Chapter 47 Things Unseen
February 1979
"What's he doing now?" Alice asked in a whisper, craning her neck to see.
"Dunno," Dorcas whispered back. "But it doesn't look as though it's going well."
"It won't take much longer," Lily said with conviction. "It can't. He's been at it for half an hour already."
"Don't be so sure," James snorted. "He's checking it for jinxes, I expect; he's really nervous of any object that flashes light."
"That and putting his wand in his back pocket," Sirius drawled.
All around Sirius, his fellow Order of the Phoenix members burst into giggles, everyone as aware as Sirius was of that particular quirk of Mad Eye Moody's.
"Black! Potter!" Moody growled, whirling round to shoot James and Sirius a fulminating glare. "Stop causing a ruckus! This is serious!" Reluctantly, the laughter died down and all of the Order members stared fixedly at their feet, trying their best to look shamefaced while actually hiding their laughter from Moody's attention.
"Now then," Moody went on, satisfied that he had at least temporarily put a stop to any dissention in the ranks, "we're ready, so let's take this picture."
Immediately the Order members sprang to action, trying to arrange the grouping to everyone's satisfaction.
"Frank? Where are you?" Alice called.
"Here, next to Marlene!" Frank shouted back, and Alice scurried over to join her spouse.
"You MUST be in front, Albus," Emmeline Vance said firmly, drawing Dumbledore to the fore of the crowd.
"Ouch! You stood on my foot!" Dedalus Diggle exclaimed.
The Order of the Phoenix had gathered in the Hog's Head's secret room once again for an all-members meeting to update each other on individual progress and to celebrate their most recent victory: preventing several Death Eaters from attacking Muggle borns and their families. Consequently, the Order members were in high spirits, laughing and talking and congratulating everyone who'd been involved in the encounter.
Peter Pettigrew stood a short distance away, watching the cheerful huddle of Order members arrange themselves for a team photo, studying their faces with uncharacteristic solemnity.
"Peter!" noticing his absence, Lily called out Peter's name, breaking him out of his reverie. "Come on! We're about to take the picture!" She stretched out an arm and beckoned to him, her green eyes warm as she smiled. Slowly, Peter made his way over to her and let himself be drawn in between Lily and James at the back of the group, smiling and responding automatically to the jokes and tittering all around him.
Peter had long ago learned to hide what he felt and saw behind outward good humour, but today he felt more than a bit nauseous underneath it all. How would Lily or James or any of his mates react if they knew what he was going to do after the meeting? It was a rhetorical question; he knew very well what they'd do: recoil in horror, take their arms from round his shoulders, and hurl hexes and insults at him instead of jokes.
Unable to stop himself, Peter shivered slightly. James and Sirius were laughing over something, but Lily glanced at him curiously. Peter gave her a bright smile, which she returned, then he turned toward James and Sirius again, pretending to pay attention to them.
It was easier than he'd imagined it would be, to pretend and to hide things. But then, Peter had always been good at hiding; he was used to being overlooked. When he'd used to play Hide and Seek as a child, none of the others had ever been able to find him. And later, at Hogwarts, Peter had roamed the corridors and common rooms freely in his rat form, able to see and hear things the others didn't. His prowess at spying and secrets had always come in very handy in playing practical jokes.
It had always given Peter a sense of power to be able to do these things, to be the one who was the best at something. He may not have snogged with many girls, but he'd watched practically every couple in the school at one time or another, including James, Remus, and Sirius with their assorted girlfriends. He might not have been the cleverest one in every lesson, but Peter knew how to follow someone without their noticing and how to conceal what he knew. Peter may not have had the guts or the dueling skills to challenge the Slytherins openly, but he knew what they said and did in the privacy of their dorms and common room..........
Peter gave himself a mental shake; he didn't want to think about that. Not when it was that that had gotten him into trouble in the first place.
"It's time!" Mad Eye Moody called everyone to attention. "Three....Two....One!" A flash momentarily lit the room, illuminating all of the faces present as they were preserved for posterity.
Then the moment was gone as the Order members began to move and speak again, calling farewells to each other as they prepared to leave.
"Oy! Wormtail!" Sirius shouted over the din. "We're off to the Three Broomsticks; you coming, then?"
"Nah," Peter replied, his tone reluctant. "I'd best be getting home. Mum got a bit shirty with me for coming in so late the other night."
Sirius snorted, his face making his opinion of Mrs Pettigrew plain, but surprisingly he refrained from comment. "See you at the office then, Peter," Alice called, giving him a little wave as she took Frank's hand. "Bye!"
"Bye," Peter echoed as his friends clomped up the stairs ahead of him, their voices floating back to him as they went.
He turned hastily to collect his own cloak, one of the few left in the room now. This accomplished, Peter gave a little wave of farewell to the other remaining Order members and made his own way up the stairs, hoping that his knees wouldn't give out on him as he went.
Peter was in two minds about what he was about to do. On the one hand, the fear and guilt seemed to be tearing his guts out, and part of Peter wanted to go and confess his sins to James, Sirius, and Remus and ask them for forgiveness, to explain his terrifying dilemma to Professor Dumbledore and beg him for his protection. That part of Peter screamed at him that anything was better than turning traitor against everything he'd ever known and the friends who had helped, included, and protected him for so many years.
But another part of Peter found it all thrilling: the hiding and lying and sneaking around. It was fun to know things that, for once, James, Sirius, and Remus didn't, to have new and thrilling adventures that were all his own and to hide them from the others, to pretend that he was the same old dull Peter, with his boring job and bad-tempered mother.
The others didn't know that the old Peter Pettigrew had died and would never come back, and that the new Peter was anything but dull; he lived the exciting double life of a spy, and straddled the line between the two sides in this war. For once in Peter's life he was in demand, and he loved it.
It was all easy enough when he was going about his normal life or when he was meeting with the Death Eaters; then the two sides were separate, they didn't meet or affect each other. But when Peter tried to reconcile these two sides of himself, when he'd had to pretend to all of his friends like he had tonight, there was a pounding in his temples and he could feel the nausea in his stomach, because, deep down, Peter knew which side was going to win. He might think about doing the noble thing, refusing to spy anymore and allowing them to kill him, but the simple truth was, Peter didn't want to die. And, if he was being honest, he didn't really want to give the spying up either.
Now outside, Peter Disapparated just a bit too quickly, narrowly avoiding being Splinched, and arrived at his destination feeling a bit stiff and odd. Disregarding that, Peter began to hurry, the part of him that was eager taking over the rest of him. Softly, he raised the serpent-shaped knocker and rapped the signal on the door. It opened of its own volition, revealing an entrance hall bedecked with family portraits and various Dark paraphernalia. Peter glanced round him with interest; he'd never been in Sirius' old home. At the thought of Sirius, Peter felt stirrings of his old guilt and firmly pushed his friend's image from his head.
A wizard moved toward him, not Regulus Black, Peter was relieved to note, and beckoned him wordlessly on. Peter followed the unknown figure to a room in the back of the house. When Peter raised his fist to knock on the door, it swung open on a darkened, shadow-filled room, the fire providing the only source of light.
Hands shaking, Peter wiped the sweat from his forehead and reminded himself to breathe as he stepped forward.
"Well, Pettigrew?" came the high, cold voice.
"I-I h-have it, m-m-my l-lord," Peter managed, his voice squeaking badly. At this information, a clawlike hand, so white that it almost glowed in the semi darkness, stretched out of the shadows toward him, clearly waiting for Peter to deposit parchment in it.
"I-I didn't write it d-down, my lord," Peter got out quickly, terrified. "I-I didn't want anyone to find me with it. I memorized it, though; I can write it now for you if you want me to, I swear I can –"
"Very good, Pettigrew," the reply came, sounding slightly amused. "You may prove to not be completely hopeless, after all. You may tell me the names now."
"Thank you, my lord," Peter said, his heart soaring at the praise. He drew in a deep breath. "There's Dumbledore, of course, and Mad Eye Moody............."
The months that had passed since Lily and James' marriage had been eventful ones. On top of James' Auror training, Lily's job, and Order business, they'd had to become accustomed to being married, which was a lot of fun and unexpectedly challenging all at once.
After their wedding, Lily and James had gone away for a long weekend, all the time James could take from Auror training, and had moved into a flat in London when they returned. The flat, a wedding gift from Mr and Mrs Evans, wasn't far from Sirius's, and both Lily and James had been very glad to have it, relieved that they wouldn't have to live with family like Frank and Alice were still doing. Lily, fond as she was of her new mother and father in law, was also a bit intimidated by them and James was profoundly relieved that he wouldn't have to live in a house where the threat of a possible visit from Petunia and her elephant of a husband would loom over his head on a daily basis.
Things had started out blissfully for Lily and James; neither of them knew how to cook or clean, and they'd spent a hilarious couple of weeks learning household spells by trial and error. One particularly eventful evening had found them chasing a loudly squealing pig round their flat after James had accidentally Conjured it instead of the ham he'd been attempting to produce for dinner.
And for the first few weeks, both Lily and James had been on their best behaviour, careful not to make a mess or provoke the other. However, after several weeks of this, the good manners had finally worn off as both of them fell back into their normal daily routines. And as these routines became established, both Lily and James found each other's habits irritating. Very irritating.
"And she leaves hair in the sink," James added another point to the growing list of Lily's irksome qualities he was relating to Sirius, Remus, and Peter.
"Everybody does that," Peter shrugged.
"But this is a LOT of hair," James interjected passionately. "A LOT. And it's all long and red – I'm surprised there's any hair left on her head, the rate she's shedding at."
"I really don't think she can help –"Remus began, but James cut him off as another thought occurred to him.
"Oh, and she puts her cold feet on me in bed," James ticked off another point. "And steals the covers. So I wake up in the middle of the night shivering and have to yank them back, then she yells at me for stealing the covers from HER."
"A truly vicious cycle," Sirius observed innocently, the corners of his mouth twitching rather suspiciously.
"And she's really touchy about the clean floor," James added yet another item to the list. "And she keeps eating this really odd Muggle food, like these fizzy drink things, and sweets that just sit there; they don't have any special effects at ALL –"
"James!" Remus, of all people, bellowed. "Everyone. Has. Annoying. Habits. Everyone! And when you start living with someone else, you find out what theirs are. D'you think that you don't annoy Lily?"
James opened his mouth and rapidly shut it again. "I never thought about it before," he admitted. "But I expect I do."
To his surprise, Remus, Peter, and Sirius all snorted in unison. "'Expect?!'" Sirius echoed. "Take it from three blokes who know, you definitely have your annoying points."
"Like what?" James demanded indignantly.
"Like how bloody cheerful you are when you get up in the morning," Sirius answered promptly.
"Or the way you leave your dirty socks on the floor," Remus added.
"Or how huffy you are about people touching your broomstick," Peter put in.
"Oh." James scratched his head reflectively. "So what should I do then?" he asked his mates.
Remus shook his head. "Don't do anything," he advised. "Just try to get used to it."
"Welcome to the wonderful world of marriage, Prongs," Sirius smirked, clapping James on the back.
Not surprisingly, Lily had a very similar conversation with Alice about the same subject. As Alice had been married for longer than she had, Lily reckoned that she may have dealt with the irritating habit issue already and found an answer to it. Or maybe there was some secret solution to the problem that they only told to married people and Alice would now be able to let Lily in on the secret.
Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be any clandestine answer to the age-old problem of irritation with one's spouse, or so Alice told her (after spouting off her own lengthy list of Frank's many personal foibles).
"That's just marriage, Lils," Alice concluded finally, unaware that she was echoing Sirius (an idea that would have horrified her). "Welcome to the rest of your life."
So Lily didn't say anything either. She swallowed her annoyance when James left the toilet seat up or followed her round the flat when she wanted to be left alone and bit back a snappish retort every time James looked at her expectantly whenever they were forced to learn a new household spell. Lily really didn't want to be a shrewish wife, and besides, they were married now; shouldn't everything be perfect?
James was doing and thinking much the same with similar results, and the truth was that this delicate situation was quickly gathering strength, building up its force like a gathering storm that would one day rain thunder and lightning down on their heads.
The thunder and lightning finally struck one morning over breakfast. Though neither Lily nor James were precisely early risers, James was, in fact, irksomely cheerful once he was finally awake. Surprisingly enough, this trait didn't bother Lily so much as it might have (other things bothered her more). She actually found it oddly endearing sometimes simply because it was James; had it been anyone else, she would probably have decapitated them quite promptly.
But there was nothing endearing about James' good cheer on that particular morning; Lily, cross with her irritation over other things, was for once rather annoyed by it. However, it was the jam that set Lily off.
James was reading the Daily Prophet over breakfast, as he did every morning, and absentmindedly stirring the jam with his spoon while he did so. For some reason she couldn't justify even to herself, this irked Lily to an unreasonable degree. Jam was not meant to be stirred. Who in the bloody hell even thought of stirring jam anyway? Only a thick-headed prat like James Potter, that was who.
Lily opened her mouth to share these observations with her husband, then snapped it rapidly shut. It was a stupid thing to argue about, and she really didn't want to have a row with James, not over something so trivial. Their days of stupid rows ought to be over, now that they were married.
But James kept on stirring and stirring the jam round in its jar with his spoon, and Lily, who watched the swirling jam as though possessed, felt her face grow red and literally bit her tongue to prevent herself from screaming at James to stop. But her face became redder and redder and she felt hotter and hotter....
Suddenly, the jam jar shattered into a thousand pieces, spattering globs of jam over Lily and a very surprised James, who finally looked up from the paper.
"What happened?" he asked, blinking.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Lily exclaimed, chagrined. Then, to her horror, she began to giggle. Suddenly the whole thing just seemed utterly ridiculous, and James looked so absurd, sitting there with blobs of jam smeared all over.
"Er – Lily?" James asked carefully, not entirely sure that his wife hadn't just gone barmy on him, "Is something funny?"
"Sorry," Lily gasped, clutching her sides. "I just feel so much better."
"All right," James said cautiously, not sure what to make of this.
"It's just that it was so ANNOYING," Lily attempted to explain, wiping some of the jam off of her face. "You stirring the jam, I mean. I can't even explain why it annoyed me, but for some reason it did, and I felt like I would pop if I didn't say something, but I didn't want to because I didn't want to have a fight, but I was so annoyed that the jam jar just – popped – instead of me. Does that make any sense to you at all?"
"Yeah," James nodded his head vigorously, sending little bits of jam flying. "It makes rather perfect sense, actually."
With that, Lily and James sat down on the sticky floor of their jam-spattered kitchen and told each other everything that irritated them, from the stupid and inexplicable bits to the things that were legitimately irksome. By the end, they were laughing so hard that speech was nearly impossible, both of them feeling as though a huge weight had been lifted. It was a very long time before they finally looked up a spell to clean up the kitchen.
It was about two weeks after the Order of the Phoenix meeting when it happened. James was sitting in Auror training, listening to Edgar Bones lecture about the most effective offensive spells to use when outnumbered when the door opened a crack, and Moody stuck his head in.
"Sorry to interrupt," he said gruffly, "but I need to speak with you, Edgar."
"Certainly," Edgar Bones flicked his wand, and the diagram that had been projecting from it disappeared. The two Aurors moved into the corridor, speaking in hushed voices.
Finally, Bones reentered the room, visibly shaken. "I'm afraid I have an – errand - to run," he explained, his usual air of calm competence conspicuously absent. "Just – just have a bit of a break until I get back." With that, Bones exited the classroom in a whoosh of robes.
Alice and Dorcas stood up to make their way to the loo, and James, Sirius, and Frank sat about, speculating grimly on what had so upset Edgar Bones. Finally, they decided to go and question some of the other Aurors and then catch up with Alice and Dorcas.
They didn't have far to go to catch up; almost directly outside the door they spotted Alice and Dorcas, who were listening to Moody as he spoke in a low, grim voice. Tears streamed down Alice's face, and she gripped Dorcas' hand; Dorcas looked as though she might be sick at any moment. Clearly, the news was not good.
Lily! James thought with a lurch. What if something had happened to Lily? He could feel the color draining from his face. Sirius glanced round and put a hand on James' shoulder, guessing the direction his panicked thoughts were taking.
Frank rushed over to Alice, James and Sirius on his heels.
"What's wrong?" he asked urgently. James and Sirius could only stare.
Moody's magic eye swiveled to face them before the rest of him did. "I've just come from the McKinnon's," he said briefly. "Marlene and her whole family are dead."
James felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach; Sirius and Frank looked as sick as he felt. "What happened?" he croaked.
"Death Eaters," Moody replied tersely. "The Dark Mark was hovering over the house when we got there. Magical Catastrophes was already inside; they were the ones that found them – "Moody broke off, composing himself with an effort.
"The children too?" Dorcas asked softly, her brown eyes suspiciously wet.
"The little boy, the baby, Andrew's parents who'd been visiting – all of them." Moody replied. He swallowed heavily.
"But how would they have known where to find them?" Alice asked, choked with tears. "Marlene's been in hiding because she is – was – Muggle born, and only the Ord – er – Dumbledore and his friends – knew where to find her."
"That," Moody said, giving them all a significant glance, "is something we don't know, but we bloody need to find out."
"Reminds me," he continued gruffly. "Do you lot fancy going for a pint tonight?"
The five former Gryffindors exchanged glances; "go for a pint tonight" was code for an Order meeting.
"Sure," James answered, speaking for all of them. "What do you fancy?"
"Butterbeer," Moody growled in response. Another round of glances was exchanged; this indicated that the meeting would be at ten o'clock.
"Right," Alice said softly. "That's fine." She and Frank made their way off down the corridor, arms round each other, talking softly. James turned to Moody.
"Does Lily know?" he asked. Sirius and Dorcas flanked him, waiting for Moody's reply.
"She does by now," Moody answered. "Edgar Bones went to tell her and escort her to the house, if she wants to go."
"I – that is – I need to go find her," James said simply.
Moody nodded. "I expected as much. Go on, Potter." James gave Moody a half smile of gratitude, nodded to Dorcas and Sirius, then dashed for the lifts.
Four hours later, James let himself quietly into his flat and felt his heart sink when he saw that it was dark. So Lily wasn't here either.
James had been trying to locate his wife ever since he'd left work, going first to the Department of Mysteries, where he thought Bones might still have been telling her the news, then to the house, the Dark Mark still hovering above it, where he was told that he'd just missed her. James had tried their flat, then the Evanses,' Marchbankses', and Prewetts', all without success. Lily was nowhere to be found.
A small stirring sound coming from the lounge area caught James' attention, and he peered into the gloom and caught a flash of red hair. Lily was here after all, sitting in the dark, curled into a tight ball on the sofa
"Lily?" he asked, his voice uncertain.
Wordlessly, Lily held out her arms and James moved to the sofa and put his arms round her. They stayed that way for a long time, offering each other silent comfort in the dark room.
Severus Snape delicately added a drop of purified adder venom to his latest experiment and turned to consult his list of ingredients once again. Powdered phoenix feather was next. Snape reached for the appropriate jar, and suddenly found that his hands were shaking too badly to remove the lid.
Uttering a smothered oath under his breath, Snape thumped the jar back onto the table and sat down, burying his head in his hands.
He was reliving it again, that night last August, the night he'd gone to the Muggle village with Karkaroff and the others for a little "innocent diversion." Snape smiled mirthlessly; the thought of anyone calling what had happened there innocent..........
Snape dreamed about it, the smells and the screams and the faces, and woke sweating and shaking, utterly unable to go back to sleep. As a result, Snape, already an established insomniac, got maybe six hours of sleep per week.
And recently he'd begun having flashbacks during the day, the memories as vivid as any nightmare. They had much the same effect; he sweated and shook and was unable to distinguish the memory from reality. He remembered the incident in images, like pictures; he wasn't able to piece together a continuous memory of that night, and Snape hoped to Merlin that he never would be able to.
A knock startled Snape from his reverie, and he spun round to see Lucius Malfoy standing in the doorway, using his cane to rap on the frame.
"Hello, Severus," Malfoy drawled, moving into the room. He made a small grimace of disgust at the odor coming from the cauldron and moved his chair further away.
"Lucius," Snape nodded curtly. Malfoy came to visit him without fail every day; Snape did not need to be told who had "suggested" these visits. The fact that the polished, elegant Lucius Malfoy paid such regular visits to a curt, admittedly antisocial eighteen-year-old wizard was telling enough.
Malfoy studied Snape. "Have you slept at all in the past week?" he asked familiarly.
"I fail to see why my sleeping habits should come under your jurisdiction, Lucius," Snape retorted tartly.
Recognizing a dead end conversation when he saw one, Malfoy sought to change the subject. "There is news," he began, and paused.
"Then by all means tell it to me, Lucius, though I warn you: if you're waiting for me to beg you for the details, you will wait a very long time indeed," Snape snapped. "You are scarcely my only source of information."
"The Mudblood Marlene McKinnon has been disposed of," Malfoy said blandly, ignoring Snape's belligerence. "She and her family, to be exact."
"I thought she'd gone into hiding," Snape felt a twinge of nausea over the news of more killing, in spite of himself.
"She had," Malfoy replied, "but our master has recently – acquired – a new source who provided us with an address, and Travers paid them a call."
"Do you suppose it was wise to kill of all of the McKinnons?" Snape asked coolly. "They are hardly without influence."
"Disposing of the McKinnons was most definitely the lesser of two evils," Malfoy assured him. "Marlene McKinnon was part of a much larger threat." Snape cocked a brow at Lucius, inviting him to go on.
Lowering his voice a touch, Malfoy continued. "McKinnon was a member of a secret organization that Albus Dumbledore started. He calls it the Order of the Phoenix."
Snape shivered slightly at the words, though he wasn't sure why.
"The purpose of this organization, or so the source informs the Dark Lord, is to put a stop to the Dark Lord's plans," Malfoy explained, amusement plain in his tone. "But of course, our master is once again one step ahead of that Muggle-loving old fool. He has a spy inside this Order, and the spy has already provided us with the names of the members, their plans, everything. The only thing this person can't give us is the meeting location; this changes every time, and it's protected by a Fidelius Charm. No matter; we can snuff them out one by one, just as we did McKinnon."
Malfoy had been watching Snape intently throughout this speech, looking, no doubt, for signs of revulsion or sympathy, or any other emotion that would be perceived as a threat to the Dark Lord's cause. Snape remained impassive, determined not to give Lucius anything to report back.
"Indeed," was Snape's only comment on this information. He rose decidedly, picking up his ingredients list again. "If you should see our master before I do, tell him that the potion will be ready for him in a week."
Malfoy rose as well. "If I see him, I'll inform him," he said, again not rising to the bait. "'Til tomorrow then, Severus."
"Indeed," Snape repeated, picking up the powdered phoenix feathers once more.
Malfoy swept from the room with his customary flair, and Snape waited until he heard the front door shut before he set the jar down and once more buried his face in his hands.
Author's Note:
I seem to be on a roll; I actually managed to make time to write! ) It feels good to be working consistently on this story again; I suppose we'll see if it lasts....
Thank you, everyone, for the reviews, and thank you especially to witch heart, James Potter09, Cecilia Orechio, and hairy hen. I was really touched by the things you said; your reviews meant a lot to me. )
The jam incident in this chapter is based on a true story (minus the explosion, obviously) but I won't say anything more to protect the embarrassed.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Review and let me know what you thought!