By Psychocynic
...and her younger sister SexyBod
Disclaimer: Inuyasha and it's characters do not belong to me, though everything else (including Potato Palace + the original story) belongs to me.
AN: I have decided that the change in the spelling of names in the middle of the story would be confusing and so I will keep the original spellings for the rest of APOPP. However, you will see the changed versions in my other story, Wish Anything. On a side note, sorry for the long delay in this update. School has been stressful and SexyBod is obsessed with Sailor Moon (by my standards, that's a little tasteless), and I spent a deal of time revamping the story. There's not that much noticeable change, but choppiness and strangeity have been removed or altered to let the fanfic flow more smoothly and interestingly. I don't know if the style of writing has changed since last time, but please bear with me. SexyBod did contribute to this chapter, but I had to drag her to the computer and yell numerous times. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
GUESS WHAT! It's the FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY of APPOP! So I crammed just to get this to ya guys, so the chapter ends a little weirdly...
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Chapter Nine
Ignorance is Bliss
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Kagome Higurashi enjoyed a relatively fine morning. Someone had been sent up to awaken her and escort her downstairs for a hearty meal. Nothing strange of the sort had happened at all yesterday or now, besides the fact that she seemed to have an unexplainably good dream of two gorgeous dudes and that the washing machine lid was strangely stuck and repeatedly scrubbing the same contents over and over again.
Ah... but it had been a wonderful dream... too bad she couldn't remember it.
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The Yaseishin bros were not as lucky.
They had hoped and hoped and hoped that all was but a terrible nightmare, and that once they woke up, all would be fine. Yes, tis the illusion they fell under for a short sweet while, seeming to have left the horrors of before far, far away. Woken up at the first crack of dawn, gone to admire the morning sun like never before in their lives, happy to be here to see this new day, that is, until the early news report came onto the TV screen...
"We have gone into the red convertible case a little deeper now, and searches of the scene have rendered a few new clues."
"WHAT!" Sesshoumaru, who had just been chugging down a cup of strong coffee, choked and sprayed the said coffee all over the newspaper he had been scanning idly just moments before. Nearby, Inuyasha had gripped his cup so tightly that it exploded cappucchino onto his brand-new red suit (yes, another one), and was spluttering his disbelief, face gone pale as parchment. Both were just sitting there, at the little table, bone-white and clutching their cups in shock, or in Inuyasha's case, what was left of it.
Pictures of the aforementioned items were flashed, one after another.
"These primitive objects were found trailed behind in the aftermath of the ogre, which are now identified as being a pair of expensive shades, an ugly red dinner coat, and a hoop earring. We believe that these artifacts belonged to the trollish driver of the car, which blew off in his reign of the roads. Experts have unearthed new evidence that it was the flying off of these things that blocked the view of the license plate of the car in the only rear shot of the automobile. Any captures of the front have only focused on his face, not surprising, really, as anyone videotaping the front would have been utterly distracted by that -bleep- monstrous visage, and would've surely missed the opportunity to check the license plate," the reporter rambled off enthusiastically. "When the culprit is caught, he will be sentenced to a $1,000,000 fine or 15 years in jail..."
Inuyasha twitched violently.
Sesshoumaru's face looked grim.
And all the memories of what had happened the previous day came back in full force.
Including, but not limited to...
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Flashback---
Mr. Ultimate Potato-Head, also known as the Yaseishin Pop, yelling at volume levels so dangerous to the ears that everyone in the neighborhood went temporarily deaf (except for the Yaseishin bros, who took the damage point-blank at such destructive levels that nothing happened).
On and on he raged, at some points furious and disappointed and at others heartbroken and pathetic until he became really rather redundant. The Yaseishin Pop blubbered pitifully about being betrayed by his two cute baby boys (to which the said baby boys protested violently against) and then switched to unrelenting screeches on his irresponsible and ungrateful sons, bringing shame to the company and breaking his heart, roared again and again on the oh-so-important meeting that could have helped the company one-up the terrible Tomato Tower, about how he had had such high expectations of Sesshoumaru and how Inuyasha was supposed to meet his new lovely secretary who he (The Pop) had been kind enough to assign.
Inuyasha thought that he looked like an over-emotional orangutan.
Sesshoumaru agreed.
Despite this, both bros was still scared out of their suits of their father.
Also, extremely disturbingly (at least to Inuyasha)... Pop noticed, and mentioned that he thought Inuyasha's convertible had been RED, and not black.
The brothers hastily changed the subject.
But he had been seen muttering and eyeing the convertible rather suspiciously...
Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru thought the danger passed though, and collapsed onto the couch patting their hearts in relief. That is, until a long and ominous shadow cast over them, and the temperature dropped below zero. Mr. Yaseishin's face was still as stone, and held a grave and serious light.
"The meeting," he whispered, barely audible.
"Huh?" the brothers had been (conveniently) temporarily deaf.
"THE MEETING! THE IMPORTANT BUSINESS MEETING! HOW COULD YOU HAVE MISSED IT?" Pop shouted, bellowing like a wounded hippo and blowing the brothers' hair everywhere.
Mr. Yaseishin cornered his two male offspring and said, suddenly deathly quiet, "Your punishment..."
Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru each sucked in a lung-full of breath and waited for the death sentence to fall.
Pop stood there, breathing heavily as if he'd just ran to Mt. Fuji and back, mean beady eyes narrowed to slits and giving them the evil eye. Inuyasha, who was usually casual and cool, had cowered there, shivering madly like a bald chicken in Antarctica and profusely sweating buckets of H2O. Sesshoumaru's usual indomitable iciness had been overpowered by that of the Pop! His golden eyes went round and wide and Sesshoumaru was reduced to looking fearful and very young.
SILENCE
Pop leaned toward them and you could've seen the veins popping. He looked his at eldest son in the eye and cleared his throat, saying.
"...I don't really know yet, but I'll think about it over-night and talk about it with your mother."
Inyasya and Sesshoumaru fell, comically and identically, to the floor.
Pop suddenly turned businesslike and he straightened up, informing them that even though he didn't have a punishment right-that-very-second, they shan't think that they were off the hook.
---End of flashback
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Inuyasha looked ready to barf, and hurried over to the sink in case he did. Sesshoumaru was gazing out the window dully, at the sunrise that had looked so beautiful just a few minutes before.
Suddenly, it struck Inuyasha that their Pop might have their punishments by now and he voiced his thoughts to his sibling. They both swiveled around at the spot, looking frantically for a piece of Pop lurking nearby. Then, realization that their Pop had already gone off to work hit them, and they sighed in relief, glad for their temporary safety.
Thinking that they were spared for the time being, Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru decided to go out for a bit and strolled over to their garage, thinking about the safe refuge of cruising around the neighborhood and feeling the wind in their hair and sun on their backs. Not to mention that they needed to go to work today anyway... and hopefully if they did a better job at being Mr. Potato Head Bosses, THE Mr. Ultimate Potato Head might forgive them? Hopefully?
(If only they knew their fate...)
Inuyasha reached the garage first and flicked on the light, ready to drive his Beautiful-Black-Babe (his convertible). He scanned the spacious lot lined with rows and rows of expensive cars, hoping to spot his one true love.
But... it wasn't there.
Sesshoumaru's jaw dropped in shock.
Inuyasha's eyes went white, and he opened and closed his mouth in horror, blue lines gracing his face, and looking as if he had regurgitated owl droppings.
Sess, being that the loss wasn't really his, remained intact and strolled over to the center of the (very huge) garage. He looked around, and sure enough, he saw that Pop had left a note on the floor.
"Oi, Inuyasha, quit looking like you ate owl droppings and come over here! Pop left a note for us," Sesshoumaru called out to his brother. Said Inuyasha trudged balefully towards him, now looking quite like a kicked puppy.
"Well, read it!" Inuyasha said impatiently.
Sesshoumaru unfolded it gingerly and read through it quickly. He groaned.
"Fuck..." he muttered as he resignedly brushed back his tousled bangs.
"What?" asked Inuyasha. Sesshoumaru handed him the note, which read:
Dear Sons,
I am deeply disappointed in you. I had such high expectations of you! But you NOT ONLY missed the important business meeting that could've helped us one-up the terrible Tomato Tower, I have also discovered another sin that you two have commited. Yes, yes... I know about... THAT. Heh heh...surprised? You should be. Don't ask me how I found out. I am your Pop. I have my ways to know what you have been up to, sons. Do not doubt your Pop. Thus, I have confiscated your convertible. I can see right through it. By the way, I am still working on those punishments, so do not think that I have forgotten! ---POP
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(This is what really happened---)
Early in the morning (when the sky is gray and his sons are snoring), Mr. Yaseishin strolls into the garage, ready to look cool and go to work.
His eyes scanned the many luxury cars available at his service, finally falling upon a particular strangely glossy beautiful black convertible that he didn't seem to recall ever owning. He dismissed the fact that the car looked unfamiliar to him; after all, he had so many cars that this beauty could've just been a forgotten babe!
He grinned. He could imagine it now--him, in this gorgeous black convertible, looking young and hot, picking up chicks left and right.
Lost in his fantasies, Pop didn't notice when his feet took him to the imaginary spotlight under which the sexy car was parked, as if magnetically summoned there. Absentmindedly, he leaned casually against the side of the front door, stroking his chin as he indulged in his censored thought bubbles.
That was when he realized he'd gotten his best suit ruined with what appeared to be tar.
Horrified, Pop hastily, or well, tried to unstick himself.
Suddenly he caught a whiff of the ungodly stench... and he bent down over a particularily large spotch on his suit and sniffed. The result was disastrous and he nearly passed out. Gasping, and half-ready to puke, he clung to the side of the front door and studied the car's surface, and what appeared to be black paint.
Hmmmm... a shadowy suspicion made itself known to him, teasing and taunting his pride. After but a moment's hesitation, he gathered his wits and brandished a pudgy sausagelike finger to wipe the skin of the convertible in one smooth motion.
His eyes popped furiously.
The car's slick black coating came off on his finger as he realized said convertible was supposed to be red.
A disguise, he thought as his mind clicked. Inuyasha's convertible.
The automatic gate of the luxurious garage chose that coincidental moment to slide open, allowing the bright morning shine to pour in and reveal the vast, impeccably trimmed front lawn and marble driveway.
Something small and white and rolled bounced into the driveway and made it's presence known.
It just so happened that the something small and white and rolled oh-so-conveniently decided to roll a little closer, and some unnamed force summoned Pop to edge closer, bend down, crick his neck in the process of doing so, and pick up the little wrapped object.
It was the daily newspaper.
Pop disposed of the wrapper in a very un-business-like manner, unrolled the seemingly thicker-than-usual bundle, glanced at the front cover, and his eyes popped wider.
It must've been fate.
For blazed all across the front page (and the entire rest of the newspaper too) was a troll in a convertible, sporting various poses.
His troll SON Inuyasha in the aforementioned red convertible. (Trust me, parents DO recognize these things...)
Therefore, Pop knew.
(---End of Moment of Truth)
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Well, as it so happened, there was now no means of transportation for the brothers to get to work. Of course, they could always just take the day off... but they cowered at the thought of becoming in deeper shit with their already pissed off Pop.
The extent of Pop's not-so-subtle punishment were becoming painfully slowly known as life went on.
Like, the keys to all those expensive cars had been lifted off their usual hooks on the wall of the garage and stowed away in some remote spot.
All those lovelies, sitting temptingly in the garage (and looking lovely), key-less and thus undrivable.
The convertible, which Inuyasha had his keys to, was confiscated.
Either make the (very very short) trip on foot and very undignifiedly...
"Or we could ride one of those sports bikes!" Inuyasha suggested lamely, pointing to the row of polished frames lined up beside the key-hooks.
Bikes... that seemed to have a profoundly positive effect on Sesshoumaru.
True, all the keys were gone, but...
"But what!" Inuyasha cut in annoyedly. Obviously Sesshoumaru had been thinking aloud.
But of course, Inuyasha wasn't the only one who had a car, or, automated mode of transportation, to be more exact.
"Ah! Brilliant!" Inuyasha declared as enlightenment came to him.
And of course, Sesshoumaru also had his own keys to his car, or, should it be more correct to say, bike?
His... oh-so-sexy, sleek, black, MOTOR bike?
Inuyasha whooped.
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Unfortunately however, both bros had to squish unpleasantly onto Sess's motocycle to go to work.
The streamlined vehicle, custom built and bought for speed (and sexiness), designed to be light, compact, and as efficient as it's rider, simply wasn't meant for two grown men to squeeze on. And given the rep of Sesshoumaru to drive just as fast or faster than his brother... Well... let's just say he had no right to complain about Inuyasha's red convertible rages.
Well either way, they had to get to work, no? Else Pops would probably have been even madder...
So the brothers then found themselves in the unenviable predicament of riding on the bike (and practically each other) way too close for comfort, already surpassing dangerously red-zone on invading each other's breathing space and much to the bros' disgust, failing miserably at their attempts to not touch each other.
Did I say miserably?
Because I meant rain-in-your-socks-1-from-that-A-grade-that-banana-from-your-lunch-has-turned-all-black-and-you're-damn-hungry-painfully-miserable.
Or much much worse.
Which translates to Inuyasha literally seamlessly attached to Sesshoumaru as he had to desperately cling on to his aforementioned brother's waist while they zoomed through the streets, else (considering the ungodly speed at which they were traveling) he fall off and be flattened by the already accumulating army of woohoo-ing mad fan girls after them in an unmistakable street chase, hanging out of limos, flagging taxis, stuffed in vans, riding bikes, or keeping up at a phenonemonal pace on foot.
It was also an undeniable truth that they just looked silly.
Passersby not of the mad fan girl category stopped and stared, ogling the two hot men on a motorbike feeling each other up with a sort of morbid must-see curiosity, clogging up the lanes worse than rubbernecks.
Like usual when Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru went public, they magnetically attracted behind them a wave of wildness roughly equivalent to a rather populated parade that massed the streets for miles.
Not only that, the police had been called, no doubt by one of the millions of business people being held up by the hordes of humans. A fleet of honking, wailing, screeching be-sirened police cars descended upon the scene, closely pursued by an even larger army of hit squads, national guardsmen, ambulances, fire trucks, and helicopters.
Although startled drivers ahead hurriedly swerved off the road to avoid the pair of motorcycle men hurtling towards them at breakneck speed, giving said men a clear way when they flashed by, (only for the aforementioned drivers to regret it and frantically rush back after them to join the chase,) strangely enough, no one swerved by for the emergency vehicles that later followed.
However, the police were already experiencing difficulties of their own.
For all the policewomen, punching the air and punctuating the cacophony of colliding sound with one united battle cry, ran off the join the mobs.
But also like usual, the attention was wasted, because the bros were oblivious.
After all, ignorance is bliss, no?
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Happy one-year anniversary!
Please come back soon, and review!
Love ya all!