A Place In the Sun
21 ''Did what just happened really happen?'' Gillian asked the next morning, laying in her bed with Ryan by her side. Ryan looked around. ''I think so.'' ''We shouldn't,'' Gillian said, searching for her clothes and hurriedly putting them on. ''What?'' Ryan asked, pulling on his pants. ''We always-we mess things up.'' ''We did not just spend all night comforting each other and making love to turn back now.'' ''Ryan, we have hurt each other so many times, I do not want that to happen again.'' ''Then don't. We won't let it.'' ''It does not matter our intentions, it happens.'' ''Last night you didn't think that. Last night you fixed me a romantic dinner. Last night our past didn't matter.'' ''Maybe I was not thinking.'' ''Exactly, you did what your heart told you to and you didn't think twice before spending the night with me in your bed.'' ''Well, maybe I should have. Maybe you should just leave now.'' ''Where is this coming from, Princess?'' ''Just leave, Ryan, I need to think about…all of this.'' He looked at her, searching for something to say. Finally he sighed. ''Fine, I'll give you your space,'' he said, buttoning his shirt. Without another word, he left the room. Gillian picked up a pillow and threw it at the door, tears already in her eyes. ''Why, why, why, why?'' she asked herself. ''Why, Gillian?'' she asked, looking in the mirror. ''Why, you know you love him, you know that every bone in your body aches for him when he is not here. You know there is not a day, or even a minute, that goes by that you did not wish that he were right here by your side helping you raise your daughter. You know you love him, you know you love him…. you know you're scared. You know you are scared out of your mind that he will hate you. That he will not ever be able to look at you again without seeing all that you kept from him, all that you took from him. You are afraid.'' ''Did what just happened really happen?'' Julia asked Tyler. Tyler looked around. ''I think so.'' ''I don't want to ever move from this spot,'' she said, her head resting on his bare chest. ''I think I could manage with that,'' Tyler said. ''But then, I know at least one of us has a steady job she might have to show up at.'' ''What, we can't live on love alone?'' Julia asked. ''Ah, we might need to eat eventually, maybe pay for this roof over our heads.'' ''What fun is that,'' she said, giggling. ''That's life.'' ''I think I've had enough of life for one lifetime.'' ''We don't have to go back to the real world yet, you know.'' ''Good,'' she said, kissing him. Maria's phone rang unexpectedly. ''Hello?'' ''Mama?'' she heard a young voice on the other line. ''Maddie?'' ''Kelsey gave me your number. Sammy told me about everything you talked about. I don't like it, but it's okay. We're not going to tell Daddy.'' ''Thank you, Maddie. How are you?'' ''I'm okay, Mama, really I am. My head hurts a little bit, and it stung when Dr. Jake cleaned the scrape on my elbow, but that's it.'' ''You should get some rest today, take it easy.'' ''I'm fine! Daddy's already hovering all over me and he told me I have to stay home instead of going over to Uncle Mateo and Aunt Hayley's to play with Lili and Chris with Sam. It's not fair.'' ''Sounds right to me.'' ''Uh! You're not fair, either!'' ''I only want you to feel better.'' ''That's what Daddy said.'' ''That's because Daddy loves you.'' ''And you love me, too?'' Maddie didn't hear Edmund approaching her. ''Yes, of course, baby.'' ''I wish you could come here to us right now.'' ''Soon, Maddie.'' ''It won't be soon enough for me.'' ''It won't be long.'' ''I love you, Mommy.'' ''I love you, too.'' ''Bye,'' Maddie said, hanging up the phone. She turned around and almost ran into her father. ''Talking to your mom on the phone again?'' he asked. ''Umm…yeah,'' she said, trying to skirt past him. ''I thought you had stopped that, Maddie,'' he said, sitting down and pulling her into his lap. ''I just wanted to talk to her.'' ''I know, sweetie, but you know that your mom isn't really there, right? You don't need the phone to talk to her.'' ''But-'' Maddie was about to protest that her mom really was on the phone, but remembered she couldn't tell. ''You're right, I know. I just wish-I wish I really could talk to her.'' ''I know you do. And you know, sometimes I wish I could, too, but you know she can hear us anytime we want to talk to her.'' ''I know, Daddy. Love you.'' ''I love you, too. Now, you need to get back to bed, young lady.'' ''But Daddy-'' ''No 'but's about it. You're going to get some rest, you gave me quite a scare last night.'' ''But I'm fine!'' ''And we're going to make sure of that by you resting all day. Or do you not want me and Peggy to treat you like a little princess today?'' ''Is Peggy going to make me my favorite cookies?'' Maddie's eyes got wide with anticipation. ''I bet she will if you ask her.'' ''Okay!'' she said, running down the hall to her room. Edmund laughed as he watched her. ''Maria, she is so much like you,'' he said quietly. Hayley didn't acknowledge Mateo as he walked in the door. ''Kids, your cartoons are on in the den,'' she said to Lili and Chris; the twins promptly ran from the kitchen. Clearing the table, she flatly said, ''You know, if you're not going to come home at night, I'd at least like a warning.'' ''I'm sorry.'' ''That ain't enough, Mateo.'' ''I wish it was,'' he said, taking off his coat. ''I go to bed and you're not home yet. And when I wake up and you're still not beside me in bed, how am I supposed to feel?'' ''It's always about how you feel.'' Hayley threw the dishes in her hand into the sink, ''Well excuse me for being sad because yesterday was the anniversary of my daughter's death.'' ''And everyone that came into the club yesterday that ever knew about Joanna, all asking me 'how is Hayley?', not one 'how are you, Mateo?'. Not even from you.'' ''You've never shown one ounce of emotion about her before! And where were you all night?'' she picked up a washcloth and started scrubbing furiously on the table. ''Mostly driving around…and I went to visit her.'' ''Joanna?'' Hayley asked in disbelief, stopping and staring at him. Mateo nodded. ''You never…'' she said, shaking her head. ''I know. But yesterday…I had to,'' Mateo said, sitting down. ''Why didn't you just tell me?'' ''I've never felt that I-I had a right to feel anything, you know? She wasn't my daughter. But she was, we were going to raise her. It seems like all that was forgotten, though, with how everything happened.'' ''Mateo, why didn't you ever tell me about this before?'' ''Like I said, I didn't really feel it was my place.'' ''But you're right Mateo, she was going to be your daughter, just as much as any of the rest of us,'' she said, stroking his face. He took hold of her hand and kissed it.