Author - fistofthedarklord

Re: Part 2

Most esteemed Lord Sidious,

I have indeed sufficiently punished Rune Haakko. Did I mention in my last correspondence that he has no dessert privileges for a month? Well, that doo doo head nearly ruined everything with the Genosians. Dunderhead! Will he never learn? I am not sure I like these Genosian people, they are too violent in the most impossible circumstances. The reason I returned so early to see Rune replying to your messages last time was that the Genosians thought the golf clubs were combat sticks and proceeded to beat each other up until bored and then lynched and ate the caddy. Poor Hookum. At any rate, that apprentice of yours despite what he says is not here. Far be it from me to say he is LYING, as you Sith would never lie to each other. No way. But he is not here. There is a blockade around the planet too thick for anyone to arrive undetected and noone has been informed of a Sith's arrival. I eagerly await your response,
your humble servant,
Rune Haako.

RED ALERT:

Most esteemed Dark Mighty Darth Sidious,

RUNE HAAKO DOO DOO HEAD! That dungybo has ruined everything. When we had a final meeting in order to decide whether or not the Genosians would be willing to work with us, Rune came in having just worked on a model of one of our federation ships. However it was not a complete model. Instead it was just the ball shaped center of our ship and he tried to throw it at me while I was pointing at various aspects on a projector in a holo point presentation to the Genosians of the benefits of helping us. He missed. It landed smack on the projector smashing it, and thus making countless hours ruined! Then to make matters worse, I see Rune Haako hiding behind a flower pot (he's seven feet, that teeny thing couldn't possibly hide all of him that doo doo brain!) and I make him come out and tell him to apologise. Instead he says that one of these days he'll get me and that he has a whole collection of balls just like that one, and one of these days he's going to install lasers in the middle of them. Then instead of having the outer coverings that our space stations have around them, HIS station will just be a great big black ball shooting lasers. And it will be the size of a small moon and he'll use it to destroy my condo. The nerve of him! And he intends to call it the Ball of Doom or something. Anyway, during our argument the Genosians start getting very excited. I notice they start taking notes, finally they all start jumping up and down with excitement and I think they have to relieve themselves. I direct them to the bathrooms and instead they say they have to go as they just thought up a way to blow things up (that is ALL THEY THINK ABOUT!)and they leave. I think the deal is off. That Rune has done it again! No more holovision privileges for him either. Ever.

Your humble servant who is feeling very blue right now, both literally and figuratively,
Nute Gunray.

Re: PART TWO

To the awesome persona Lord Sidious,

Forgive my stupidity my Lord. I forgot to elaborate on the mass killings (Dumb Nute!) that have taken place. I will do so now. There have been several instances. A crowd of Nubians crying out over the slaughter of that politician rallied in front of the palaace two weeks back. They would not go back when we sent battle droids with the message: Disperce. So we called in the Tanks. AHST's came in and rolled over them, crushing many, many ran and were shot down. Over two hundred people were killed and now the city smells with the stench of the dead and dying. That is the result of Rune Haako being made Chief of City Clean Up. I make the dumbest appointments at two in the morning. Why do I do this? I must fire him. I've ordered the city's clean up myself. Two nights back there was an assasination attempt upon my life. A bounty hunter came after me and Rune. I told Rune to protect me, crept to my room and dived under the bed...er...went for help. Of course Rune being the coward that he was told him where I was in order to save himself. Ha! The bounty hunter shot Rune in the head and that is the end of him...I wish! That bounty hunter missed at point blank range. He says he was only trying to shoot between Rune's ears (they are practically non existant we, Nemoidians have small coin sized ear holes)to scare him, and there is a hole in the wall right by Rune's head (if he tells the truth he is a greater shot then our droids. But that's not saying much, our droids are terrible thanks to our having a too small budget for them. hint hint)Rune fainted but now we have the bounty hunter in our custody as then he was overwhelmed by droiddekas. He says he is the great Jango Fett. Personally I think he's batty. Should I kill him? Also, did you know that there is another riot going on out side the city. I am tired of the whole thing and have sent tanks to just kill them. I'm sick of this. I'm just sick of the whole thing. I have a headache but the pharmaceutical part of the palace is filled with rebels who have locked the doors and blast anyone who come within two yards. They refuse to negotiate for aspirin! I hate Nubians.

your humble servant,
Nute Gunray

P.S. I read the note you sent to Rune (I hope you don't mind. I wasn't entirely sure you actually meant for Rune to see it as he is so slippery and Rune is so tricksy.)Do you want him to reply to your note?

P.P.S. Lord Maul arrives in the morning. He apparently got lost.