Disclaimer: Don't own Sailor moon.
Chapter 9: My Friend the Blade
Sometimes the worst things in life disguise themselves as our friends and then we become addicted. When you become an addict, we become self centered, and uninvolved with the world and people around us.
Serena awoke to find Rei's pallet of blankets on the floor and her window open, pink curtains flowing inside the room by the wind. Serena looked around her room like a lost child and laid her head back down. All she wanted to do was stay in bed, could you blame her, it was a Sunday. She laid her head back down on the pillow and closed her eyes. She snuggled down in her bed with the pillow as her friend. Just as she got comfortable, the door bell rang.
Outside Mina waited patiently for someone to open the door. The breeze was nice outside, an ideal spring day for anyone. As she waited she noticed a ladybug crawling up the tiny vines of the flower. She put her hand out and it crawled on. It was like when Serena and she were younger and they would play in the open fields during vacations with their families. She put it back on the flower and noticed that she was still outside. She rang the doorbell again as Serena put her pink, fuzzy slippers on to answer the door. Mina rang it again knowing that her cousin was probably still asleep in her bed.
"I'm coming" Serena shouted. She opened the door to reveal her cousin.
"Oh Mina, it's you" Serena said.
"Is that all you're going to say"
"No, I'm sorry. Come on in" Serena said with a smile.
"How's your mom" Mina asked as she saw her mother's bedroom door closed as she entered the house.
"I don't know. I can barely carry on a conversation with her these days"
Once they were safe and sound in Serena's room, Serena made her way back into her soft, cushy bed.
"Well the real reason I'm here is to figure out how Lita was doing. I got the news late yesterday"
"She's alright I guess" Serena said looking out her windows at the birds that flew high in the sky. Serena could only imagine what it feels like to fly away, to fly period.
"What do you mean I guess?"
"Well, she's paralyzed from the waist down," Serena started to say as water formed in her eyes, "But they said that there is still hope" Serena was now starting to water up more as a tear fell from her eye, just thinking about Lita not being able to walk made her feel hurt in her heart. Mina's heart sank too when she heard Serena's words. Mina's tears flowed from her face making a tiny droplet stain on Serena's bed. The two held each other and cried. Mina was not only crying with Serena because of Lita's condition, but because what was going on at home.
Mina was a perfectionist to say the least. Her mother constantly compared her to her cousins and older siblings. It felt as if Mina was always the mistake though in her mother's eyes. She recalled when her mother found out about her cutting.
"Mina go to sleep now you have church in the morning"
"Why do I have to go to sleep right now its like 10:00?"
"Because I said so" Mina's mother, Darlene, said in a forceful voice.
"Well I want to write" Mina said pulling out her note pad. She had been wanting to write a poem all day. Her day began fucked up and she was trying to express herself through her writing.
"Mina what did I tell you" Her mother said as she flicked the lights off"
"Mom, I need the light"
"Go to sleep Mina" She said more demanding. Mina threw her note pad on the floor and laid her head down hard on her pillow. All she could think about was how she had no control over anything, like her mother was constantly running her life for her. Mina fidgeted and couldn't stop fidgeting. Her mind was on one thing, her friend the blade.
Mina got up from her bed and looked around the room. Nothing appealed to her until she got a glimpse of her older sister's sewing machine in the corner of the room with the rest of her sewing supplies. Her sister, Haruka, had moved out a few years ago and had left a lot of things behind, and one thing in particular would help Mina with her problem.
She went over to grab the little cloth slicer ( AN: Look I don't know what it is, but it's sharp ok). Mina took it with her pretending to go to the bathroom. She closed the door and ran the water to act like she was washing her face. She slid down the wooden door of the bathroom, and took the sharp object which peeled her skin. Tiny drops of blood made its way down her arm. The burn was like a fire on her arm as the silver blade slid across it. She wanted to let out a scream from the pain, it had appeared that she had pushed down a bit too hard this time. She bit her lower lip in the pain as she started to cry.
Her mother was in the living room reading a book from Oprah's Book Club when she noticed her daughter had been in the bathroom a bit too long. She had already been informed of Mina's habits a few months before when Mina promised not to do it again, but as she thought in her mind, some habits never die.
She put her book down on the chocolate brown sofa and made her way down to the hall where Mina was in the bathroom cleaning up her arm.
"Mina?" Darlene said as she knocked on the door.
"Oh hold on mom" Mina said as she threw the thread cutter back into the pantry, putting her wristbands on.
"You cutting yourself" Her mother said in an intimidating tone.
"No" Mina lied as she walked faster to her bed and got into it.
"Oh really then what's this" Darlene said as she took off Mina's wristbands. The cut was still fresh and almost seemed to burn more as Mina's eyes laid a glimpse upon it.
"What the hell is wrong with you Mina!" Her mother shouted at her, as Mina tried to keep her act up.
"Nothing"
"Then why are you cutting yourself"
"Because that's the only thing that I have control over mom" Mina said now frustrated more than ever with her mother.
"Oh you don't have control do you, I'll show you what no control is honey! From now on, no hanging out with your friends. You come straight home after school. Your phone will be taken away and your allowance too"
"What the fuck mom, I just said I cut myself because I feel like I don't have any control, now your taking everything away from me, now I should just go slit my throat!"
"Mina Marie Thompson, don't you ever, ever raise your fucking voice at me ever again. These are the mother fucking rules and you will abide by them. I will forbid you to talk to Lita, Amy, and Rei. They are a bad influence on you. And starting next week you are going to go to counseling. Now close your god damn eyes and go to sleep!" Darlene slammed the door leaving Mina in the dark by herself. But in reality Darlene was too. Darlene put her hands over her eyes as tears flowed down her cheeks. Mina was in her bed crying hysterically.
'She can take my phone and my allowance, but my friends are something that no one can take away' Mina thought as it only made her cry even more.
The next few weeks went on and Mina felt as if she was labeled the mistake by her mother. Mina even had a new routine, her counseling.
"Well Mina I want you to write how you feel in a poem, since you like to write to express yourself" Dr. Carter said as he sat in his big cushy therapist chair. He slipped Mina a piece of paper and gave her a writing utensil. Mina starred at the piece of paper for awhile and then began to write.
Are you disappointed are you ashamed
Is it because I was the biggest mistake
The mess up the screw up that you tried to raise
I'm sorry if I seem selfish that you seemed to think I want attention
If so I'll try not to speak my mind every damn day
Maybe I'll just hide like I did in the past
With my torn up skin that I showed you at last
Maybe they are better
I'm not worth anything
If you seem to treat them better
And leave me to be erased from the picture
I tried to be the best with my grades and awards
But when I brought them home you'd just try to ignore
But when she brought them home you were overjoyed
Where was my praise my reward
You say that I am so spoiled and that I've always been that way
Maybe you're right but I don't try to think that way
I know that you feel bad like you did something wrong because you saw all those cuts on my arm
But you didn't mom
I still love you
I promise I'm not suicidal
I promise I won't cut
I told you that before
I don't want to do that anymore
Won't you hold me in your arms and tell me it's ok
I promise this time I won't pull away
Maybe I'll try to be less selfish I'll try to stop my ways
But I'm just trying to be myself and I don't know if I can change
Why do you want o change me mom I'm just being me
I don't know what you want mom what you what to see
Dr. Carter examined her writing as she sat there in the chair looking out the window. She could feel the warm sun threw the glass window and then she suddenly felt cold as the clouds covered the sun and all you could see was a glowing outline behind the gray in the sky.
"Well, Mina, this is really, really… interesting" He said as he went over the paper again.
"What do you mean?" Mina said confused by his response.
"Well you seem to act as if your mother is the reason why you cut" Mina's eyes started to get wide, as she knew that he had interpreted her poem the wrong way.
"Well that's not what I meant by it" Mina said like an upset child.
"Well then what did you mean by it?" He asked putting the paper down on the table next to him as he continued to interlace his fingers waiting for Mina to respond. But Mina sat in the chair quietly.
After about 45 minutes later the session was over.
"Well I guess we'll meet again" Dr. Carter said a bit annoyed with her as he put his papers into his brief case.
"Look at it closer" Mina said.
"What?" Dr. Carter said as he stopped rustling his papers.
"Take a closer look" she said as she grabbed her things and walked out of the door…
Back to present
"Well I think I'm going to go visit Lita" Mina said whipping her tears off of her face.
"Can I go with you?" Serena said as she sniffled.
"Come on butthead, you don't even have to ask" Mina said with a smile.
"Shut up Beavis" Serena said back playfully.
Well I'll update the story soon. I'm trying to finish it by next month hopefully. Well keep reading. Thanks for the reviews.