Author's Note: Nyar. For some reason I want to draw Snape in the costume of 18th Century Man (a superhero I just made up). Don't ask why.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Alternate Universe (where Sirius still lives...) and slash.
Disclaimers: I do not own...
Summary: They say love is blind... Well, so is Snape. And only his worst enemy is capable of snapping him out of his downward spiral into self-destruction. AU.
Love is Blind
Chapter Three: In Which Severus Is
Severus Snape sat in his office, seriously contemplating what it would be like to take his own life. He knew how to make a potion that would ease him painlessly into the afterlife, but he doubted he could do it without his eyesight. He supposed he could do it the old-fashioned way but that was messy and far too melodramatic for his tastes. Besides, where would he get a proper knife so late in the day?
Finally, he dismissed the idea. It would be silly to have survived the war to end it all by committing suicide. He did, however, decide that if some remaining Deatheater were out for revenge he wouldn't try too hard to save himself.
A loud knock sounded at the door and interrupted his thoughts. "Come in," he snarled.
The door creaked open and then shut again. There was nothing in what he heard to tell him who it was. "Well?" he demanded imperiously, hoping the person would leave soon so he could go back to degenerating into a profound depression.
"Snape," was the cool response. There was no mistaking that voice.
"Black." Severus sneered. "And to what do I owe this... pleasure?" he said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.
Sirius shifted his weight from one foot to the other. The situation was exceedingly awkward enough without the Potions Master being such a bastard about it all! Wasn't it enough that he was there to apologize?
"That's an interesting painting," he said in an effort to divert Snape's usual snarkiness with small talk. The piece of art in question was a portrait of a man with a vague resemblance to Snape, staring out at him haughtily; eyebrow arched in perfect copy of the expression Snape was wont to wear.
Snape drummed his fingers against the wood of his desk. "Which one?" he asked finally, curious enough at Black's reason for being there to play along.
Sirius blinked at him. "This one." He gestured to it.
"Could you perhaps be a bit more specific, or are you really that stupid?"
Black turned to Severus angrily. The blasted potions master was not making this any easier. "What are you-"
"Blind? Yes, actually." Snape's lip curled in dislike. "And you are as unobservant as usual."
"You- what?"
"I. Am. Blind. I can't see the bloody painting, you daft Gryffindor, so get to the point!"
The animagus just stared at him, stunned. Severus had never been patient. "What do you want, Black?" he demanded sharply.
Sirius had tried to remain calm but Snape always made him lose his temper. "You- you- Augh! I was trying to apologize, but I give up!" he snarled. "You are impossible, Snape!"
The Potions Master opened his mouth to form a retort, and then closed it again. Was his hearing going as well? "What did you say?"
"Need a definition? You are the most annoying, infuriating human being in exi-"
"Before that!"
Sirius paused in his movement to storm out of the office. He had wanted his chance... He leaned against the wall and folded his arms unhappily. "I'm trying to apologize for- for everything. The shrieking shack. Everything."
The Potions Master seemed to stare at him with those blind eyes. "Why?"
"Because... I have a second chance. I don't want to ruin it. Not with things that happened over twenty years ago." He risked a glance at Snape.
The Potions Master was sitting rigidly in his chair, utterly furious. "How Gryffindor," he spat viciously. "Your conscience rears its ugly head and now you want to make it all better."
"Why do you always do that!" He paced angrily, trying to vent his frustration. "Gah! Just being in the same room with you makes me want to kill you!"
"Oh,and that'ssuch a new concept."
"I wasn't trying to kill you," Sirius ground out between clenched teeth. "How long until you believe that?"
"When mermaids fly, I expect," the Potions Master sneered.
"I never meant for it to go that far," Black insisted.
"But you let him take it that far. If that cowardly Gryffindor hadn't lost his nerve you would have let me die, just because he wished it!"
Sirius flinched. "I wasn't…"
"Don't deny it. You were nothing but Potter's lap dog and you know it." He sneered. "And a dog you still remain."
The animagus clenched his fists, but had to look away. "That... that was in the past, Snape. I didn't want you dead. I was a kid, I was stupid and I thought it would be a bloody brilliant prank. I couldn't imagine Remus hurting anyone, not even you. I just thought you would piss in your pants and run away, no harm done."
"Lupin could have killed me. Or turned me into a werewolf like him. He would have been expelled at the least. You should have been expelled. You and Potter both," Severus added bitterly.
Sirius hung his head. "I know." They were both silent for a long while. Snape was staring fixedly at a place on the wall before him, as if he were seeing something Black couldn't.
Maybe he was... Was he reliving the incident at the shrieking shack? Sirius cringed at the thought. "Snape... Severus. I'm teaching Transfiguration now. We'll be working together, and being enemies does not make for good working conditions." He forced a smile, even though Snape couldn't see it. "I spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime I didn't commit. That's more than a decade of my life lost. Don't let it have been for nothing. Let it have been my punishment for the things I did do." Black's tone was pleading by the end of that statement.
Snape bowed his head tiredly. He felt unbelievably weary, mind-numbingly so. "I'll think about it Black. Just leave."
Sirius hesitated, looking at Snape one last time. The Potions Master had his face buried in his hands and fairly projected exhaustion. Black sighed and left the room, his thoughts still on Snape. How hard must it be, to keep composure under these circumstances? To lose your eyesight... The animagus shuddered. He would have been terrified in Snape's place. Was Severus that much stronger, or just a better actor?
And...
The details of the final battle wasn't known, but Sirius did know that Snape was essential in defeating Voldemort. He was a spy for their side, yet Dumbledore had been the only man who'd ever trusted the potions master.
And Dumbledore rarely, if ever, misplaced his trust. So how hard was it for Snape to face fear and hatred and mistrust day in and day out? It was no wonder he was a bitter and sarcastic individual, really.
Sirius shook his head. What was he thinking, feeling sorry for Snape of all people! Snape would be just fine if he never saw the animagus again, and likewise with Sirius.
To Be Continued
sparkling silver angel wings - Glad you like the fic. But there are other blind!Snape stories? I've only found two others; one of which it was temporary, and the other you don't even find out until the end. If you're talking about different ones, I'd like to read them!
Mon - That's what I'd been hoping for! Thanks for telling me just what I wanted to hear.
Localfreak - I'm always happy to hear people enjoy what I write, and here is more.
MW - Apparently you're one of many. Makes a gal feel loved. ;P
mini-kero - Lol! My, you're exuberant. I'm glad you like it, here's the continuation.
zeynel - Thanks, and here's more.
Quietus - You know, I hadn't actually planned on keeping the sonnet, but if you want it so bad I'll keep it just for you. :D Though it'll probably be a few more chapters down the line.
Sepia Mortis - Goodness, one doesn't often find reviewers who are so literate! You are a welcome change, Sepia. Yes, you'd think Sirius would be the one to make Sev go insane, except that Sirius doesn't really behave any differently towards Sev than how he used to before the blindness. They still fight and insult, just like they always had and that keeps Severus grounded.
Anastasia Snape - Here's the update...
Ebisu - Don't die! That's bad. How would you read the next chapter if you did?
Syl - The thing is, he's not as confident as he seems. Sev's pride keeps him from showing any uncertainty (which is kind of sad when you think about it. Poor guy)
Sunny Dragoness - I'd be a bad authoress if I was offended by some good constructive criticism! I thiiink this chapter sufficiently explains his morbid tendencies, but let me know if I haven't managed that.
excessivelyperky - Hint taken. You're welcome.
Sheriff of Nottingham - I decided to edit and repost the chapters, that's what happened. And I'm updating now, aren't I?
Kirsti-Lee - I'm glad you like it, but don't go mad! That's almost as bad as the fellow who was going to die a few reviews back.
Lotten - No worries, I'm addicted to fanfiction, too. Here's more!
Sephie - I have another chapter here, especially for you... Though I'd like to know what "gd" means. XP Just joshin' ya.
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