHHHH-!" Inuyasha shrieks.
Kagome appears on the scene.
Kagome dives toward Sesshoumaru squealing happily.
Inuyasha escapes.
Kagome does her stuff.
---End of Kagome Dream Sequence--->
(The intensity of Kagome's perverted-ness rivals Miroku's)
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BAM!
Kagome slammed open the bedroom door, ready to pounce on Sess.
Sadly, her dreams were shattered.
She was too late.
They were already having fun without her.
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Sesshoumaru looked up from where he was strangling his parents' youngest offspring, clawed fist gripping Inuyasha's already bloating head, as said Inuyasha tried in vain to pry his brother's fingers off. Sesshoumaru let go, still looking in the direction of the potato peeler, as Inuyasha's plum face dropped painfully to the ground.
So that's it, Sesshoumaru mused, as his brain completely cleared and the crazy events from the past few hours replayed in his head. They were at HER house, and it had been HER who'd knocked him on the head, HER who had caused all this trouble.
Sesshoumaru slowly got off the Inuyasha he had been squashing flat to get at the neck and raised himself up into a standing position, at which the victim promptly sucked in a breath of air as his face amazingly (and comically) shrank back to it's original size and color.
Sesshoumaru stalked towards the little potato peeler standing expectantly at the doorway, ready to avenge the wrongs done to them, the Yaseishin heirs.
But any thoughts of that were quickly crushed as the potato peeler immediately began walking too, only towards him and with a glint in her eye that felt too wrong for Sesshoumaru's tastes. He gulped as the happy girl leapt madly at him, arms outstretched and a cutesy, almost innocent look on her face (the little liar).
Sesshoumaru looked down and it hit him that he had taken his shirt off and thrust it into his brother's face. He quickly thought better of it as he dived for the article of clothing and quickly jammed it on.
The predator slumped to the ground disappointedly.
It was either red or girl, and...
It was better to stay clothed around that potato peeler.