Feels Like Not Enough

Feeling very tired from the day's events, Christine had wanted nothing more than to rest awhile, but still needing to speak with Erik, she had kindly asked Raoul to fetch her husband for her.

Raoul stared at her in disbelief. "You are jesting?"

"You are both grown men, Raoul. I trust you can handle the task of informing my husband that I wish to see him."

"Yes,but I would rather not be handled by your husband when I do."

Christine raised a brow at his slightly off-color response. "My, my...Meg does seem to have had quite an influence on your tongue."

Raoul raised his own brow to match hers. "You are one to talk, Madame."

Christine grinned at him, and for a brief moment they were children again. Then Raoul sighed. "Very well,but I will not be held responsible if he tries to strangle me again."

Christine rolled her eyes. "Just go."

Raoul stepped out of the parlor, glancing around. Just where was he supposed to find Erik?

"Are you looking for someone, Vicomte?"

Madame Giry's soft voice from behind him had Raoul nearly jumping out of his skin.

How does she always manage to be lurking about? She is worse than Erik.

"Christine has asked me to find her husband. She wishes to speak with him."

Antoinette sighed. "He is likely still in the garden with Meg. If you would like, I can go and tell him."

Raoul's expression darkened at the thought of Meg alone with that villain. "No. I will go."

Antoinette pointed him towards the garden and he saw them the moment he cleared the house. They were sitting side by side on a bench, talking softly. As if sensing his presence, Erik's head came up and he stood immediately. Raoul watched darkly as Meg gently grabbed Erik's hand to still him. His own fists clenched as he closed the distance between them.

Through his teeth, Raoul delivered Christine's message. "Madame Rousseau wishes to speak with her husband."

Erik glowered at him, but said nothing, moving quickly past him and back to the house, and Raoul was left looking down into Meg's red rimmed eyes.

"Meg..."

She stood quickly. "No. Not now, Raoul." She tried to walk away, but he stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm.

"Please, Meg. We must talk."

"Not now." She stubbornly repeated, shrugging him off as she moved again towards the house.

"I love you."

Her step faltered a moment, and she turned on him with her blue eyes flashing. "Only words, Raoul. What words did you give Christine?"

Raoul frowned, feeling the sting of her words acutely. "Sit and talk with me, Meg. I'll tell you everything."

Meg turned away again, once more denying him. "No. I cannot hear it now."

"When will you hear it, then?" He called after her, "Meg?"

But she kept walking, leaving him alone in the garden.

Raoul sank onto the bench Meg had only just vacated, feeling his heart beginning to break once again.

I hope Christine has better luck with Erik.

xXx

Erik paced the living room, where Christine still sat upon the sofa, hands folded over her abdomen. She watched her husband warily, waiting for some reaction from him. He had knelt before her when he'd first entered the room and asked in concern if she was well. She'd smiled and assured him that she was only tired, and then she had told him, "Erik...it is settled between Raoul and I."

And so the silent pacing had begun. After another moment, he finally crouched before her again, his expression remained dark. "What do you mean by settled?"

She cupped his face with her hand. "I mean that I love you, angel. Raoul knows everything...I told him of all my feelings for you and finally apologized for my misuse of his affections. We have laid our past to rest."

Erik studied his wife. "And your jealousy?"

Christine grimaced, dropping her hand to her lap. "Childishness, Erik. I think I was more hurt that Meg had not told me how close she and Raoul have become."

Erik sensed no falsehood in that, and he traced his own gentle fingers over her cheek. "I am not certain I approve of them."

She smiled at him. "It is not your place to approve, my love. Nor mine for that matter. But you must promise to try and tolerate Raoul's presence here, Erik."

His eyes darkened. "Are you certain you can trust him? He could easily go back to Paris and tell the authorities where to find me."

She sighed. "We have to trust him, love. I do not think he would knowingly do anything to hurt me...or Meg, now."

"Mm. Except he has hurt Meg, mon ange."

Christine grew thoughtful. "I wonder if she has not hurt him, as well."

Erik seemed to contemplate this a moment. "He is a delicate little fop, isn't he?"

"Erik...! You are impossible."

He grinned. "But you love me for it." And he captured her lips in a sensual kiss.

xXx

Raoul was still in the garden when Erik stepped back outside. He had helped Christine upstairs, and she'd insisted he extend a formal dinner invitation to the Vicomte. Erik had thought the boy's continued presence in their house to be rather obvious considering his only way back to town would be for Erik either to drive him or lend him a horse. And Erik was in the mood to do neither.

The fop did look rather pathetic sitting there staring down to the water. Erik knew that Meg had gone to her room a while ago, and that Raoul looked so defeated was enough to prove that their last conversation had not gone nearly as well as Erik and Christine's.

"Brooding will not bring her back to you, boy."

Raoul glared up at the man. "I will not take advice from the likes of you!"

Erik chuckled. "The likes of me? I am a happily married man, Vicomte."

Raoul stood. "Let us understand one another, Monsieur. I do not like you. I do not trust you. And I will never comprehend what Christine sees in you. But I will endeavor to keep my disdain for you to myself for her sake. I will not, however, be continually made a fool of by you."

Erik laughed again. "I will refrain from commenting on your foolishness. But you can rest assured that I understand your feelings perfectly, and we are of similar mind on the subject. Now, I recommend that you remove yourself from my garden and make yourself presentable, as my wife has insisted on your presence for dinner. Your bag is on the front drive. Apparently, your cabbie was nice enough to leave it before he left you to your fate."

With that, Erik disappeared back into the house, leaving Raoul alone to his brooding once more.

xXx

Meg had retreated upstairs to her bedroom in what her mother would surely call childish behavior. She simply had not been able to face talking with Raoul while her own emotions were so precarious. And she desperately needed to talk to Christine, to explain her feelings for Raoul and apologize for causing this mess.

Meg was ashamed to admit that her first thoughts at seeing him here had been of anger and betrayal. She had immediately assumed the worst; that Raoul had somehow known Meg would eventually lead him to Christine. The idea that he might have played her for a fool had her feeling sick and wondering how she could have allowed such a thing.

But it seemed, at least, that Raoul had not come here deliberately to see Christine, though his motives did nothing to ease her distress. She had seen the look upon his face when he'd gazed on Christine again, confirming all her suspicions that Raoul was not yet over his former fiancée. Whatever had been discussed between the two could hardly have changed that.

Meg was jarred out of her own musings by the light tapping at her door and Christine's soft voice.

"Meg? May I come in?"

Impatiently swiping away her stray tears, Meg stood from the bed, attempting to calm herself. "Yes."

Christine entered hesitantly and sat rather gracelessly in the corner chair. She gave a pointed look to Meg. "Is there something you neglected to mention to me, my friend?"

Meg released a shaky breath as her tears once again began to fall. She slipped to her knees in front of Christine. "Oh Christine. I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

Christine smiled softly, laying a hand on her friend's shoulder. "There is nothing to forgive, Meg. I wanted Raoul to move on with his life and be happy. It seems somehow right that it should be with you."

Meg shook her head stubbornly. "We have not...it has been..." Giving up on tact, Meg blurted out the thought foremost on her mind. "I know he still loves you."

Christine arched a single brow. "Yet it is you he came chasing after in a fit of jealousy."

Meg glanced away. "Raoul…does not approve of my friendship with Jean."

Christine laughed a little, "And why is that, do you suppose?"

Meg squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and whispered raggedly. "I want to believe that he loves me, Christine. You have no idea how much I want to...but I saw how he looked at you earlier."

Christine sighed. "And I saw how he looked at you. If Raoul and I have some lingering tenderness between us, it is only the remnant of what might have been. I used him very poorly, and we both needed to make peace with the past."

Meg eyed her friend warily. "Have you?"

Christine answered without hesitation. "Yes...and I believe he does love you, Meg. I have certainly never before seen him in quite such...disarray. He seemed always to be so steady and proper when we were together."

Meg frowned. "Is it meant to ease my mind that I've made a mess of him?"

Christine stifled her laughter. "I only mean to make you realize that I never had quite this effect on him. I think he was likely too preoccupied with being noble and honorable and coming to my rescue."

Meg smiled a little at that. "He still does manage noble and honorable very well."

Christine stroked one hand over her friend's hair. "Do you love him, Meg?"

Wide blue eyes met Christine's sympathetic gaze. Meg had not yet even confessed her feelings to Raoul, yet it seemed right that she should tell Christine first. She closed her eyes and drew a breath. "Yes. I do. I love him so very dearly."

When she opened her eyes, it was to see Christine smiling softly once again. "Perhaps you should talk to Raoul."

Meg looked away again. "Oh Christine, I feel as though there is a chasm between us that can never be crossed. Even if we should both be able to move on from the past…what future can we really have? I am just a lowly little ballet rat, and his reputation has already suffered enough."

Christine grimaced. "Because of me."

Meg shook her head sadly. "I fear I am far less suited to be a vicomtess than you were, Christine. What hope does that leave us?"

Christine stubbornly persisted. "Raoul does not care for such things, Meg. And I think you would do well as his wife, if you are willing to give up the theater."

Meg sighed. "I would give it up without hesitation, but that will not make my blood any bluer or my manners any meeker."

Christine laughed in earnest. "Thank God for that, Meg. The last thing the Paris aristocracy needs is another blue blooded mouse."

Meg's eyes suddenly danced with a hint of their usual spirited glimmer. "Do you suppose they could tolerate a rat?"

Christine had laughed again, and the two friends spent quite sometime speaking of all that had been left unsaid.

A/N: The usual thanks to the usual suspects... To whatanoddgirl (by the way, I love that pen name) I am glad you are loving this. Nice to hear from you again. Don't worry, you won't have to wait much longer...