Let her go

The grey stone walls, the hard iron bed, the small barred window.
That was everything Tony got to see all day long. During such a long time, he must
have known every little spot of the surfaces of these objects.

But what else could he do the whole day except for observing the
furniture?
The only thing left to do was just thinking. That was what he tried to
avoid most. Because thinking meant to think of her. To see her
beautiful face clearly in his mind. To feel her tender, lovely smelling skin
somehow.

These thoughts were driving him crazy.

Because it reminded him of the past - the most beautiful time in his life.

And he wished he could get this time back, every night. He was longing
for her so bad.

Wanted to touch her, to kiss her, to feel her.

But all he could do was sitting in his cell all day long and hoping
that she was alright.

And somehow it was enough, no, it had to be enough for him.
Because he had made a decision never to see her again.

And even if it broke his heart, made him suffer even harder and
sometimes let him doubt why he was going through this hard time,
was he sure that he had done the right thing.

It wasn't right for him but it had only been fair, considering that she still
had a life to live, he didn't.

He had fought hard with himself, but the result had been,
no matter how he wanted to twist it, that the only
thing he could do was to let her go.

Let her go for a new life without him, with another man.

This fact made him go insane every night. Thinking of somebody
else lying on the side of their bed were he had used to sleep.

And if he was honest to himself he hoped so much that this wasn't
happening. But on the other hand, he wanted her to begin a new life
and to be happy again, that was his priority. Because of this, he
couldn't really blame her for doing this.

Especially after he had left her crying in the courthouse with so many
unanswered questions.

Sometimes he even feared that she hated him now for how he had treated
her.

He wanted to give her the missing answers. Wanted to sort it all out.
If he only could show her why he had done it. But then his plan would have
failed, good for him, but bad for her and he just wanted her to be
happy. She deserved it.

So it was impossible to tell her, he knew it, but even given these
circumstances, he often dreamed of leaving prison and living with
her again, solving all the problems before, to start a new beautiful
life with her. Michelle. The woman he loved more than his own life,
than his own career.

He knew why he was here. Because he loved her. Because everything he
had wanted was just to make sure that she's safe.

For her he would have given even more than his life. He didn't regret
what he had done even if he considered his everyday life in prison which was
rough and boring.

She was worth it. That was one of the thoughts which kept him alive.
He could deal with all the things, all the problems in prison, the hard
life, that he missed her so bad, that he suffered so much but one thing
was burning on his mind.

The picture that was left in his mind of Michelle when she was crying
for him, almost lying on the floor of the courthouse, begging him to give
her an answer.

He saw this picture every day, every minute he spent in prison.

It must have made her think that he doesn't love her and that was not
true. It was the opposite that was true.

The reason why he had been acting like that was just the endless love
he felt for her.

It had been his plan and it hadn't failed.

He had acted like that to make it easier for her to start a life without him.

Now he had to live with the consequences.

They were still married, and he even got letters from her that he never
read. Because they would have made him doing things he couldn't do.
Just because he wanted to make a new life possible for her.

He had all those letters under his pillow, was fighting so often with
himself because he wanted to read what she wanted to tell him.

But he remained strong, even if it made him feel sad and lonely,
because he thought it was better for her, but he didn't know how
wrong he was.

If he had only read those letters.

by HelloKitty
Beta-Read: Jim