Chapter Forty-Two: Every new Beginning
Olivia
Wednesday arrives too quickly here. When the alarm blares at us at 4am it takes me a while to remember why I've set it so early. The sight of your packed bags in the doorway of the bedroom reminds me, and I turn to watch you waking up for one last time before you go.
Seeing your eyes watching me, already open, I wonder how long you've been awake.
"Are you ready?"
"No."
"You don't have to go."
You shake your head, and we both know now that you do. It's been a hard thing for me to accept, this need you feel to go back. I think I understand it now, but I still don't like the idea of letting you go away from me again.
"I need to shower before we leave, and I still have to pack up my toiletries and such." You start to roll away from me but I grab you, not ready to let go of you yet.
"Livvy…"
"Just a few more minutes Lexi. I promise not to pounce, I just… want to soak you in for a bit."
You don't bother to resist, and I think you need these last few minutes as much as I do. It'll be probably a year before we have another. I spend my time memorizing you, committing every curve, every dip and bend to memory. I breathe in the scent of your hair, the feel of the skin on your neck, behind your knee, on your elbows. I memorize the way your long fingers feel in mine, the lines in your palm. When the alarm goes off a second time I reluctantly let you go, choosing to forgo the shower, knowing I'd only make us late.
The sight of you stepping from the steam in a towel stops my dressing, and I watch you cross the bedroom to the clothes you laid out last night. I watch you dress, adoring the way the shadows cup your perfect backside, the delicate line of your spine. There is something incredibly artistic about your body, and it makes me think perhaps this God of yours is a sculptor.
Thinking of God reminds me of Sophie, and Ruth, and Julie and Josephine. Julie called yesterday to tell us that Ruth was leaving her husband, and that she would be staying with the Naysoms until she got back on her feet. I'm happy she has them to rely on now. It won't change the loss of Sophie, but at least she will still be able to be connected to her in a most precious way.
I stop my reverie when you throw me my jeans,
"Hurry love, I don't want to miss my flight."
I grab your arm as you pass back to the bathroom, and pull you into a kiss.
You return to pack your final things, and I dress and move to the kitchen to pour some orange juice, then peek out the curtains to see our taxi waiting. Elliot and I volunteered to pull an early shift, since I had to be up anyway, El volunteered to chauffer us one more time to the airport, then take me straight to the station for work. I move to unlock the door as he steps outside the door.
"Anybody awake in there?"
"Come on in Elliot!"
"You girls ready?"
You step from the bedroom and steal a sip of my orange juice.
"As ready as we'll ever be."
Alex
Sitting in my seat as the plane taxis into Portland International I can still feel your tears on my cheeks. You didn't try to talk me out of this at the last minute, and I'm grateful. At the security line I might have bowed to your request. I could feel my resolve weakening every step I took away from you.
Hammond has taken care of everything though, and I find Stasik waiting with my car outside the door of baggage claim.
"Hey! I didn't expect to see you here."
"Jack wanted to make sure you got home ok before we finished packing up."
"Thanks."
"How was it?"
"Good, bad… ugly."
Stasik laughs, pulling into traffic and heading towards my home.
"And your girlfriend?"
"Still there. Waiting for me."
"Jack says you're staying here for awhile yet."
"Need some time to adjust to being alive again. I'll tell people about the name change, explain a little. I should finish up some work at the office before I just abandon them. And it will give time for the news to spread in New York."
Stasik nods, and we ride the rest of the way home in silence. I use the quiet to remember you at the airport, Elliot standing to the side after giving me an awkward hug and pat on the back.
"A year right?"
"A year. And then I'll come back."
I could see you trying to believe me. "Livvy, I swear to you."
"When you get back, we'll find a bigger place, make room for anything you want to bring with you."
"I still want to get my own place again Olivia. That hasn't changed. We need to do this slowly for a change."
"We'll talk about it when you get back."
I can't help sighing at your hopefulness.
"We'll talk when I get back."
"I love you Lexi." You're dead serious now, staring me down.
I nod, "I know. I love you too."
"Call me when you get in?"
"I swear."
"One year?
"One year."
Your kiss was full of longing, regretful. I tried to make mine gentle in response, calming. But I can't help letting your regret infect me to a certain degree. I leave you with a line from one of your favorite songs, "Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. This is just our crossover Livvy. Time for something new"
Stasik pulls the car into the driveway and opens the door for me, helping me take my bags into the house before giving me a quick hug goodbye. He promises to tell the team thank you for me, and I turn to look at my home after I close the door behind him, not sure what to do here without someone watching me.
I spend my time unpacking, and find your leather jacket in my bag, and curse you knowing that you kept mine for yourself. You're such a goofball. When I'm done unpacking I head to the store for some groceries, trying to pass the time until I know you're done with work.
A few hours later my clock strikes six and I pick up the phone. You answer at the first ring,
"Benson. And this better be really damn good."
Have I ever told you I love the sound of your voice?