Changes
Tony still hesitated to give Jack an answer. Because he didn't know what to say.
"What are you waiting for?", Jack asked impatiently.
Tony looked into Jack's eyes, then turned his head and faced the wall.
What was he waiting for? It was a good question? Actually he didn't know. He waited for something to happen. Maybe for a sign. For someone to tell him what to do. If there would only be a voice inside his head, giving him a hint of what he should do now.
"Don't keep me waiting", Jack almost yelled. Tony had acted like that now for almost a quarter of an hour. What was he intending to do?
Jack didn't really understand him.
But Tony didn't understand himself either.
Then there appeared another voice, but it wasn't the one Tony missed in his head.
It was the guard. He was standing now.
"The time is over", he said in his low voice.
"Do you really think that this is over?", Jack asked the guard, forgetting the situation and yelling at him as well.
"Mr. Bauer! You aren't allowed to talk to me this way. This conversation is over. I will lead Mr. Almeida back to his cell now", the guard answered with a clear but certain clay.
Jack wanted to do something. He was near to losing his control. Somehow he managed to control his temper.
"Then tell me now!", Jack yelled at Tony.
Tony stood up, he avoided looking into Jack's eyes. He just looked down at the floor and turned around to the direction of the door.
"No Tony, you won't leave without giving me an answer!", Jack shouted and took a step further towards Tony.
"Mr. Bauer. I can only warn you, stop this", the guard said now getting angry.
Tony stood in front of the door, the guard opened it.
Jack looked at Tony, unwilling to believe that he would be such a coward to leave him without any answer.
Tony took a look back, he wanted to apologize with his glance, wanted to show Jack how desperate he was. That he just couldn't tell him because he didn't know.
This decision was way too important to make it now, while he was so uncertain.
Then Tony walked through the door, followed by Jack's shouts and by the guard. He finally closed the door and led Tony back into his cell.
The cell that had been his home for so many month by now.
And Tony hated to go back. And he hated to be here, although he knew that the reason why he was here was worth it.
But what he hated most right now was himself and what he caused Michelle.
Now that he knew what was going on, he wanted to act, wanted to do something, wanted just to make her grief stop.
But he couldn't do anything.
If only he could go back into his old life, live together with Michelle, feel whole again.
While Tony was led back to his cell, Jack was still standing in the small, dark room.
He was furious. He couldn't believe what Tony had just done.
This was more than he had expected. He had left Michelle alone and now he didn't even do anything to help her.
Jack stayed there for a few minutes, somehow hoping for Tony to come back. Or find something to solve the problem.
Then he left the room and the entire building.
Outside he took a deep breath.
What should he do know? Should he hide this from Michelle? Or should he tell her and make her suffer even more?
He was in such an uncomfortable situation now. All his options were bad. He didn't want to choose.
Although he didn't exactly know what to do, he got into his car and drove in the direction of Michelle's home.
He didn't know why, but he had to go to her, to see how she was doing. And somehow he feared that he couldn't keep this from her. He couldn't just be there with her, without telling her what had happened.
When he arrived at the house he was a little reluctant to leave his car. But he forced himself to get out.
He took another deep breath before ringing the doorbell.
Although he knew that Michelle was already at home, because her car was standing there, he hoped that she wouldn't open the door, so that he had an excuse to leave and not to tell her now.
But he wasn't that lucky. Michelle opened the door very quickly.
"Hey Jack, it's good to see you. Wanted to call you in anyway", she welcomed him and gave him a hug.
"Hi", he just said.
"Come in", she told him and let him enter. He followed her into the living room.
He felt that something was different. She was different. He was wondering about what had happened.
But before he could even ask she turned around, looked at him and said: "I've made a decision. Things will change from now on!"
She said in a clear and optimistic voice and even tried a smile. It wasn't her charming smile that she had always had before Tony had to go prison. Since this very moment that smile was gone. But since Jack hadn't seen her smile for such along time he recognised it.
He looked into her face, curious and confused at the same time.
She was so different when he thought of how she had been the last night and the weeks and months before.
He got the impression that there was even a slight hint of hope in her eyes.
"Tell me", Jack said really anxious to hear what she had to say.
Tony was lying in his bed or the thing that was at least called bed.
He had his arms crossed and was looking at the ceiling. He often did this when he was thinking and actually that was what he did most of the time.
But it had never been so painful.
It had never been so hard for him not to go insane.
Not to lose control.
Suddenly he got up, he looked around as if he was searching for someone. For someone to tell him what to do. But then he made his own decision.
He took his pillow and put it onto the floor. Than he lifted up his mattress to find what he had looked for.
All the letters she had sent him.
How often had he just looked at them. Just imagined how she had written them. Observed her hand writing. Smelled at them to see if it would bring her a bit nearer to him.
He put the mattress down again and sat on the bed. He was holding all the letters in his hand, still hesitating to open them but playing with that thought seriously.