InA Trance
'You see, the real problem is, I get the feeling if I ever said 'I love you', she'd merely say 'Yes, I know you do' and drift away. I can never pin that woman down. In any sense.' Dylan thought, as he strode the darkened corridors of the Andromeda Ascendant, barely aware of where he was going or why, just wanting to walk and think.
'It's not as if I'm not experienced with women. I hate to sound boastful (and I can hear Beka laughing even as I think it) but I've had my fair share of the fairer sex in my arms, bed, ship, anywhere. And I enjoy it. What man wouldn't? But the problem is, lately, only lately, every time I kiss a woman, and close my eyes, I see someone else's face there.
Trance. I even call her 'my Trance'. I've always seen her as mine. Just not as my lover. My friend, my guide. The one I can always depend upon. The one who can always help, and light the way, and make the darkness clear.
And then comes the day when I'm kissing a woman, making love to a woman, a beautiful, intelligent woman who really does deserve my full attention, and I find myself whispering 'Trance'.
"Trance?" she asked.
"Umm…your beauty puts me in a trance?" I lie. But I feel bad afterwards. My lovers maybe be brief, but they deserve more from me in the short time I'm with them. They deserve my consideration and interest and my respect, not the whispered names and thoughts of a woman I never even knew I loved.
Damnit, I didn't mean to think that.'
"Captain Hunt"
Rommie…not her avatar, but her hologram version of herself. She'd been rarely seen lately, as it cost a lot of power to run her, but Dylan was grateful to see her striding beside her down the corridor this time.
"Rommie! How are you?"
"Worried."
"Really? What about?"
"You."
She stopped to face him, and though she had no physical presence to stop him, Dylan stood still.
"Why?" he asked warily.
"You pace these corridors endlessly. You mutter to yourself. Your sleep is fitful and disturbed, and you often make minor, but stupid mistakes in your work."
"You noticed, huh." He said sheepishly.
"I have. However, you have managed to keep your disorder from Trance Gemini."
"What do you mean, disorder! And what do you mean , I've kept it from Trance? Why should I keep anything from Trance. I mean, why should it matter to Trance what I…." His voice trailed off as he realised Rommie was looking at him in that 'Humans are bizarre and I'm glad I'm not one of them' way she had. (An expression that drove Harper into fits of ecstasy, for some reason).
"Trance Gemini is the only other human who lives exclusively aboard this ship. She is also the only one who is more interested in what is going on around her, rather then the latest scam to make money. She is also unusually perceptive."
"Yeah, okay. But it's not a disorder, Rommie. I'm just….you know."
"In love?" she asked coolly. Her hands behind her back, her eyebrows slightly raised, she looked every inch the living embodiment of a warship. But who else could Dylan confide in? Beka would laugh, Rhade would laugh louder, there was a strong possibility Harper would hit him, and Doyle…well, he didn't quite trust Doyle.
"I didn't say that." He said warily.
"You have no need to. Your actions greatly resemble those of Beka Valentine in the days before Tyr left. They are also, I regret to say, similar to my own avatar's actions during the days Gabriel was here. You see, Dylan, I do have some experience.". A flicker of emotion passed through the holograms' eyes, only for a nanosecond, so briefly it might have been a trick of the light.
"I see." Dylan said warily.
"You have known Beka Valentine for a long time, and have no appreciable change in your heart rate or temperature when she is around, so it is not her you love. Although you find Doyle." And Rommie spat out the android's name as if it stung in her mouth "physically extremely attractive, you are able to ignore any feelings you have for her in times of great crisis, and concentrate on the job in hand. Your feelings have never gravitated towards men, so it is not inspired by Rhade,"
"Rommie!"
"So therefore," Rommie concluded, unaware of the interruption, "I conclude that you believe yourself to be in love with Trance Gemini."
Dylan thought of arguing. He thought of denying. He thought of merely walking away…but they were all actions of a coward. And Dylan Hunt was not a coward.
"You fear for her when she is in danger." Rommie continued, her tone softer. "You act on instinct, not clear thought, whenever she is threatened. You watch her whenever she is in the vicinity. Your heart rate is rapid whenever you are physically close. These are, I believe, the signs of love."
"Yes, they are." Dylan sighed, giving up the fight. "I haven't been very discreet, have I?"
"I am trained to noticed the state of my Captain's well being. No-one else has noticed."
"Not even Trance?" he asked, hopefully.
"Not even Trance."
"And does she have the same physical reactions…"
"I cannot tell. What I observe about her is private."
Typical. Even when they were computer projections, girls stuck together.
"Rommie, I am your captain." He wheedled.
"Besides." Rommie said, looking away from Dylan and staring straight ahead. "She is an alien, and therefore her physical readings are unreliable."
"Yes, she's an alien." Dylan said, slumping against the wall. "I have no idea how she would react if I suddenly came out and told her I loved her. That I couldn't take my eyes off her. What would she do if I told that whenever she smiles at me, I go warm inside? Is her race even capable of love? I mean, you know, actual, human love."
"Trance Gemini is not only capable of love, she does love. Intensely, and a great deal."
"I don't mean that 'love your friends, the whole universe is special' love. I'm selfish, Rommie. I want her all to myself. I want her to love me, and me alone. I want her to light up when I walk into a room, like I do when I see her, and put me first, and all the other stupid, romantic, pointless things humans do in love."
"As to that, I cannot tell. But you kissed her, when you believed you were both about to die. Did you not feel if she loved you then?"
Dylan sighed, remembering that moment, that impossibly tender moment, when he had had nothing left to lose, when everything was gone, and he was dying, when he finally gave in and kissed Trance. And that one simple, momentary kiss, had been sweeter and more fulfilling than all the women he had kissed and made love to since then, all the women he had tried to wipe the memory of Trance away with.
"I thought she loved me then. But she's changed since then. I don't think she even remembers."
"Then perhaps you should talk to her." Rommie said, her voice still impeccably logical.
"What if she doesn't love me? What if she gets scared and runs away? I remember when she ran away last time. I'm not losing her again." He said, making a decision. "No, best leave things well alone. I'll get over this. I have to."
"As you wish, Captain." Rommie said.
"No, it's not as I wish." He said savagely. "What I wish is for Trance to come down that corridor and tell me she loves me. What I wish is for us all to find a way home. What I wish is for Harper to rebuild your avatar, and for Rhade and Beka to stop fighting. But I am a Captain first, and a man second, and a Captain's wishes can't come true. All I can do is make sure that my crew get what they wish for, and if that means not scaring Trance off, or upsetting the balance of things, and keeping my mouth shut, that's exactly what I'll do."
"Of course, Captain." Rommie said, not disturbed by her Captain's anger. But he still turned to her to apologise.
"Sorry. None of this is your fault. I shouldn't snap at you. And thanks. It's been good talking to you."
Rommie raised an eyebrow in her slightly surprised way.
"It was good talking to you too, Captain." She said, a little awkwardly. She still wasn't as good as her avatar at interacting with the crew, but she was sharply aware of how much the android Rommie was missed, and was trying to fill the gap. And now she had done something her avatar would be proud of…or severely ashamed of. She wasn't sure yet. She looked up at Dylan's back, retreating down the corridor.
"Captain!" she called. He turned to look at her. "I have to report a fault in the ship wide communications system."
"What fault?"
"It seems all the systems are permanently switched on…all the time."
He walked towards her, slowly, an expression on his face that had often caused Harper to run away fast.
"Do you mean that anyone on board Andromeda can hear…."
"Everything that's being said. That's right."
"Right. So our little conversation just now…."
"Was heard ship wide."
"I see. And Trance…."
"Is on board. Yes, Captain."
"Right."
Dylan looked round. Surely there was an escape route. Get off this ship, hide in Harper's bar…no, the tunnels, because there was still a chance Harper would hit him if he found out about Trance. Harper wouldn't hurt him, but it would be annoying. All her had to do was…
"Dylan."
It wasn't Rommie speaking. It was Trance.
She stood at the dark end of the corridor, the light framing her. She looked dazzling, ethereal, unreachable, and he found that he couldn't breathe for looking at her.
"Trance." He whispered, unsure whether to move forward or run away. He was barely aware of Rommie standing beside him, smiling a little. "Trance…I…". his voice trailed off. He didn't know what to say, or do. He could only stand there, watching the woman he loved.
But as usual, Trance showed him the way. Smiling, she held out her hand to him. Slowly, almost unaware of the movement, moving as if in a trance, he walked towards her out stretched hand, and took it. He stood there for a moment, then bent down, and gently kissed her again.
Rommie watched only for a second, then disappeared, satisfied. She had done a good day's work. She needed to rest, and recuperate. Then, maybe she would have a word with Beka and Rhade….
THE END