Chapter Twenty-Seven: Sophie

Olivia

I know it's not enough, but after seeing Sophie's lifeless body in a tub, all I can do is whisper an apology as I pretend to be seeing you for the first time. I hug you, like everyone else but unlike the guys, I just want to fall in your arms, and for a moment I think I might actually faint. I'm overcome by it all, and I force myself to pull away, trying to regain my cool. Elliot touches the butt of my gun sticking up from my belt holster, I know what he's trying to say, "cool down." I take a breath and try to make my face look surprised instead of devastated and needy.

You're gone too soon, whisked away by Hammond and all I can do is stare after you, watching you walk away, wanting to collapse, instead settling in my chair and leaning my head in my hands, elbows on my desk. Before long Cragen calls us into his office to hear about the call. I let Elliot do all the talking, and like a true partner, he doesn't mention my push on Julie.

"You have a problem with this case Detective?" Don's voice snaps me back to the present, away from the vision of Sophie's softly plump body floating in a sea of red.

"No Capt'n. Just, thinking about the rape. I think if we can get Julie to talk we might still be able to get the three mousketeers on the rape charge."

"Do you think she will talk?"

Ah, the real crux of the issue. "I don't know. Without her testimony, Novak has no case, and you already know how she feels about that."

"Yeah, and so do you. Elliot, talk to Novak, see what kind of evidence she needs to make the hate crimes stick. Then the two of you, find me something she can work with. Legitimately." Elliot turns to leave, and as I move to follow, Don calls me back,

"I need to chat with you detective. Close the door and have a seat."

Elliot gives me a sympathetic look, then heads off to find Casey.

"Look, Captain, I know I'm taking this a little… personally, but I think I can get Julie to talk."

"Olivia, don't you think maybe you should back off on this one? Before you end up facing more time with Huang."

"I can do this Captain. I need to do this."

"Why? Elliot's not the only once who's noticed you taking this one too personally. Even before he came to me with his concerns..."

"Elliot talked to you?" I can't stop my anger.

"Olivia he was worried about you. And frankly so am I. With Alex back, and this case clearly having an affect on you, maybe you should take a little time…"

"I don't need time Don, I need to close this file. Don't make me do this off-duty."

"Are you telling me that if I send you on vacation you would continue to pursue this without departmental approval? You and Elliot did everything you could to get Sophie to prosecute the rape, and then did everything you could to get her to testify for the hate crimes charge when she wouldn't pursue it independently. Why are you willing to risk your job for this?"

I can't answer. The silence fills the office, and I start to feel like I'm suffocating. I lean back in the chair and close my eyes, unable to fight off the truth, and my tears.

Alex

I hate having to leave you like this, but even as Hammond whisks me away to my mother's I'm trying to figure out how to get away from the hotel tonight and get back to you. There's nothing I can do for you now, and I need to be prepared to see my mom.

"Seems like your girlfriend's having a little trouble, Miss Cabot. Can I expect you to try and slip away from me tonight?"

The sound of Hammond's uncharacteristic softness jolts me. I give him a questioning look as he drives towards the richest part of Long Island, taking me home. He catches my eye with the corner of his and shrugs.

"My daughter's gay. Lost her girlfriend last year when some guys decided she wasn't allowed to date women. We've… seen our share of phobia and hatred."

I'm surprised at this revelation, especially since after two years I know nothing about Hammond and his life. Maybe he's not so bad after all.

"You know I'm not really a fascist." I can't help but blush, feeling slightly ashamed for the first time. "But you're right, I don't like having to be your personal bodyguard. I'd rather have been in New York last year watching my daughter graduate from college. When you and your detectives ruined our case, Donovan and I were incensed. The night he died…"

Hammond's voice breaks, and he coughs to try and cover this sensitivity. "Donovan was my partner. A good one. He and Lydia and I worked closely together, and when your hotshot girlfriend wouldn't drop the investigation we both got worked up. I said some things that night. I should have cooled down before I came at you."

I don't respond, partly because I don't know what to say, and partly because the night of the explosion is still a blur for me in a lot of ways.

"Anyway. I don't like the idea of you being out of my range, but if I have to give you over to anyone, I suppose a hard-working SVU Detective is better than nothing. Just don't let it get back to the department. I've already lost two partners, I'd like to at least keep my job."

I nod, knowing he's looking at the road again, while I try to find my voice. "Thanks. She'd never let anything happen to me." Not this time.

Olivia

I wonder what you'll think when I tell you that I told the captain about us. Will you be angry? frustrated? scared? Proud? I always thought that if I was going to have a dad-type person in my life, Don'd make a pretty good one. He took my revelation, like everything else, in stride.

"Look, Liv-- I could care less who you're sleeping with, as long is it makes you happy and doesn't interfere with the job. I'm glad Alex is back, for your sake especially, but I need your guarantee that you're not going to get out of control about this case. Don't make me take one of my best detectives off of this. Because I will if I have to."

I nodded, unable to speak.

"And Detective, talk to your girlfriend. She might be able to help you get some perspective on this one. I think you need it. Take the rest of the day off."

Before I can protest, he adds, "that's not a suggestion. You're still lucky I don't make a mandatory vacation. Take the day."

I leave the office feeling both chastised and relieved. I just hope I get to see you again tonight, or tomorrow, or sometime before they pull you away to settle things on the Oregon end of the process. My mind flashes to the sight of Julie on the couch, of Sophie in the bath for the millionth time since we found them. I try to replace their faces with yours, trying to erase the sight of Sophie dead in my mind with the sight of you alive in my apartment. But all I accomplish is a grisly mix of the two… my face on Sophie's body in the tub, your face on Julie's in the living room. I need to be in your arms. I need to forget this, and forget how much I want to find a shot of vodka anywhere in the world.

Alex

Seeing my mother was… difficult. Proper and genteel as always, I was surprised to see tears rolling down her carefully made up cheeks. It was the first time I've ever seen her really cry. She's lost weight since I left, and I can see that she's grown weaker in my absence. I can't help feeling responsible as she sits delicately in the fancy living room armchair, one hand held to her heart, the other grasping mine. She didn't have much to say, mostly filled me in on the family investments, talked about the extended family, about new servants, trying to fill the space where our real relationship would have been, if we'd had one.

As Hammond pulled me away for my meeting with Novak, mother gripped my hand tighter and stood, lifting her right hand to my cheek,

"I've missed you Alexandra. You and your detective friend. Bring her by when you get back all right? I'd like to see you two at dinner some evening. I'll even have Marcella cook some of that rabbit food she eats. She must have been so glad to see you back again."

I don't tell her that you knew I wasn't dead. I'm hoping to start fresh with my mother this time around, and I know she wouldn't understand why I chose to fight to tell you, and not her.

"I'll call, mother. Take care all right? Tell everyone I said… I don't know… boo?" It's a lame joke, but mother laughs politely anyway. Always diplomatic, even with her own daughter.