A Place In the Sun
20
The morning was chilly as Ryan walked an all too familiar path. He held a single white rose in his hand.
As he approached his destination, he could see a woman kneeling. His feet crunched the leaves on the ground, fallen from the trees. She heard this and turned around, standing up.
"Ryan," she said softly.
"You look like you didn't expect me."
"No, it wasn't that…it's been four years, and every year we end up here at the same time."
"In the dawn, it just feels so peaceful here."
Ryan walked past her to the small headstone. A row of hearts decorated the top of it, and underneath was engraved the name Joanna Christine Lavery, and a lone date, October 23, 1999. Ryan set the rose next to the pink one that Hayley had brought. He rested his hand on the top of the headstone and bowed his head for a few seconds.
"I know what you mean," she said, looking down at the ground as he stood up and stepped toward her.
Ryan lifted her chin, noticing her red and swollen eyes, and wiped away a tear on her cheek, "Hayley, something else is bothering you."
She shook her head. "It must be that Max is here this year. The wound feels more open."
He pulled her into a hug and asked, "What about Mateo?"
Hayley pulled away, sniffling and wiping her eyes, "Mateo, he's just been great, you know? The perfect husband. What else could he possibly be? He knows that I'm not comfortable around Max, but Max is his son and he's just a kid, after all, so he has to love him. He's not trying to force the issue with me and Max, but I know that he wishes that I would just forgive Max, but nothing, nothing will change what happened. Nothing can heal the hole in my heart, nothing can bring Joanna back."
"I know, Hayley, God, I know," he said. "Don't think that there's a day that goes by that I don't think of her."
"Ryan, you are the only person who understands," she said with a deep sadness in her voice.
"Hayley, you know that if you ever need someone, you can come to me."
"I know, I know. I'm going to go to a meeting this evening, and I even have an appointment with Dr. Vicks tomorrow."
"Really? I didn't know you were still seeing her."
"Yeah, I wasn't for a while, but after I found out that Max was coming here, I decided to go again."
"That's good that you're taking care of yourself," he said, giving her a hug.
Hayley wiped her eyes and told him, "I better get going, Mateo's expecting me at the club."
"This early?"
"We're finishing up plans for Rosa and Tim's engagement party, did you hear about that?"
"No, that's great, they're getting married!"
"Yeah, the party's next Saturday evening, you should come, and bring Gillian with you."
"Are you sure? We're not family or anything."
"Absolutely, you've known the two of them for ages."
"Okay, I'll just have to check with Gillian, thanks for inviting us."
"Bye, Ryan."
"Bye, Hayley."
Maria again watched from her front window as Maddie and Sam played in the courtyard between her apartment and Kelsey's.
October 22, 2003
Maddie. Madeline Flora Grey. Why? Why is this so hard? Remembering my life…she's my little girl, my beautiful little girl. Maybe if I get some sleep…
She reread what she's written the night before. But, it didn't seem any clearer now than it had then.
"Sammy!" she heard Maddie shriek. Maria quickly turned her head to see what Maddie was fussing about. She saw the ball they'd been tossing back and forth up on the roof, lodged against some ivy that was growing up a trellis.
"I'll go get Kelsey," Sam said, heading towards the door.
"Don't bother her, I'll get it," Maddie told her brother.
Maria gasped and grabbed her phone to call and warn Kelsey, but Kelsey didn't pick up.
She looked out at Maddie, nearing the top of the trellis. As Maddie reached for the ball, she could tell her footing wasn't good; Maria's heart pounded in her chest as she heard Sammy telling her over and over again to get down.
Maria picked up the phone to try Kelsey again when she heard Maddie scream. By the time Maria was out the door, Maddie was already lying on the ground, motionless.
Gillian lit two candles on a small round table in her bedroom and adjusted the two chairs she'd placed on either side of it. Dimitri had picked up Katalin about an hour earlier, which had given Gillian just enough time to put away any of Kata's things lying around the room and to put the finishing touches on the dinner she'd made for Ryan and herself.
"Gillian?" she heard Myrtle say from outside her door. Gillian crossed the room and opened it.
"Yes?"
"Ryan's here, he's waiting downstairs. Would you like me to send him up or do you need a few more minutes?"
"Everything's ready up here. Thank you, Myrtle."
"For what, dear?" she asked, as Gillian hugged her.
"Oh, just everything. For helping me put together this dinner. For not telling Ryan about Katalin."
"It isn't my place to tell him something like that, it should come from you. But Gillian, you've been here for a couple of months now; you really should think about telling him, before you get too involved. The two of you are meant to be together, but secrets can destroy the best of relationships."
"Thank you for the advice. I am going to tell him. Maybe even tonight."
"Well, good luck. Now I'll go and get him; have a good evening."
Gillian watched Myrtle go down the hall to the stairs and then turned back into the room. She set out the two plates she'd arranged down in the kitchen and was about to go back to the door when she heard a knock.
"Princess?" Ryan said, putting his head through the door.
"Ryan!" she said, giving him a hug. "Come, sit down."
They both took a chair at the table.
"Wow, this looks really good, Gillian," Ryan said, looking at the food sitting out. "You must've really picked up some cooking skills in your years away."
Gillian smiled, "I will admit, though, that I had some help from Myrtle. Go ahead, try it."
Ryan did as she said. "Mmm, this is good."
"Really?" taking a bite of her own. "So, how are you?
"I'm doing okay, I guess," he said, looking down at his plate.
"You look sort of tired, like you had a hard day."
Ryan nodded, not looking up. They sat in silence for several minutes. Gillian noticed that he wasn't eating much, just pushing the food around the plate; then, she saw a single tear roll down his face.
"Ryan, what is wrong?" she asked, laying down her fork and putting her napkin on the table. She stood up and went around to his side, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"This isn't your problem so you shouldn't have to deal with it. Let's just eat."
"No, Ryan, you are obviously upset about something. You can tell me anything, you know that," Gillian winced at how hypocritical that really was.
"I probably shouldn't have even come tonight," Ryan said, standing up to leave.
"Ryan."
"I should go."
"No, stay. Ryan, you've picked me up and put me back together so many times, now let me do the same for you."
"Maddie!" Maria yelled as she ran toward her daughter. She knelt down beside her and stroked her face, "Maddie, open your eyes, baby, open your eyes."
Maddie's eyes fluttered open and she looked up at Maria.
"Mama," she whispered. "Am I in heaven?"
"No, no, baby, you're just fine," Maria told her. "Kelsey! Kelsey, come here!"
"Yeah, I am okay," Maddie said, starting to sit up.
"No, don't move, Maddie," Maria told her.
"No, I'm fine," Maddie insisted, standing up. "Whoa," she said, holding her head.
"Are you dizzy?
"A little bit," she said, sitting down in Maria's lap.
"What happened?" Kelsey asked, running outside.
"Maddie fell," Sam told her.
"Weren't you supposed to be watching them, Kels? I tried to call you to tell you what they were doing, but you didn't answer the phone!"
"I'm sorry, I was on the other line, it was a very important phone call."
"More important than the children?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Maria. Is Maddie alright?"
"For the most part. But I think you should get her to the hospital. I think she did lose consciousness for a few moments, and she did a pretty good number on her elbow, here. Maddie, can you straighten your arm?"
Maddie straightened her arm.
"Does it hurt?"
"A little bit, but not like it's broken."
"Oh, you have experience?" Maria asked.
Sam nodded, "Daddy calls her 'Daddy's Little Daredevil'."
Maria laughed. "Okay, but in all seriousness, you really should have Maddie checked out. Sammy can stay here with me."
"What should I tell Edmund?" Kelsey asked. "Is it okay to tell him that you're here, now?"
"No," Maria said, forcefully. "No, just tell him you left Sam with your neighbor, which you did, so you're no lying to him. Just tell him you weren't paying good enough attention to the kids, but say nothing about me."
"Okay, okay, I don't feel like pushing the subject with you right now," Kelsey said, taking Maddie from Maria. "Sammy, will you be okay to stay here with Maria-I mean-your mom?"
Sammy nodded, but kept his eyes on Maria, as they had been since she'd come out of the apartment.
"Okay, I'll come by and get you later, 'kay?" Kelsey said.
Sam nodded again and then took Maria's hand as they went into her apartment.
Ryan sighed and went reluctantly with Gillian to the bed and sat down beside her.
"Now, tell me, what is the matter?" she asked him.
He ran his hand through his hair before speaking. "I didn't even think of this being an issue between us, because I really didn't think about the fact that you probably don't know."
"Know what?"
"You know that before you left, when we were separated, I'd been involved with Hayley, right?"
"Yes."
"She was going through all of that stuff with Raquel and Max. Well, after the divorce was final, we were both hurting so much…Gillian, she got pregnant, with my child."
"Oh," Gillian said, looking down at her lap.
"Max was jealous; things were getting better between Hayley and Mateo and he'd promised to raise the baby with her. But that didn't matter; Hayley was alone with Max one afternoon when she was about six months pregnant and Max somehow got a gun and he shot her."
"Oh my God! That's awful!"
"He shot her in the shoulder, but it caused her to go into labor prematurely and the doctors weren't able to stop it. So our daughter was born, but it was just too early for her."
"I'm so sorry, Ryan."
"We'd already picked out a name, Joanna Christine. She was born down in the ER and I held her up for Hayley to see before Hayley went to the OR for surgery. I held Joanna waiting for Hayley to come back from surgery, but the doctors had already told me that Joanna probably wouldn't live long enough. She didn't. I had about an hour with her," he said, wiping his face with his hands.
"Today is her birthday?"
Ryan nodded, "Yeah."
She used her thumb to wipe his tears and kissed him before giving Ryan a hug.
"If you'd rather just be alone, I'd understand," she told him
"Really, more than any other place I could be in this world, I want to be right here with you."
He kissed her passionately as they fell backward onto the bed, cradling each other in their arms.
...
"Here you go," Tyler said, sitting down at a table with Julia and handing her a drink.
"Thank you," she smiled.
"So, you have you picked out your first song yet?"
"First song? You'll be lucky to get one out of me!"
"Aww, what's the fun in that!"
"I've just got to find the perfect…" she said, looking through a song list.
"How about this one?" he said point out one. "Or this?"
She shook her head. "Okay, I've got it," she grinned. Julia jumped up to the stage and told the guy running the karaoke which song and headed for the microphone.
"You always get to say this, so now it's my turn," Julia said, looking straight at Tyler. "This is for you, Tyler."
I laid down the blanket there on the shoreline
And saw the water shine with the moon
What kind of fool would fail to notice
The best thing shining was you
Oh I laughed kinda nervous
I felt you move closer
And felt the world unwind
Once was a stranger not quite a lover
But steadily crossing the line
Carry me far away
Don't hold back, I won't break
Leave the ghosts behind
All I know wrong or right
Just the thought of this night
Will get me every time
Every time
Well the voice in my head said what
Are you doing
I thought not listening to you
You see I'm taking a chance
I'm thinking about flying
Over the blue
And it's crazy to be this out of practice
And have it all come so naturally
Don't you love knocking logic right off its axis
And watch it float far out to sea
Carry me far away
Don't hold back, I won't break
Leave the ghosts behind
All I know wrong or right
Just the thought of this night
Will get me every time
Every time
So, now here I am reading my fortune
In the winding lines of your hand
Oh and I see a lost unwanted orphan
Head right for the promise land
Carry me far away
I won't, I won't break
Carry me far away
Don't hold back, I won't break
Leave the ghosts behind
All I know wrong or right
Just the thought of this night
Will get me every time
Every time
Everyone clapped for her as she returned to her seat beside Tyler.
He leaned in for a kiss before he told her, "That was beautiful. See?"
"You would probably tell me that I did great even if I sounded like fingernails on a blackboard."
"Nah, I'm being honest," he said, kissing her again.
She smiled, caressing his face. "Well, thank you."
"So, 'steadily crossing the line'?"
She nodded.
"My place?" he continued.
She grinned and nodded again. They stood and headed for the door, arms wrapped around each other's waists.
...
Maria and Sam went inside; Sam sat down in a chair while Maria went into the kitchen area.
"Would you like something to drink, or eat, Sam?" Maria asked him.
"Are you really my mom?" he asked her, still staring.
Maria went over to him, but as she reached for him, he shrank back.
"Sammy…"
"My mom is dead," he said, looking at the floor. "She's been dead for years. She died in a plane crash. Daddy and Brooke, they couldn't save her."
"Sam, I survived, I don't know how, but I did. It wasn't easy, but I made it."
"It took you long enough," he muttered, looking down.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I wish I could have been there for you."
"Then why weren't you?"
"I was hurt really badly. I didn't remember anything, Sam. I didn't even remember my own name till I came back to Pine Valley. Baby, you have to believe me, if I would have remembered I never would have stayed away so long."
Sam looked up at her, "You remember now?"
"Some. But, of course, I remember you as a little one year old baby, and you've gotten so big now," she said, taking his hands. "Such a handsome young man."
Sammy hesitantly reached towards her-it looked like he was testing her to make sure she was real. Finally he embraced her and Maria hugged him back, kissing the top of his head.
"We've missed you so much!" Sam told her. His face turned serious, "Why did you tell Kelsey not to say anything about you to Daddy? Don't you want to come be with us?"
"It's not that, believe me, it's not that at all. But like I told you, I lost my memory, and I still don't remember much. When I remember more, maybe soon, then I can be with you and Maddie and your Dad. But until then, you can't tell anyone that you've seen me, do you understand? Do you promise that you won't tell?" Maria said this with tears in her eyes, torn between what she knew to be her life in the present, and the few memories she had of her past.
"Okay, I promise," he said, reluctantly.
"Thank you," she said, hugging him again. "Don't you ever doubt how much I love you."