Chapter 39 Felicity, Funnels, and Furtiveness
James woke up with a smile at an unnaturally early hour the next morning and glanced over at Lily, who appeared to still be asleep. Propping himself on his elbow, James took the opportunity to look at Lily uninterrupted.
While he'd been of the opinion since the age of eleven that Lily was the most beautiful woman in the world, James couldn't ever remember seeing her look better than she did at that moment, with her hair tangled on his pillow and a slight smile on her face as she slept. As though she was aware of his scrutiny, Lily's eyelids fluttered and then opened. Seeing James grinning down at her, she smiled sleepily back at him, and, with blatant disregard for such practical considerations as morning breath, James leaned down and kissed Lily, who seemed to have no objections to being kissed.
Finally taking notice of the time, Lily began collecting her clothes from the rumpled heap on the floor, grimacing at their condition, and put on as many articles of clothing as she could find before venturing further afield in search of the rest of her apparel, studiously avoiding James' knowing grin all the while.
"I should go," Lily said unnecessarily, sincerely hoping that Petunia wouldn't notice her return. James slipped into some clothes as well, conscious now of the fact that his parents, Wendell, or Sirius could catch them at any moment.
"Yeah," James agreed reluctantly, a mental image of Sirius Apparating into the room with a camera bringing him back to reality. "Wish you could stay, though," he added wistfully and wrapped his arms round Lily, unwilling to let her go.
"Me too," Lily replied. She looked as though she was glowing to James, who was fairly certain that his own grin must be rather fatuous at the moment.
"At least you're coming back for tea," James pointed out, trying to be optimistic. "Maybe I can lock Mum and Dad and Sirius in a cupboard."
"Only if you steal their wands and seal the door," Lily played along. James, admiring Lily's natural talent for troublemaking, leaned in to kiss Lily again, convinced he had found the perfect woman. As a result, it was another ten minutes before a disheveled and reluctant Lily Evans finally Disapparated from James Potter's bedroom.
"Morning," James greeted Sirius cautiously, not sure how much he knew.
"Morning," Sirius replied, stifling a yawn. He didn't even look up from his coffee. Somewhat reassured but still uncertain, James moved away in search of food, rummaging through the cabinets himself rather than wake Wendell up.
Sirius finally looked up as James moved toward him, carrying breakfast for them both. Sirius' eyes first narrowed on his best friend, then widened in shock as James set the food on the table.
"D'you want toast?" James asked.
"You slept with Lily!" Sirius blurted. James visibly blanched.
"How do you know?" he demanded, not bothering to deny it.
"It's the only thing I can think of that would make you look that bloody happy," Sirius replied, studying his friend. "Unless you've been doing Cheering Charms near a mirror again." James breathed a profound sigh of relief.
"I'm not so desperate for a shag that I have to watch other people's," Sirius scowled, correctly interpreting James' sigh. "Who do you think I am, Peter?"
"Oh, come off it," James scoffed. "If you'd known what was going on, don't tell me you wouldn't have Apparated in with a camera for future blackmail material."
Sirius was silent at that and James smirked, enjoying his victory. "She's coming to tea today," James said after a few minutes, considering Sirius put in his place.
"Oh, really?" Sirius quirked a brow suggestively.
"Mum and Dad invited her," James snapped, touchy when it came to Lily.
"This'll be right cozy," Sirius smirked in his turn. Seeing James' pained expression, however, he relented a bit. "All kidding aside, I'm happy that things are working out for you, Prongs," Sirius said in complete sincerity.
"Thanks," James replied, relieved, and Sirius couldn't help but grin back.
Mr. and Mrs. Potter came in not long after, weary from their night at the Ministry and surprised to see James and Sirius up so early. After the boys had shown off their new Apparition skills and had been duly applauded, Mr. and Mrs. Potter went off to bed, promising to be up in time for luncheon. James and Sirius, unused to being up so early, went out to play Quidditch and talk without the fear of being overheard.
On the pitch, Sirius told James about his and Remus' adventures with Peter, who had only been sober enough to go home about five hours ago, albeit he'd gone home with a splitting headache and an empty stomach after sicking up so many times. Remus and Sirius had been completely exhausted by this point and had slept like the dead for a few hours before Sirius had made his way back to the Potters.'
The morning passed quickly with James asking Sirius questions about his adventure and Sirius teasingly asking James for details about his own adventures. Round one-thirty, James and Sirius returned to the house for lunch, James still helpless to stop himself from grinning widely.
After lunch, Sirius headed for the stairs to pass the time until tea reading Quidditch magazines and James was just following him when his father's voice, asking if he could have a word, stopped him on the stairs.
Resigned, James followed his father into the library. Mr. Potter occasionally liked to give his son lectures, so James was quite familiar with the procedure. Whether they were about James' prank-playing or latest detention, choosing a career, or what to get his mother for her birthday, James' father's lectures always offered the same advice. "Look at it the way you would a funnel," Mr. Potter would urge. "All of the possibilities go into the top and come out as one concentrated solution." Mr. Potter was exceedingly proud of his funnel analogy and had accompanied it with illustrations until James begged him to stop.
Wondering which of life's conundrums they were going to funnel today, James shut the library door with a resigned sigh. "What did I do now?" James asked, flashing his most charming smile at his father.
To his surprise, Mr. Potter cleared his throat and fidgeted several times before opening his mouth. "James," Mr. Potter began, "I've been wanting to talk to you about Lily."
"Lily?" James crinkled his brow. "How is Lily like a funnel?" Mr. Potter glared, not appreciating James' remark. Like most fathers, Mr. Potter cherished the idea that his son held a deep respect for his profound wisdom.
"She isn't," Mr. Potter said crisply, letting James know that he was displeased. "What I'm trying to get at here – er – well............. How long have you been seeing Lily now?"
"Seven months," James replied hesitantly, not liking where this was going and thoroughly disconcerted by the lack of funnel analogy.
"That's quite a long time, isn't it?" Mr. Potter fidgeted some more. "And you care for Lily very much, don't you?" Mr. Potter continued abruptly after several moments of silence.
"I love her," James answered without hesitation, trying not to grin like a simpleton.
"That's wonderful, James," Mr. Potter smiled warmly at his son. James smiled back encouragingly, hoping his father would get to the point now, but another pause followed, longer than any of the previous ones.
"Now I know," Mr. Potter began, his ears rather red, "that when you care for a young lady the way you do for Lily that there are certain – urges – "
"Dad!" James exclaimed, cutting his father off. "I know where babies come from. We've talked about this. Remember? When I was eight? You explained to me that owls don't bring babies like the post."
"I know that you know that," Mr. Potter snapped, annoyed and embarrassed. "That's not what I'm trying to say to you. Now, as I was saying before I was interrupted, I know that there are these – urges – but you have to remember that along with these – er – urges – comes quite a bit of responsibility............."An hour and a half later, James stumbled into his bedroom, shut the door, and leaned against it, flushing scarlet. Before he could recover enough to move away from the door, Sirius Apparated into the room with a pop.
"What did your dad want you to funnel this time?" Sirius asked casually, flopping into an armchair. James fought for the power of speech.
"He wanted to talk to me about Lily," James finally said in a hollow voice.
"Lily?" Sirius raised one brow questioningly. "How is she like a funnel?"
"She isn't," James explained, burying his face in his hands. "He wanted to talk about Lily and me." James shuddered.
Sirius wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I don't need to know how THAT'S like a funnel."
Sirius!" James snapped, fed up with his best friend's obtuseness. "There wasn't a funnel!"
"But there's ALWAYS a funnel when your dad – "
"THERE WAS NO BLOODY FUNNEL!" James was plainly at the end of his wits. "For the first time in my life I wished there was one! He just kept talking about Lily and me and love and responsibility and - urges."
"Eurgh!" Sirius exclaimed, aghast now that he understood.
"'Eurgh' doesn't even begin to cover it," James said earnestly.
"And is your dad aware that you and Lily, er – urged – last night?" Sirius inquired, lips twitching.
"No!" James exclaimed. "Or at least I don't think so," he amended sheepishly after a rather lengthy pause.
Sirius snorted with laughter. "Bloody brilliant timing your dad's got!"
"It's not funny!" James exploded, tried beyond his limits. "This COULD all be construed as your fault; thanks to you and your fat-headed remarks at the train station, I just spent the last hour and a half discussing my sex life WITH MY DAD!"
This had no apparent chastising effect on Sirius, who was now doubled over with mirth. "Can't be quite so nauseating with Lily now, can you?" he finally managed, clutching a stitch in his side.
James clenched his fists and watched Sirius laugh, seriously considering pummeling his best friend into the carpet. Finally deciding that beating Sirius to a pulp would be dignifying his ribbing with a response, James settled for an imitation of Lily's Prefect Glare of Death.
By the time Sirius had recovered from his amusement at James' expense, it was nearly time for Lily to arrive for tea. Embarrassed, James waited for Lily outside; he had no intention of greeting Lily in front of his parents, especially now.
After what seemed like forever to James, Lily finally appeared with a pop and glanced round her a bit apprehensively until she caught sight of James and gave him a dazzling smile. James, all thoughts of funnels and urges banished from his head temporarily, grinned back at Lily, breathless as usual at the sight of her, and moved forward to hug her.
"Hi," Lily said, her voice muffled against James' chest.
"Hi," James returned the greeting, burying his face in her hair. It seemed like an eternity had passed since that morning. Though slightly puzzled by James' greeting, Lily was nonetheless relieved that there was no awkwardness between them.
Belatedly, James remembered that his parents were waiting and inclined to be suspicious of him and led Lily reluctantly into the house, where Mr. and Mrs. Potter greeted her warmly. Sirius entered the room a few minutes later and immediately hugged Lily, causing James an irrational little stab of jealousy. When Lily, after what seemed like forever to James, finally moved away from Sirius and came to sit next to him, James took her hand and shot his best mate a fulminating glare, knowing Sirius' way with women all too well. Sirius, however, merely smirked at James in return, giving him cause to regret his earlier decision not to pound Sirius into the carpet.
Despite the efforts made to the contrary, it was a very uncomfortable tea for everyone present. James, remembering his conversation with his father, was a bit more subdued than usual, started every time Mr. Potter or Sirius opened their mouths and was careful to maintain a modest distance from Lily. Lily felt distinctly odd having tea with her boyfriend's parents on the morning after, so to speak, and blushed a lot more often than was logical to the casual observer. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were a bit embarrassed about the conversation Mr. Potter had had with James, and Sirius, instilled with the mental image of Mr. Potter discussing "urges," fidgeted a bit as well. All in all, everyone was relieved when Lily rose to leave at six o' clock.
"Well, that was weird," James commented. He had escorted Lily outside to say goodbye to her without an audience.
"It could have been worse," Lily replied, remembering their tea with her family. There were still jam stains on the ceiling from Vernon's rampage, and Lily to that day couldn't say the word "beard" without Petunia turning apoplectic.
"Are you all right, though?" Lily changed the subject. "You were acting a bit – odd."
"I'll explain later," James mumbled evasively, not wanting to wreck their goodbye with embarrassing, mood-ruining explanations. "What're you doing the rest of this week?" James tried a different tact.
"Visiting with my parents and avoiding Petunia," Lily shrugged, aware that James wasn't telling her something but decided to let it go for now. "Why, will I see you?"
James shrugged in his turn. "You might," he answered, eyes twinkling in a way Lily had very good reason to suspect."Might" ended up being every day; now that he could Apparate, James appeared in the Evans household at any and all times of the day, unwilling to spend any more time away from Lily than was absolutely necessary.
James Apparated into Lily's room on Wednesday morning, scaring her half to death, to take her to Diagon Alley with him, where they spent what seemed like half the day to Lily in Quality Quidditch Supplies while James bought a new Quaffle. This accomplished, James and Lily spent the rest of the day snogging in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, which didn't seem nearly long enough to either of them.
At Mr. and Mrs. Evans' invitation, James and Sirius came to lunch at the Evanses' on Thursday where they entertained the entire family (minus Petunia, whom Mrs. Evans had very prudently packed off to Marge Dursley's) with their stories of Hogwarts and wizarding life in general. Their grand finale, a spirited imitation of Mad-Eye Moody arguing with the Minister of Magic at one of the Potters' dinner parties, brought down the house; Lily burst into a fresh bout of giggling every time Sirius pounded on the table and roared "Constant vigilance!" in perfect imitation of Moody.
On Friday James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Kathleen appeared at the Evanses to take Lily with them to a Quidditch match. The Marauders had been looking forward to this particular match for quite some time and were in even higher spirits than usual. Said high spirits lasted all throughout the extremely close and exciting game and soared even higher when Puddlemere United beat the Appleby Arrows after a very intense encounter between the two respective Seekers. They all went out after the match to celebrate, but Sirius and Remus, their recent adventure with Peter fresh in their minds, actively prevented everyone from drinking anything stronger than butterbeer.
Lily took James exploring with her in Muggle London on Saturday, showing him Muggle shops and famous sites. She suggested going to the cinema, but James, skeptical about it despite Lily's explanation, failed to see the appeal. So they wandered round the streets near Lily's house instead, looking for a postman so that Lily could prove to James once and for all that they were in fact real and not a Muggle story. However, much to Lily's exasperation, they were unable to find one, which made James almost unbearably smug. They argued heatedly nearly the entire way back to the Evans household before Lily realized how ridiculous the whole thing was and began to giggle. James, thinking that Lily had finally realized the absurdity of this postman idea, joined in and they parted on very good terms, both cheerful for completely different reasons.Finally, it was time to return to Hogwarts, and the 7th year Gryffindors, as had become their habit, piled into the Head compartment on Sunday morning for the train ride back to school. Happy and relaxed after the holiday, the compartment was filled with noise as everyone settled himself or herself and gave accounts of their holidays to their friends.
The Marauders were very regretful about having to give up Apparating till June, and then everyone became a bit subdued, remembering that this would be their last time returning to Hogwarts. Before the mood could become too depressed, however, Peter accidentally knocked over the cage of Alice's rather claustrophobic owl, Myron, and the bird flew round and round the compartment. James and Sirius very much enjoyed attempting to corner him as Myron tried to peck Peter, who Myron seemed to have taken a dislike to. By the time Myron was restored to his cage, everyone was in much higher spirits and all settled down to their usual game of Exploding Snap.
Lily and James sat together, whispering and laughing and holding hands when they weren't holding their cards. Alice and Kathleen both eyed Lily narrowly, but she only stared back at them innocently before returning her attention to James.
After the cart had come round and everyone had stuffed themselves with sweets, Morwenna, Alice, Dorcas and Kathleen exchanged glances and, by tacit agreement, rose purposefully.
"We're going to the loo," Morwenna announced loudly, looking at Lily.
"Oookaaay," Remus replied, quirking a brow.
"Have a lovely time," Sirius quipped, smirking.
"Don't you have to go, Lily?' Kathleen asked in a falsely bright voice.
"Er, I'm fine, thanks," Lily replied hesitantly, getting a tighter grip on James' hand.
"No you aren't," Dorcas said, undeterred. "You look like you need to go too."
"All right," Lily agreed hastily, too alarmed to argue. With that, the four other girls dragged Lily unceremoniously down the corridor, leaving five wizards blinking in puzzlement in their wake.
"All right," Kathleen said as soon as they were safely barricaded in the loo, "out with it."
"Out with what?" Lily seemed genuinely confused.
"Out with what happened between you and James!" Morwenna exclaimed impatiently.
"Something's going on between the pair of you," Alice put in, eyeing her friend.
"It's completely obvious," Dorcas added.
"It – it is?" Lily blushed.
"So?" Morwenna prompted. They all looked at Lily expectantly.
Her face nearly the color of her hair, Lily stared determinedly at her toes and blurted it out: "JamesandIslepttogether."
"I knew it!" Alice exclaimed.
"This is huge!" Kathleen squealed as she threw her arms round Lily. Laughing and exclaiming, Morwenna, Alice, and Dorcas joined her till they were a hugging, squealing mass of bodies. Nobody had had any trouble at all interpreting Lily's mumbling.Over an hour later, the Gryffindor wizards, growing concerned over the prolonged absence of the Gryffindor witches, ventured to the loo in search of the girls. Forced to vacate the toilets by a group of desperate second years, Lily, Alice, Morwenna, Dorcas, and Kathleen had in fact overtaken a vacant compartment to finish their discussion by this time. Unfortunately, it was another quarter of an hour before the Gryffindor boys realized this; they spent a very humiliating few minutes trying to discover whether or not the girls were in fact in the toilets, which culminated in James being slapped by a shy-bladdered third year.
As they started hastily back down the corridor, a familiar voice stopped Peter dead in his tracks, causing the four other boys to run headlong into him. Before Sirius, glaring at Peter and holding his nose, could retaliate properly, he and the others heard what Peter had heard and stopped outside a compartment, listening.
"That's ridiculous!" Alice was exclaiming. "You can't mean that Muggles put this little plastic bag thing ON – "She broke off abruptly as the compartment door slid open and the five Gryffindor witches turned to face five very confused wizards, their expressions carefully neutral.
"What're you lot doing in here?" Frank ventured uncertainly, peering at his girlfriend like he'd never seen her before.
"Talking," Alice replied smoothly, blinking her blue eyes innocently. She smiled reassuringly at Frank.
"About clothes," Morwenna put in helpfully. The other four nodded in silent agreement, bright smiles on their faces.
"Er, why couldn't you talk about clothes with us about?" Remus wanted to know, his expression wary.
"We didn't want to bore you," Kathleen replied, offering Remus a dazzling smile. Unconvinced, Peter opened his mouth.
"We needed to bond," Dorcas snapped before Peter could say whatever it was he'd been about to say, looming over him menacingly. "Got a problem with that?" Peter subsided with a squeak and stepped behind Sirius, terror plain in his watery little eyes.
"Since when are 'little plastic bag things' clothes?" James inquired skeptically, not intimidated as easily as Peter.
"Muggles wear them," Morwenna supplied helpfully and truthfully.
"I'm sure they do," Sirius snorted disdainfully. "I suppose the postman wears them when he brings the post, does he, Lils?"
To everyone's surprise, Lily, who had been red-faced and silent up until this point, burst into hysterical giggles at the thought of the postman wearing this particular plastic bag on his rounds.Author's Note: Well, it was a bit later than I intended it to be, but at least I got the next chapter out, right? As always, I want to thank everyone for reviewing; receiving a response from people is what keeps me writing when it would be easier not to. I especially want to thank Palindrome Mistress (I can't tell you how much your supportive comments meant to me), Four Stars, iamdraco'sgal, erak, Desi-Siriuslovesyou, witch heart, Cecilia Orechio, and Jay – and, Emrisah, loved the George of the Jungle quote! Hope everyone enjoys =)