Arthur, Aragorn and Legolas rode, (with coconuts) out to peasant lands.
"Hi peasants!" cried Legolas.
"Shut up! You think they like being peasants?" Arthur bellowed. He absolutely hated Legolas and his annoying questions.
"Are we there yet?" asked Legolas. This had been his question the whole trip.
"Where are we going anyway?" inquired Aragorn. He was really starting to miss Arwen who was actually enjoying being without Aragorn because of his annoying questions and continuous pleadings.
"Nowhere!" screamed Arthur harshly. 'Stupid Outsiders. Who do they think they are as to be able to annoy Arthur King of the Britons and Sovereign of all England? Why were they always conversing about coconuts?' Arthur thought to himself.
"Anyways, coconuts could be carried by a variety of birds," Arthur heard Legolas say.
"Well there aren't that many varieties of birds here who are migratory and that are actually big enough to carry a coconut," replied Aragorn.
"Would you shut up?" Arthur pleaded in angst.
"You didn't honestly think you could tell the king of Gondor to shut up?" asked Aragorn angrily.
"I've been doing it the whole trip you idiot!" screamed Arthur. He was now very irritated by Aragorn.
"Oh," replied Aragorn. "I'm terribly sorry."
"Whatever, just shut up," Arthur replied. He turned his head and saw a peasant pulling a cart.
"Old woman!" Arthur called.
"Man!" the man called angrily back.
"Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?" asked Arthur in an apologetic tone as he pointed to the large stone castle.
"I'm thirty-seven," the man replied in an irritated tone.
"What?" Arthur asked with a puzzled look.
"I'm thirty-seven—I'm not old!" the man exclaimed angrily.
"Well I can't just call you man," Arthur replied as he glanced toward Aragorn and Legolas who were just as confused as him.
"Well you could say Dennis," the man replied hastily. He turned around and glared at Arthur.
"Well I didn't know you were called Dennis," replied Arthur in a frustrated tone. He knew he wasn't getting anywhere.
"Well you didn't bother to find out did you?" asked the man with fire in his eyes. He clearly intended on taunting Arthur.
"Well I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind you looked..." replied Arthur. He looked at the man with a strange look.
"What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior," stated the man with a snort.
"Well I am king," said Arthur in a half proud half annoyed tone.
"Oh king eh? Very nice, how did you get that then? By exploiting the workers of...," Dennis said just before Arthur cut him off.
"Listen I don't want to talk to you," Arthur said annoyed.
"Dennis! There's some lovely filth down...oh how d' you do?" asked a women who was rolling around in some mud.
"How do you do good lady, I am Arthur king of the Britons, who lived in that castle over there?" asked Arthur proudly.
"King of the who?" the woman asked sheepishly.
"The Britons," Arthur replied proudly.
"Who are the Britons?" asked the lady angrily.
"Yes, who are the Britons?" asked Legolas innocently.
"Would you shut up?" Arthur asked angrily.
"No, I really want to know who the Britons are," replied Legolas. He put on an annoying smile and made a face at Arthur.
"Well, we all are the Britons, except for Legolas, and I am your king!" exclaimed Arthur.
"I didn't know we had a king," said that lady in a strange tone. She glared at Arthur from behind her cloak.
"Yeah, I didn't know we had a king either!" exclaimed Legolas.
"That's because you don't you dunce!" yelled Aragorn.
"I thought we were an autonomous collective," the lady replied in an annoyed voice.
"You're fooling yourself," replied Dennis. "We are a dictatorship, a self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes..."
"There you go bringing class into this again," retorted the woman angrily.
"Would you shut up?!" asked a little but strong voice from behind Aragorn.
"What?" the woman screamed angrily.
"Aragorn, do you keep people in your pants?" asked Arthur quizzically.
"Um...yes," replied Aragorn guiltily.
Arthur shrugged and then turned to the peasants that were fighting. "Please good people, I am in hast. Who lives in that castle over there?" he asked.
"No one lives there," the woman replied in a harsh voice.
"Then who is your lord?" asked Arthur with a perplexed look on his face.
"We don't have a lord," the woman said in an irritated voice.
"What?" asked Arthur in a very puzzled voice. This was very confusing to him. He had not known of a society that did not have a knight before.
"I told you, we're an autonomous collective, we take it in turns as the executive of the week," Dennis said hotly.
"Yes," Arthur said irritated.
"But the decisions of the officer have to be ratified by a biweekly meeting," replied Dennis.
"Yes I see," said Arthur who was very very annoyed now.
"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs," said Dennis pushing even further.
"Be quiet!" yelled Arthur who was now so irritated that he had shaken patsy till he dropped the coconuts.
"By two thirds of the majority in the case of..." Dennis said as Arthur cut him off.
"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!" cried Arthur in anger.
"Order eh, who does he think he is?" asked the lady tartly.
"I am your king!" screamed Arthur in rage.
"Well I didn't vote for you," the women replied.
"Neither did I!" screamed Legolas in rage. Of course by now everyone was ignoring Legolas.
"Can we please get on with it?" asked the little voice again.
"Who is that?!" cried Arthur in alarm.
"Oh sorry, I'm Frodo Baggins of the Shire," said Frodo.
"You are small for a man," replied Arthur while taking a break from arguing with the constitutional peasants.
"That's because I'm not a man," replied Frodo.
"Then what are you?" asked Arthur in alarm.
"Didn't you hear "Of the Shire?" I'm a hobbit," replied Frodo.
"Oh," replied Arthur. "Anyways, you don't vote for kings!" exclaimed Arthur in rage.
"Then how'd you become king?" asked the woman.
"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!" replied Arthur in great brilliance and power.
"Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony," replied Dennis.
"Be quiet!" Arthur exclaimed.
"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!" exclaimed Dennis.
"Shut up," screamed Arthur who was becoming a bit paranoid from all the arguing he had been doing in the last few chapters.
"I mean if I went around saying I was emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!" cried Dennis.
"Shut up! Will you shut up?!" screamed Arthur as he walked toward Dennis angrily.
"Oh, now we see the violence inherit in the system!" cried Dennis.
"Shut up!" screamed Arthur as he picked up Dennis and began to shake him.
"Oh! Come and see the violence inherit in the system! HELP, HELP! I'm being repressed!" cried Dennis as Arthur shook him.
"Bloody Peasant!" Arthur cried as he walked away. "Come on guys lets go."
"Oh, what a give away. Did you here that did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?" cried Dennis to the crowd that had now formed around him and shielded him from seeing Arthur leave.
Tune in to the next chapter for the village scene! Whoa!
"Hi peasants!" cried Legolas.
"Shut up! You think they like being peasants?" Arthur bellowed. He absolutely hated Legolas and his annoying questions.
"Are we there yet?" asked Legolas. This had been his question the whole trip.
"Where are we going anyway?" inquired Aragorn. He was really starting to miss Arwen who was actually enjoying being without Aragorn because of his annoying questions and continuous pleadings.
"Nowhere!" screamed Arthur harshly. 'Stupid Outsiders. Who do they think they are as to be able to annoy Arthur King of the Britons and Sovereign of all England? Why were they always conversing about coconuts?' Arthur thought to himself.
"Anyways, coconuts could be carried by a variety of birds," Arthur heard Legolas say.
"Well there aren't that many varieties of birds here who are migratory and that are actually big enough to carry a coconut," replied Aragorn.
"Would you shut up?" Arthur pleaded in angst.
"You didn't honestly think you could tell the king of Gondor to shut up?" asked Aragorn angrily.
"I've been doing it the whole trip you idiot!" screamed Arthur. He was now very irritated by Aragorn.
"Oh," replied Aragorn. "I'm terribly sorry."
"Whatever, just shut up," Arthur replied. He turned his head and saw a peasant pulling a cart.
"Old woman!" Arthur called.
"Man!" the man called angrily back.
"Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?" asked Arthur in an apologetic tone as he pointed to the large stone castle.
"I'm thirty-seven," the man replied in an irritated tone.
"What?" Arthur asked with a puzzled look.
"I'm thirty-seven—I'm not old!" the man exclaimed angrily.
"Well I can't just call you man," Arthur replied as he glanced toward Aragorn and Legolas who were just as confused as him.
"Well you could say Dennis," the man replied hastily. He turned around and glared at Arthur.
"Well I didn't know you were called Dennis," replied Arthur in a frustrated tone. He knew he wasn't getting anywhere.
"Well you didn't bother to find out did you?" asked the man with fire in his eyes. He clearly intended on taunting Arthur.
"Well I did say sorry about the old woman, but from behind you looked..." replied Arthur. He looked at the man with a strange look.
"What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior," stated the man with a snort.
"Well I am king," said Arthur in a half proud half annoyed tone.
"Oh king eh? Very nice, how did you get that then? By exploiting the workers of...," Dennis said just before Arthur cut him off.
"Listen I don't want to talk to you," Arthur said annoyed.
"Dennis! There's some lovely filth down...oh how d' you do?" asked a women who was rolling around in some mud.
"How do you do good lady, I am Arthur king of the Britons, who lived in that castle over there?" asked Arthur proudly.
"King of the who?" the woman asked sheepishly.
"The Britons," Arthur replied proudly.
"Who are the Britons?" asked the lady angrily.
"Yes, who are the Britons?" asked Legolas innocently.
"Would you shut up?" Arthur asked angrily.
"No, I really want to know who the Britons are," replied Legolas. He put on an annoying smile and made a face at Arthur.
"Well, we all are the Britons, except for Legolas, and I am your king!" exclaimed Arthur.
"I didn't know we had a king," said that lady in a strange tone. She glared at Arthur from behind her cloak.
"Yeah, I didn't know we had a king either!" exclaimed Legolas.
"That's because you don't you dunce!" yelled Aragorn.
"I thought we were an autonomous collective," the lady replied in an annoyed voice.
"You're fooling yourself," replied Dennis. "We are a dictatorship, a self perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes..."
"There you go bringing class into this again," retorted the woman angrily.
"Would you shut up?!" asked a little but strong voice from behind Aragorn.
"What?" the woman screamed angrily.
"Aragorn, do you keep people in your pants?" asked Arthur quizzically.
"Um...yes," replied Aragorn guiltily.
Arthur shrugged and then turned to the peasants that were fighting. "Please good people, I am in hast. Who lives in that castle over there?" he asked.
"No one lives there," the woman replied in a harsh voice.
"Then who is your lord?" asked Arthur with a perplexed look on his face.
"We don't have a lord," the woman said in an irritated voice.
"What?" asked Arthur in a very puzzled voice. This was very confusing to him. He had not known of a society that did not have a knight before.
"I told you, we're an autonomous collective, we take it in turns as the executive of the week," Dennis said hotly.
"Yes," Arthur said irritated.
"But the decisions of the officer have to be ratified by a biweekly meeting," replied Dennis.
"Yes I see," said Arthur who was very very annoyed now.
"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs," said Dennis pushing even further.
"Be quiet!" yelled Arthur who was now so irritated that he had shaken patsy till he dropped the coconuts.
"By two thirds of the majority in the case of..." Dennis said as Arthur cut him off.
"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!" cried Arthur in anger.
"Order eh, who does he think he is?" asked the lady tartly.
"I am your king!" screamed Arthur in rage.
"Well I didn't vote for you," the women replied.
"Neither did I!" screamed Legolas in rage. Of course by now everyone was ignoring Legolas.
"Can we please get on with it?" asked the little voice again.
"Who is that?!" cried Arthur in alarm.
"Oh sorry, I'm Frodo Baggins of the Shire," said Frodo.
"You are small for a man," replied Arthur while taking a break from arguing with the constitutional peasants.
"That's because I'm not a man," replied Frodo.
"Then what are you?" asked Arthur in alarm.
"Didn't you hear "Of the Shire?" I'm a hobbit," replied Frodo.
"Oh," replied Arthur. "Anyways, you don't vote for kings!" exclaimed Arthur in rage.
"Then how'd you become king?" asked the woman.
"The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!" replied Arthur in great brilliance and power.
"Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony," replied Dennis.
"Be quiet!" Arthur exclaimed.
"Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!" exclaimed Dennis.
"Shut up," screamed Arthur who was becoming a bit paranoid from all the arguing he had been doing in the last few chapters.
"I mean if I went around saying I was emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!" cried Dennis.
"Shut up! Will you shut up?!" screamed Arthur as he walked toward Dennis angrily.
"Oh, now we see the violence inherit in the system!" cried Dennis.
"Shut up!" screamed Arthur as he picked up Dennis and began to shake him.
"Oh! Come and see the violence inherit in the system! HELP, HELP! I'm being repressed!" cried Dennis as Arthur shook him.
"Bloody Peasant!" Arthur cried as he walked away. "Come on guys lets go."
"Oh, what a give away. Did you here that did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?" cried Dennis to the crowd that had now formed around him and shielded him from seeing Arthur leave.
Tune in to the next chapter for the village scene! Whoa!