Chapter Thirty-Eight: Care

Olivia

You ignore my attempt to broach the subject of your "faint" and surprise me with a question.

"What was the verdict?"

"What?"

"The verdict Liv, what did they say?

Even though the news is good, I'm afraid to tell you. I'm still not convinced this is as cut-and-dried as the doctor said. You can see I'm stalling, and it's only when I notice a panic rising behind your too-blue eyes that I tell you,

"Guilty. It's all over now. Casey came by last night to tell me the judge didn't even stop to think. Once he calmed the courtroom down he immediately invoked the death penalty. Connors doesn't have a chance."

"Really?"

"Really. We're free now. You can do… whatever it is you want to do."

Tears start rolling down your cheeks, and your relief is palpable. I'm expecting you to speak, but you don't. How do you look so small all of a sudden? You never get tired of teasing that you're two inches taller than I am. But here you look… I don't know-- tiny. It hits me again; that I could have lost you, and my tears join yours.

When Elliot knocks at the door we wipe our eyes like idiots, sniffling together, then laughing as we both imagine the picture we must make.

"How're my favorite girls?"

"Fine El. It's going to be ok."

"So I hear."

I tilt my head in a question, and Elliot looks at Alex. "Uh… your mom talked to me on the way out."

I can hear you groan, but I don't think Elliot does. "What did she say?"

"She wanted me to arrest Olivia."

"What?" We speak at the same time.

"Undue influence or some nonsense … I don't know Alex, I wasn't really listening."

"What did you tell her?"

"Love isn't a criminal offense and she should feel blessed that her daughter has someone who's willing to risk everything to be with her." He blushes, and I can't help sharing a smile with you.

"Thanks Elliot."

"To serve and protect right? So, what's the word? Your mom said something about staying an extra night?"

"They just want to make sure it really was a fluke, and not an indication of something more serious. They'll probably send me home tomorrow. Hammond already pushed back my flight, so I'm here until Wednesday. That gives us a chance to talk about our plans, make some decisions." You squeeze my hand at the word us. I can't help feeling I'm not going to like this conversation.

"Well look, I've gotta get back to the kids, Maureen's tolerance for her siblings is limited, and I'm a little afraid she'll tie the littlest one to a chair and bring over her boyfriend if I leave them too long." He shakes his head, but we both know he's thrilled to get the chance to see them.

"What's the word from Kathy?" You really are braver than I am.

"There is none. I can't really get her to talk to me. Last time I told her not communicating wasn't solving anything, and her response was 'that's my line'. Guess it serves me right. All these years… look- I envy you, both of you. At the end of the day there's someone who understands. There's no horror to hide."

Elliot's voice is sad, and I leave your side for a moment to give him an awkward hug. "It'll be all right El."

"Yeah, maybe. Look guys, I gotta run. See you Monday Liv?"

"Yeah. Tell the kids I said hi."

"Sure. Take it easy Alex, no more scares ok?"

"I'll try detective." I'm back at your side, sliding your hand back into mine, and I don't notice Elliot leave because I'm lost inside the ocean of your eyes.

Alex

After Elliot leaves, we stay quiet, taking each other in. I can tell you're still scared, and knowing you the way I do I know you're imagining all the things that could have gone wrong yesterday.

"They did all the tests there were to do Liv, I'm going to be fine."

"You scared me Lexi. I didn't know what had happened you just... collapsed. This time there were no gunshots to blame, just you… on the ground. You have to stop doing this to me."

"I'm sorry Livvy."

"It's ok Alex." You pause and I wonder what you're thinking. I don't have to wonder long.

"What happens now?"

"Well, I'll need a place to stay until Wednesday, and I don't think I'll be the most welcome visitor at Cabot Castle, so…."

"You know you don't have to ask. But I really meant what you want to do after Wednesday."

I knew what you were asking. I was hoping a stall technique would work.

"Well, after Wednesday I go back to Oregon."

"Did you make a decision?"

"Yes." But you won't like it.

"And?"

"I'm going to stay there for awhile."

There's silence where your response should be. Your hand in mine goes slack, and you pull it away from me, rubbing your palms together.

"Will you be back?"

"Eventually."

"When?"

"I haven't decided yet. Arthur said he'd give me a recommendation when I come back. I have some cases I should tie up at the office, a few open files that still need my recommendations. I should look into selling the house, I do have a few friends out west that need to be informed about… all of this."

"When, Alex?"

"Six months to a year."

More silence, then tears.