See Jareth and David Run

Chapter Two

4th Jan 2005 - This chapter disappeared somewhere, which I've only just noticed, so here it is again. Skipping replying to reviews because it takes forever, I love everyone but flamers and so far that means I love every one of you. You're so special and I don't have a sappy bone in my body.

Sarah, Jareth and the Labyworld belong to Jim Henson and co. David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly belong to themselves.

Hoggle's jaw dropped the full half a metre it had to fall to reach the ground. One was bad enough. And now there were two.

'What ARE you staring at, Hogbrain?' Jareth asked, his voice smashing into Hoggle's thoughts.

Hoggle's eyes darted from Jareth to the man who looked like Jareth and back again. 'It's Hoggle. Your Majesty… what have you done?'

'I don't think you're in a position to ask me what I've been doing.'

David and Hoggle looked at him. David, who on the nice-o-meter is only about one hundred and ten percent nicer than Jareth, decided to explain. 'Hoggle – '

'You know my name!'

'Yes… I'm David Bowie.'

Blank stare. David sighed. 'I played Jareth in this movie.'

Blank stare. David sighed. 'I'm a person who looks just like Jareth because I'm him.'

Terrified stare. David sighed. 'I got wished away here.'

'Ah.'

Jareth had grown rather bored of this conversation. Hoggle looked at him. 'Sarah sent you here, didn't she?'

Jareth glared at him, a glare that made Hoggle wished he could turn into one of the eyes on the wall but would make any normal hormone-driven woman push Jareth and David up against a wall. He leaned down and grabbed Hoggle by his collar. 'Mention that again and I'll throw you into the Bog of Eternal Stench before you can blink.'

Hoggle went a stranger colour.

'What's the Bog of Eternal Stench?' David didn't much like the sound of it.

Hoggle looked at him. 'You really don't want to know, but you'll find out.'

Jareth decided to point out an important, but at this time unnoticed, fact. 'Uh, just pointing out an important, but currently unnoticed, fact, but we do only have thirteen hours.'

David stared at him. 'Who decided such a stupid, short amount of time?' Jareth thought that by not answering, he wouldn't have to entertain David with an answer. David, however, took his silence for what we thought and was entertained briefly before looking left and right. 'Doesn't look much of a labyrinth to me.' He looked at Hoggle. 'Which way would you go?'

'Me? I would go either way.'

David looked at Jareth, annoyed. 'Yeah, I suppose you would.'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'It means, Bleach Boy, that you have made it more than once obvious that you do not know the way through your own labyrinth, and would take both paths!'

Hoggle stared at Jareth. 'You don't even know the way?' he asked, amazed.

Jareth paused, then laughed, then stopped laughing. 'Of course I know the way. Powder Puff, choose a pathway and get going already.'

'Fine with me.' With that, David started heading off down the left path. He then noticed the eyes on the wall staring back at him. 'Hey, cool. They look like the glass eyes my fans send me.'

Visions of paper fans giving eyeballs to someone danced in Jareth and Hoggle's heads. With little choice, however, Jareth followed the man who he thought was possibly insane down the path.

And so Jareth and David walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and walked and then yelled out in frustration.

'You call THIS a labyrinth?' David yelled about fifty metres down the pathway from the door. 'It just goes on and on in a goddamned straight line!'

Jareth stared at the wall. 'Will you shut up? I can't hear myself think!' Wall, wall, wall, wall. Wall, wall, wall, DOOR! 'That's it!'

David sighed and leaned back against a wall, sliding down it and sitting the ground. 'What's what?'

Jareth stared at wall. 'There's a door here!'

David stared at Jareth. 'Uh, I don't know what sort of mushrooms you and everyone else here are taking, but that's a brick wall.'

Jareth blinked. 'We eat mushrooms. Don't you?'

A little voice piped up in David's ear, saving him from having to explain. 'Allo!'

David looked at the source of the voice and lost any remaining dignity he had by screaming.

Jareth turned around to face the screaming man. Then noticed that worm that most Laby fans including the author find cute, with the little blue tuff of hair. 'Oh, it's you… WILL YOU SHUT UP?'

David fell quiet and stared at the little worm, who blinked its eyes and smiled strangely. 'Who are you?'

'I'm a worm.'

David's eyes narrowed.

Jareth stared at the worm. 'Hello, Worm.'

The worm, who had been christened with the completely uncreative name of Worm, stared back at Jareth. 'Your Majesty. The missus would love to meet you.'

'How is the missus?'

'The missus is fine.' Worm looked at the pair – one looking calm, and his identical copy still looking plain terrified. 'Come on in, have a nice cup of tea.'

'Uh… no, we're fine.'

David managed to get over his shock and looked at Worm. 'Look, is this a labyrinth or what, because I have better things to do.'

Worm stared at him. 'Who are you?'

'David Bowie.'

Worm slapped himself against the wall in glee. 'Oh, the missus WILL be pleased! She's a big fan of yours!'

David raised an eyebrow. 'But isn't your missus a worm?'

'Yes, they sell miniature CDs of yours. The missus thought your concert was fabulous.'

Nothing surprised David anymore.

'ALRIGHT! I ADMIT IT!' Jareth suddenly yelled out. 'I DON'T KNOW MY WAY THROUGH MY LABYRINTH! ARE YOU ALL HAPPY NOW?'

Not even a cricket could be heard. If they existed in the labyrinth, that is, but Jareth wouldn't know.

Worm tilted his head. 'There's an entrance right across from you.'

David stared doubtfully at the wall while Jareth did a happy little jig.

'I KNEW IT! I KNEW THERE WAS A DOOR THERE! THAT'S HOW WE GET IN!' Jareth spun around to point at a disinterested David. 'AND YOU TOLD ME I WAS DISILLUSIONED! I WAS RIGHT!'

'I never said you were disillusioned, but I've been thinking it and now I'm convinced.'

David watched in amazement as Jareth strode through the wall and turned right. With a heavy sigh, he got up and followed to find himself actually inside the labyrinth.

And Jareth looking rather lost.

'What's the matter now?' David remarked. It was going to be a long thirteen hours. He supposed it was twelve now, after all the fuss in just the one pathway.

Jareth kept spinning on his heels before he finally looked straight at his stunt double. 'The end keeps changing!'

'We're already at the end?' David asked, surprised.

The sarcastic expression on Jareth's face murdered all hope David had. 'The ends of the pathway, Powder Puff.'

'That was the seventies. Besides, it's bloody ironic, you calling me Powder Puff. You looked in a mirror lately? Or can't you find your way to your own bathroom?'

David dodged just in time to miss the fist clutching a lollipop flying at his head. Two good things due to his dodging skills - the first being that the lollipop didn't come in contact with his eyes, the second being that he spotted the giant hand.

'Look, a giant hand!' David remarked, pointing to a statue of a hand with a pointed finger sitting on the wall.

Jareth stuffed the lollipop in his mouth as the pair made their first bright decision to follow the finger. As with most of their future decisions, this bright decision got them nowhere as they just kept walking around in the circles.

Jareth spat out his lollipop in rage. 'WE JUST KEEP WALKING AROUND IN CIRCLES!'

'Do you mind? I'm already blind in one eye, I'd like to keep all my hearing.'

Jareth paid David no attention as he fell to his knees, sobbing. He grieved for his lollipop, which had smashed on the ground. 'No… my lollipop…'

David, personally, was relieved the lollipop had gone to Hell, but didn't let that show. He didn't let any sympathy show either, but he wasn't feeling that. Instead, he put one foot up on Jareth's back and threw himself up against the wall.

'What are you doing?' Jareth snapped as he cringed under David's weight and the runner pressing painfully onto his spine.

David pressed his hands on top of the wall and managed to find a hole in which to stick his other foot. 'It looks easier just to walk along the top. You can see more.' He threw himself up on top, reliving the pressure on Jareth. David followed the top to the point where it stopped and there was a inhumanly jump to get to the other side. He turned around and walked back to where he could see Jareth's head, then leapt down. 'No good. Too far to jump.'

He paused for a moment and then pulled out a doll from a bag he suddenly had with him. Jareth peaked into the bag to find it full of dolls. 'You carry around a bag of dolls with you?'

David put down the doll down on the ground. 'They were with me when I got plucked then dumped in your freak of a world.'

'Who's are they?'

'My daughter's. We had a game of all-or-nothing marbles with my collection of glass eyes. At least now I can do something with the thirty or so dolls I claimed.'

'How old is she?'

'Four.' David looked warily at him. 'Why?'

'No reason.' Jareth smiled at David's back.

David, unaware, pointed at the doll. 'Now, every so often I'll put down a doll and we'll follow the direction the heads point in, got it?'

'Why can't we follow the feet?'

David gave Jareth an exasperated look. 'Because I said we're following the heads.'

And so they walked and followed heads then continued to walk and follow heads then walked and followed heads some more until they got to those really annoying guards.

'It's simple,' one head said. 'One of the doors leads to the castle at the centre of the labyrinth, and the other door leads to - da-da-da-doom - certain death!'

The other heads agreed. 'Oooohhh' or something of the sort.

Jareth didn't care. He certainly couldn't care less. 'Look, just open the door to leading to my castle and get on with it!'

The heads laughed, so David took a different approach. 'Which door leads to the castle?'

'We can't tell you.'

'Why not?'

'Them's the rules – one of us always tells the truth, and one of us always lies.'

So David – our smart, intelligent, caring David - figured out what he thought the door to the castle was and made a speech rather similar to the one Sarah made in his position which the author won't type here because after eighteen years, she's never understood it.

Jareth muttered something in the background about getting rid of the guards once he finished the labyrinth and not getting called 'smart' or 'intelligent' or 'caring'.

David smiled triumphantly. 'This door leads to the castle,' he said, opening the door. Jareth grumbled and followed him. 'It's a piece of cake!'

Jareth's eyes grew wide. 'DAVID – '

Too late. The trapdoor had opened and David and Jareth fell out of sight.

TBC