Note: This chapter is posted due to Fefyssssss request. I hope this makes you feel a little bit more at ease.
CHAPTER 11
Blaise squeezed the hand in his own as he looked around the apartment that was almost empty. That was when it hit him that he sold the place and he didn't get the chance to tell Harry before now so he turned to the man beside him in confession, "Harry, I sold the apartment." he stated softly.
Harry squeezed his hand back, "I know, I heard when I was at Draco's."
Blaise was worried all over again at the mention of Draco's name. Sure, Harry said he still loved him, but that still wasn't doing anything to ease his worry, "Harry, I know you told me you still love me, and I love you more than you will ever know. But my problem is that I won't ever truly know if you will forgive me for what I did."
"Look, Blaise, I think that us getting back together means a lot as it is." said Harry firmly. He believed what he just said but he was also afraid to be hurt again and because of this feeling, he never wanted to speak of the event ever again. If he was reminded of what happened that night in the apartment, he felt like he just wouldn't be able to let it go.
Blaise, however, did not feel the same as Harry did and pushed on the subject further, "But what about what I did? I still haven't fully apologized to you for-."
Harry interrupted and squeezed Blaise's hand tighter for attention, "Look, let's not talk about it and just let it go. It's in a place I never want to return to again. It's in the past so let's just keep it in the past."
Blaise wanted so much to push on but this was about Harry and not him. So, whatever Harry wanted was what Harry was going to get, "Alright Harry, if this is what you want. I just want you to know that I love you and I promise I won't ever do it again."
Harry smiled and looked away before focusing on Blaise again, this time with a genuine smile, "So, let's start all over again. Let's look at this as a new beginning and look for a new place, maybe not in Toronto, maybe not even in Canada. What if we move back to England?"
Blaise was definitely glowing with happiness for how easily Harry dealt with their situation but it never left his mind how uneasy he felt at the idea of moving back to the place Draco lived, "But what's wrong with living here? You don't like it in Canada?"
Harry patted his partner's hand reassuringly, "I love it here, it's just that perhaps our new start should be where we first started everything. Perhaps back in England, maybe even close to Hogwarts where it all started."
Blaise loved the idea and nodded as the two walked out of the almost empty apartment but the thought of Draco being closer never stopped burning in his mind.
Three weeks passed and neither of the two knew where they were going to live. Neither of them could find themselves to agree on a place they both wanted. The relationship changed, Harry no longer wanted an apartment and Blaise desired no house to remind him of how easily he could lose Harry to Draco. Every time Harry brought Blaise to see a house or a town house, the man became thoroughly insulted and defensive. Soon, the two thought they would be living at the hotel for the rest of their lives if this kept going. Harry saw no problem in looking at a house but also could not bring himself to relive the old life with anything that could remind him of the event.
Even though Harry enjoyed being with Blaise again and having the man around him, everything felt different now. Whenever the two made love, Harry felt a little foreign to the whole encounter afterwards. It didn't feel as it did for the past four years. Nothing felt the same anymore. The waking up next to Blaise felt comforting but awkward, the kisses no longer made his stomach twitch with butterflies, the touches did not electrify his skin anymore but instead left an invisible layer of guilt and disgust if only he would admit this to himself. In his mind, this was the right thing to do as a boyfriend and a lover. Forgiveness is a sign of love and he forgave Blaise, a man he loved. The only problem was that he didn't know if he could live with this feeling forever.
Then came the day Harry realized that he never told Draco how thankful he was for the care from the other man, "Blaise." said Harry, knocking Blaise out of thought as he stared into his morning cup of coffee, "I just realized that I never thanked Draco."
Blaise looked up at the sudden comment and thoughts were running though his mind like wildfire, mainly negative thoughts, "What do you mean?"
"I mean that for the whole time he helped me. I never got a chance to thank him properly." said Harry casually, not noticing the alarm from the other man.
"But, what are you going to do to thank him?"
"Probably say thanks?" commented Harry as he was totally lost as to what could possibly be misunderstood about thanking someone.
"Oh, is that all?"
Harry looked at Blaise with absolute confusion, "Yes, what else could I do?"
"Oh." replied Blaise as the same negative thoughts ran through his mind but he also understood that Harry held as much right to leave him as much as he did in betraying Harry.
"Would you like to come with me?" asked Harry still confused at the suddenness of his lovers tone.
Blaise opened his mouth as if to comment but he shook his head in refusal, "No, it's alright." he replied gently.
Harry shrugged and brushed off the attitude as it being too early in the morning and disappeared in the fireplace.
Harry arrived at Draco's house to be greeted by no one, at least no one visible. From above, Harry could hear that Draco was clearly entertaining someone and he smiled yet did not understand the panging feeling he felt in his chest. So he took it as not having the opportunity to thank Draco himself and pushed that uncomfortable feeling aside all together. It was unfortunate that the feeling stayed with him as he rummaged around the house looking for a pen and a piece of paper to write on. The least he could do was write a letter of appreciation to the man who hoarded him away for so long and risked his friendship with a man he was best friends with for so many years. Also, he wanted to make useful of the fact that he traveled so far and did not want to make the trip out for nothing.
After Harry wrote the letter he felt a whole lot better at having done what he set out to do. Harry read the letter over one more time and smiled at the end product though it took him four tries to get across the message he wanted to portray. He tossed the completed product on Draco's coffee table and used 'incendio' to erase the evidence of the other attempts.
As Harry made his way to the fireplace to make his departure he recognized the voice of the man accompanying Draco and his chest twisted a little more as a gentle yet fake smile graced his lips. He recognized the voice that whispered sweet nothings into his ear and licked his neck in the most perfect way. It was Marco, the man from the club. So, Draco wasn't lying about Marco pining after him then. The peculiar thing about this discovery was that Harry didn't understand why the idea of Draco giving in to the man made it more difficult to breath.
So Harry decided not to think about the situation any longer and flooed through the fireplace back to his hotel with Blaise.
Blaise returned his gaze to his coffee as he could not find it in himself to blink in fear that if he did, he would miss when Harry returned to tell him everything was all over. He deserved it after all. After being so unfaithful to the man he loved, he deserved to be betrayed. He didn't deserve to be here any longer. He did not deserve to be with a man so perfect anymore and he decided he was going to leave. The only problem was that he could not bring himself to stand up and make the move to walk out the door and away from his love. Oh how much he regretted what he did. It was hard for him to even come to terms with actually hurting Harry so bad. He scolded himself so many times before and now on what he did. How could he do this to Harry? Hermione and Ron were right in blaming him because he deserved shame and not Harry.
He turned the cup in his hands and breathed evenly but slowly, how could he come to terms with actually leaving Harry? He couldn't. He could not leave Harry because he loved him so much. The only problem was that he knew Harry deserved better and he knew exactly who that better was. Blaise just found it rather difficult to accept that the better, the equal, the perfect was not him but Draco Malfoy.
But he was doing the right thing, right? Letting Harry off to be with Draco, he knew what they were doing or what the possibilities were of them doing what he held in mind. Because he deserved this, he deserved to be hurt the way he hurt Harry before. In some way, he hoped that Harry was doing to him what he did unto Harry because this would mean they were even, that in some way, his slate was whipped clean. His breathing quickened at the thought that perhaps, after this, they could both live the way they lived before, together and happy.
Blaise wanted so much for the two of them to just be how they were before, to be equal and to be fun. This was not fun anymore. Staying up after they made love to brush the other man's hair away and reveal the scar he could hardly bring enough courage within himself to look at. Lately it became staying up to watch the peaceful face because he was afraid of falling asleep and waking up to an empty bed. He was afraid of waking up to find that Harry realized that he could find better and just picked up and left Blaise alone, to wallow in his own guilt. He knew Harry never held a clue as to what Blaise did and this was how Blaise liked it and how he deemed to keep things between them for as long as he could. Because in Blaise's heart, he knew that Harry would leave him one day, that was why he pushed so hard for them to get married. But Blaise was the only one to blame for this and he knew it for when he first asked Harry to be with him, he knew that one day they would separate and there would be nothing Blaise could to do stop it.
Just as Blaise was going through the possibilities of Harry leaving him, Harry arrived and stepped through the fireplace. Blaise took his gaze away from the coffee in his hands for the first time since the man departed and stared longingly at the man he wanted to keep with him for the rest of his life.
"Draco was busy." commented Harry idly, still not picking up on anything that went through Blaise's mind.
"Oh? So did you tell him?" asked Blaise nervously as busy could mean anything.
"Well, I left a note on his table if that means anything." replied Harry who was currently trying to brush every bit of soot off his robes and ignoring the burning feeling he was currently feeling beneath every inch of his skin.
"And that's all?" asked Blaise who still remained at the table.
Harry smiled brightly to the other man, "Yes, that is all." replied Harry but if Blaise were more perceptive or more like Draco, he would notice that the smile plastered so brightly on the other man's face meant nothing but sorrow.
AN: Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews.
Special thanks to Fefs, I'm actually Canadian so Canada Day was the other day. Haha, my favourite author is from Brazil. Paulo Coehlo tis his name. He's amazing. Thanks for loving Hermione. This is the best I have written her I think. I was never a Hermione fan but now, I don't find it matters anymore. I like Harry and Draco. So, everyone else is just, neutral. It was just easier to put Hermione and Ron as bad guys.
JadeLilyMalfoy, actually... it was a little while ago that JKR confirmed Blaise's gender to be a boy. I can't remember where I even heard it but a lot of people said she confirmed it. Thanks for reading my fics.
Know Thyself, hehe, that closet idea is exactly what I would do if I ever got the chance to meet Dan and Tom.
Lykaios Nyx, haha, great understanding of the fic. Thanks for the wonderful review.
orlin, thanks for another wonderful review. Thanks for liking the Hermione I write.
Morena Eversong, thanks for the review. Haha, refence to Fefs special thanks. I have explained my version of Hermione there.
Lyonessheart, I'm so glad you like the story so much. And that sentence pretty much wraps everything up, yeah. I agree.