The Tale of Legolas

Legolas slowly walked through the woods with a bunch of some guy's favorite minstrels following close behind him. He had never been so scared in his life. He wasn't afraid of the woods, he was afraid of the crazy minstrels. Wherever he went they were there, it was as if they could pop out of nowhere.

"Brave Legolas he is sooo cool! We love him and we always will! He is way braver than that Robin dude, but we don't care!" sang the head minstrel happily as he skipped along side Legolas. That was just enough to set Legolas off. He immediately swung his fist around to punch the minstrel, but the freak had disappeared.

"AHHHHH!" Legolas screamed as he ran through the forest trying to escape the evil minstrels. Hours later Legolas had come to a clearing in the forest. He saw a sign ahead of him, so naturally he went over to read it. The sign read: Danger! Pretty much any way you go in this forest you will be killed mercilessly, so I wouldn't recommend a way.

"Damn sign," said Legolas as he gave it a good kick. Suddenly he felt very hungry, but remembered that the minstrels had all the food. He gave the forest behind him an evil glare before returning to stare off into the distance. 'Which way should I go?' he thought to himself as he recalled the sign's warning. He suddenly began to hear melodic voices off in the distance. "What the hell?" he asked himself as the voices came closer. Suddenly realization dawned on him. He hurriedly ran off in a random direction, knowing that he would lose the minstrels if he was random enough. This trick normally worked in Middle Earth.

"Brave sir Legolas is missing, missing, missing! Brave sir Legolas is missing, missing, ohhhhhh! M-I-S-S-I-N-G!" sang the minstrels off in the distance. They had seen a flash of blonde hair, knowing that this was indeed the elf; they followed him into the completely random direction.

"This is not good," Legolas said to himself as he ran looking back over his shoulder. Suddenly he crashed into something quite large. In front of him stood a man that had three different heads, the heads, much to Legolas's dismay were the heads of none other than Merry, Pippin, and Gimli.

"Hey Merry, look it's Legolas!" he cried, attempting to embrace the poor elf. Legolas managed to jump out of the way just in time.

"I thought you said there weren't wood elves in this world," complained Gimli, who looked clearly frightened of Legolas.

"Gimli, it's me, Legolas, you know, the blonde elf who was your friend," said Legolas who was now quite confused.

"Ohhh! It's only you," he said in relief. "I thought it was one of those evil wood elves I used to have nightmares about." Gimli extended a hand out to Legolas, but Legolas rejected it.

"So, what brings you guys out to this weird world?" asked Legolas who had decided that seeing the annoying hobbits and the alcoholic dwarf was better than being chased by evil minstrels.

"Well, seeing that you guys had left us in the middle of nowhere, we decided to follow you," said Merry as he flicked a bug off of Pippin's head.

"Ow! That really hurt," whined Pippin as he rubbed his sore head.

"How did you end up being one person?" asked Legolas who was now looking at their big bulk of a body.

"Oh, we didn't," said Gimli shaking his head. "We merely just stand in front of this card board cut out all day and freak people out."

"What is the point of that?" asked Legolas.

"There isn't a point really," said Merry sadly.

"We do it because we couldn't find you guys," said Pippin who had now jumped down from the stool he was standing on that enabled him to be tall enough to fit in the head slot of the card board cut out.

"Oh, you know you could have called us on our cell phones," Legolas reminded him as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"Well, there was that option, except for that our cell phones don't have service here," said Pippin who was showing him his own cell phone which clearly read "no service."

"That's probably because you're from the Shire," scoffed Legolas.

"No, it's just that we didn't pay for roaming," said Gimli matter o' factly.

"Are you guys all on the same freaking plan?" asked Legolas who was very confused now.

"Yeah, we bought our cell phones together," said Merry who had by now also jumped down from the cut out.

Suddenly they all heard singing in the distance.

"Shit! We gotta go! My minstrels are after me!" cried Legolas as he sprinted away into the forest. The others followed him quickly as the scene ended.