Title: To Lie to Your Lover
Rating: R (bad words, mentions of suicide and slash)
Pairing: Roger/Mark
Summary: I got this plotbunny while reading Lael's story. It's kinda angsty Mark and his big secret. Mark's POV
"Mark? What the fuck is this?" Roger asked, leaning over the bed and holding up a nearly empty AZT bottle.
I thought quickly, he couldn't know the truth because it would destroy him, "I keep an extra one around in case you run out and we're out of cash," the lie came so easily, it almost hurt.
I looked at him, trying to be certain he would believe me.
He smiled and ruffled my hair, "Always looking out for me, that's my Mark."
I let out a sigh of relief and lean into his embrace as he wraps his strong arms around me. He turns his head and kisses me and I know he is no longer thinking about that AZT under my mattress. I hate having to lie to him like this, but if he knew the truth…
"You know," Roger laughed as he pulled away from my lips, "for a quick second there, I thought you were sick too. I couldn't lose you Mark, anything but you, baby," Roger looks at me with this look of absolute love on his face. His blue eyes are telling me the truth of those words and I almost want to be honest with him.
"You'll never lose me, Roger. You know me, steady and dependable, I can handle anything," I smile at him.
Roger smiles back, "My Mark, human Tupperware."
We start chucking and we're back to normal. Roger will never ask about the AZT again and maybe he'll never have to know. If I could go back…April was like my sister, when I saw the cuts and the blood everywhere…I knew she was gone. Without thinking, I took her hands and kissed those awful wounds on her delicate wrists, trying to kiss her pain away, not caring that her blood was getting in my mouth. Then Roger lifted his eyes from the note she left and told me what it said. AIDS. Ever since Collins was infected, I knew a lot about the disease. It was transmitted through body fluids, like the blood from April's wounds. When I took Roger to get tested, I made an appointment the next week for myself. I told Roger I was going to visit my mom, the start of the lies. The results came in and it was certain, I was positive. Just like Collins, April, and Roger were. I was going to die and I couldn't bring myself to tell the one person who I loved more than anything because I didn't want him to know he was going to lose me like he was going to lose Collins, Mimi or like we lost Angel. The day the results came Roger was still in withdrawal and grieving April, so if I was different, I doubt he noticed.
Roger's looking at me strangely and his eyes are brimming with concern. All it takes is a smile and he accepts I was just off in, what he calls, "Mark-land". He traces my cheek with his finger and then he kisses me. It's more passionate than before and we shift on the bed until he's on top of me and our shirts are off. I unbuckle his belt and start to undo his pants when he stops me.
"Can't forget this," he reaches to the bedside table and picks up a condom, smiling at me with his blonde hair all a mess, "can't have you getting sick on me. Where would I be without my safe, healthy Mark?" He's smiling, but I sense the serious tone behind the words.
I just grin at him, pretending that I am his safe, healthy Mark and the condom is a necessity, "You'll never have to worry about that, baby," I say.
He beams at me and we continue our fun. We make love and Roger falls asleep, as I stare at the ceiling and wish I could stop lying.