Hey fans! I thank you guys so much for your wonderful review. You don't know how happy you made me. Okay, I looked to see how long my other chapters were and they were long. They looked boring. You poor people, it looks very boring with the paragraphs together and all the words…ugh. Anyway, this chapter is shorter and more intriguing. Well, for me it was. I loved writing this chapter. Hopefully you enjoy it as much as I did. Okay well, see you after the story. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything yet but I'll let you know when I do.
He pulled away slowly, still inches away, his hands on my cheeks, and his forehead leaning on mine. He looked down and didn't look at me. I stared at him confused. I felt his warmth course through where he touched me and everywhere else I felt cold. He pulled away and looked at me, at my reaction. I couldn't say anything, I lost my voice. I just stared at him, at his now hurt eyes. He turned away from me as if disappointed that I didn't appreciate him kissing me. His voice broke the awkward silence.
"I…I'm sorry. I didn't know how else to shut you up."
"…"
"Well say something." He said as he turned back to face me but still avoided eye contact.
"I..m confused. What am I suppose to feel exactly?" I asked. I sounded stupid; it was like a child asking the same question. He then looked at me and snorted.
"Why am I wasting my time with you?" He said as he let out an exasperated laugh.
That hurt. That ran deep into me.
"I know. I ask you that everyday. What are you doing here, huh? What do you want from me?" I yelled.
"Didn't you feel anything? Didn't…didn't you feel at least something when I kissed you?" He asked as he walked towards me.
I stared at him, and searched inside of me. Did I? I searched deep but couldn't, I got frustrated and stopped. This was ridiculous. "Well, excuse me for being numb. I told you and you know I feel nothing. How many times am I going to have to tell you that?" I shot back.
He narrowed his eyes at me and fehed. "Yeah, but you're like that by choice. You can stop feeling numb now."
"How. Am. I. Suppose. To. Feel?" I asked calmly. He glared at me with irritation.
"It's your own damn fault you can't feel. It's like you're not even alive. I mean, GOD Kagome, how can you not know?" He said infuriated and walked closer to me.
Tears ran down my face and rage took over my body from his words.
"WELL THEN TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSE TO FEEL. SHOW ME." I screamed with all my might that my body trembled. "HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO FEEL?" I yelled as I pounded him over and over. He stood there, trying to hold my hands.
"I'm broken. I CAN'T FEEL BECAUSE I'M BROKEN."I cried and collapse into his arms. He held me tightly and kissed my forehead. We both fell on our knees because of the impact of the explosion. I used all my energy, I felt weak that I fell limply against him. I cried into his chest while he held me in his arms, telling me to calm down.
"I can't. I can't." I managed to say through my sobs. For once in my life, I felt secured. I felt…was this what it feels like to feel alive? Did I even mount to that step yet? Did Inuyasha really want to help me? Was I putting my guard down? Should I risk dying slowly again? I moved away from his embrace and it took a lot out of me not to go back into his warmth. I didn't dare met his eyes as I stood up with the little energy I could muster.
"What? What is it?" He asked worriedly as he too stood.
"I have to go." I whispered and turned away.
"What?" He said as anger awakening inside of his voice.
"I can't…I have to go."
"Damn it Kagome. What the hell? Look, would you turn around and look at me?"
"No."
"What?"
"I said no."
"Why not?"
"Because then I will willingly let my guard down and I'll be screwed again."
"Kagome, I want to help you. WOULD YOU PLEASE LET ME IN?" He yelled as anger and sadness filled his beautiful golden eyes. I turned to look at him, at his eyes. This was hurting him, I was hurting him. As I started to feel the pain inside me, my shield rose to my side.
"I don't want your help, I don't need it. You need help. You think you can get by life by accepting your feelings? Newsflash, you can't. It's rather useless to admit to them, it only shows your weaknesses." His eyes reflected pain and I remembered why. He just told me he fell for me. This wasn't me. I would never say anything to hurt other people. NEVER. Now, it became my favorite hobby. Who am I becoming? Have I lost myself entirely? "I'm sorry." I whispered and walked away from him. I couldn't stay there for another minute. I was just tearing him apart and he didn't deserve that. I walked to the place, to the person who could help me. I looked up at the dark apartment and made my way in.
"Naraku? Are you here?" I shouted as I knocked on his door. The door opened and revealed a 6 foot tall man with waist-length black shiny hair and black-reddish eyes. "Kagome, here so soon?" He stepped aside and waved me in.
"Naraku, I need your help. I don't know what to do. I'm lost." I said as I sat on his couch.
"Dear Kagome, tell me what's bothering you." He said as he stood behind me and took my hair out of my face.
"It's Inuyasha. He…he's…I think he's bringing me back. The way I feel about him…I've never felt this way before." I explained as a tear fell from my eye.
"I think he's playing with you. It's better if you stay away from him. He could be dangerous." He whispered into my ear. More tears fell from my eyes and confusion hit me. "But…he kissed me. He told me he fell for me. I believe him. I believe he really wants to help me." I said almost confidently.
"No Kagome. You're so naïve. They don't want to help you. Kaede, Sango, and Inuyasha are just like them, the ones who killed your parents. They don't care about you."
"My parents? They do care."
"No, they are liars and that's why we must stay away from them. They laugh at your misery."
"No." Anger and sadness swept through me. Is he right? I didn't know what to think anymore. I'm so lost.
"Yes, Kagome. They take pleasure in seeing you suffer." He said as he leaned on my shoulder and whispered in my ear. I stared in front of me as tears rolled off my face.
"Oh, don't cry. Here, take this pill, it'll take the pain away. I promise." He said as he walked in front of me and handed me the red pill. I looked at him and reached for it. I slowly placed it in my mouth and swallowed it, my eyes never leaving his. As I swallowed I swear I saw them sparkle.
"Let me see. Open your mouth." I opened my mouth and he searched for the pill and smiled at me as he found none.
"Good girl. Now, don't you start forgetting your past. You have to remember every little detail. Don't get all mushy on me." He said as he tapped my nose. "Another thing, keep away from that Inuyasha, he's messing with my plans and I can't have him do that. Now, remember what you have to do. Don't forget and keep away from him."
"But I want to forget." I whispered.
"No, that's not what I said. Now you're being disobedient. I'll have to tell you everything that happened so you won't forget."
"No please, I'm sorry. I won't forget." I begged.
"No, I have to teach you a lesson. Don't…look at me, look." He said as he grabbed my face, making sure my eyes remained on his.
"Don't forget how your father was brutally murdered. Don't forget how your mother begged for her life and yet she was shot in the head. Don't forget 6 year old Kagome saw as her lifeless body fell on the hardwood cold floor. Her silent eyes staring into yours and don't you dare forget the eyes of the intruder. He looked into the eyes of a helpless little girl, into the eyes of a weak child. Time for you to go. No one knows our secret friendship right? You haven't told anyone about me, now have you?" He said as he placed his hand on my throat. I swallowed and looked into his eyes expressionlessly. I shook my head and he slowly took his hand off me. "That's a good girl. Remember, don't tell anyone about me." He led me to the door and I nodded my head. I walked out and he closed the door behind me. I was still confused, felt no pain though. I was just there, mind nowhere. I just couldn't figure out anything, I was numb. Maybe it's the pill. I walked, not really knowing where I was going. I just thought about everything he said. Not to forget. How could I?
"Don't forget the eyes of the murderer. Don't forget how your parents died."
Then I felt it. I felt the pain hit me full force. I needed to get home.
I staggered into the dark empty apartment, tears running down my face. Flash after flash, memory after memory bombarded my mind. I couldn't run away from it. No matter how hard I tried to get into my trances I couldn't. I couldn't get away. I was losing control and I needed to escape fast. I couldn't take it anymore, it was tearing me apart. I couldn't see straight, I was blinded from all the pain. I needed it to end fast. I'd do anything to make it go away. Make it go away. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm losing control. I'm on the edge of sanity, at this point I didn't care. I'll do anything to get away and I'll look for the answer. I ran to my room and searched in my coat closet. I grabbed all the shoe boxes and knocked several down. I frantically opened all the boxes and dumped out all the contents. Papers and accessories scattered the clean carpeted floor. I cried out as I couldn't find it. I screamed with fury as I trashed everything. I suddenly stopped as my hand touched it. I sniffed and closed my eyes. I wrapped my hand around the answer to all my problems. I sat down on the bed, Indian style. I ran my trembling hand over the smooth, cold metal. The pistol shaking in my hands, I checked how many bullets were left…one.
"Kagome! What are you doing?" I looked up to see the person who called out my name. Inuyasha stood at my doorway, wide eyed. I could see him stiffen at the scene. I smiled at his ignorance and rubbed the cold metal over my cheek.
"Oh Inuyasha, what does it look like I'm doing?" I answered coldly, soulless even. I was way past the line of sanity, I did lose it.
"Kagome, don't. Please listen to me. Don't do this." He begged as tears filled his eyes.
"What for? You don't care for me. It was all too much, I can't stand it anymore and I shouldn't have to." I answered calmly as if nothing was happening.
"What the hell? I didn't think you would do this. You're being weak. Quit running from your problems. I thought you were different." He roared, his eyes fired with mixed emotions. I narrowed my eyes at him. "I got an idea. Let's play Russian Roulette." I said as I spun the bullet holder (I know nothing about guns, sorry so I don't know what they're called or what type of gun Kag has. So sorry.) and pushed it back in. "I go first." I put the gun to my head and closed my eyes. Before I closed my eyes, I looked into his. Something inside of me told me to stop but I quickly shrugged it away and smiled.
"1..." I said as I began countdown.
"Kagome, don't do this." He begged.
"2..." I said as I let out a giggle.
"Put the gun down. I'm begging you."
"3."
"NOOO!!!" I pulled the trigger.
"Dear god. You're not…not…Kagome. DAMMIT KAGOME." He yelled as he took deep breaths and leaned against the wall, still facing me. I opened my eyes and laughed.
"WOW!!!! Intense. Very intense."
"Enough is enough! Give me the damn gun Kagome." He growled
"No I don't want to and that's not how you play." I pouted and stared angrily at him.
"Kagome please, give me the gun."
"Now it's your turn." I said as I pointed the gun at him. He took a step back and his eyes widened. As I looked into his eyes, I saw his soul. He was in so much pain, I could see it. His eyes were filled with sadness and fear. I heard an inside voice telling me to stop but I couldn't. I wasn't in control anymore.
"1..." I said as I arched an eyebrow at him. He took a step forward and reached out for me, tears began to fall from his face, from his beautiful golden eyes.
"Kagome, I'll help you. Please let me help you. I know this isn't you. I'll get to the bottom of this, I promise."
"You don't know me, and you can't help me. He said so. 2..."
"I don't care if you shoot me; I want you to know…"
"Sorry, your time is up. 3."
"I love you." As those words left his mouth, I pulled the trigger.
Well? What do you think? And in case you are wondering what's going on, all I can tell you is that the tale is unfolding. You will be shocked…hopefully. Anyway, please review and tell me what you think. I really need to know. I'm begging you. Review. Review.