Disclaimer: If I say that I don't own Naruto, can I take chibi Neji home as a consolation for being honest? (Apparently not!)
Author's blabbering: I was having a serious mental breakdown as I was writing this chapter. Actually, I was cackling my famous mad-scientist cackle while I was writing this. It took me several mugs of Swiss Miss and several boxes of chocolate Pocky with almonds to write this one so I'd say I was high on sugar really. Gomen for the lateness. I was working on a script for a presentation, and I was so busy with my new college org. The people are so energetic I just couldn't keep up… Anyway, this is another long chapter but full of surprises, laughs and hoo-hah! Whatever!
So… Let's move on to Answer the Reviewer's Reviews Portion! (applause!) More Pocky to reviewers!
Faceface: … I cleared things up for you over the email, ne? So I guess no need to repeat that over here… Anyway, thanks for reviewing… At least I got what you were trying to say :D
Warprince2000: Yeah, thanks for the review!
Paperpenman: … Well, I never expected myself to write a fic like this. Still, glad you like it! XD SasuSaku… I'll think about it. After I make Sasuke suffer! (insert mad-scientist cackle here!)
Minoko-chan: Yay! Another Nejiten fan! I'm a hard-core Nejiten fan! Nejiten! Nejiten! Nejiten! (Chibi Neji: Keep it down, will you!)
Annie the Pipster: Arigato! Arigato! Arigato! … Oh, chapter 9 is still with you, ne? For those who doesn't know yet, she's my beta-reader with FenixPhoenix!
Asura of Love: Hmm… Maybe if you could point out which scene it is, I might be able to help… XD Yeah, I want Sasuke to be thrown in an asylum then I'd be happy! (insert mad-scientist cackle here!) Don't worry, everything will be all cleared up in the future…
Mistress-eos14: Thanks!
Teh Confuzzled One: Thanks! Yeah, and I thought they were too OOC…
Payday: … Don't eat me… I'll give you Pocky instead!
Kumii-chan: Breathe, kumii-chan, breathe! Flavor? How about that strawberry yoghurt with strawberry chunks? I like that, ne, chibi-onna1-san!
elementBLUE: Yeah… You've got a point right there… Don't worry, I'll handle everything! XD
becky: Thanks for taking time to review!
Animefreak-shinobi: Ah, oh, yeah… Gomen, gomen… Shikamaru said 17 because he was only referring to himself and probably his group. But of course, Gai's team, Temari and Kankuro are 18 above. (Have no idea what Temari's age is… Is she 15 while the guys were 12?)
Chaos2Frozen: Thanks!
Saico: Yeah, my cousin pointed that one out as well… Don't worry, in the future chappies, they won't be as useless as they are now…
Byakugan13: Thanks! Yes, yay for Nejiten! Yay!
TheGurlWithNoName: Hmm… I'll think about it… Probably alternate endings for the pairs… Yeah, I like that… Oh, and can you give me your email add? I'll be sending that pic to you…
Moonlightpath: Yeah, it's kinda difficult in my case really since I don't want to disappoint many of my readers. Still, I'm trying my best:D
December Jewel: Yep, you're right about that! Sometimes, being too hasty could lead you into trouble! XD
So, that's probably everything I need to say. Oh, and one more thing: "For God's sake, Seisuke, you darn little brat, I swear I'll tear you up into pieces when I get there! How dare you take my IPod? Do you have any idea how much it costs? And here I was, crying my eyes out, thinking I lost the dang thing while I was in Japan! You better arm yourself or I'll send you right down to hell!"
Woohoo! That felt nice, now that it's out of my system! Gods, Erie, tell that idiotic brother of yours to keep his hands off my IPod while it's there! Stupid, stupid brat…
Chibi Neji: While mistress Queenie is still hyperventilating about her IPod, let's get on with the chapter!
CHAPTER 8: DAY 6 – SUNBATHING MADNESS
"This is so boring!" Temari said in a sing-song voice as she absently drew stick figures on the sand with her finger. It was the sixth day of their supposed mission on that deserted, godforsaken hell of a place-- a.k.a. the island some miles off the coast of the Fire and Water countries.
"We hear you loud and clear, Sand Nin!" Kiba called from the shade where he and Shikamaru were lying. As a result, he received a wet sand ball on the face, courtesy of the blonde kunoichi. "What the hell was that for?"
"For butting in," Temari called back irately before returning to her sand pictures and ignoring the faint strangled protests from a certain dog-lover. "How about I create a whirlpool in the middle of the ocean using my fan?"
She let out an exasperated sigh. She had never expected this stupid mission to be like so dull, boring, and everything in between. She had expected cottages under palm trees with white recliners and hammocks, soft pillows and warm comforters. She had expected full-time room service, complete with an 'all-you-can-eat' buffet, midnight parties on the beach with activities such as sailing, snorkeling, diving, and boy-hunting. She had expected the red-orange sun setting down the horizon, casting a beautiful glow around the place, while she was seated on the sand with someone.
But all her expectations had been burned to a crisp when the Hokage decided to hold this stupid 'survival test'. Not only was it annoying, it was exasperating, infuriating, maddening, and frustrating as well. There were no cottages, just a wooden two-story house with no comforts of life such as air-conditioners, electric fans, soft down comforters and pillows, televisions, computers, etc. There was no room service, buffets or parties; instead there was a 'hunt-your-own-food-or-starve-to-death' service. The only things of her fantasy left were the sun, the sea, and the sand. But that was about it!
She raised her gaze to Ino, who was busy shouting at Kiba and Shikamaru for being such 'lazy bums'. She turned to Shino, who was still seated on his favorite rock sticking out of the sea, meditating. Neji and Tenten were nowhere to be seen. Probably training in the forest again.
Temari groaned. If her boredom continued like this for the next few weeks, she'd have to ask Gaara to make her a bridge of sand going all the way to Konoha. From there she could get back to Suna.
She was not supposed to be seated on the stupid sand, drawing stupid objects and stick figures that were suppose to represent people. She should be resting, relaxing, sunbathing—Hey, wait a minute!
A devious smile blossomed on the kunoichi's lips as a thought came to her and she glanced again at Ino, who was now ordering Kiba to prepare their lunch in a few hours.
Temari snapped her fingers and shook her head, still grinning madly.
Why hadn't I thought of this before?
Sakura hummed a soft tune as she sat on the beach and watched the boys play in the water. Lee and Kankuro were both having fun dunking Naruto. The blond boy would retaliate by pulling them underwater as well. She laughed as Naruto decided to walk on top of the water when Lee suddenly grabbed both of his legs then threw him some feet away.
"Why don't you join them, Sakura?" Chouji asked, munching some apples.
The pink-haired kunoichi shook her head. "I don't want to get wet," she replied. "And besides, I'll be the only girl in the group if that happens. I'd look silly." She glanced at him. "Why don't you join them?"
"Nope, I'll get too hungry!" Chouji rose to his feet then started for the forest. "I'll go find some more fruits!"
Sakura nodded, smiling, then turned back to the frolicking shinobis. She wrapped her arms around her legs and placed her chin on her knees. After a while, she felt someone sit beside her.
"You're angry at me."
Even without looking, Sakura knew that flat, cold, and emotionless voice very well. It was obviously not Hinata since the young girl was busy cooking their lunch. Besides, only two people in Konoha own that kind of voice: one being Hyuuga Neji, the other… "I'm not angry, Sasuke-kun."
"Of course you are," Sasuke pointed out in an almost accusing voice.
"Or else, you wouldn't be acting like this."
"Acting like what?"
"Like… Like you're angry or something!"
Sakura wanted to laugh out loud at the dark-haired shinobi but decided against it. Instead, she suppressed her giggles and forced a calm, patient voice. "It's not what you think, Sasuke-kun."
Sasuke rolled his eyes in exasperation. "It's obvious you're angry. Why deny it?"
"If I say I am angry at you, would it satisfy you then?" she asked him, glancing sideways at his brooding figure. She heard him mutter something incoherently under his breath. "Why are you so concerned anyway?"
Sasuke looked at her briefly before turning his dark gaze at their teammates. "I'm not concerned."
"If you're not, then why do you keep asking pointless questions?" she asked dryly. She raised a slim eyebrow at him when he said nothing in response. "Is this about what I told you three days ago? Did you feel insulted by what I said?"
"No."
"Then what is it? If you think I'm angry because you deliberately pushed me yesterday, well, forget it, since I'm not."
"You keep avoiding me," he argued, keeping his tone out of the 'whiny voice' category.
Sakura blinked her emerald orbs at him. "Because… I thought you hated 'clingy, noisy and annoying' fan girls."
"You're quiet when it comes to me but when it comes to the dobe or fuzzy eyebrows, you become livelier."
"Same reason to your first argument, Sasuke-kun," she replied matter-of-factly.
"You'd rather spend time with that dobe or fuzzy eyebrows than…" Sasuke faltered, realizing what would or could come next.
The young kunoichi stared at him like he had just grown another head, forcing down her giggles that threatened to rise at his childish and immature attitude. "I'd rather spend time with Naruto or Lee than what, Sasuke-kun?" she dared him.
"Than… than train with me!" Sasuke had to choke out the words.
This time, Sakura couldn't suppress her laughter anymore, so she giggled softly. "Is that all, Sasuke-kun?" she teased lightly, "My, and I thought you weren't the shallow type of guy!" Sasuke growled at this remark. "Anyway, as I've said earlier, why do you care? You're not my boyfriend so you can't stop me from spending time with Naruto, Lee or anyone for that matter. I could even ask Gaara to go on a date with me and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it."
She glanced at the young man, who looked like he was about to say something. But then, Sasuke's tongue decided to move backward this time and he just stood up wordlessly, brushing the sand from his clothes. Strike three for Sakura and Sasuke is out!
Sakura didn't know what was going on in the Uchiha heir's mind, so she decided not to think about it any further. Thankfully, Temari came in the nick of time, saving her from her devilish mind tricks.
"What happened to him? Uchiha looked like the sky had just fallen on his shoulders!"
The pink-haired trainee of Tsunade blinked up at the blonde master of the Ninpou Kamaitachi. "Temari? What are you doing here?"
Temari grinned before bending down to whisper something to her. After a while, she pulled away and Sakura gave her a disbelieving look. "Are you sure? Won't Tsunade-sama kill us for this?"
"Of course not!" Temari waved a hand impatiently. "I haven't told Tenten yet, but Ino has agreed. So, you're in?"
Sakura glanced at Hinata, who was now talking to an extremely boisterous and overeager Naruto. "What about Hinata?"
"She has to come as well," the team Byakugan kunoichi said with a smile. "Don't worry, nothing will happen. And it's only for us girls. No guys allowed."
Sakura rolled her eyes but smiled too. "Obviously, or else we'd have to see them in the Netherworld next time."
"Yep! So, I'll see you at our beach?"
Sakura nodded slightly. "All right. I'll tell Hinata as well."
"Oi, nee-chan!" Kankuro had finally spotted her and was waving at her, eager to know what she was doing there.
Temari nodded, ignoring her brother's call, before disappearing back to the Byakugan Team's beach. Sakura sighed and stood up, brushing the sand away. She swallowed, then forced a smile.
"Hinata-chan! There's something I need to tell you!"
"Ouch, Neji! Can you get any more brutal?"
Tenten hissed in pain as Neji bandaged her arm with the strength of a barbarian. They were trying out a new jutsu where Tenten would try to use four scrolls, instead of two, and perform two Soshouryu at the same time. It worked, much to the young woman's delight, except it ate chakra like there was no tomorrow. And when Neji deflected all of her weapons with his Kaiten, she couldn't do anything but defend herself using her arms, thus taking several kunai blows on her lower right arm.
"How much more idiotic can you get?" the Hyuuga prodigy grumbled in irritation as he continued to bandage her bleeding appendage. "Using your arms to defend yourself against your weapons won't help you at all."
"I know that," she hissed at him when he suddenly tugged the bandage harder. "I just… miscalculated."
Neji snorted. "Miscalculated? Really, Tenten, is that the best excuse you can make?"
"Shut up, you arrogant pig," she retorted, earning a tightened bandage in return. She let out a yelp of pain, then glared darkly at him. "Don't you dare try to become a medic-nin, Hyuuga Neji! I swear, you'll just end up killing all your patients instead of healing them."
"Don't worry, I'm not planning to," he replied flatly.
"Good! I'm more concerned for people who couldn't stand attitude problems and PMSing guys like—Ow! Neji, for God's sake, have a care!"
The Hyuuga ignored her whines and wordlessly tied up the bandage then patted her arm with a smirk. Tenten growled at him as pain shot up her injured arm. "See? All better now!"
"All better, my foot!" she muttered as she got up from her position on the forest floor, slightly flexing her arm, testing it. "All right, let's start again."
Neji stood up as well, crouching slightly to take his Hakke stance, the palms of his hand facing outward. Tenten's hands were positioned at her back, ready to grab her scrolls and several more weapons from her bottomless pouch. But just when they were about to start, they heard a rustling sound coming from within the bushes.
The weapons mistress of Konoha instinctively pulled out a kunai and flung it to the direction of the sound. There was a clash of metals then Temari stepped out of the bushes, brushing some leaves from her hair.
"Chill, you guys," she said, looking over her shoulders for any more dirt or leaves. "You don't need to kill me." She looked all around her. "What are you guys doing this deep in the forest?"
Neji folded his arms across his chest, ignoring her last inquiry. He hated it when someone interrupted their training. "What do you want now?"
"Don't worry, Hyuuga, I'm not here to ruin your rendezvous with Tenten," Temari said with a playful wink. "I'm just here to tell Tenten something." The chestnut-haired girl raised a slim eyebrow at her. "It's something I planned…" The blonde Sand Nin leaned to her and started whispering behind a hand.
A smile slowly blossomed on Tenten's lips and she giggled. That's right, a giggle, a form of a high-pitch laughed mainly used by girls when fanning over 'boys' and slash or 'cute stuff'. It was something Neji certainly didn't expect. And Tenten giggling meant only one thing. There was something brewing in the air. He could feel it, he could smell it… except he still didn't know what it was.
"Tenten…" he started but was rudely cut off by an impatient hand wave from the weapon specialist. He growled at her. Another thing he hated: being ignored.
"So, are you in?" Temari grinned at the younger kunoichi after she had pulled away. "I've already asked Ino and Sakura. They told me they're coming with Hinata."
"Sure," Tenten replied lightly then faltered. "But my arm…" She glared pointedly at Neji who glared back.
"It's not my fault you had an injury," the Hyuuga shot back irately.
The blonde Nin waved a hand impatiently. "It's okay, we're not going in the water anyway," she told her. "So, I'll see you at the beach in a few minutes?"
"Yep!" Tenten nodded and Temari left, following the trail back to their beach.
Neji followed the retreating back of the Sand Nin with his eyes then gazed back at Tenten who was busy looking thoughtfully at the partly shaded sky. "What was that?"
She blinked at him then forced a smile. "It's nothing. Just… girl talk. You wouldn't understand it anyway."
"Try me."
Tenten snorted this time which irritated the Hyuuga even more. "Yeah, like you even have social skills," she shot back wryly. "I always thought Hyuugas were never taught how to socialize."
"Shut up."
"And, oh, Neji, I'd just like to ask you a favor," she said, forcing a sweet smile at him. Neji raised an eyebrow. He just knew what was coming. "You know, since I'm injured and all, maybe we could cancel the training for now."
He knew it! He gave a stern look then… "No."
"Demo doshite!" she whined. "I'm injured! I'm bleeding! Are you really this heartless?"
"You seemed fine a while ago."
Tenten pouted at him which then turned into a full-scale scowl and glare with a matching dark aura. "How dare you, Hyuuga Neji! Fine, be a cold-hearted bastard as you always are!" she retorted. "Alright, let's train! But if I bleed to death, I swear, I'll haunt you for the rest of your miserable life! I'll make sure that your conscience eats you alive as well—"
"Fine."
She abruptly stopped then blinked at him. "What?"
"I said, fine."
It took a minute for her to digest what he just said then jumped on his back, nearly making him stumble. "Really, Neji?" she cried and he slightly nodded. She hugged his neck tightly. "Oh, great! That's so great! I always knew you simply loved me! You just can't say no."
"You wouldn't stop bothering me if I didn't say 'yes' anyway."
Tenten fought the urge to kiss her teammate. Instead she just slapped his back before skipping back to the beach. "I'll see you later!"
Neji slightly nodded, his back turned to her. After a while, he heard a rustling in the bushes and he knew Tenten was already gone. He scowled at the innocent plants that disturbed no one, his aura getting darker with each passing second. Disturbing his training was one thing, but disturbing his training with Tenten was another. And that was one thing he hated more than 'arrogant bastards with red eyes' and 'main family cursed seals'.
Neji came out of the forest several minutes after Tenten had gone back. When he got to the clearing, it surprised him to see the beach quiet and peaceful. Clearly, when you have Kiba, Ino, Temari and Shikamaru for teammates, your team is bound to be noisy and boisterous. And not to mention, it's lunchtime, the noisiest time of the day, aside from breakfast and dinnertime.
But just as he was about to investigate where his teammates were, a pair of arms suddenly shot out from the dark and dragged him into the shadows. Or rather, it just dragged him to the dappled forest behind their house.
Neji thrashed wildly, thinking it was an ambush from 'who-knows-who' people! Is this the real reason why they were sent in this island? Are they just disguising themselves as Survivor castaways? Was everything just a plan of the Hokage?
"Neji, stop it right now! We MUST be heard!"
The Hyuuga prodigy's eyes widened then narrowed in just a split second. He knew that voice, even from seven miles away. It was Lee, for God's sake!
Growling under his breath, Neji swung a leg behind him, catching his captor's legs. When the hand on his mouth loosened, he crouched in attack position. Almost immediately, several other shadows tried to restrain him but to no avail. They were all lying on the forest floor, groaning, in seconds.
Neji activated his Byakugan and his scowl deepened when he saw the sight at his feet. Naruto was lying on the forest floor, his eyes resembling a child's swirly lollipop, while crushed under the combined weights of Kankuro, Kiba, Lee, Shikamaru, Sasuke, and Chouji.
"What the hell are you idiots doing here?" the prodigy hissed angrily at them.
Lee jumped to his feet, sending Shikamaru, Sasuke and Chouji crashing on the ground. "Why, my eternal and most worthy rival, Neji, we were just—"
Neji, out of sheer irritation, grabbed the taijutsu master's green spandex collar, raising him slightly above the ground. "And what the hell is your idea, grabbing and dragging me here like that?"
"We… We are… watching… the girls…" Lee rasped, gasping for his precious oxygen.
"What?"
Sasuke pulled himself from the ground, muttering darkly. "What the idiot means is that!" he told the Byakugan-user, pointing at the beach from between a plant's foliage.
Neji, thinking it was another stupid prank, turned to look, releasing his hold on the poor taijutsu master. But what he saw nearly made him stumble backwards. He could feel his blush, quickly rising up his neck and face. But he easily suppressed it, averting his gaze to the ground.
The Uchiha smirked at him, ignoring the painful contracting of his jaw. The Hyuuga had punched him when he tried to restrain him a while ago. "Like what you see?"
The white-eyed Byakugan-user rounded on them, his eyes smoldering with barely-concealed anger. "What the hell are you doing? What you're doing is suicide! If the girls find out you're here—"
"They'll kill us, we know," Shikamaru said, brushing dust from his clothes disdainfully. "This is so troublesome…" He pulled the swirly-eyed Kyuubi to his feet, slapping his cheeks. "Oi, Naruto, can you hear me? Naruto!"
Neji frowned at them before realizing something. "Why are you guys here?" he asked Sasuke, Kankuro, Lee and Chouji. Well, he knew he wouldn't get a decent answer from an unconscious Naruto. "Don't tell me the only reason you came is because…"
"No! Of course not!" Kankuro protested angrily. How dare this Hyuuga treat him like he was a pervert? "It's my sister's fault! If she hadn't come over at our beach and dragged Sakura and Hinata over to this beach, we wouldn't be here!"
The Hyuuga raised an eyebrow at him. "And your point is?"
"It's not our fault we were dragged into this!" the puppet master continued but was promptly shut up by a raised hand from Sasuke.
"So, basically, since it's not your fault, you dragged me as well into this mess?" Neji asked dryly.
"We're guys! We should stick together through thick and thin!" Kiba remarked and Akamaru barked in response. "See? Even Akamaru agrees."
Neji threw him a disgusted look. "No one asked your opinion."
It actually took Shikamaru (who had let the still-unconscious Naruto fall to the ground), Chouji, Sasuke, Kankuro and Lee to restrain Kiba from physically attacking Neji. Not because they were afraid Kiba would hurt the prodigy. Oh, no. They were more afraid that Neji would kill Kiba.
The Hyuuga prodigy, ignoring the scuffle, realized something again. He turned to his teammates.
"Where's Shino?"
"Are they still there?" Temari asked Hinata softly as they lay on their towels on the white sand, sunbathing in their bikinis. The moment they'd figured out the boys had gotten wind of their plan, they had formulated another plan. They would pretend they didn't know the boys were hiding and then catch them off-guard.
Hinata sat up, her face hidden from the view of the guys, and activated her Byakugan quietly. She nodded slightly before lying down once more. "Hai…" she replied quietly. "And now, Neji-nii-san joined them as well."
"Those guys!" Tenten growled. "Wait 'til I get my hands on them! And I thought they were one of the few decent men in Konoha!"
Ino giggled, poking Tenten's side. "Aww, c'mon, Tenten, aren't you glad Neji's seeing this side of you now?" she teased. "The side you hide under that pink vest and cargo pants."
"Yeah, he probably thinks I ditched training just because of this," the weapons specialist admitted. "He'll kill me…"
Temari rolled to her side, propping herself on her elbow, to face Tenten. "C'mon, girl, spit it out," she coaxed. "Don't you have any feelings for our dear Hyuuga?"
"Does the feeling of annoyance count?" Tenten rolled her eyes. The girls giggled.
"I can't believe you don't even have a crush on Neji," Sakura said lightly. "I mean, he's handsome, rich, and a genius. If I wasn't madly in love with Sasuke-kun, I'd probably be in love with him!"
The weapons mistress raised a slim eyebrow at her, "Well, just imagine the size of his ego, Sakura," she remarked wryly, "And besides, there are already a lot of girls vying for his attention. Why add myself to the group?"
"Because you're his sparring partner," Ino said, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "You're probably closer to him than any other girl."
Tenten shook her head. "Yeah, but that's about it," she told them, "He only sees me as a teammate or a partner. That's really difficult, you guys."
"I agree…" Sakura nodded slightly. "Sasuke-kun… He thinks this is all just a crush, infatuation etcetera… He doesn't know that I've gone over that level… That this isn't just a crush anymore…"
"Well, Uchiha is a bastard. Everyone knows that," Temari said matter-of-factly. "Actually, I'd have to say that Naruto is more open-minded on this issue than either Uchiha or Hyuuga."
"And speaking of Naruto—"
The girls suddenly stopped speaking when they heard a loud rustling sound behind them. Temari grinned at the others who nodded in return. They already knew what to do when it came to that point.
Sakura cleared her throat. "Shino-kun!" she called, inserting a playful tone in her voice. The girls all stifled their giggles.
The Aburame heir, oblivious to everything happening to him, turned and nodded slightly at the kunoichis in acknowledgement.
"Can you help us with these lotions?" Ino was speaking this time, keeping her voice sweet and nonchalant, "We're getting burned."
Shino wordlessly got up from his position then walked over to them. The kunoichis of Konoha and Suna grinned mischievously. Let's see what the boys would say now.
At the guys' place in the forest…
"What? What are they saying? I can't hear anything!" Naruto, who had finally woken up from his 'weight-induced' (it's a pun, people, at least, it's supposed to be…) stupor, was now trying to peek through the foliage of the plants, wanting to hear what the girls were talking about.
"Shut up, dobe!" Sasuke snapped irritably. He stood at the back of the group with Neji, Shikamaru, Chouji and Kankuro, who wanted to have nothing to do with this 'Peeping Tom' business. "If they hear us, we're done for!"
The Kyuubi smirked at him, looking every inch like a sly fox, "Aww… Is wittle Sasuke-wun afwaid of Sakura-chan?"
The Uchiha avenger shot him a lethal glare. "Why don't you say that again, dobe?"
"How many times do you want?"
"Shut up, both of you!" Neji hissed at both of them in annoyance. Not only was he irritated that he was dragged into this mess, he had to listen to these two pricks argue like cackling hens!
"…Neji, I think I just heard your name…" Lee said quietly, his eyes trained on the girls' back.
"What?"
"Lee said he thinks he just heard—"
"I know that," the Hyuuga prodigy cut Naruto off fiercely. "I just heard him say that!"
"Then why…"
"Just shut up, Naruto," Shikamaru said with a yawn. "Unless you want Neji to knock you out gain."
"Ssh!" Lee hissed at all of them and they stared at him expectantly. "I just heard Sasuke's name." The group looked almost accusingly at Sasuke who sweat-dropped. "I'm trying to hear… Oh, I didn't know that…"
"Know what, fuzzy eyebrows?" Sasuke fought the urge to grab Lee's lapels and throttle him.
"They're saying that you're a bastard and that everyone knows that fact of life," the taijutsu master said matter-of-factly, dodging a kunai courtesy of one irritated Uchiha and causing a loud rustling noise in the bushes. The other boys hissed at him. "And that Naruto is more open-minded than you and Neji-kun in the issues of love."
"What the hell…" Neji growled. How can they compare him, the Hyuuga genius who had mastered two jutsus reserved only for the Main Family, to the likes of Naruto?
Lee was looking thoughtful, ignoring the murderous vibes coming from his teammate. "But you know, I have to agree with the girls. I mean, the both of you are so blind when it comes to the girls who like you!"
"Like who, Lee?" Neji asked in his 'Don't-you-dare-think-this-is-a-joke-or-else-I'll-kill-you' voice.
But their conversation was promptly cut by Sakura's sweet voice calling, "Shino-kun!"
The men of Konoha and Suna all froze at the name and then pushed Chouji's, ahem, 'portly body' out of the away to peer through the thick foliage. Lo and behold, Shino was there, in his full 'long white jacket slash half-trench coat' glory, walking calmly to the giggling girls. Neji growled, Sasuke looked homicidal, Naruto's eyes widened, Lee paled, Shikamaru yawned, Chouji choked, Kiba gritted his teeth, and Kankuro snickered at the guys' reactions.
"Shino, that is unjust!" Lee said in a quiet voice. He couldn't shout anymore especially after Neji threatened to shred his green spandex if the girls found out about them. "You are not holy enough to touch Sakura-san like that!"
Sasuke raised a dark eyebrow at the taijutsu master but promptly shut up.
"Shino!" Waterfalls of tears were running down Kiba's face as he bit hard on a piece of towel he was holding. "No! You are not being fair! We both know how innocent Hinata-chan is!" Akamaru barked in agreement.
Neji shot the Inuzuka heir a dark glare before turning the glare to Naruto, whose ocean blue eyes were changing into crimson ones at the sight of Shino rubbing tanning lotion on Sakura and Hinata's backs. Now, if ever Naruto unleashed the Kyuubi in him, he (Neji) had to run for his dear life. Not because of the Kyuubi's large and intense chakra but because of the lethal damage the girls would do to them. It would be like having a PMS-ing Tsunade times five.
"Neji, did you know that Tenten is a girl?" Lee suddenly asked, disturbing the Hyuuga prodigy from his deep thoughts of how to run away unscathed.
The Byakugan-user looked at him sharply. "Of course, I know!" he retorted. "Isn't it obvious?"
But the taijutsu master just shook his head. "No," he said in a voice that almost sounded exasperated. Neji scowled at him. "What I mean is, Tenten's always the boyish type of girl, physically and psychologically, not like Hinata-san or Sakura-san, the embodiments of a true lady, or Ino-san or Temari-san who possess well-endowed 'gifts'."
Of course, our dear Hyuuga was wordless against the argument of his teammate. After all, Tenten does seem to be the type of girl who doesn't care whether a tea tree oil conditioner is better than a coconut oil one or which type of moisturizer is better for the skin.
He was then unaware that Kiba was practically gaping at Tenten, his eyes almost popping out of its sockets. "Dang, Lee, you never told me you have a teammate with curves!"
"I never knew myself," Lee replied matter-of-factly. This, of course, earned him a large knot on the head, courtesy of one Hyuuga Neji. The taijutsu master looked reproachfully at him. "What? Did I say something wrong?"
"You do realize that you've just insulted Tenten," Neji answered flatly, an eyebrow raised.
"Demo, Neji!" Lee whined, pouting childishly. Neji fought the urge to slam his face on a tree trunk. "Tell me the truth then; have you ever noticed that Tenten has been 'well-endowed' as well after all those years?" The Hyuuga turned into a pale pink genius. "See? Even you, with your sharp eyesight and Byakugan, didn't even see those! I mean, I've always thought her body was that of a boy's!"
"Obviously!" Neji was trying hard to fight down the rising blush on his face. "Why the hell would I even want to look at her anatomy?"
"Because you're a descendant of Adam and all descendants of Adam do that!" Naruto answered casually, receiving a sharp, painful kick on the shin from Neji, Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kankuro. "What? You guys must be gay since you don't like girls!"
"We respect them, there's a difference," Sasuke pointed out through gritted teeth.
Lee waved a hand at them impatiently. "Now, let's get back to our topic, Neji: Tenten."
"Remind me again why we're talking about her behind her back," Neji said wearily, a hand on his aching temple. Oh, how he would love to have a roll of duct tape and some ropes right now!
"Because we're trying to understand why we never noticed that she's a girl all along when she was 'well-endowed' with these gifts," the Green Beast of Konoha clone replied slowly as if explaining to a toddler. Neji could feel his headache, if possible, growing more painful.
"I know she's a girl, Lee," the Hyuuga said irritably. "What I don't understand is why you never knew!"
Much to the Byakugan-user's disdain and dismay, Lee grinned at him toothily. "So, you knew, eh, Neji?" he said with a suspicious snicker. "Well, the reason why I never knew is because I never had any gifts such as x-ray visions, while you, on the other hand…" Lee snickering was one of the nightmares Neji never wanted to encounter again. EVER! "You have the Byakugan and you say you always knew Tenten is a girl. Does that mean you've been trying to peek—"
The green-clad shinobi was promptly sent slamming into a large tree trunk by an annoyed Neji, "Don't you ever think of something as random as that, Lee!" he told the unconscious Leaf Nin.
On the other group of guys, Kiba and Naruto were up against Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kankuro as they argued about what guys 'do' on their free time.
"Which part of the 'we respect girls' don't you guys understand?" Shikamaru asked in a tired voice, yawning widely. "Is it the 'respect' part or the 'girls' part?"
"I therefore conclude that you guys are gay!" Kiba declared pompously, folding his arms across his chest. Sasuke scowled darkly at him. Aside from being called 'bastard' and 'arrogant prick', he really, really, and I mean REALLY, hated it when people call him the 'G-word'.
"Just because we don't do what you insane people do doesn't mean we're gays," Kankuro replied in a dangerously calm voice.
"Then prove it!" the blond Kyuubi dared the remaining men, minus Chouji, who was sitting on a stump eating; Lee, who was currently out cold; and Shino, who was still rubbing lotion on the girls' backs. In other words, namely Neji, Sasuke, Shikamaru and Kankuro. "Prove to us that you're not gays!"
"I don't think we need to prove anything to you, dobe," Sasuke responded coolly, clearly not amused.
"Hah! You're just scared!" Naruto taunted smugly. "That just proves that you guys are gays!"
Neji muttered something under his breath that included that words "kill", "two idiots", "mess", "gay" and "dead". Sasuke flexed his hands, itching to impale the two blabbering dunderheads on a tree. Shikamaru just wanted this to end so that he could return to his cloud-watching while Kankuro was eager to get back to their beach and away from the wrath of his sister. As usual, Chouji had no care in the world that didn't start with the letter 'f' and end with 'ood'. Well, actually, he does have a care, but only for one thing.
Just when the four shinobis were about to pounce and pummel and mince and reduce Naruto and Kiba into pulp, the portly ninja suddenly stood up from his seat and pointed out LOUDLY at something in the forest some several meters away from them.
"Hey, isn't that Jiraiya-sama and Kakashi-sensei?"
Silence…
…Then there was total chaos at the beach when all the people in a ten-meter radius heard the declaration of Chouji regarding the two most perverted people in Konoha. The girls jumped to their feet, grabbing and wrapping their towels around their barely-clad bodies. Temari let out a full-scale battle cry when Shino helpfully pushed away the foliage where the two older Nins were hiding.
"HENTAI!" the proud kunoichi of Suna shrieked loudly, rattling the birds in their nests and the animals in their shelter.
And, as if on cue to his older sister's cry, Gaara appeared in a whirlwind of sand, his arms folded across his chest and his face impassive and cold. Ah, the signs of a near-to-murder demon.
"Get them, Gaara!"
But the young Kazekage needed no more instructions from his beloved sister. The sand from his gourd automatically poured out and held the two almost-fleeing shinobis in place lightning fast. They were caught even before they could use the 'Kawarimi' or the 'Kage Bunshin'. He turned his aquamarine eyes on Temari.
"What shall I do with them, Temari?" he asked.
Temari slightly tilted her head to one side and Gaara nodded. Slowly, the sand started dragging the wailing Jiraiya and Kakashi on the ground, towards the kunoichis and Gaara.
"What do you want to do with them, girls?" Temari looked at the kunoichis of Konoha.
Tenten sighed before pulling out her stash of thin wires with her teeth, a kunai on one hand and a shuriken on the other. Sakura nodded then she and Ino performed a series of hand seals. Hinata just watched as the other girls inflicted pain, agony and torture to their beloved sensei and sannin. Kakashi and Jiraiya were also watching them in horror, finally regretting their idea of a Peeping Tom business. They were sure that Tsunade was even less sadistic than these kunoichis.
"Ready?"
The boys gulped as they stared at the legendary sannin of Konoha, who was an eligible candidate for Hokage, and the infamous Copy Kakashi, who was an ex-ANBU and a genius, hanging on top of the tallest palm tree on the beach on a thin wire. They were gagged, tied and had a painted sign hanging around their necks that said, "Perverts! Do not imitate them!".
"Hell hath no wrath like a woman insulted, offended and peeked at," Shikamaru said, still awestruck at what had happened to the great Jiraiya and Kakashi.
They were afraid to let them go (Jiraiya and Kakashi were motioning them to untie and cut the strings loose), mainly because they did not want to suffer torture and pain, inflicted by an irate kunoichi.
"I told you that what we were doing was suicide," Neji muttered under his breath. "Am I not right now?"
"And right you are, Neji!"
The shinobis froze then slowly, painstakingly turned around to face the dragon ladies of Konoha and Suna, still wrapped in their towels but looking as deadly as ever.
"It's amusing to know that you guys, who we thought were gentlemanly and courteous, are normal ones," Temari said lightly, a smirk on her face. "Meaning, you're perverts as well!"
"Damn, I should've known they knew we were here!" Sasuke said in a disconsolate voice.
"What do we do with them, girls?"
"I'll handle Neji!" Tenten said, a kunai spinning on her finger. The Hyuuga gulped inwardly.
"Sasuke and Naruto, I think we should talk!" Sakura said brightly, her fangs bared and her weapons held between her fingers. The avenger and Kyuubi paled.
"Ah, but Hinata-chan will save me, ne?" Naruto shouted brightly, grinning at the Hyuuga. Hinata glanced briefly at Sakura who shook her head. "Ne, Hinata-chan!"
Hinata bit her lower lip then slowly shook her head. "Gomen ne, Naruto-kun…"
Naruto looked like Heaven had just deserted him. "You!" He pointed an accusing finger at Temari. "You have polluted Hinata-chan's innocent mind!"
"Get a life, Naruto!"
Hinata pulled away her gaze from the wailing boy, then turned to Kiba. "I'm so sorry, Kiba-kun… demo…" She slowly pulled out a kunai almost hesitantly.
Kiba as well started wailing about how Temari and the other kunoichis had brainwashed Hinata.
"Do you want me to share Shikamaru with you, Temari?" Ino asked with a conspiratorial wink. Shikamaru shuddered. He knew what Ino was capable of doing and it was not just the 'Shintenshin no jutsu'.
"Nah, I have to handle my brother here!"
Kankuro and the rest of the boys looked like hell had just dawned their already miserable lives. They thought of running away as fast as they could. Unfortunately, luck and Gaara weren't on their side. Kankuro asked himself why Gaara didn't love him as much as he loved his sister.
"Chouji! What about CHOUJI!" Kiba yelled as he fruitlessly tried to pull himself from the grasp of Gaara's sand.
"Yeah! And LEE!" Naruto shouted too.
Tenten let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, Chouji was the one who shouted about Jiraiya-sama and Kakashi-sensei and he wasn't exactly peeking on us," she replied casually. "And Lee, he's unconscious right now but I'll show him what he deserves later, ne, Neji?"
Neji paled and swallowed with difficulty at his teammate. A smiling Tenten holding a kunai and strings wasn't really a safe Tenten.
"Let me just remind you what you and Lee were talking about earlier," the weapons mistress continued in a thoughtful voice. "How about that we start on that 'well-endowed' part, okay?"
Temari shook her head, her blonde locks moving from side to side on her shoulders. "One tip to get a girlfriend: Never insult their vital stats! I have to admit, Shikamaru was right about that 'Hell hath no fury like a woman insulted'."
"Shall we start then, girls?" Ino asked with an evil grin.
On the beach of The Homeless, Yacht-less Group a.k.a. Tsunade and her Jounins' group…
"TSUNADE-SAMA! TASUKETE KUDASAI!"
Kurenai frowned at Asuma, who was peering intently on his cards. He was playing Go Fish with Gai (who had replaced Gaara when he had suddenly left without any word). Tsunade and Shizune were on the stage.
"Did you hear that?" she asked the smoking Jounin.
"Hear what?"
"I think I just heard the boys cry out 'Tsunade-sama, tasukete kudasai'," the female Jounin replied promptly.
Asuma shrugged. "Probably just your imagination."
"Yeah… I guess…"
"Asuma!" Tsunade grinned at the Jounin widely. "Do you have any eights?"
Asuma glanced at his cards then shrugged. "Go fish, Hokage-sama."
"What?"
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