M: 'Thoughtless' belongs to Korn. There is also an Evanescence version if anyone cares.

Chapter Twenty

A blue-eyed teifling sat at a table. The followers of Eilistraee had recently set up camp at the city of Lith My'athar, and he was eating lunch. The man sat alone, for he enjoyed his privacy.

Valen's gaze fell upon a single drow. She was dressed in black, leather armor. Her hair was white and her eyes dark blue. Normally, Valen wouldn't have paid much attention to a single person but something about her intrigued him. She had the walk of a warrior—a stealthy warrior to be precise—and there was something else. A certain sadness hung about her. Though she hid it well, the pain of regret and loss hung about her, as well as the optimistic hope of redemption. Valen had often felt the same way. A kindred spirit, He thought to himself.

A young drow named Ylzar sat down next to Valen. The teifling did not like him, for the drow often shirked his duties in order to spend time with whatever woman he was wooing at the time. Ylzar grinned and looked at the female drow that Valen had been observing earlier. "She's new. Pretty one, eh?" He commented as she sat down at an empty table.

"I suppose." Valen admitted.

"I heard her name's Nathyrra. She used to be a Red Sister."

Valen did not respond to this. A former assassin. That makes sense.

Ylzar grinned. "Do you think I'd have a chance with her? I've always wanted to date an assassin…"

"She's hurting, fool." Valen growled. "Can you not see that?"

Ylzar scowled. "How can you tell?"

"It is not your concern. Leave me."

As Ylzar angrily stormed away, Valen continued to think. I have seen that hurt before. It is the sorrow of losing a loved one. I have experienced it myself. There is something interesting about her. I'll keep my eye on her.

Nathyrra stole a glance at the red-haired teifling. Is he watching me? Before she could continue to ponder this subject, a young male drow sat down next to her. He gave her a roguish grin. "Vendui. I'm Ylzar."

Nathyrra arched an eyebrow. "Hello."

"So." He moved a bit closer. "How long have you been here?"

Idiotic male. Did he just come closer? Yes, of course he did. (sigh) "Look, Ylzar, you seem nice enough, but I'm not really interested."

"Not really interested? Does that mean that you hold some interest?"

"Let me rephrase that; I hold NO interest in you, jaluk." Nathyrra snapped.

"Come on, I don't bite…" His hand reached towards her knee.

She grabbed his wrist. "But I do. And I've killed males greater than you for merely approaching me."

Ylzar looked into her smoldering blue eyes, suddenly filled with unease. He stood up and Nathyrra let go of his wrist. The male left without saying a word.

A drow female watched as he left. She sat down next to Nathyrra and smiled. Nathyrra took that moment to look her over. Her silver hair was cut short, reaching just past her ear lobes. White bangs fell onto her forehead, above tanzanite-colored eyes.

The female smiled, revealing pearly white teeth. "Not that many women turn down Ylzar."

"Really? What's not to hate?"

The drow laughed. "I'm Ilmra. Ilmra Baenghym." She extended her hand.

Why is she being so nice to me? I suppose she's trying to be a good follower of Eilistraee. She seems harmless enough…Nathyrra shook it. "Nathyrra."

"Just Nathyrra?"

"Yes."

Ilmra smiled. "I don't believe you. I heard that you were from a noble house like me. Which one?"

Nathyrra sighed. "Kant'tar."

Ilmra's eyes widened. "I heard that house was wiped out over a decade ago. Are you the only survivor?"

"Yes…I am."

"That's incredible."

Nathyrra raised an eyebrow. "Are you the only survivor of House Baenghym?"

Ilmra shook her head. "My sister and I ran away several years before it fell. We found solace in Lady Eilistraee and joined the Seer."

"Where is your sister?"

"She currently on a mission for the seer." Ilmra's tanzanite gaze surveyed Nathyrra. "What about you? Why did you join the seer?"

"I…I do not wish to discuss it. Excuse me." Nathyrra stood up to leave.

XXXXX

Nathyrra stood on the combat courts. She threw another punch at the combat dummy. She sensed a person approaching, but continued to practice. The person was coming nearer, close enough that Nathyrra unclenched her fists and turned around.

A female drow stood behind the wizard. Her crimson eyes surveyed Nathyrra before her lips curled into a smirk. "So, you're Nathyrra, are you not?"

Nathyrra could feel veiled hostility pouring from the woman. "I might be." Nathyrra said warily.

"Do you go by another name? Perhaps I should call you 'assassin' or maybe even 'traitor'. The latter is quite appropriate. After all, you betrayed the Valsharess, what's to stop you from betraying the Seer?"

Nathyrra clenched her fists, struggling to keep her rage under control. "I have no quarrel with you. Leave me be." She started to turn around but the voice of the drow made her stop. "I see. Only a true traitor could be so spineless. You really are a cowar-" She was cut off by Nathyrra's fist connecting with her jaw.

"Coward am I?" Nathyrra spat as her opponent crashed into a dummy. "I'm not the one who's lying on my back right now."

The drow snarled and ran towards Nathyrra. Nathyrra easily dodged her and watched with amusement as she crashed into another dummy. The drow picked herself off the ground and began an enraged assault on Nathyrra. Her attacks were clumsy and inexperienced, certainly no match for someone who had spent the last twelve years of her life living on her skills and talents in a fight.

Nathyrra slammed her palm into the drow's face, instantly breaking her nose. She blackened her eyes and delivered a kick to her legs that knocked her opponent to the ground. A furious bloodlust came over Nathyrra. She grabbed the drow's throat, dragged her to her feet, and began relentlessly slamming her fist into her enemy's face.

A strong hand grabbed onto Nathyrra's arm, preventing her from attacking the other drow. "Let go of me so I can break this elg'carress's face!"

"You already have." A male voice replied. Nathyrra recognized it as the voice of Imloth, the second-in-command of the rebel forces. Another soldier—Nathyrra did not recognize him—pulled her hand away from the now unconscious opponent's throat and took her away from Nathyrra.

XXXXX

"She is dangerous, Seer." The other drow said several hours later. Nathyrra and her opponent stood in front of the seer, explaining the conflict that had happened. Imloth and Ilmra stood at the Seer's side, most likely acting as guards for her.

"It is obvious that she cannot control her rage. The wounds that the healers cured me of are proof of that. We should not trust her."

Nathyrra bit her lip to keep herself from saying something she may regret. Instead, she gave the drow a cold, blue glare.

The Seer held up her hand to silence the drow. "That will be all, Churmice." The Seer looked at Nathyrra. "Do you have anything you wish to say, Nathyrra?"

Nathyrra shook her head. "I have nothing to say."

"Very well then. Churmice, I trust Nathyrra. She will not betray us. Lady Eilistraee teaches us to be accepting and forgiving of others. And Nathyrra, the goddess teaches us to be tolerant and understanding, even in the face of hate."

Nathyrra lowered her head, feeling very much like a child that had been reprimanded for stealing cookie.

The Seer continued, "As you may already know, tomorrow we are going to have an ambassador priest from the surface join us in the hopes that he can assist us against the Valsharess. Perhaps the two of you should escort him together. It may-"

"Forgive me, Seer, but I would like to make it very clear that I refuse to work with her." Churmice stated. "You may trust her, but I do not. Excuse me." She walked out of the room, shooting Nathyrra one hateful glance before exiting.

The seer sighed. "You must forgive her, Nathyrra, Churmice is not the most open-minded woman, but she has a good heart."

"I wouldn't know." Nathyrra grimaced when she realized what she'd said. "My apologies, Seer. I would like to complete the mission if it is your desire."

The Seer hid a smile. "Forgiven. Although, your mission will require a partner."

Ilmra stepped forward. "I will go, Seer."

The Seer nodded. "It's settled then. You both shall leave tomorrow."

As they both left, Ilmra gave Nathyrra friendly smile. Nathyrra returned it awkwardly. Why is she being so kind to me?

XXXXX

Later that night, Nathyrra was organizing her pack. As she put in some necessities for the mission, she also took out some other things. Her red sister armor lay in a pile in the corner of the room. The drow took out each of the earrings in her ear except for the original one that rested in her lobe. The others were merely reminders of her sin. She glanced at the ring on her hand. Redemption comes with a price, she thought. Nathyrra took the ring off her hand.

She was about to throw it in the pile, but decided against it. Instead, she took the cloak she was working on and cast a spell. The ring disappeared, but the design and runes became embedded in the fabric. A rare smile curled her lips. Now this cloak is truly mine.

A yawn escaped Nathyrra. She checked the time and saw that it was only thirty minutes until midnight. Deciding that it was too late to continue, Nathyrra pulled back the covers of her bed to go to sleep.

XXXXX

The shadowy planes of Nathyrra's dreams came into view. Nathyrra saw that she was dressed in her black armor and was holding her new daggers. A figure stood in the distance. She thought it was Seelamin as she walked towards it, but realized that she was wrong when the figure began to change. A horrified expression formed on Nathyrra's face as the person became many different people, all of them her victims. Some of them she knew, others were nameless. But all of them had one thing in common; the angry accusing look in their eyes.

One of them took a step forward.

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies

Another stepped forward. Tialla.

Pushing all the mercy down, down, down

Despite her uneasiness and fear, Nathyrra immediately put on a cocky smile.

I wanna see you try to take a swing at me
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground

All of the victims snarled and started walking towards her.

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

Nathyrra took several steps backwards but they continued their vicious chant.

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

The ghostly face of Seelomar grinned.

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
I'm above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me
And I'll pull the trigger

Nathyrra smirked and started to mimic their chant.

And you're down, down, down

This only made them angrier.

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

Nathyrra stopped when she realized that she was cornered. The victim's eyes glowed with vengeful delight.

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

Nathyrra narrowed her eyes as Nackor stood in front of her. He glared at her.

All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down)
They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)

Nathyrra gave him a defiant stare.

I'm never gonna back against the wall
Gonna take you down

All of the victims held out their arms. Daggers appeared in their hands. The same daggers that Nathyrra had used to murder them.

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground

Tialla grinned and held her dagger to Nathyrra's throat.

I will see you screaming

XXXXX

"Awaken, Nathyrra." A calm voice commanded.

Nathyrra's eyes snapped open to the see the Seer, bending over her.

The Seer spoke again, "I heard the cries of your nightmares and came to see if you were alright."

Nathyrra sat up and wiped her sweaty forehead. "I'm fine. I just hope I didn't wake anyone else up." She swung her legs over the side of the bed when the Seer said, "Your cries are not those that can be heard by ears. And do not lie to me. You are far from fine."

Nathyrra blinked as the Seer sat next to her. "You saw my dream, didn't you? Your gift allowed you to."

The Seer nodded. "I did. I know what troubles you."

Nathyrra sighed. She was not quite sure why she was confiding in the Seer, but talked to her nonetheless. "I thought my nightmares would stop when I placed my dagger at your feet. In my dream, I saw all of my victims. There were probably over a thousand. All of them looked at me with eyes full of hate and bloodlust, the same hate I felt when I was an assassin. I enjoyed almost every kill, and now I regret every single one."

"The path of redemption is far from easy. It is filled with unseen traps and dangers and does not go in a straight line, but I am confident that you are strong enough to survive." The Seer said warmly.

Nathyrra looked at the Seer's lavender eyes. They were filled with understanding and compassion, so different from the cold, unfriendly gazes that Nathyrra had received for over a decade. Her gaze sparked something in Nathyrra, making an entirely new wave of guilt wash over her. The former assassin felt like the most wretched creature in the Underdark, unworthy of such kindness.

A tear trailed down Nathyrra's face. It was followed by another. Soon, many hot tears spilled from the drow's face. She buried her face in her hands, ashamed of this liquid weakness.

An arm wrapped itself around Nathyrra's shoulder in a comforting embrace. Nathyrra felt herself being pulled against the Seer. The Seer allowed Nathyrra to cry on her shoulder and whispered words of comfort into her pointed ears.

Several minutes later, Nathyrra pulled away. She wiped away her tears. "Th-Thank you." The wizard whispered.

The Seer smiled. "If you wish, I could find someone else to complete the mission and allow you time to compose yourself."

Nathyrra shook her head. "No, I'm alright. The mission is more important than my feelings. I'll go." She stood up and started to leave. Before she opened the door, Nathyrra turned around. "Thank you again…Mother Seer."

The Seer smiled in response.