Disclaimer: Don't own Sailor Moon
Chapter 11: The Girl Who was a Fool
When something goes wrong, you hide. But when you hide you loose yourself in your lie, and become someone else who you hate inside
Amy sat in her room, her heart pounding, thinking about what would happen if the police found out about the ordeal. She took a deep breath, yet she still wasn't calm. She took her finger and placed it in the little hole of her wooden floor board. She lifted it up slowly and took out the tiny silver jewelry box that lay secretly there. She opened the lid and saw a pair of sharp scissors, her safety scissors. She took them in her hand gently and placed its sharp blade over her arm. The cold sting beat against that which was warm. Her blood ran off of her arm and onto the floor. Tiny drops of crimson regret soaked into the cherry wood floor, making new stains with the old ones that Amy would never forget…
"Amy I'm setting up a doctor's appointment for you" Her mother Sara said to the 10 year old Amy sitting at the dinner table. Amy just thought to herself how much she hated the doctors, but at least she wasn't getting a shot.
Amy sat on the doctors table in her white gown waiting silently and patiently for the doctor to enter the room. The only sound that was made was the tick of the clock as every second went by slowly. Finally the doctor entered with her clip board of information and her stethoscope around her neck.
"Hello Amy, and how are you doing today?" Dr. Sally said.
"Fine" Amy said knowing she wanted to catch the new episode of Sailor Moon on Cartoon Network.
"Well I'm going to just do a checkup on you and that's all" Dr. Sally told Amy. She went over the basics with the reflects, the hearing, the sight, the usual, but then Amy's world came crashing down.
"Can you bend over for me Amy" Dr. Sally said. Amy bent over and the doctor was quiet, too quiet.
"Well Amy, it looks as if you might have scoliosis" Dr. Sally said.
'What the hell does that mean' Amy thought to herself.
"What is that" Sara asked.
"Oh, it's the curvature of the spine; it's common in young girls in this age. I'm sure it's nothing. But just in case I'm sending you to a specialty hospital where she can be examined more closely"
Amy wondered in her mind what would come of her new condition.
The next week she had an appointment at the specialty hospital in the scoliosis clinic. She had on her gray baggy sweater on with jeans and a pair of converse as she sat down in her chair in the waiting room. Both her mother and father sat beside her reading a magazine. Amy decided to do the same. She picked up last years edition of Sports Illustrated, even though she wasn't a sports fan, it was the only decent thing on the table. She tried to keep her eyes down on the paper but she couldn't help look around the room. She saw people in wheel chairs, burned, and braces on their bodies. She was scared and sad at the same time.
"Amy Mizuno" The nurse called out from the reception area. Amy and her family got up and followed the nurse into the doctor's office.
"And how are you doing today Amy" The nurse with blonde hair said as Amy followed her to the scales.
"Fine I guess" Amy said shyly.
"Well Amy if you could just step up on the scale for me" The nurse said as Amy took of her shoes and stepped up to see her weight. She had gained five pounds since she last weighed herself.
'That's great' Amy thought sarcastically in her mind.
"Well, you and your family can wait for the doctor in room 35. He should be in shortly. Just put on this gown for us, alright" The nurse said with a smile before shutting the door to the white and silent room.
'I hate these things' Amy thought to herself as she put on her gown and sat on the table. Her parents sat in the chairs opposite of her waiting anxiously for the doctor.
A few minutes later a man with gray hair and a few wrinkles on his face made his way into the room. He had a smile on his face as he looked at Amy who also faked her smile as she sat on the table like a dead frog in science class.
"Hello Amy, Mr. and Miss. Mizuno. I'm Dr. Lurnen" He said shaking their hands.
"And you are" He said to Amy's aunt.
"I'm Amy's aunt, Brenda" She said shaking his hand. He then sat down in his silver and black chair looking at his chart as the room was silent. Amy watched his with attentive eyes wondering what he would say.
"Well we should take a look at your X rays that you took last week" He said pulling out a vanilla folder with her x rays inside. He slid them up into the light board and flicked the switch and what Amy saw seemed to tear her apart like a ravaged beast. Her spine resembled the letter "S". It wasn't straight at all. She wanted to cry but she wouldn't let herself look like a failure. She sat up straighter and continued to look at her X rays with a stern face.
"It looks like your curve is a mild case, but we're still going to have to put you in a back brace where it will push your spine back in place" Dr, Lurnen said as Amy tried to breathe normally but felt as if she was short of breath.
"How long would she have to wear it" Her mother asked as she was just as worried as Amy was.
"Well seeing that she hasn't had her period yet, we're going to give her 3 to 4 years. She'll have to wear it 20 hours a day, that way she has 4 hours to have it off if she plays sports and things" Amy wasn't satisfied with his response to her mother's question.
"In that case we'll send you all up to the second floor where Amy can get measured for her brace" He said as he wrote them a pass on a pink slip of paper and handed to her father. He left the room, and Amy presumed to get dressed, with no expression in her face. She knew she wanted to cry, but she wouldn't allow herself, not now, not ever.
After she was fully dressed, they made their way up to the second floor, where yet again they waited in a white and silent room for another doctor. A man walked in with plaster on his hands and on his white doctor's coat.
"Hello there" He said as Amy sat with a fake smile on her face. She was good at hiding how she felt.
"Well you're a very brave girl. Most of the girls I see that come in here are usually in tears, but you are very courageous" Amy smiled wider at his response, but her smile was only a reflection of her pain inside.
"My names George by the way" He said as he took out his clipboard. Amy was measured for her brace and two weeks later she was in his office yet again to pick it up. It was a horrible wretched thing. It looked and felt like a corset to her. It strapped tightly in the back and was made of plastic. The inside of it was a foam kind of material and stuck to Amy's skin like syrup. When she had an itch she couldn't scratch it and when she did take the brace of she had red skin everywhere on her back and stomach. The brace fit so tight around her that she had to start a new breathing technique where she breathed in instead of out. She got sweaty when she had it on and couldn't eat a full meal of anything, not even a McDonald's happy meal, which she stopped eating at 6 years of age. And most of all, Amy hated the fact that she looked 3 times fatter. The brace made her have to go up 2 sizes in her clothing and the back of it made her ass look like she got bad lipo suction and looked flat as a board. Amy hated the brace with a passion. She had never hated anything more.
Her real issue was when she had to go to school. What would the kids say? Would her friends ditch her? Would she ever be herself again? The thoughts ran through Amy's head as she looked for new clothes that would fit her bigger body in Target.
"Honey what about these" Her mother said as she held up a pair of blue jeans. Amy looked at them apprehensively but took them to try on. They looked horrible on her, in fact everything looked like a piece of shit on her. She hated the brace and herself.
Once picking out a few things from the store Amy went straight to her room and cried.
The next day at school, she didn't hug anyone because she knew they would feel the hard plastic on her body, she didn't get to close to anyone because she knew that they might bump into her and shout out some rude comment, and most of all she hid underneath her big black sweater. Not only was she hiding her body, but she hid herself under the cotton. She couldn't be the fun Amy people used to know, all that they could see now, was a girl hiding behind an act, a mask, and image that everyone thought was real.
The same behavior went on as she got older. She hid behind her mask, and was never able to be herself. She had learned to cope with the comments and questions about her size and odd shape or the reason why her body was hard as a wall. It hurt her heart every time they came out of someone's mouth, but she had learned to smile on the outside while she cried on the inside.
By seventh grade her self esteem began to get worse. The girls with make up and skinny bodies made her feel like she was a geek. Even though people loved Amy's personality and company, Amy still felt like an outsider. She even was jealous and envious of her friends. They had short skirts, skimpy shirts, and most of all boyfriends. Any knew she would never have a boyfriend. What guy was going to find her attractive?
By the eight grade her self esteem wasn't even there. She was a negative and down person. After going for another check up, the news still didn't change and she had one more year to go in her brace.
With her self esteem gone and her happiness a speck in her mind and heart, she took the steak knife from her kitchen drawer and let the pain go. As her blood ran off of her arm, she thought about all the doctor's appointments, and the comments, and the times where she couldn't dress like the other girls. The blade felt so numb on her arm as she pressed harder and harder on her skin. She bit her lip as the pain started to kick in. She took a towel from the cupboard and held it tight on her arm. She cried and cried until her pain was gone. Not only was being a cutter her new habit, but being bulimic and anorexic was also part of her addictions.
Because the brace made her fat, every night after dinner she would take her toothbrush and shove it down her throat, waiting for her meal to come up. At school she didn't eat and she didn't drink any thing. She was obsessed with weight. For 6 months her addictions continued. After she received the news that she would only have to where her brace for maybe a few more months she stopped her habits, but some habits never die. As she got out of her brace and into high school, her eating habits and torn skin seemed to get worse, yet no one saw her pain.
Every night after she cut and threw up, she laid in her bed and cried.
"Why God, Why did you do this to me" She would say as she cried with red eyes. She would hold her pillow tight until she fell asleep.
One particular night when she cried out her pain she decided to turn on the radio to make her fall asleep and as she did she heard the most ironic song she had ever heard in her entire life.
Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now I know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
Amy got out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. It wasn't her; it was a mask that she was hiding behind, an image, a lie, which haunted her.
I know the truth now
I know who you are
and I don't love you anymore
And with that she punched her mirror.
It never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
The glass fell to the floor and made a shatter. Her hands covered in blood and her eyes blood red with pain.
It never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool...
Back to the present
She put her scissors down and rushed to the bathroom. She opened the door to the medicine cabinet and there it was. A bottle of pills…
OoOo. You're gonna have to wait guys. Does Amy commit suicide? Hmmm… I guess we'll see. Well hope you like this chapter, it's based off of true events, except for the last part. Well I'll update soon. Please R&R. Thanks.
P.s. The Song used in this chapter was "Everybody's Fool" By Evanescence.