The Five Millionth Day In the Life Tekken Fic
Chapter 1: Kazuya
A/N: I know this idea is trite and overused. However, I don't give a damn. Also, be sure to check out my other fic, Havin' A Blast. Makaveli is the co-writer, but everyone knows my chapters are the best. shifty eyes Oh, and Jason co-writes this one with me, just like the Random Misadventures. Be sure to check out Havin' A Blast, though. shameless advertising
As Kazuya woke up to perform his daily morning routine, all was well. That is, all was well until he fell down fifteen flights of stairs. Hmm...much like in the last fic. Oh well. So! Right. He fell down the stairs. Then, a bunch of bricks fell on him. Then Jin followed him down the stairs in the exact same manner. After Jin added more weight to the growing pile on top of Kazuya, a Submarine fell through the roof and what do you know, right on top of the pile.
After that whole debacle of stuff falling on him, Kazuya slowly climbed out of the pile. After which, he casually dusted himself off and walked into the kitchen. "Honey, I fell down the stairs and Jin got crushed by a Submarine again!"
Jun skipped in and glomped her husband. "Aww...again?"
"Yes. Now unhand me and give me my well-deserved food, wench!"
"Aww, I love it when you call me huggy-bear!"
"...I called you–"
"Huggy-bear!"
"...Whatever. Just get my damn breakfast."
After receiving his food, Kazuya walked outside of the house and decided to flag down a taxi. Luckily for him, one pulled up instantly and the door ominously opened by itself.
"...Um...okay..." Kazuya said, getting in.
"Where to sir." Asked a monotonous, robotic voice.
"...The Mishima Zaibatsu."
"Yes sir." The robot said, reaching slowly for a handgun in the seat next to him.
"...Wait a tic...Combot, I can see you reaching for that gun."
"Damn." The now revealed Combot said.
"That was the worst assassination attempt ever...and I can still see you're reaching for the gun."
"Damn again. Please exit the vehicle."
"Will do," Kazuya said, opening the door and walking out. "See ya, Combot."
"Bye." Combot said, driving off.
Kazuya flagged down another taxi and got inside.
"Where to sir." Combot said again, this time having donned a fake mustache.
"...Combot, that's just you with a mustache."
Combot turned around to face him, his red eyes gleaming. "I don't know this Combot. He is unfamiliar to me. I'm Mike...Mikerson. I'm sure this Combot is a swell guy. He wouldn't shoot you with a handgun." He said, reaching for the handgun again.
"...You suck, dude. I can see you reaching for the gun again." Kazuya said, getting out.
"No. Don't leave. I need to shoot-err...deliver you to your destination. Which is the Gates of Hell. Um...I mean the Mishima Zaibatsu."
"Bye, Combot."
Combot made an odd noise which seemed to be the robot equivalent of a sigh. "...Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Probably."
"Okay. Bye."
"See ya."
With that, Combot drove off and Kazuya decided to take his car. Going through a 20 mile per hour zone, Kaz was doing 80. Needless to say, he got pulled over by none other than Mr. Fweese, Lei Wulong.
"Um...Kazuya, you realize this is a 20 mile per hour zone?"
"Yes, officer, I won't do it again."
"...Well, alright, as long as you learned your lesson."
"Yep." With that, VROOM! Kazuya sped off at 80 once more. And once more, he was pulled over.
"Kazuya, I don't think you learned your lesson." Lei said, putting his hands on his hips. "You need to pay a fine of 40 yen."
"Okay." And Kazuya sped off once more, this time, running over small children. Lei followed, but was blown up by an ominous rocket.
Combot stood at the street corner holding a rocket launcher. "Damn." He said, having missed his target again.
Meanwhile, Kazuya was already at work, observing one of his newest creations, a robotic waiter. Kazuya observed behind a protective sheet of plastic. In the testing room, a massive, hulking, silver robot with a gun attached to it's arm stomped in.
"I AM A KILLER ROBOT 9000. MY NAME IS TIM. I WILL BE YOUR WAITER TODAY."
Behind the protective sheet of plastic, an employee walked up to Kazuya. "Sir, do you feel the gun is necessary?"
"Of course! What would we do if someone tried to rob us?" Kazuya replied.
"...Call the police?"
"NONSENSE! Waiters must always be armed!"
Back in the testing room...
"MAY I RECOMMEND THE SPECIAL."
"Um...what is the special?" A test guy dude said, sitting at the table across from his lady friend.
"...THE SPECIAL."
"Yes, what is it?"
"SILENCE, I WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS."
"I-I-I just wanted to know what the special was..."
"...SALMON."
"Alright, I'll have that."
"WOULD YOU LIKE IT WELL, EXTREMELY WELL, BURNT TO A CRISP, OR ASHES?"
"...Can I have it medium–"
"CHOOSE FROM MY LIST!" The robot said, threateningly pointing it's gun-arm at him.
"Um, um, um, um, um...well?"
"...VERY WELL. ASHES IT IS."
"I said well"
"YOU SAID BURNT TO A CRISP!"
"That was different from the last thing you said!"
"I WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS DISRESPECT!" The robot said, swiping the chair out from under him and beating him to death with it.
Behind the plastic...
"Hm...should work on that a little more. Tone down the violence by 1/8." Kazuya said, walking off.
Kazuya then went to supervise his toy department. Kazuya grabbed a microphone and yelled to a boy who was working on the Bomb Defusal Kit For Children. "Timmy! You gotta cut the wire! The Japanese are depending on you!"
"Um...um..." Timmy said, reaching for and cutting the blue wire. Much to his dismay, a massive explosion then erupted.
"...Timmy?" Kazuya said, a charred hand holding a pair of pliers slammed against the window, then slowly peeled off and fell.
"That's the spirit!" Kazuya said, having not paid any attention.
Next, Kazuya supervised the zoo. In his zoo, the birds in the aviary were replaced by headcrabs from the Half-Life series. In case you're unfamiliar, they attach themselves to your head and turn you into a zombie. Great fun!
Kazuya again watched from behind protective plastic, as a tour guide lead his pack of dumbasses, excuse me, tourists, to the Headcrab Aviary.
"Alright, folks, remember, don't go near them at all. Avoid all contact with the headcrabs. Especially with your head. Have fun, I'm gonna lock the door so you don't come back and kill me when you get turned into zombies. Okay?" The tour guide said, locking the door as the people screamed and were turned into zombies.
"Okay." The tour guide then left, along with Kazuya.
As Kazuya made his way to his parked car, he noticed that someone had torched it. "Well damn...again...better call a cab." He said, walking outside.
Outside, a taxi pulled up to pick him up. Just then, Combot sped up and smashed into the other taxi, somehow sending it flying while his cab suffered no damages.
"...Combot, you've tried this twice today." Kazuya said.
"...Third time's the charm." Combot said, reaching for the handgun.
"Okay, Combot, I'll see you tomorrow." Kazuya said, walking off.
"See ya. Aw damn. He got away again. Curses."
When Kazuya got home, he walked past the bricks and submarine to Lee, who was sitting in front of the fireplace. "You know, your robot tried to assassinate me again today. Any knowledge on that? Or do you still plead the fifth, even though we're in Japan?"
"...Um...uh...fifth!" Lee said, running away.
Kazuya sighed then went to the dinner table, where he again demanded food from Jun. After receiving it, he passed out on the floor in his bedroom. No reason.
END
A/N: Well. Gimme some feedback here. Good? Bad? Moderate? I'll give you cookies. You better give me some feedback.