The Tale of Frodo

Frodo limped through the wilderness at night, in the rain, even though there wasn't a cloud in the sky and the sun was shining and Frodo was not hurt at all, but we're playing along with the original plot. Anyways, back to the story.

"I'm tired," groaned Frodo as he fake limped along through the woods. In the distance he saw a beacon that looked a lot like a grail.

"I found the grail!" yelled Frodo, as he ran off to get it, completely forgetting that he was supposed to have an injured leg. As Frodo approached his destination he realized that he hadn't found the grail, but that he had found a castle where the grail must be hidden in. Quickly, Frodo remembered his lines and threw himself against the door of the castle.

"Let me in you tards!" he yelled as he threw his small body against the door. Some onlookers gazed curiously at Frodo, but quickly turned around, as they soon realized that he was doing this for effect.

The door to the castle slowly opened, and in the door way stood a beautiful women.

"Galadriel?" asked Frodo in an unsure voice.

"No, I am Zoot, and this is the castle anthrax," the woman said, emphasizing the word anthrax.

"Anthrax? Isn't that some kind of disease?" asked Frodo, now unsure if he wanted to enter the castle at all.

"Yeah, but the name attracts more tourists, so we kept it," she said looking kindly down at Frodo and offering him a hand.

Frodo quickly grabbed her hand and she hoisted him up. He looked around the woman and into the castle. It seemed like a normal castle. It didn't look disease infested to him, so he followed Zoot into the castle.

"This castle is home to all these really hot girls who are mostly blonde and brunette between the ages of 16 and 19," she said as she gave Frodo an abnormally large smile.

"That's great, I guess," said Frodo, who had now become uneasy after hearing the information about the castle. Normally girls flocked toward Frodo, and he didn't mind, but there was something different about this place.

"So…what brings you here anyways?" Zoot asked Frodo. She was obviously trying to make small talk, but Frodo could not seem to figure out why.

"The holy grail," he said as if it were an after thought. They slowly turned the corner to a large flight of stairs. "Are we going up there?"

"Yeah, I figured you'd want to stay here overnight," Zoot said thoughtfully as she led him up the stairs. "We mainly just sit around here all day making fancy underwear and dreaming of having sex. Its been a long time since we've had a man around here."

"I'm technically not a man," commented Frodo, who was at least 3 feet shorter than the woman.

"So you're a eunuch?" she asked with dismay.

"No, I'm a hobbit…and I'm not gay or eunuch in anyway," he commented quickly.

"Oooh, ok, good, for a minute there I thought I was going to have to kick you out," said Zoot happily.

"So, anyway, about that grail," said Frodo.

"We don't have any grails here, you must be delusional. I think I'll have our doctors come and take a look at your wound," said Zoot as she gestured toward Frodo's leg.

"What wound?" asked Frodo as he looked down at his leg which was perfectly fine a minute ago. He then saw that he had randomly acquired a very strange cut on his leg, which could have easily been fixed with a Band-Aid.

"The one on your leg," said Zoot who was now looking worriedly at Frodo.

"I just need a band-aid," said Frodo as he began to pull one out of his bag.

"A what?" the woman asked, she was quite curious to what a band-aid was.

"A little sticky thing that you put on cuts and crap like that," said Frodo as he smoothed the band-aid over the cut.

"Yeah, well I'm still gonna have the doctors take a look at it," Zoot said in an irritated tone. She looked over her left shoulder and made a gesture for two people who till recently had been standing in the shadows to come over. "These are our doctors, I can't remember their names because they're new and they told me last night when I was drunk so I can't tell you their names."

"Wow, you're very helpful," said Frodo sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

"So, anyway, here's your room," said Zoot as she gestured toward a door at the end of the corridor they had just reached.

Frodo walked to the end of the corridor, closely followed by the doctors. He opened the door to his room to discover that it was completely pink and covered in teddy bears and hearts, complete with a heart shaped bed.

"Ooook," said Frodo as he plopped himself down on the bed.

"Lay down," said the first doctor.

"There's no way in hell that I'm gonna lay down…," began Frodo. He had been pushed down by the second doctor.

"It seems you have a wound on your leg that must be taken care of immediately," said the first doctor as she began to take off Frodo's pants.

"I don't think so," said Frodo as he slapped at her hand away. He quickly jumped off the bed and ran down the hall.

"Wait!" called the doctors as they chased him. Frodo ran without thinking into a room filled with girls.

"AHHHHHH!" he screamed and he ran toward the nearest door he could find. When he reached the door he was held back by what appeared to be Zoot.

"I can't let you through there," she said.

"No Zoot…," Frodo began.

"Zoot? I'm not Zoot, I'm Galadriel Zoot's twin sister," Galadriel said enthusiastically giving Frodo a large toothy grin.

"Right, anyway I need to find the grail…," he began again, but once again he was cut off.

"Grail? What grail?" asked Galadriel with a confused smile now. 'Geez what was it with this chick and smiling?' Frodo thought to himself.

"You know, the Holy Grail, I saw your beacon," he said, for once not getting cut off.

"Oh! Naughty Zoot! Bad bad Zoot! She must be punished!" cried Galadriel.

"Eh?" questioned Frodo. He didn't think he had ever been so confused in his life. "Wait…punished? For what?"

"Um…well for whatever it is that she did," replied Galadriel with yet another smile.

"Erm…ok then. How would you like me to punish her?" he asked.

"Well, you have to lay her down on a bed and spank her," replied Galadriel, this time not smiling but instead grinning! Mwahahahahaha!

"I see," said Frodo, who was actually beginning to like this place.

"In fact, I say you give us all a good spanking, and some oral sex!" cried Galadriel. After she said this wild cheers began to rise within the room. Just as Frodo was about to reply Captain Jack Sparrow crashed through the door.

"I'll save you Frodo!" he yelled as she shoved some women aside.

"I don't want to be saved!" exclaimed Frodo.

"Well too bad," said Jack, taking Frodo by the arm.

"Noooooo!" cried all the women as Frodo was dragged out of the castle by Jack.

"Aw Shit," said Galadriel as she plopped herself down on her coach and began to watch Judge Judy.

"Why did you save me?" asked Frodo as he tried to be freed of Jack's grip.

"Because, you were in great peril," Jack replied as he tightened his grip on Frodo's wrist.

"Peril? Dude…I was about to get lucky," said Frodo now biting Jack's wrist.

"No, you weren't. I think you've had enough peril today," said Jack as he dragged Frodo off the set.

Ok…phew that's enough updating for today…I gotta go do some evil math…maybe I'll update tomorrow. You never know. Anyway, review.