Chapter 6: This One Actually Is Steve

A/N: Okay, really this time. It is Steve. Last time, I tricked you and it turned out to be King's chapter. Well, I'm not going to do that again. So, here you are.

Just like all the other characters in the other chapters, Steve woke up one morning and began to perform his usual routine. But this time...

"Well! It's a bloody smashing day, isn't it?" Immediately after uttering these words, Steve clapped his hands on his mouth. Eyes wide in horror, he lowered his hands as he came to the realization that... "Namco made my accent incredibly obnoxious!"

Steve paced around his room, debating about what to do...about...his exaggerated and obnoxious accent. "I know!" He declared. "I'll go to Namco and beat random employees until they change my accent!...But first, I'll have some tea...oh bloody 'ell! It's worse than I thought!"

Steve, for some reason, deciding it was just fine to run around with his shirt unbuttoned (remember his ending in T4?), ran outside to go to Namco. Don't know why he's in Japan, but...whatever.

Meanwhile, Combot was parked outside Steve's apartment building, waiting to run the unsuspecting boxer over. Just then, he noticed a large shadow cast over him. "Nooooo." His monotonous voice cried out, before he was viciously beaten.

As Steve ran outside, he noticed Heihachi and his pet bear Kuma were unsuspiciously waiting for him. "Oh...'ello."

"Hello, Steve. Nice day isn't it?" Heihachi said, oblivious to the fact that his pet bear, the aptly named Bear, had eaten Steve's legs. Needless to say, Steve was screaming loudly. That is, he was until he was mauled.

Ahahaha! I got you again! Steve's dead now! Oh man. I'm awesome.

Chapter 6: Heihachi

A/N: Maybe I should stop picking on Steve...nah. He's dead anyway! Muhahahaha!

Continuing from where we left off...

"Steve?" said Heihachi looking around until he saw the remains of the British boxer. "Oh, there you are. Well, have a nice day. Does speaking nicely to people count for community service?" Heihachi asked, turning to his advisor.

"No, sir. You still have exactly 100,220,456,857 hours of community service left." The advisor said.

"Well, then. Kuma! Heel!" Heihachi commanded. Immediately after, Kuma leapt on top of the advisor and began to maul him.

"Ack! Ow! 100,220,456,867 now!" The advisor said, before Kuma finished him.

"Thanks for nothing, Steve. I'm just so mad I could--" but Heihachi walked off, because he couldn't exactly figure out how to take his rage out on the broken body of Steve. "Kuma! Come!...And bring the papers!" He called back.

Kuma bounded over to his master and dropped the advisors papers in front of him.

"Good boy." Heihachi said, picking up the papers and ripping them up. "Kuma! Unsuspiciously walk away and whistle!" Heihachi commanded, as both did that exact thing.

Later that day...

Heihachi stood at the front of a long table, crowded by several Mishima Zaibatsu employees. "Gentlemen, I'm sure you know why we're here. Profits have been going down recently." He said.

"Sir, I believe it is due to the high unemployment rates. That and your public appearance isn't coming off too well." An employee said.

"Very well. We need to create more jobs, and perhaps file a position for a publicist."

"Yes indeed. Sir, if you take a look at this chart you will see some numbers and columns. It is titled 'Heihachi's public appearance.'" Another employee said.

"My...rates are quite low in that department. It's time we act!"

"Sir, I predicted your move! and I have decided that we begin a commercial series highlighting your father-son relationship."

"No, I believe our first move should revolve around this question...what does our company do?"

"A good question, sir...I'm not terribly sure."

"Damn right it's a good question. Figure it out, I'm taking a break for today." With that, Heihachi walked out, closing the door behind him. As soon as Heihachi disappeared around the corner...

"STAPLE FIGHT!" The employees all grabbed their staplers and started shooting staples at each other.

Outside, Heihachi flagged down a taxi. A severely mangled taxi cab that looked like it had gone through eight car wrecks pulled up. Combot stuck what was left of his head out.

"Would you like a ride sir?" Combot asked his voice drastically changing from normal to extremely low during his sentence. His left eye was out, and much of his paint was scratched off. His right eye flickered on and off, and his left shoulder cylinder thingy had been torn off.

"...What the hell happened to you?" Heihachi asked.

"Your stupid bear."

"...My stupid bear what?"

"Your stupid bear. Your stupid bear. Your stupid bear." Combot said, raising up his right arm and punching himself in the face. "Sorry. I repeat myself now. Your stupid bear beat me up."

"...Kuma did that?"

"Affirmative."

"...Awesome!"

"It is not. It sucks. Totally."

"Yeah, for you." Heihachi said, as Kuma walked up to stand next to him.

"Well, now this is happening." Combot said, getting out of the car and kicking Kuma in the shin. Then he got back in the taxi and drove off.

"Nooo! Without his shin, Kuma is defenseless! I've seen many a fighter at my tournaments knocked out by a kick to the shin!"

Kuma blinked and stared. What Kuma heard next sounded like this: "Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, Kuma, blah blah blah blah blah Kuma blah Vet."

Immediately after hearing the word "Vet," Kuma's eyes went wide, he growled, and began swinging his massive paws madly.

"Aw, come on. You need it." Heihachi said.

Kuma just growled some more.

"Now don't take that tone with me, mister."

Kuma still growled.

"BAD KUMA! BAD!" yelled Heihachi, as he loaded his trusty tranquilizer rifle. "Now are you going to come quietly?"

...And Kuma growled again.

"That's it! I didn't want to have to do this. But you made me. It hurts you more than it hurts me!" Heihachi yelled, firing a tranquilizer dart into Kuma's arm.

Kuma growled, stumbled...then passed out.

"Haha, not so tough now, are ya?" Heihachi said, nudging Kuma with his foot. "...Wait a minute, how the hell am I going to get him to the Vet's office?"

Just then, a police officer walked up to Heihachi. "Sir, you can't just leave your bear parked there."

"Umm..." Heihachi said, stupidly.

"Sir, I'm going to have to give you a ticket, and tow this thing. Oddly enough, and conveniently for you, we are asked to tow it to the nearest veterinary office."

"Oh...okay." Heihachi said.

Even later that day...

Heihachi drove up to the veterinary office that Kuma had been conveniently towed to. He opened the door and walked inside, only to discover...

"Yes! This is nothing like my old creations! It's something new! A bear with boxing gloves on his hands and his feet!" The-you-probably-already-guessed-who-he-was crazy doctor said.

Kuma, strapped to a table with boxing gloves shoved onto his hands and feet, growled angrily.

"Oh, shut up! You are going to be my greatest creation!" Dr. B said...crazily.

"Get your grubby, mad scientist hands off of my bear!" Heihachi yelled.

"One, I'm not a scientist. Two, NEVER!" Dr. B yelled.

Kuma's simplistic bear mind worked on his next move. He found himself torn between the two, old arguing men. One of them had given him these wonderful red boxing gloves. The other gave him a tranquilizer dart to the arm. It did not take long for Kuma to chose sides.

However, he remembered that the other one had put boxing gloves on his feet. So he tore his way out of the table, mauled Heihachi, and ran off.

And then he came back and mauled Dr. B, too. 'Cause nobody likes Dr. B.

The two old men lay on the ground, mauled and bleeding.

"Well, we had a good run at it while it last, old man," wheezed Dr. B, "and I got to put boxing gloves on anything/anyone that I met."

"What the hell are you babbling about? If I survived a giant robot explosion, I'll be damned if I get done in by a simple bear mauling."

Have it your way.

Several Jack-5's ran inside the room and exploded on Heihachi.

A/N: Um. Review. Or I'll bury myself alive.