Chapter 6
There's a First Time for Everything
Disclaimer: LucasArts…blah blah blah…Obsidian…blah blah blah…not mine
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The leader of the Mandalorians was gruff, arrogant, and impossible not to like. Despite himself, Bao-Dur found he was nodding in agreement as the soldier outlined the plan to reach Iziz.
Throughout the camp, dead Sith littered the ground. A few Mandalorians had been killed, and many others were wounded. The General and Visas had spoken with the survivors, using the Force to heal the injured; Bao-Dur had watched them calmly, knowing one day he would walk beside them.
Now the dead were being gathered, and Mandalore had ordered a shuttle to be ready in an hour. It was time to prepare for the journey to Onderon.
"I think I'll go with you," Mandalore announced, and Bao-Dur's eyes widened.
The General blinked in surprise, but she recovered quickly. "We'd be happy to have you," she said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must see to my ship and my crew."
She walked outside, her gait casual, her expression revealing nothing. Yet Bao-Dur knew she was not entirely pleased with this sudden change in plans. She stopped on the grass and glanced around, making sure none of the Mandalorians were close enough to overhear their conversation.
"I want you two to return to the ship," the General said. "You have done enough today. I cannot ask you to come to Iziz."
"You shouldn't go alone with the Mandalorian," Bao-Dur cautioned. He had no doubt she could take care of herself, but he did not like the idea of her being alone with Mandalore. She needed someone beside her.
"I won't be going alone," the General said. "Return to the ship. Check on the status of the repairs." She glanced away, and color heated her cheeks. "And please ask the Disciple to join me here. He will come to Iziz with Mandalore and myself."
"We will do as you ask," Visas said.
"Thank you," the General said. She looked up at them, all traces of embarrassment gone. "The Mandalorian guide will take you back to the ship. I will stay here, and assist with the final preparations for the trip to Onderon."
"We will see you on board then," Bao-Dur said, "after you return."
The General smiled. "May the Force be with you."
They did not speak on the journey back to the ship. The presence of their Mandalorian guide held them silent, and they were watchful for signs of any more animal attacks.
For Bao-Dur, the walk through the jungle was a marvel. With his senses newly awakened to the Force, he was astonished to realize just how alive the galaxy was. The Dxun jungle teemed with life, from the smallest insects to the enormous trees that had stood here for centuries. He wanted to close his eyes and simply stand there, feeling alive, feeling the Force flow through him.
All too soon they reached the Ebon Hawk. The Mandalorian guide waited patiently while Bao-Dur and Visas went up the ramp and entered the ship.
"I must meditate," Visas said. She kept her head bowed as she moved quicky toward her quarters.
Bao-Dur found the Disciple in the medical bay. The soldier had a datapad on his lap, but he was not reading; a frown marred his brow as he stared into space. He jumped with fright when Bao-Dur appeared in the doorway.
"I didn't know you were back," the Disciple said. He set the datapad down. "Is everything all right?"
"We have found a group of Mandalorians," Bao-Dur said. "They have a shuttle that will take us to Onderon. The General is waiting in their camp. She wants you to go with her."
The Disciple's whole face lit up. "I will be there right away!" He leaped to his feet. "Um, where should I go?"
"There is a guide outside, waiting to take you back," Bao-Dur explained.
The Disciple nodded. He grinned. "Thank you."
Bao-Dur nodded back. He walked through the ship, greeting T3 with a smile as the little droid rolled past.
"Back already?" Mira called. She was lounging on the couch, cleaning the rocket launcher she always kept strapped to her wrist.
As quickly as he could, Bao-Dur repeated his tale of the events on Dxun. Mira looked startled to hear they were joining forces with Mandalorians, then shrugged it off. "Hey, whatever gets the job done, you know? Could be a wise move."
He glanced around and lowered his voice. "Do you know where Kreia is?"
"In her room, I guess." Mira shrugged. "I haven't seen her in hours." She spoke softly, too. "What's up with her? She acts like she hates it here with us, but she never leaves the ship."
Bao-Dur had wondered this as well. "I think she would prefer it if no one else was on board," he said. "If it was just her and the General."
It would explain a lot, he thought. From what he knew, Kreia had been the first one of them to make contact with the General, back on Peragus. The old woman had probably hoped she could take the General under her wing and train her as an apprentice, with no outside interference from others, and no one to undermine her influence. Unfortunately for her, her plan had been disrupted right from the start. It was little wonder she hated Atton so much, Bao-Dur mused. The pilot had been the first to join with them, and Kreia would never forgive him for that, for destroying her chance to be alone with the General.
"How are the repairs coming?" he asked, speaking in a normal volume again.
"Dunno." Mira made a vague gesture. "Okay, I guess."
"Thanks." Bao-Dur exited the ship again, out into the steamy jungle. Once more, his senses were immediately filled with the life surrounding him. He remembered the General saying once that Nar Shaddaa was a terrible place to be a Jedi, because it was teeming with life, and he wondered what she thought of Dxun. Surely she would agree that natural life was better than the cluttered thoughts of sentients. After all, trees had to be more peaceful than spaceports.
Violent banging startled him out of his reverie. The noise was followed by a string of swear words, not all of them in Basic. Trying not to laugh, Bao-Dur walked around the Ebon Hawk and found Atton perched on the side of the ship, struggling with a particularly stubborn aspect of their shields.
"Everything going all right?"
Atton yelped in surprise. He reached for his blaster and had it drawn before he registered that it was only Bao-Dur. "You're back," he said.
"Yep," Bao-Dur said. He could tell at a glance that the repair work was going well, but he could see a few places where things could have been done better.
"Hey," Atton said, finally realizing what Bao-Dur's presence meant. "You're back." He hopped down to the ground, wiping his hands on his robes.
"The General stayed behind," Bao-Dur said quickly, dashing the pilot's hopes.
Atton's face fell. "Oh," he said. "Oh. Well, why did she do that?"
For the third time, Bao-Dur went through his story. He had just reached the part about the zakkeg when Atton suddenly interrupted. "Hey, wait a minute. Something's different. You're different." He stared at Bao-Dur closely. "You're a Jedi now. She made you a Jedi!"
Bao-Dur nodded. He was absurdly pleased that Atton had noticed.
"How do you feel?" Atton asked.
"It's not at all what I expected," Bao-Dur said. He smiled. "It's so much better."
Atton grinned. "Yeah. Yeah, it is."
He went quickly through the rest of the story, especially upon reaching the end. "Mandalore will accompany her to Iziz. She asked Visas and myself to return to the ship. She wants the Disciple to go with her. She will contact us once she reaches the city."
"Well," Atton said. His good humor had vanished. "Good for him." He turned back to the ship. "Now if you don't mind…"
"I can help," Bao-Dur offered. "It'll get done faster if two work on it."
"Sure, fine." Atton climbed back up to the shield array, apparently intent on attacking the damaged areas of the ship, since he could not take out his frustrations on anyone else.
"All right." Bao-Dur took a hydrospanner out of the toolbox, and settled into the quiet business of repair work.
For a while they worked together in companionable silence, just two guys working on a machine. But Bao-Dur found his thoughts drifting more and more to the interior of the ship. More specifically, to one person within the ship.
He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to see her. He needed to know what she thought of him, now that she knew he had destroyed Malachor V.
He needed to know if she hated him now.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Only if it's about this damn shield," Atton grunted.
Bao-Dur set down his tools. "What if you did something once…something terrible…and someone you cared about found out about it. What would you say to them?"
Atton looked up, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. After a long moment he said, "Wait, this is about you."
"Yes," Bao-Dur said softly. He hoped he would not have to make another confession, but he would, if he had to. Part of redemption was acknowledging that you had done wrong, and admitting that you had to atone for that wrong.
"Oh, well, all right." Atton frowned. "I assume we're talking about your General, right?"
Wishing now he hadn't brought it up, Bao-Dur shook his head. He stared down at the hull of the Ebon Hawk, noticing the marks of hard space travel. The ship was in need of a major overhaul, he thought absently. He should really mention it to the General, the next chance he got.
"Then who are you talking about?" Atton asked.
Bao-Dur took a deep breath. "Visas."
He could feel Atton's shock with his new Jedi senses, and he tensed, waiting for the inevitable reprisal. Atton would tell him he was a fool to fall for a Sith, that Visas couldn't be trusted, that she had tried to kill the General, that he would be better off staying locked away in the garage for the rest of their journey, that he was an idiot, that he should have been left behind on Telos, that this would never, ever work out.
Atton said none of those things. He just said, "Good for you."
Certain that he couldn't have heard right, Bao-Dur looked up. Atton was smiling. "Hey, someone on this ship has to be happy. I'm glad it's you."
"So you think--?" He could not finish the sentence.
"Hold on." Atton waved the plasma torch he was holding. "Just so we get this straight. You're asking me for romantic advice?"
Bao-Dur flushed. "I suppose I am."
Atton laughed, but it was not a mean-spirited sound. "I like that. Well, I guess there's a first time for everything, right? Serves me right for asking you about her."
"So what do you think I should do?" Bao-Dur insisted.
"Talk to her," Atton said without hesitation. "If she has feelings for you, she'll forgive you. If she doesn't, well, then does it really matter what she thinks?"
Bao-Dur sighed. It was the answer he had expected. He had known it all along, he supposed. He had just needed to hear it from someone else. "You're right," he said. He started to climb down. "I'll go talk to her right now."
"Good luck," Atton called after him.
"Thanks," Bao-Dur said. He wished he could echo the sentiment, but he did not dare. He did not know his General's heart. He suspected she did not know it, herself.
And then he wondered. How well did he know his own heart?
Back inside the ship, he washed his hands and took several calming breaths. It was no use. His heart was beating too fast.
She was in her room, kneeling with her head bowed. "I know why you have come," she said.
He swallowed hard. "Do you?"
She stood up. "I may not be able to see," she said, "but I am not blind. I know you are troubled."
"I want to be sure you understand," he said. He wanted no secrets between them. If he was to be with her, she needed to know everything.
"You destroyed Malachor V," Visas said. "I understand this."
"Then you know what I am," Bao-Dur said.
"Do you compare yourself to my former master?" she asked. There was a slight edge to her voice. "Do you think the destruction of Malachor is equal to the destruction of Katarr?"
"I know they are not," he said. His hope was ebbing away. His worst fears had come true. She was angry with him.
"They are not," Visas agreed. "Malachor was torn by war and bloodshed. My world was peaceful. Malachor was an act of war. My world was innocent." She lifted her chin. "They are nothing alike, and you are nothing like my former master. I will not hear you speak of such things again."
Abruptly he realized why she was angry. She did not hate him at all! In fact, she was not pleased that he should think such things about himself. That was why she was angry. Not because he had done those things. But because he blamed himself.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't want you to think…"
"You did what had to be done," Visas said. "There is no shame in that."
"Not shame," he agreed. "Guilt. I feel I must atone for what I did."
"Becoming a Jedi is the first step on that path," Visas said. "The Exile is right. You must set aside your anger." She spoke with sorrow. "I struggle every day to forgive my former master for Katarr. Every day my feet walk its ashes again, and I strive to make sense of it."
She had never really spoken of Katarr to him before. "You can talk about it, if you wish."
"I do wish to tell you," Visas said. "But not now. I cannot." Her voice trembled. "I cannot."
She was always so strong, so capable. Seeing her like this made Bao-Dur's chest tighten. He moved toward her, then stopped, wondering if he was presuming too much.
Evidently Visas did not think so. She stepped forward so she was closer to him, so close, and then she was there, and Bao-Dur felt his arms come up and embrace her, moving all on their own.
She leaned her head on his chest. A tremulous sigh escaped her. "I fear I will never leave Katarr," she confessed. "That I will always walk among its ashes."
"You won't," Bao-Dur told her. She felt so slight in his arms. It seemed impossible that she could be so fragile, and yet so powerful.
"I am afraid," she whispered.
"Don't be." He looked down at her. "You don't have to be afraid anymore." The desire to protect her washed over him again, so fierce it made him tremble. "I won't let anyone hurt you."
She raised her head, seeing him through the Force, seeing his sincerity. "I believe you," she whispered.
He leaned down. She did not draw away. Gently, his lips touched hers.
Visas sighed. The kiss deepened. Bao-Dur's heart began to pound. He never wanted to let go of her. He never wanted this moment to end.
When they at last broke away, Visas sank against him. Her arms had come up to encircle him, although he could not say when that had happened. "Thank you," she breathed.
"For what?" Bao-Dur asked. He felt light-headed, like he might just laugh out loud with sheer happiness.
"You are the first male I have ever kissed," Visas said.
He was deeply moved by her confession. He knew she had suffered badly in the service of her master, but he had hoped her life on Katarr had been a happy one. Apparently he had been wrong in thinking so.
"It need not be your last," he said.
"I hope it is not," Visas said. She spoke seriously but she was smiling as she said it.
Bao-Dur laughed. He couldn't help it. He was just too happy.