The Faces of War
Chapter 2: Suspicious
As Aragorn strode through the halls and passages towards his throne room, he was filled with thoughts and images of the past month. In his minds eye he saw again the battered and near lifeless bodies of Frodo and Sam in the clutches of the great eagles at Cormallen. He felt once more the anguish of his attempts to heal and bring back from the brink the life force of the ringbearer. He wondered, yet again, if he'd made the right choice that day. He'd agonized then, his healing force had opened a view to Frodo's spirit that he'd not expected, hadn't wanted to see. The revelation that Frodo had not expected to survive the quest, and indeed had looked for death at the end, had shaken him to the core. He'd shared the knowledge of Frodo's wishes with Gandalf that day, and together they had made a choice they'd felt best for all. Aragorn entered his council chambers. He sighed, unable to rid himself of the image of Frodo's first waking moments. The battered hobbit had looked to him, not with wonder or joy, but with the deep and and bitter understanding that came from seeing his hope for salvation crumble before him. Over the weeks the ringbearer had learned to cover the honesty he'd seen reflected in the dull blue mirrors of his eyes that day, to let a veil of imagined joy and false hope shield the fellowship from his private agony. Aragorn was responsible for bringing Frodo back to a life he no longer found bearable, and while he knew the words would go unspoken, Frodo blamed him for his life.
The King strode anxiously to the dais as he called to one of his many advisors to send for the wizard Gandalf. Sitting upon his throne he contemplated his moments with Sam, was this latest ill of Frodo's one more dream to drive him back to the shadows? He dropped his head to his hands, hoping that these latest events could be used to aid Frodo in some way, to guide him back to a world he wanted to be part of. He looked up as he saw the doors open at the end of the cold expanse of marble and pillars that made up the throne room. More than anything he wanted to help his ailing friend, but realized that Frodo's quest for health may yet bring him to his ultimate salvation and he wondered if he'd have the strength to say farewell. As he saw the confident visage of his wizard advisor approach he shook himself from his melancholy and grew determined. He would not allow the cost of his kingdom to be measured in the life of this hobbit, that price would indeed be too high, even in a world where sacrifice had become a staple of survival. He settled in to share the events of the morning with Gandalf as those awaiting his counsel were bade to wait.
Aragorn shared his fears with Gandalf. "Frodo has not made the recovery that I had hoped Gandalf, in spite of the care and constant vigilance of my best healers, and the persistance of Sam." The King set his lips in a hard line "he continues to refuse food and has difficulty sleeping. Sam tells me that Frodo calls his name nightly, that he seems trapped in the foul memories of Mordor." Aragorn paused to look about his chamber, gesturing towards the small conversant groups scattered about the far end of the hall "there are many evils to be dealt with Gandalf, much in my lands requires my attention." He sighed heavily, clearly feeling the pain of many, "my people need me and I fear that I can not give the ringbearer all that he deserves." He shook his head and continued grimly "I fear we made the wrong choice at Cormallen."
The Wizard placed a comforting hand upon the knee of his friend "Frodo's time has not yet come, we made the right choice Aragorn...his time with us is not yet over...only..." the Wizard paused paused long moments as Aragorn turned to him. "Only what Gandalf? Counsel me, what am I to do?" genuine concern and a hint of desperation evident in his voice and manner. "Only" the Wizard repeated with emphasis "The ringbearer now needs to choose how he'll spend his time with us...I am afraid King Aragorn that now all that you, I and the rest of the fellowship can do is observe more closely how Frodo views himself." The Wizard said softly. Aragorn nodded "if I were to guess, I should say that he sees himself a burden." He sighed and continued with reflective sadness " he never wanted us to worry over him during our travels, and now that is what each and every one of us does...in fact it feels as if it is all we do." Gandalf nodded and replied "he must find a way to a build a life for himself in middle earth, the destruction of the ring is a loss we can not fully comprehend and it is not the first loss our hobbit has suffered." Gandalf said sadly. "He must find a new path to travel, a hope to bind him to us my friend." He thought for a moment "In what way are the other hobbits helping in the recovery of the city Aragorn?" Aragorn ran his hands through his oft disheveled locks and smiled "Pippin and Merry have proven quiet skilled in procuring food for the soldiers of the outer garrisons and Sam, well Sam has done wonders teaching the kitchen staffs of herbs and gardening. It surprises me not that our hobbit companions have found their callings to be in the vicinity of food" he said with a quiet laugh "but, I do not think that Frodo has the strength nor the will to participate in such things." He looked thoughtfully to a group of richly robed men in the near corner " I shall have to consult with my palace advisors to find a way in which Frodo may assist without overtaxing himself." Gandalf nodded "very wise my friend, I shall be off now to see to our friend Mr. Baggins. I leave you to your other..." he gestured towards the rapidly filling hall "duties.." Aragorn smiled wryly "I think I'd prefer to deal with the hobbits."
Sam moved aimlessly about the chamber, wandering from one task to another. He folded sheets, straightened papers, stacked and re-stacked the books scattered about the bedchamber, never straying far from his master's bed and if he so much as heard an uneven breath he was at his side. He paused in his mindless neatening of the space about him as he heard foot steps approaching. 'Not Aragorn' he found himself thinking 'the steps are a mite slow fer Strider' he cocked his head as he concentrated on the sounds approaching the door 'I'd wager it's..."Gandalf" he exclaimed, happy both to see the wizard and to be correct in his guess.
"How is he Samwise?" The Wizard asked, crossing the room in several long strides to stand at Frodo's bedside. "Well sir, 'es been sleeping right peaceful, much better'n he does most nights. Aragorn's sleeping draughts are nothing ta triffle with." Sam said as he joined the Wizard at his friend's side. Gandalf sat on the edge of the bed and studied the face of the slumbering hobbit critically. He noted the oversized bed and the large pillows that held the burden of the sick hobbit. He was struck with how ridiculously small Frodo looked in a world built for men, the room and it's furnishings were elegantly appointed for Aragorn would spare no expense for any member of the fellowship. Gandalf looked about him, Frodo looked lost and out of place in such surroundings and he found himself wondering if perhaps the Hobbit did not feel as he looked. He broke from his reverie and turned to look at Sam from under his bushy eyebrows. "Well, what has happened Sam? Why do you think Frodo has suffered this newest ailment? Come now, out with it...I am certain that you know more than you are letting on Samwise Gamgee." the wizard said gruffly.
Sam looked a little uncomfortable "now Mr. Gandalf, how is it ya know what's in my head? It feels as if yer looking right inta me it does." Gandalf only raised his eyebrow higher. "Oh alright then" Sam said exasperated "now it's jest a feeling mind you, a feeling I had this morning." Sam shifted uncomfortably as Gandalf urged him to continue "Go on Sam" he said gently. "Well, earlier this morning, I came running as Mr. Frodo awoke from his sleep a yelling my name...and as he was a coming back ta himself, well he looked like he use ta when he was a getting one 'o them headaches...do ya remember them sir?" Gandalf nodded slowly and looked thoughtfully at Sam "Yes I do indeed Sam, I remember them well. Did you ask him about it?" Sam looked uncomfortable and muttered "I tried ta, and he went and pushed his answer in another direction 'till I was forgetting my question...." he looked sheepishly to the Wizard "ya know how 'e can be at times sir." "Yes Sam" the Wizard smiled gently and turned to stroke Frodo's pale cheek "I know how he can be." They both paused to watch the even rise and fall of the frail hobbit's chest a moment before Gandalf continued. "Is this the first time he 'looked' as though he were experiencing one of these headaches Sam?" Gandalf asked. "Well, no sir....and it's been on the tip 'o my tongue ta ask him fer a few days now." the loyal hobbit answered truthfully, "I guess I coulda been trying harder ta get at his answers Gandalf" Sam's voice got softer "but he gets real quiet when I fuss too much, you know 'e doesn't like folks ta worry." "Yes Sam, I know that as well" the wizard said quietly.
Gandalf shook his head, he wondered if these headaches were masking an unwanted vision, if Frodo was trying to keep his daytimes free of the nightmares that haunted his sleep. In years past the Hobbit had experienced a gifting of foresight given to him by the Valar as they sought to prepare his mind for the struggles he'd encounter with the evil of the ring. Gandalf sighed, he knew Frodo to be one very stubborn and strong willed hobbit, for he'd learned how to close his mind to the intrusions of the Valar's visions. This strength of mind had perhaps saved him from a last descent into insanity when the ring was wrested from him. Gandalf quietly thanked Arda for the persistent stubborn nature of this hobbit beside him, but found himself wondering if perhaps the Valar were trying once again to reach out to Frodo. He took the ringbearer's maimed hand in his, the shock of the missing finger tore at him anew each time he beheld it. He stroked the hand, he felt that the missing finger was perhaps a small price to pay for saving Middle Earth. He feared that the finger might not be the only sacrifice the ringbearer would be called upon to make.
"Sam" The wizard's voice sounded harsh in the silence that had filled the room and the sandy haired hobbit jumped a bit "Do you think he's trying to hid a vision?" Sam nodded grimly "aye, that I do...and I think it's no good our fussing at him, he wants no others ta know of 'em". "Perhaps not" said Gandalf "but, if it is a vision that needs tending to, the King shall have to know Sam." Sam nodded sadly and looked to the Wizard with worry etched on his brow "I know sir, I jest don't want ta see him feeling any more different than he already is feeling." Sam paused to rest his hand on Frodo's shoulder and looking forlornly at the Wizard said "He's having more trouble than the rest of us, coming back I mean." He hung his head a moment "Sometimes I see 'em looking so lost, so full of darkness and pain...it's like 'e lost his light in Mordor...like all that was joyful in 'em died on Mount Doom that day." Sam choked back a sob "sometimes I think 'e wishes 'e had died that day Gandalf." The wizard watched a tear slowly slide down Sam's still thin and worried face and found himself once more surprised by the intuitive skills of Frodo's faithful servant and friend. 'Why should Sam not know this of Frodo?' he thought and he brought his hand up to squeeze Sam's shoulder, trying to bring him comfort
'there are no two beings more intricately woven into one friendship'. Gandalf turned Sam to look at him "Sam, the ring was a burden none of us can fully understand. The loss of it has brought Frodo, not the release from fear we had all hoped for, but more sensations of loss and perhaps a lost sense of purpose as well. All we can do my friend, is be here to help Frodo find his way in his new life, now that the ring is no longer his task....we must help him find new purpose." Sam nodded, a tear hastily rubbed from his eye. "Good lad Samwise, summon me when he awakens." the Wizard said as he slowly rose from the bed and gave Sam's curls a last comforting touch. "That I will Mr. Gandalf, that I will sir." Sam replied. Gandalf swept from the room, a last glimpse stayed the image in his mind of Sam lifting Frodo's frail hand to his own pale cheek as he gazed in fear and sadness at the master he loved so.