Chapter 37 Secrets Part III
Lily had run from the common room as fast as her feet could carry her after her confrontation with James, her thoughts spinning in her head in a dizzying blur. Once she'd reached the second floor corridor, Lily finally stopped running and drew in a deep breath, trying to compose herself before going to see the headmaster. After a few more deep breaths, Lily felt much more composed, but decided to give herself another few minutes before actually attempting to tell her complicated tale to Dumbledore.
Now that she felt a bit more calm, Lily realized that she shouldn't have reacted to James' remark about Snape the way that she had; James had no idea what was going on and hadn't meant the remark the way she'd taken it.
Though the logical part of her brain told her this, the rest of Lily's mind wasn't yet ready to talk to James about it. Lily had more important things to do, mainly go and see Dumledore about Snape before it was too late. Then maybe she would be in a fit state to explain everything to James in a somewhat rational way.
Resolved once again, Lily took another few seconds to make certain that she was calm, then made her way to Dumbledore's office.
"Lily," Dumbledore had said, sounding mildly surprised to see her, "Is something wrong?" Not waiting for any further invitation, Lily had blurted it all out, telling Dumbledore everything that had been said and done last night with the exception of one thing: she didn't give Dumbledore Snape's name. Though it couldn't possibly make a difference now, Lily was reluctant to break her promise to him.
As the words tumbled from Lily's mouth, Dumbledore's usually good-humored expression grew more and more grim until he looked as invincible as he had when Lily had come to warn him at the Wizengamot meeting.
"Lily," Dumbledore cut in urgently the moment Lily had finished, "am I correct in assuming that this person who warned you about the Ministry attack and threatened you last night is Severus Snape?" Lily nodded wordlessly, too surprised by this revelation to speak.
"And this summons that Mr. Snape spoke of is at midnight tonight?" Dumbledore pressed, his blazing eyes contradicting his seemingly casual demeanor.
"Yes," Uncertain, Lily found her voice. "Has Snape spoken to you about it?"
"I guessed," Dumbledore replied simply, answering Lily's unspoken question. And just for a moment, despite how serious the situation was, his eyes twinkled merrily at Lily.
"Oh." Lily was momentarily at a loss. "Good guess." Dumbledore gave Lily a small smile before turning back to the situation at hand.
"Since Severus believes that you have betrayed him and was desperate enough to threaten you last night, it might be best if you were to go somewhere that he would not think to look for you until the time for his meeting with Lord Voldemort has come and gone," Dumbledore advised Lily.
Lily hesitated; she hadn't talked to James yet and didn't want him to worry when he couldn't find her, yet what Dumbledore was saying made sense. "Maybe I could go to Hagrid's," Lily ventured at last.
"An excellent idea," Dumbledore nodded. "I'll tell him to expect you," he added, pulling parchment and a quill in front of him.
"Er – Professor?" Lily asked hesitantly once Dumbledore had finished his note, "What are you going to do to help Sn – Severus?"
"I will speak with Mr. Snape to see if I can persuade him to confide in me," Dumbledore replied as he gave the note to Fawkes to deliver.
"What if he won't?" Lily pressed. She felt suddenly desperate to know.
Dumbledore sighed deeply before replying. "Then there may be nothing more that I can do," Dumbledore's voice was heavy, his expression all of a sudden weary. "We all make choices, Lily, about what we wish to believe and who or what we wish to serve. If Severus has indeed made the choice to serve Voldemort, then we may be too late to save him."
Lily shook her head, instinctively denying these words. "I can't believe that there's nothing we can do to prevent Snape from being murdered," she stated vehemently.
"There is always something one can do to help, but we may indeed be too late to save Severus altogether," Dumbledore explained softly. "So little is known about Voldemort's inner circle; no one seems to know who is in it, what the rituals and codes, how the members interact with Voldemort or what goals they pursue on his behalf, and the Ministry has not even begun to – "Dumbledore broke off as a staccato knock sounded on the office door.
"Professor Dumbledore?" Professor Astral's muffled voice inquired.
"Just a moment," Dumbledore called out in his usual mild voice. He beckoned to Lily to follow him as he crossed the office, muttered a password Lily didn't catch to one of the portraits, and gestured Lily into the staircase through the portrait hole.
"Wait here until I've finished speaking to Professor Astral, then we will talk some more," Dumbledore said softly to Lily. As soon as Lily had stepped inside, Dumbledore closed the portrait hole and bid Professor Astral to enter. Lily waited in the dark of the staircase, lost in her own thoughts, until two familiar names caught her attention. Now avidly interested, Lily pressed her ear to the portrait and caught most of the professor's description of the fight between Snape and James.
After Astral had finished his tale and was receiving instructions from Dumbledore, Lily groaned inwardly and resisted the temptation to storm down the stairs and knock James and Snape's heads together until her hands hurt. What in the bloody hell had possessed James to act like some sort of bloody alpha male and go and pick on the one person who was just desperate enough right now to hurt him without caring about the consequences? And had Snape decided that facing execution at the hands of Lord Voldemort wasn't enough trouble for him and gone looking for a bit more?
Through her irritation, Lily heard the door close behind Professor Astral and immediately swung the portrait hole open once again. "Good heavens, girl!" the plump, offended-looking former headmaster in the portrait exclaimed. "Are you TRYING to squash me against the wall like an insect?" Lily ignored the vexed portrait and hurried over to Dumbledore.
"We haven't much time," Dumbledore told Lily quietly. "It would be best if you went to Hagrid's now, and I'll come and find you after I have spoken with Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled mischievously at Lily for a moment. "The plot thickens, eh, my dear?"
"The only things that're thick round here are James and Snape," Lily replied dryly before crossing to the portrait hole once again. "Good luck, sir."
"Thank you, Lily," Dumbledore's blue eyes danced. "I may need it."
* * *
James could hear murmuring voices and the shuffle of movement from within Dumbledore's office before the familiar voice called for him to enter. A cursory glance around the office, however, proved to James that he and the headmaster were alone. Deciding that Dumbledore must have been addressing one of the many portraits of Hogwarts' former headmasters that graced the office walls, James turned his attention to more pressing matters.
"Well, James," Dumbledore had been patiently waiting for James to complete his examination of the office, surveying him with his usual kind, inscrutable expression, "would you care to tell me what transpired between you and Severus Snape in the dungeon corridor?"
James heaved a deep breath before launching into his story, beginning with overhearing Snape and Lily's conversation in the Forbidden Forest the night before and ending with his confrontation of and subsequent duel with Snape. Of course, James had been forced to improvise on a few of the less savory facts; detention he would gladly risk to keep Snape away from Lily, but James refused to give Snape the satisfaction of having helped him obtain a life sentence in Azkaban.
Dumbledore remained silent for several moments after James had finished his story, his hands steepled on the desk in front of him, apparently lost in thought. Uncomfortable with the silence, James squirmed in his seat. Had his respect for Dumbledore's intelligence been a bit less keen, James would almost have believed that the headmaster hadn't heard a word he'd said.
"Is that everything you wish to tell me?" Dumbledore finally inquired in his usual mild tone. James jumped at the sound, having grown used to the silence.
"Er – yes, sir," James answered hesitantly. He'd been staring at a spot on the floor, but chanced a glance up at Dumbledore then and was startled at the intensity in Dumbledore's gaze as he regarded James. It was as though the headmaster was trying to learn all of James' secrets, secrets he had no intention of revealing.
Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, his eyes never wavering. "James, I am going to ask you to do something for me that will be entirely an act of faith on your part," the headmaster said quietly, the intensity in his eyes having crept into his tone. "I am going to ask you to leave this matter, and Severus Snape, alone."
James opened his mouth so quickly to protest this statement it was almost a reflex.
"I realize how difficult it will be for you, the most proactive of people, to do nothing when someone you care a great deal about seems to be in danger, and I cannot explain the matter to you further." Dumbledore went on with his uncanny perception; he seemed almost to read James' mind.
"I need more than that," James said in as level a tone as he could manage. "Can't you tell me something?"
Dumbledore merely shook his head. "A great deal is at stake," he said simply. "All I can ask is that you trust in me and in Miss Evans."
"All right," James assented reluctantly. "I do trust you, Professor," he added earnestly, not wanting Dumbledore to think that he didn't.
"Thank you, James," Dumbledore replied, his eyes twinkling slightly even though it was clear he was troubled. "You may send Mr. Snape in on your way out."
* * *
Snape approached Dumbledore's office with all the enthusiasm of someone attending his own execution. But that's later tonight, Snape thought with bitter humor.
Knowing that the chances that he would survive his meeting with his leader and mentor tonight gave Snape a feeling of rather reckless freedom; it couldn't possibly matter what he said or did now. Even if he murdered James Potter, told Dumbledore he was an interfering old goat, and burned Hogwarts to the ground, he wouldn't survive long enough to pay any of the consequences.
"Severus," Dumbledore said as soon as they were seated, "perhaps you'd care to tell me what transpired between yourself and James Potter?"
Though Dumbledore's tone was mild, it was immediately clear to Snape that the mildness was deceiving. Dumbledore's eyes were intent upon Snape's as though he was trying to read each and every one of Snape's secrets through them.
Warily, Snape gave his own carefully edited version of the events in the corridor, omitting anything to do with Potter's reasons for attacking him. Now, at least, Dumbledore would ask him questions about everything he'd left out, issue some punishment, and send him on his way. Snape had much bigger problems to contemplate than this trifling little corridor encounter with James Potter.
But Snape was wrong. As soon as he'd finished speaking, Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, his eye still boring into Snape's.
"Severus," Dumbledore began in an intense, quiet voice that was more effective than shouting or threats could ever hope to be, "is there anything else you wish to tell me?"
"No," Snape spoke quickly, too quickly, he realized the moment the words had left his mouth. "There is nothing, Professor," he amended in what he hoped was a more convincing manner. Pretending he was a normal student concerned only with how much detention he would receive for dueling in the corridor, Snape added: "Has Potter told you differently?"
"Let us not concern ourselves with that for the moment," Dumbledore waved aside the infraction. "There seems to be little point in discussing a comparatively minor problem that is symptomatic of a much larger one." After a deliberate pause, during which Severus remained silent, Dumbledore asked: "Did you threaten Lily Evans last night?"
"Yes," Snape admitted; clearly Dumbledore knew that he had or he would not have asked, and there was nothing to be gained by lying.
"Why, Severus?" Dumbledore pressed, a hint of intensity underlying his tone.
Snape assumed an indifferent air and shrugged his shoulders. "No particular reason, Headmaster."
"I see," Dumbledore wasn't fooled, Snape could tell. "Forgive me, Severus, for all of these questions I am asking you, but I have only one more: Are you in some sort of trouble, Severus?" Dumbledore probed gently.
And just for a moment, as Severus Snape stared into Dumbledore's kind, intent blue eyes, he could have sworn that Dumbledore knew everything, including who had told Evans about the Wizengamot plot and what he was going to be summoned for in only a few hours, and Snape could feel his confession and pleas for help on the tip of his tongue. Snape shook himself mentally. There was no possible way for Dumbledore to know any of it, not unless Evans had told him, and if she had, Dumbledore would have had no reason to ask Snape pointlessly vague questions.
His decision made, Snape pushed himself to his feet. "I'm afraid I don't know what you are referring to," he managed with a fair amount of composure. "But if I'm not needed here any longer, I'll return to the Slytherin common room. With your permission, of course," Snape looked the headmaster straight in the eye.
"Of course," Dumbledore replied after a moment. "But I ask you to remember, Severus, that you can come to me at any time if you find yourself to be in trouble," Dumbledore fixed Snape with another piercing gaze, rendering Snape so uncomfortable that he could only nod. Gathering his shredded composure, Snape made his way out of the headmaster's office and down the stairway.
Even if Dumbledore did know, it wouldn't change anything, Snape reflected as he hurried back to the common room. Dumbledore couldn't save him from what must inevitably come in only a few hours.
* * *
James hurried back to the Gryffindor common room in a numb state of shock. Drawing from his long experience as a Marauder, James' best estimate of the consequences of dueling in the corridors was a week's worth of detentions, at least. Yet he was walking out of Dumbledore's office scot-free. It boggled James' mind and went against every mischief-making experience he'd ever had. Something was definitely not right here.
And Lily! Where had she gone? Had Snape found her and carried out his threats? Effectively snapped out of his shock, James picked up his pace, running full out by the time the Fat Lady's portrait came into view.
But a search of the common room, library, and Great Hall as well as a thorough questioning of the seventh year girls present failed to turn up Lily. Frustrated and more than a bit concerned, James decided to do what he always did in times of stress: find Sirius.
But when a search of his dormitory failed to turn up Sirius, James, thoroughly frustrated with his lack of detective skills, decided to go and talk to Remus instead. At least he'd be easy to find; tonight was the second night of the full moon and if Remus wasn't in the hospital wing, James was fairly sure he'd have to be committed to St Mungo's. Desperate, James made his way to the hospital wing.
"Oy! Prongs!" a familiar voice called as James approached Remus' bed. Hardly believing his good fortune, James made his way round the curtain to face Sirius and Remus.
"Something the matter?" Sirius asked, lounging in a chair next to Remus' bed.
James glanced at the curtain, then at Sirius before soeaking, and Sirius nodded. He'd put a soundproofing spell on the curtain to ensure that Madam Pomfrey couldn't join the conversation. Satisfied, James took a deep breath and told his fellow Marauders everything that had happened since he'd left them that morning.
"Why would Lily react like that?" Remus frowned, puzzled.
"More importantly, why would Dumbledore let Prongs get away with dueling Snape?" Sirius pointed out. "Slimy as the little git is, that doesn't exactly sound like Dumbledore." He and James shared a quick, triumphant grin. There was nothing more satisfying than getting away with troublemaking.
"Well, I can't just sit here," James said restlessly, getting to his feet. "I've got to find Lily and get her to tell me what all this is about. Where's the map?"
"Peter has it," Sirius replied.
"What?!" James overreacted. "Well, where's Peter then?"
"Dunno," Sirius answered. "He didn't say. I think he's finally found himself a girl."
"Calm down, James," Remus put in tiredly, not at his peacekeeping best during the full moon.
"He didn't give you any idea?" James pressed.
"Gee, Prongs," Sirius quipped sarcastically, "let me just consult the crystal ball that I always keep in my arse for occasions such as this. How the bloody hell would I know where Peter is if he didn't tell me? That's why we made the bloody map!"
Before the confrontation could get ugly, James and Sirius were forced to swallow their rejoinders when Kathleen emerged from the other side of the curtain.
"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Kathleen asked as she flopped down next to Remus on the bed.
"No, not at all," Remus answered hastily as he put an arm round her.
"You haven't seen Lily about lately, have you?" James asked anxiously. Kathleen shook her head.
"Why? Is something wrong?" she asked, noticing the Marauders' grim expressions.
"Maybe," Remus replied. He, James, and Sirius exchanged glances. Kathleen knew an astonishing amount of Hogwarts gossip; it was very possible that she could be helpful. Quickly the Marauders filled Kathleen in on last night's and today's events, but before Kathleen could say anything, Madam Pomfrey threw open the curtain.
"All of you out! Mr. Lupin needs to rest now," the nurse ordered, her expression telling them all that she wouldn't stand for any nonsense. Noticing Remus and Kathleen reclining together on the bed, she shot the pair a scathing look
"I wouldn't worry too much," Kathleen said kindly to the Marauders as she stood up. "Not everything's the way it seems," she added cryptically over her shoulder as she made her way out of the hospital wing. Puzzled, James and Sirius stood and followed her, having their own full moon preparations to make.
"Why do I have the feeling that everyone knows something I don't?" James asked Sirius miserably.
"Because they do, mate," Sirius stated cheerfully, putting a comforting arm round his friend's shoulders.
* * *
Shrouded in a voluminous black hooded cloak, Snape crept out of the castle round eleven-thirty to meet his fate. He crossed the grounds silently and swiftly, making his way to the perimeter where he could safely Apparate to the Dark Lord's side.
After speaking to Dumbledore, Snape had spent the rest of the day locked in a study room in the Slytherin dungeons, raging against fate. He alternately wanted to kill Dumbledore and confide in him, wavered between believing and trusting Lily Evans and wanting to carry out his threat of last night.
He'd received a message from Evans that afternoon, brought by school owl. In her message, the Mudblood had said that she hadn't betrayed him and was thinking about him and if he returned to Hogwarts would he send her an owl so she would know he was all right. Snape hadn't known whether to be repelled or touched by her concern.
Safely off the grounds, Snape quickly withdrew his wand and Apparated to the prearranged location. The Dark Lord conducted his business from various properties that he owned as well as some owned by his supporters to prevent any one location from being conspicuous. Tonight Snape had been summoned to one of the Dark Lord's holdings that he knew from experience housed more intimate gatherings. A good atmosphere for an interrogation and execution.
Appearing with a pop in the foyer, Snape pulled back the hood of his cloak and glanced warily round him. Flickering candlelight cast eerie long shadows on the floor and left the corners in complete darkness. Snape gripped his wand convulsively; anything or anyone might be concealed in those corners. He fought to maintain a grip on his composure.
Footsteps echoed in the corridor, coming steadily closer to Snape. Drawing a steadying breath, Snape made certain that his wand was ready and his face was impassive in the precious seconds before the wizard making the footsteps was revealed to him.
A lone wizard entered the foyer, his pale hair gleaming in the candlelight. It took a moment before Snape recognized the figure as Lucius Malfoy.
"You are Severus Snape?" Malfoy queried. At Snape's affirmative nod, Malfoy's gaze sharpened and intensified on him, openly curious now. Shifting slightly, uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Snape wondered what exactly Malfoy had heard of him.
"The Dark Lord is in the library," Malfoy relayed his message, still studying Snape closely. "He wishes to see you directly." With that, Malfoy turned from Snape, his long, elegant cape whirling behind him, and Disapparated.
With nothing for it but to go and face Lord Voldemort, Snape made his way to the library, pausing just outside the slightly open door.
"Severus," the familiar high, cold voice said from inside the room, "do come in."
* * *
Lily shifted restlessly in her chair as she waited for Hagrid to play his hand. She, Hagrid, and Dumbledore had been playing Exploding Snap in Hagrid's cottage for the past two hours now, and Lily's head was most definitely not in the game. Nor, she suspected, were Dumbledore's or Hagrid's, but they had nothing to do but wait, and at least the card game kept their hands and minds somewhat occupied.
"Yer turn, Professor," Hagrid said at last, playing his card. But before Dumbledore could make his move, Artemis swooped in and dropped a letter in her mistress' lap. Abandoning all pretense of playing cards, Lily threw down her hand, which caused the whole deck to go up in flames, and tore open her letter, fanning smoke impatiently away from her eyes. Quickly scanning the brief message, Lily wordlessly handed the parchment to Dumbledore and smiled at Hagrid.
"All is well," the message had read, and had been signed "S.S" It gave them virtually no information, but then Lily hadn't even expected to receive the message, and she was so relieved that she couldn't help smiling, her first smile in two days.
"All's well that ends well, it seems," Dumbldore said, his eyes twinkling merrily. "Thank you for your hospitality, Hagrid, but I think it is time that Lily and I returned to the castle." After they had said their farewells to Hagrid and Lily had apologized profusely for the scorch marks that now covered his kitchen table, Lily and Dumbledore made their way across the silent grounds into the equally silent castle.
"I suppose we'll never know what made Voldemort change his mind about killing Snape," Lily said thoughtfully as she and Dumbledore prepared to part ways at the top of the staircase.
"Never say never, Lily," Dumbledore replied, smiling quizzically. "Mr. Snape seems to have certain qualms about Voldemort's cause, and perhaps one day he'll change his mind about where exactly his loyalties lie."
* * *
In the Slytherin dormitories, Severus Snape crept into his dormitory and slipped noiselessly into his bed. Too tense to sleep as of yet, Snape stared at the ceiling and went over the unexpected events of the past few hours.
Snape had taken his courage in hand when he entered the Dark Lord's library, prepared to die with dignity. Though his lord had not appeared to be overly malevolent toward him, Snape had been on his guard nonetheless, even when Voldemort had invited him to sit down and began to speak to him about an "extremely delicate matter."
It was only after Voldemort had finished speaking that it had hit Snape: he hadn't been summoned here to die. He had been summoned because Voldemort wanted his help.
"It's a matter of great discretion, Severus," Voldemort had said in his chilling voice. "And a matter I feel you are well suited to handle." Voldemort had then explained to Snape about Lestrange's foiled attack on the Wizengamot, telling him how the approaching Death Eaters had just managed to avoid an ambush because they had been warned off by one of the Dark Lord's sources inside the Ministry, who had told them that the Wizengamot had been alerted and the Aurors had been summoned.
"There are only a handful of people who knew about that attack," Voldemort had continued, his fury evident, "and one of them warned that old fool Dumbldore in time for him to slink away. There is a spy in our ranks, Severus, and I want you to find him. Many of the Death Eaters who were involved are at Hogwarts; it is likely that one of them is the culprit. I want you to find out who the spy is by any means necessary, and when you do, I want you to bring them to me."
Voldemort had given Snape further, detailed instructions, but Snape, relief coursing through his veins had heard very little of it. The time between the moment when he had known that he wasn't going to die and now, lying in his bed in the Slytherin dormitories, seemed surreal to Snape. He'd Apparated back to the outskirts of the school, crossed the grounds, detoured, against his better judgement, to the Owlery to send a message to Evans, then crept back into the dungeons.
Recalling his message to Evans, Snape frowned. He'd been given a second chance and had immediately risked it by communicating with the Mudblood; not a prudent move for someone Voldemort would be communicating closely with over the next few weeks. Still, he supposed he could chalk it up to a sort of celebration of survival; the Mudblood was the only one who knew about tonight's summons, and Snape had been unable to resist the temptation to share the news with somebody. He'd never have to have anything to do with her again.
In fact, Snape vowed to himself, he was going to dedicate himself more firmly to the Dark Lord's cause. Everything he'd done, all of the mistakes he's made recently, were in the past; he had a clean slate now and knew better than to make those same errors in judgement again. True, he now was in the difficult position of having to locate a spy who had in fact been himself, but better that he was conducting this investigation than someone else. He was sure that he could find an adequate solution to this dilemma once he gave it due consideration.
For the first time in nearly two weeks, Snape felt himself drift off into a natural, relaxed sleep. He had survived what had seemed to be certain death and Snape now had his life, and his loyalties, firmly back on track. Snape had been offered a second chance and he did not intend to squander it.
* * *
James stared into the common room fire, too tense to be at all drowsy. It was now past two o' clock in the morning, Lily still had not made an appearance in Gryffindor Tower, and James had probably never felt worse in his life.
Once Peter had finally reappeared shortly before the full moon, James had practically pounced on him in his eagerness to get the Marauder's Map. The map had revealed that Lily and Hagrid were in his cottage, and when James had checked the map later, it revealed that Dumbledore was with them. Relatively assured that Lily was safe from Snape, James had been able to turn his attention to his guilt over upsetting Lily and his confusion about the entire situation. Nothing seemed to make any sense, nor would any of the people involved tell James what was going on. There were secrets everywhere, including James' own, that were keeping him and Lily apart and James was finding that he was thoroughly tired of them.
So James had told Sirius and Peter his plan: he would leave their full moon adventure early, wait for Lily in the common room, and not let her leave until she told him what in the bloody hell was going on. Then James would apologize for whatever it was that he'd done to upset her so much and explain to Lily how exactly he'd overheard her conversation with Snape.
Peter and Sirius had been more supportive of his plan than James had thought they would be. In fact, neither of them had seemed excessively surprised or disturbed over the fact that James was about to reveal their deep, dark, illegal secret to his girlfriend. Sirius had shrugged philosophically and said he'd known it was only a matter of time, and Peter had pointed out that Lily seemed to be quite good at keeping a secret, so why should they have a problem trusting her? Relieved to have his mates' support, James had left them in Hogsmeade with Moony and had hurried as fast as he could back to the common room and his beautiful reunion with his girlfriend.
That had been close to five hours ago, and James, though he hated to admit it to himself, was beginning to lose hope. His obsessive checks of the Marauder's Map revealed that Lily was still in Hagrid's hut with Dumbledore and Hagrid; was she taking up residence there, for the love of Merlin?
James, now a bit caught up in masochistic fantasies of Lily leaving Hogwarts forever and him never seeing her again, that he didn't hear the portrait hole swing open. Lily was halfway to the girls' staircase before he realized it was her.
"Lily?" Turning at the sound of her name, Lily saw her exhausted, worried, puzzled-looking boyfriend slumped in a chair and felt the tears well up in her eyes. Suddenly, it didn't really matter to Lily exactly how he'd overheard her talking to Snape or that he'd acted like an arrogant, overprotective berk, she didn't want to be mad at James or keep any secrets from him.
"Lily?" James repeated, unsure what to do now. Lily hadn't moved; did this mean she was mad at him or that Snape had blinded or deafened her or maybe stolen her brain for some potion he was brewing?
Then suddenly Lily was walking toward him, and she was close enough now for James to see the tears in her eyes, which twisted the knife that he already felt was in his gut, and to see that she didn't look angry or hurt or like she'd been possessed by the devil, a.k.a. Severus Snape. Lily just looked like she'd had a very long day.
Wordlessly James got to his feet and held out his arms and Lily walked into them, squeezed him tight, and whispered: "I have something I want to tell you."
* * *
Lily sighed wearily as she finished telling James everything, from Snape's unexpected visit during her patrol to her adventure at the Ministry to Snape's summons to the message she'd received from him only minutes ago.
"Wow," James said finally, unable to think of anything else to say.
"That does seem to sum it up," Lily replied wryly, leaning back and closing her eyes. But the peace lasted only another thirty or so seconds until James had recovered from his shock enough to bombard Lily with dozens of questions.
Finally all of James' questions had been answered, and Lily was drowsily contemplating exactly how bad it would be for them if they were caught sleeping in the common room again when James broke the silence.
"Lily? There's something I want to show you."
Lily glanced up, about to ask James if it could wait till morning, when she saw the expression on his face and suddenly, Lily didn't feel quite as sleepy. "All right," she agreed hesitantly, and allowed James to take her hand.
James led Lily outside to the deserted grounds and finally stopped in front of the Whomping Willow.
"This is where Remus goes to transform every month," James explained a bit nervously. "You touch that little knot there," James pointed, "and it freezes the tree. The tunnel underneath leads all the way to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade. Remus has gone there every full moon since his first year, and since fifth year, Sirius, Peter, and I have gone with him." James glanced at Lily, who appeared confused.
"Peter pushes the knot in the tree," James continued, a bit nervous now, "and Sirius and I, we keep Moony in line. We call him Moony because that's when he transforms, during the full moon. And we call Peter Wormtail because he's a rat, Sirius is Padfoot, he's a big black dog, and I – I'm Prongs because I'm a stag. Sirius, Peter, and I – we're Animagi, Lily." With that, James closed his eyes and a moment later a stag, silvery in the moonlight, stood where James had been.
Lily sat speechless with amazement as James transformed back and explained everything to her, how they had done it, what they did in their animal forms, and how they had overheard her conversation with Snape last night. By the time James had finished his explanation, Lily had questions, and the two of them sat on the grass talking until the moon had waned and it began to grow light outside.
Sirius and Peter emerged from the Whomping Willow and transformed for Lily when she asked them to, then tactfully made their way back to the castle after reminding them that Madam Pomfrey would be along to collect Remus soon.
"So is that your deepest, darkest secret?" Lily asked, only half teasing, as she and James finally made their way back to the castle.
James frowned in concentration for so long that Lily, beginning to be alarmed, elbowed him firmly in the ribs. "Yes, it is," James said hastily, rubbing his sore ribcage. "You're not upset, are you?" James held his breath.
"I'm more amazed than anything," Lily replied truthfully. "I mean, sure, you're breaking loads of school rules, not to mention major wizarding laws, but it really is pretty amazing that three fifteen-year-old kids managed to pull off one of the most difficult existing pieces of magic." Lily broke off, considering what she had just said. "Clearly I've been spending too much time with you," she grimaced.
James grinned the cocky, superior grin that still infuriated her and held out his hand. "I really am pretty amazing when I consider it," he smirked, but it seemed somehow less obnoxious than it used to. Nevertheless, Lily rolled her eyes and debated for a moment as to whether or not she should slap him.
"Shut it, Potter, the giant squid is still available." Lily warned him, unable to stop smiling at him. Lily took James' hand and the two of them walked back to Hogwarts to get ready for their first class, neither of them minding the lack of sleep.
* * *
Author's Note:
Finally, the next chapter is done! This one took me a long time to do; I had trouble deciding how I wanted to do certain scenes, which is part of the reason it took me so long to update. Thank you everyone for your patience, not to mention all of your reviews, and I think it's safe to say that in a couple more weeks I'll have a bit more time for writing. As always, I hope you enjoy.
Lily had run from the common room as fast as her feet could carry her after her confrontation with James, her thoughts spinning in her head in a dizzying blur. Once she'd reached the second floor corridor, Lily finally stopped running and drew in a deep breath, trying to compose herself before going to see the headmaster. After a few more deep breaths, Lily felt much more composed, but decided to give herself another few minutes before actually attempting to tell her complicated tale to Dumbledore.
Now that she felt a bit more calm, Lily realized that she shouldn't have reacted to James' remark about Snape the way that she had; James had no idea what was going on and hadn't meant the remark the way she'd taken it.
Though the logical part of her brain told her this, the rest of Lily's mind wasn't yet ready to talk to James about it. Lily had more important things to do, mainly go and see Dumledore about Snape before it was too late. Then maybe she would be in a fit state to explain everything to James in a somewhat rational way.
Resolved once again, Lily took another few seconds to make certain that she was calm, then made her way to Dumbledore's office.
"Lily," Dumbledore had said, sounding mildly surprised to see her, "Is something wrong?" Not waiting for any further invitation, Lily had blurted it all out, telling Dumbledore everything that had been said and done last night with the exception of one thing: she didn't give Dumbledore Snape's name. Though it couldn't possibly make a difference now, Lily was reluctant to break her promise to him.
As the words tumbled from Lily's mouth, Dumbledore's usually good-humored expression grew more and more grim until he looked as invincible as he had when Lily had come to warn him at the Wizengamot meeting.
"Lily," Dumbledore cut in urgently the moment Lily had finished, "am I correct in assuming that this person who warned you about the Ministry attack and threatened you last night is Severus Snape?" Lily nodded wordlessly, too surprised by this revelation to speak.
"And this summons that Mr. Snape spoke of is at midnight tonight?" Dumbledore pressed, his blazing eyes contradicting his seemingly casual demeanor.
"Yes," Uncertain, Lily found her voice. "Has Snape spoken to you about it?"
"I guessed," Dumbledore replied simply, answering Lily's unspoken question. And just for a moment, despite how serious the situation was, his eyes twinkled merrily at Lily.
"Oh." Lily was momentarily at a loss. "Good guess." Dumbledore gave Lily a small smile before turning back to the situation at hand.
"Since Severus believes that you have betrayed him and was desperate enough to threaten you last night, it might be best if you were to go somewhere that he would not think to look for you until the time for his meeting with Lord Voldemort has come and gone," Dumbledore advised Lily.
Lily hesitated; she hadn't talked to James yet and didn't want him to worry when he couldn't find her, yet what Dumbledore was saying made sense. "Maybe I could go to Hagrid's," Lily ventured at last.
"An excellent idea," Dumbledore nodded. "I'll tell him to expect you," he added, pulling parchment and a quill in front of him.
"Er – Professor?" Lily asked hesitantly once Dumbledore had finished his note, "What are you going to do to help Sn – Severus?"
"I will speak with Mr. Snape to see if I can persuade him to confide in me," Dumbledore replied as he gave the note to Fawkes to deliver.
"What if he won't?" Lily pressed. She felt suddenly desperate to know.
Dumbledore sighed deeply before replying. "Then there may be nothing more that I can do," Dumbledore's voice was heavy, his expression all of a sudden weary. "We all make choices, Lily, about what we wish to believe and who or what we wish to serve. If Severus has indeed made the choice to serve Voldemort, then we may be too late to save him."
Lily shook her head, instinctively denying these words. "I can't believe that there's nothing we can do to prevent Snape from being murdered," she stated vehemently.
"There is always something one can do to help, but we may indeed be too late to save Severus altogether," Dumbledore explained softly. "So little is known about Voldemort's inner circle; no one seems to know who is in it, what the rituals and codes, how the members interact with Voldemort or what goals they pursue on his behalf, and the Ministry has not even begun to – "Dumbledore broke off as a staccato knock sounded on the office door.
"Professor Dumbledore?" Professor Astral's muffled voice inquired.
"Just a moment," Dumbledore called out in his usual mild voice. He beckoned to Lily to follow him as he crossed the office, muttered a password Lily didn't catch to one of the portraits, and gestured Lily into the staircase through the portrait hole.
"Wait here until I've finished speaking to Professor Astral, then we will talk some more," Dumbledore said softly to Lily. As soon as Lily had stepped inside, Dumbledore closed the portrait hole and bid Professor Astral to enter. Lily waited in the dark of the staircase, lost in her own thoughts, until two familiar names caught her attention. Now avidly interested, Lily pressed her ear to the portrait and caught most of the professor's description of the fight between Snape and James.
After Astral had finished his tale and was receiving instructions from Dumbledore, Lily groaned inwardly and resisted the temptation to storm down the stairs and knock James and Snape's heads together until her hands hurt. What in the bloody hell had possessed James to act like some sort of bloody alpha male and go and pick on the one person who was just desperate enough right now to hurt him without caring about the consequences? And had Snape decided that facing execution at the hands of Lord Voldemort wasn't enough trouble for him and gone looking for a bit more?
Through her irritation, Lily heard the door close behind Professor Astral and immediately swung the portrait hole open once again. "Good heavens, girl!" the plump, offended-looking former headmaster in the portrait exclaimed. "Are you TRYING to squash me against the wall like an insect?" Lily ignored the vexed portrait and hurried over to Dumbledore.
"We haven't much time," Dumbledore told Lily quietly. "It would be best if you went to Hagrid's now, and I'll come and find you after I have spoken with Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape." Dumbledore's eyes twinkled mischievously at Lily for a moment. "The plot thickens, eh, my dear?"
"The only things that're thick round here are James and Snape," Lily replied dryly before crossing to the portrait hole once again. "Good luck, sir."
"Thank you, Lily," Dumbledore's blue eyes danced. "I may need it."
* * *
James could hear murmuring voices and the shuffle of movement from within Dumbledore's office before the familiar voice called for him to enter. A cursory glance around the office, however, proved to James that he and the headmaster were alone. Deciding that Dumbledore must have been addressing one of the many portraits of Hogwarts' former headmasters that graced the office walls, James turned his attention to more pressing matters.
"Well, James," Dumbledore had been patiently waiting for James to complete his examination of the office, surveying him with his usual kind, inscrutable expression, "would you care to tell me what transpired between you and Severus Snape in the dungeon corridor?"
James heaved a deep breath before launching into his story, beginning with overhearing Snape and Lily's conversation in the Forbidden Forest the night before and ending with his confrontation of and subsequent duel with Snape. Of course, James had been forced to improvise on a few of the less savory facts; detention he would gladly risk to keep Snape away from Lily, but James refused to give Snape the satisfaction of having helped him obtain a life sentence in Azkaban.
Dumbledore remained silent for several moments after James had finished his story, his hands steepled on the desk in front of him, apparently lost in thought. Uncomfortable with the silence, James squirmed in his seat. Had his respect for Dumbledore's intelligence been a bit less keen, James would almost have believed that the headmaster hadn't heard a word he'd said.
"Is that everything you wish to tell me?" Dumbledore finally inquired in his usual mild tone. James jumped at the sound, having grown used to the silence.
"Er – yes, sir," James answered hesitantly. He'd been staring at a spot on the floor, but chanced a glance up at Dumbledore then and was startled at the intensity in Dumbledore's gaze as he regarded James. It was as though the headmaster was trying to learn all of James' secrets, secrets he had no intention of revealing.
Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, his eyes never wavering. "James, I am going to ask you to do something for me that will be entirely an act of faith on your part," the headmaster said quietly, the intensity in his eyes having crept into his tone. "I am going to ask you to leave this matter, and Severus Snape, alone."
James opened his mouth so quickly to protest this statement it was almost a reflex.
"I realize how difficult it will be for you, the most proactive of people, to do nothing when someone you care a great deal about seems to be in danger, and I cannot explain the matter to you further." Dumbledore went on with his uncanny perception; he seemed almost to read James' mind.
"I need more than that," James said in as level a tone as he could manage. "Can't you tell me something?"
Dumbledore merely shook his head. "A great deal is at stake," he said simply. "All I can ask is that you trust in me and in Miss Evans."
"All right," James assented reluctantly. "I do trust you, Professor," he added earnestly, not wanting Dumbledore to think that he didn't.
"Thank you, James," Dumbledore replied, his eyes twinkling slightly even though it was clear he was troubled. "You may send Mr. Snape in on your way out."
* * *
Snape approached Dumbledore's office with all the enthusiasm of someone attending his own execution. But that's later tonight, Snape thought with bitter humor.
Knowing that the chances that he would survive his meeting with his leader and mentor tonight gave Snape a feeling of rather reckless freedom; it couldn't possibly matter what he said or did now. Even if he murdered James Potter, told Dumbledore he was an interfering old goat, and burned Hogwarts to the ground, he wouldn't survive long enough to pay any of the consequences.
"Severus," Dumbledore said as soon as they were seated, "perhaps you'd care to tell me what transpired between yourself and James Potter?"
Though Dumbledore's tone was mild, it was immediately clear to Snape that the mildness was deceiving. Dumbledore's eyes were intent upon Snape's as though he was trying to read each and every one of Snape's secrets through them.
Warily, Snape gave his own carefully edited version of the events in the corridor, omitting anything to do with Potter's reasons for attacking him. Now, at least, Dumbledore would ask him questions about everything he'd left out, issue some punishment, and send him on his way. Snape had much bigger problems to contemplate than this trifling little corridor encounter with James Potter.
But Snape was wrong. As soon as he'd finished speaking, Dumbledore leaned forward slightly, his eye still boring into Snape's.
"Severus," Dumbledore began in an intense, quiet voice that was more effective than shouting or threats could ever hope to be, "is there anything else you wish to tell me?"
"No," Snape spoke quickly, too quickly, he realized the moment the words had left his mouth. "There is nothing, Professor," he amended in what he hoped was a more convincing manner. Pretending he was a normal student concerned only with how much detention he would receive for dueling in the corridor, Snape added: "Has Potter told you differently?"
"Let us not concern ourselves with that for the moment," Dumbledore waved aside the infraction. "There seems to be little point in discussing a comparatively minor problem that is symptomatic of a much larger one." After a deliberate pause, during which Severus remained silent, Dumbledore asked: "Did you threaten Lily Evans last night?"
"Yes," Snape admitted; clearly Dumbledore knew that he had or he would not have asked, and there was nothing to be gained by lying.
"Why, Severus?" Dumbledore pressed, a hint of intensity underlying his tone.
Snape assumed an indifferent air and shrugged his shoulders. "No particular reason, Headmaster."
"I see," Dumbledore wasn't fooled, Snape could tell. "Forgive me, Severus, for all of these questions I am asking you, but I have only one more: Are you in some sort of trouble, Severus?" Dumbledore probed gently.
And just for a moment, as Severus Snape stared into Dumbledore's kind, intent blue eyes, he could have sworn that Dumbledore knew everything, including who had told Evans about the Wizengamot plot and what he was going to be summoned for in only a few hours, and Snape could feel his confession and pleas for help on the tip of his tongue. Snape shook himself mentally. There was no possible way for Dumbledore to know any of it, not unless Evans had told him, and if she had, Dumbledore would have had no reason to ask Snape pointlessly vague questions.
His decision made, Snape pushed himself to his feet. "I'm afraid I don't know what you are referring to," he managed with a fair amount of composure. "But if I'm not needed here any longer, I'll return to the Slytherin common room. With your permission, of course," Snape looked the headmaster straight in the eye.
"Of course," Dumbledore replied after a moment. "But I ask you to remember, Severus, that you can come to me at any time if you find yourself to be in trouble," Dumbledore fixed Snape with another piercing gaze, rendering Snape so uncomfortable that he could only nod. Gathering his shredded composure, Snape made his way out of the headmaster's office and down the stairway.
Even if Dumbledore did know, it wouldn't change anything, Snape reflected as he hurried back to the common room. Dumbledore couldn't save him from what must inevitably come in only a few hours.
* * *
James hurried back to the Gryffindor common room in a numb state of shock. Drawing from his long experience as a Marauder, James' best estimate of the consequences of dueling in the corridors was a week's worth of detentions, at least. Yet he was walking out of Dumbledore's office scot-free. It boggled James' mind and went against every mischief-making experience he'd ever had. Something was definitely not right here.
And Lily! Where had she gone? Had Snape found her and carried out his threats? Effectively snapped out of his shock, James picked up his pace, running full out by the time the Fat Lady's portrait came into view.
But a search of the common room, library, and Great Hall as well as a thorough questioning of the seventh year girls present failed to turn up Lily. Frustrated and more than a bit concerned, James decided to do what he always did in times of stress: find Sirius.
But when a search of his dormitory failed to turn up Sirius, James, thoroughly frustrated with his lack of detective skills, decided to go and talk to Remus instead. At least he'd be easy to find; tonight was the second night of the full moon and if Remus wasn't in the hospital wing, James was fairly sure he'd have to be committed to St Mungo's. Desperate, James made his way to the hospital wing.
"Oy! Prongs!" a familiar voice called as James approached Remus' bed. Hardly believing his good fortune, James made his way round the curtain to face Sirius and Remus.
"Something the matter?" Sirius asked, lounging in a chair next to Remus' bed.
James glanced at the curtain, then at Sirius before soeaking, and Sirius nodded. He'd put a soundproofing spell on the curtain to ensure that Madam Pomfrey couldn't join the conversation. Satisfied, James took a deep breath and told his fellow Marauders everything that had happened since he'd left them that morning.
"Why would Lily react like that?" Remus frowned, puzzled.
"More importantly, why would Dumbledore let Prongs get away with dueling Snape?" Sirius pointed out. "Slimy as the little git is, that doesn't exactly sound like Dumbledore." He and James shared a quick, triumphant grin. There was nothing more satisfying than getting away with troublemaking.
"Well, I can't just sit here," James said restlessly, getting to his feet. "I've got to find Lily and get her to tell me what all this is about. Where's the map?"
"Peter has it," Sirius replied.
"What?!" James overreacted. "Well, where's Peter then?"
"Dunno," Sirius answered. "He didn't say. I think he's finally found himself a girl."
"Calm down, James," Remus put in tiredly, not at his peacekeeping best during the full moon.
"He didn't give you any idea?" James pressed.
"Gee, Prongs," Sirius quipped sarcastically, "let me just consult the crystal ball that I always keep in my arse for occasions such as this. How the bloody hell would I know where Peter is if he didn't tell me? That's why we made the bloody map!"
Before the confrontation could get ugly, James and Sirius were forced to swallow their rejoinders when Kathleen emerged from the other side of the curtain.
"I'm not interrupting, am I?" Kathleen asked as she flopped down next to Remus on the bed.
"No, not at all," Remus answered hastily as he put an arm round her.
"You haven't seen Lily about lately, have you?" James asked anxiously. Kathleen shook her head.
"Why? Is something wrong?" she asked, noticing the Marauders' grim expressions.
"Maybe," Remus replied. He, James, and Sirius exchanged glances. Kathleen knew an astonishing amount of Hogwarts gossip; it was very possible that she could be helpful. Quickly the Marauders filled Kathleen in on last night's and today's events, but before Kathleen could say anything, Madam Pomfrey threw open the curtain.
"All of you out! Mr. Lupin needs to rest now," the nurse ordered, her expression telling them all that she wouldn't stand for any nonsense. Noticing Remus and Kathleen reclining together on the bed, she shot the pair a scathing look
"I wouldn't worry too much," Kathleen said kindly to the Marauders as she stood up. "Not everything's the way it seems," she added cryptically over her shoulder as she made her way out of the hospital wing. Puzzled, James and Sirius stood and followed her, having their own full moon preparations to make.
"Why do I have the feeling that everyone knows something I don't?" James asked Sirius miserably.
"Because they do, mate," Sirius stated cheerfully, putting a comforting arm round his friend's shoulders.
* * *
Shrouded in a voluminous black hooded cloak, Snape crept out of the castle round eleven-thirty to meet his fate. He crossed the grounds silently and swiftly, making his way to the perimeter where he could safely Apparate to the Dark Lord's side.
After speaking to Dumbledore, Snape had spent the rest of the day locked in a study room in the Slytherin dungeons, raging against fate. He alternately wanted to kill Dumbledore and confide in him, wavered between believing and trusting Lily Evans and wanting to carry out his threat of last night.
He'd received a message from Evans that afternoon, brought by school owl. In her message, the Mudblood had said that she hadn't betrayed him and was thinking about him and if he returned to Hogwarts would he send her an owl so she would know he was all right. Snape hadn't known whether to be repelled or touched by her concern.
Safely off the grounds, Snape quickly withdrew his wand and Apparated to the prearranged location. The Dark Lord conducted his business from various properties that he owned as well as some owned by his supporters to prevent any one location from being conspicuous. Tonight Snape had been summoned to one of the Dark Lord's holdings that he knew from experience housed more intimate gatherings. A good atmosphere for an interrogation and execution.
Appearing with a pop in the foyer, Snape pulled back the hood of his cloak and glanced warily round him. Flickering candlelight cast eerie long shadows on the floor and left the corners in complete darkness. Snape gripped his wand convulsively; anything or anyone might be concealed in those corners. He fought to maintain a grip on his composure.
Footsteps echoed in the corridor, coming steadily closer to Snape. Drawing a steadying breath, Snape made certain that his wand was ready and his face was impassive in the precious seconds before the wizard making the footsteps was revealed to him.
A lone wizard entered the foyer, his pale hair gleaming in the candlelight. It took a moment before Snape recognized the figure as Lucius Malfoy.
"You are Severus Snape?" Malfoy queried. At Snape's affirmative nod, Malfoy's gaze sharpened and intensified on him, openly curious now. Shifting slightly, uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Snape wondered what exactly Malfoy had heard of him.
"The Dark Lord is in the library," Malfoy relayed his message, still studying Snape closely. "He wishes to see you directly." With that, Malfoy turned from Snape, his long, elegant cape whirling behind him, and Disapparated.
With nothing for it but to go and face Lord Voldemort, Snape made his way to the library, pausing just outside the slightly open door.
"Severus," the familiar high, cold voice said from inside the room, "do come in."
* * *
Lily shifted restlessly in her chair as she waited for Hagrid to play his hand. She, Hagrid, and Dumbledore had been playing Exploding Snap in Hagrid's cottage for the past two hours now, and Lily's head was most definitely not in the game. Nor, she suspected, were Dumbledore's or Hagrid's, but they had nothing to do but wait, and at least the card game kept their hands and minds somewhat occupied.
"Yer turn, Professor," Hagrid said at last, playing his card. But before Dumbledore could make his move, Artemis swooped in and dropped a letter in her mistress' lap. Abandoning all pretense of playing cards, Lily threw down her hand, which caused the whole deck to go up in flames, and tore open her letter, fanning smoke impatiently away from her eyes. Quickly scanning the brief message, Lily wordlessly handed the parchment to Dumbledore and smiled at Hagrid.
"All is well," the message had read, and had been signed "S.S" It gave them virtually no information, but then Lily hadn't even expected to receive the message, and she was so relieved that she couldn't help smiling, her first smile in two days.
"All's well that ends well, it seems," Dumbldore said, his eyes twinkling merrily. "Thank you for your hospitality, Hagrid, but I think it is time that Lily and I returned to the castle." After they had said their farewells to Hagrid and Lily had apologized profusely for the scorch marks that now covered his kitchen table, Lily and Dumbledore made their way across the silent grounds into the equally silent castle.
"I suppose we'll never know what made Voldemort change his mind about killing Snape," Lily said thoughtfully as she and Dumbledore prepared to part ways at the top of the staircase.
"Never say never, Lily," Dumbledore replied, smiling quizzically. "Mr. Snape seems to have certain qualms about Voldemort's cause, and perhaps one day he'll change his mind about where exactly his loyalties lie."
* * *
In the Slytherin dormitories, Severus Snape crept into his dormitory and slipped noiselessly into his bed. Too tense to sleep as of yet, Snape stared at the ceiling and went over the unexpected events of the past few hours.
Snape had taken his courage in hand when he entered the Dark Lord's library, prepared to die with dignity. Though his lord had not appeared to be overly malevolent toward him, Snape had been on his guard nonetheless, even when Voldemort had invited him to sit down and began to speak to him about an "extremely delicate matter."
It was only after Voldemort had finished speaking that it had hit Snape: he hadn't been summoned here to die. He had been summoned because Voldemort wanted his help.
"It's a matter of great discretion, Severus," Voldemort had said in his chilling voice. "And a matter I feel you are well suited to handle." Voldemort had then explained to Snape about Lestrange's foiled attack on the Wizengamot, telling him how the approaching Death Eaters had just managed to avoid an ambush because they had been warned off by one of the Dark Lord's sources inside the Ministry, who had told them that the Wizengamot had been alerted and the Aurors had been summoned.
"There are only a handful of people who knew about that attack," Voldemort had continued, his fury evident, "and one of them warned that old fool Dumbldore in time for him to slink away. There is a spy in our ranks, Severus, and I want you to find him. Many of the Death Eaters who were involved are at Hogwarts; it is likely that one of them is the culprit. I want you to find out who the spy is by any means necessary, and when you do, I want you to bring them to me."
Voldemort had given Snape further, detailed instructions, but Snape, relief coursing through his veins had heard very little of it. The time between the moment when he had known that he wasn't going to die and now, lying in his bed in the Slytherin dormitories, seemed surreal to Snape. He'd Apparated back to the outskirts of the school, crossed the grounds, detoured, against his better judgement, to the Owlery to send a message to Evans, then crept back into the dungeons.
Recalling his message to Evans, Snape frowned. He'd been given a second chance and had immediately risked it by communicating with the Mudblood; not a prudent move for someone Voldemort would be communicating closely with over the next few weeks. Still, he supposed he could chalk it up to a sort of celebration of survival; the Mudblood was the only one who knew about tonight's summons, and Snape had been unable to resist the temptation to share the news with somebody. He'd never have to have anything to do with her again.
In fact, Snape vowed to himself, he was going to dedicate himself more firmly to the Dark Lord's cause. Everything he'd done, all of the mistakes he's made recently, were in the past; he had a clean slate now and knew better than to make those same errors in judgement again. True, he now was in the difficult position of having to locate a spy who had in fact been himself, but better that he was conducting this investigation than someone else. He was sure that he could find an adequate solution to this dilemma once he gave it due consideration.
For the first time in nearly two weeks, Snape felt himself drift off into a natural, relaxed sleep. He had survived what had seemed to be certain death and Snape now had his life, and his loyalties, firmly back on track. Snape had been offered a second chance and he did not intend to squander it.
* * *
James stared into the common room fire, too tense to be at all drowsy. It was now past two o' clock in the morning, Lily still had not made an appearance in Gryffindor Tower, and James had probably never felt worse in his life.
Once Peter had finally reappeared shortly before the full moon, James had practically pounced on him in his eagerness to get the Marauder's Map. The map had revealed that Lily and Hagrid were in his cottage, and when James had checked the map later, it revealed that Dumbledore was with them. Relatively assured that Lily was safe from Snape, James had been able to turn his attention to his guilt over upsetting Lily and his confusion about the entire situation. Nothing seemed to make any sense, nor would any of the people involved tell James what was going on. There were secrets everywhere, including James' own, that were keeping him and Lily apart and James was finding that he was thoroughly tired of them.
So James had told Sirius and Peter his plan: he would leave their full moon adventure early, wait for Lily in the common room, and not let her leave until she told him what in the bloody hell was going on. Then James would apologize for whatever it was that he'd done to upset her so much and explain to Lily how exactly he'd overheard her conversation with Snape.
Peter and Sirius had been more supportive of his plan than James had thought they would be. In fact, neither of them had seemed excessively surprised or disturbed over the fact that James was about to reveal their deep, dark, illegal secret to his girlfriend. Sirius had shrugged philosophically and said he'd known it was only a matter of time, and Peter had pointed out that Lily seemed to be quite good at keeping a secret, so why should they have a problem trusting her? Relieved to have his mates' support, James had left them in Hogsmeade with Moony and had hurried as fast as he could back to the common room and his beautiful reunion with his girlfriend.
That had been close to five hours ago, and James, though he hated to admit it to himself, was beginning to lose hope. His obsessive checks of the Marauder's Map revealed that Lily was still in Hagrid's hut with Dumbledore and Hagrid; was she taking up residence there, for the love of Merlin?
James, now a bit caught up in masochistic fantasies of Lily leaving Hogwarts forever and him never seeing her again, that he didn't hear the portrait hole swing open. Lily was halfway to the girls' staircase before he realized it was her.
"Lily?" Turning at the sound of her name, Lily saw her exhausted, worried, puzzled-looking boyfriend slumped in a chair and felt the tears well up in her eyes. Suddenly, it didn't really matter to Lily exactly how he'd overheard her talking to Snape or that he'd acted like an arrogant, overprotective berk, she didn't want to be mad at James or keep any secrets from him.
"Lily?" James repeated, unsure what to do now. Lily hadn't moved; did this mean she was mad at him or that Snape had blinded or deafened her or maybe stolen her brain for some potion he was brewing?
Then suddenly Lily was walking toward him, and she was close enough now for James to see the tears in her eyes, which twisted the knife that he already felt was in his gut, and to see that she didn't look angry or hurt or like she'd been possessed by the devil, a.k.a. Severus Snape. Lily just looked like she'd had a very long day.
Wordlessly James got to his feet and held out his arms and Lily walked into them, squeezed him tight, and whispered: "I have something I want to tell you."
* * *
Lily sighed wearily as she finished telling James everything, from Snape's unexpected visit during her patrol to her adventure at the Ministry to Snape's summons to the message she'd received from him only minutes ago.
"Wow," James said finally, unable to think of anything else to say.
"That does seem to sum it up," Lily replied wryly, leaning back and closing her eyes. But the peace lasted only another thirty or so seconds until James had recovered from his shock enough to bombard Lily with dozens of questions.
Finally all of James' questions had been answered, and Lily was drowsily contemplating exactly how bad it would be for them if they were caught sleeping in the common room again when James broke the silence.
"Lily? There's something I want to show you."
Lily glanced up, about to ask James if it could wait till morning, when she saw the expression on his face and suddenly, Lily didn't feel quite as sleepy. "All right," she agreed hesitantly, and allowed James to take her hand.
James led Lily outside to the deserted grounds and finally stopped in front of the Whomping Willow.
"This is where Remus goes to transform every month," James explained a bit nervously. "You touch that little knot there," James pointed, "and it freezes the tree. The tunnel underneath leads all the way to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade. Remus has gone there every full moon since his first year, and since fifth year, Sirius, Peter, and I have gone with him." James glanced at Lily, who appeared confused.
"Peter pushes the knot in the tree," James continued, a bit nervous now, "and Sirius and I, we keep Moony in line. We call him Moony because that's when he transforms, during the full moon. And we call Peter Wormtail because he's a rat, Sirius is Padfoot, he's a big black dog, and I – I'm Prongs because I'm a stag. Sirius, Peter, and I – we're Animagi, Lily." With that, James closed his eyes and a moment later a stag, silvery in the moonlight, stood where James had been.
Lily sat speechless with amazement as James transformed back and explained everything to her, how they had done it, what they did in their animal forms, and how they had overheard her conversation with Snape last night. By the time James had finished his explanation, Lily had questions, and the two of them sat on the grass talking until the moon had waned and it began to grow light outside.
Sirius and Peter emerged from the Whomping Willow and transformed for Lily when she asked them to, then tactfully made their way back to the castle after reminding them that Madam Pomfrey would be along to collect Remus soon.
"So is that your deepest, darkest secret?" Lily asked, only half teasing, as she and James finally made their way back to the castle.
James frowned in concentration for so long that Lily, beginning to be alarmed, elbowed him firmly in the ribs. "Yes, it is," James said hastily, rubbing his sore ribcage. "You're not upset, are you?" James held his breath.
"I'm more amazed than anything," Lily replied truthfully. "I mean, sure, you're breaking loads of school rules, not to mention major wizarding laws, but it really is pretty amazing that three fifteen-year-old kids managed to pull off one of the most difficult existing pieces of magic." Lily broke off, considering what she had just said. "Clearly I've been spending too much time with you," she grimaced.
James grinned the cocky, superior grin that still infuriated her and held out his hand. "I really am pretty amazing when I consider it," he smirked, but it seemed somehow less obnoxious than it used to. Nevertheless, Lily rolled her eyes and debated for a moment as to whether or not she should slap him.
"Shut it, Potter, the giant squid is still available." Lily warned him, unable to stop smiling at him. Lily took James' hand and the two of them walked back to Hogwarts to get ready for their first class, neither of them minding the lack of sleep.
* * *
Author's Note:
Finally, the next chapter is done! This one took me a long time to do; I had trouble deciding how I wanted to do certain scenes, which is part of the reason it took me so long to update. Thank you everyone for your patience, not to mention all of your reviews, and I think it's safe to say that in a couple more weeks I'll have a bit more time for writing. As always, I hope you enjoy.