Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the idea.
Summary: One rainy day in November, brings about a realization for Lita.
Notes: Lita is not married, Lita was not pregnant. Anything else goes, enjoy and please review.
Reposting this without the song lyrics.
She was tired.
Tired of going in circles, tired of life being mundane and tired of not knowing where she stood. And for once, it wasn't about her place in the WWE. Oh no, for once her role as a RAW Diva was certain. She knew what she was supposed to do, she knew what she was supposed to achieve. Lita knew full well what was expected of her, week after week. And that part of life was okay. The usually vibrant woman curled up on the window seat, in the living room of Sanford home. RAW had been last night, and instead of heading off with him; she had opted to travel with her long time best friend and on screen nemisis Trish Stratus. Trish was elsewhere at the moment, giving Lita the time she needed. Just the other night, she had asked the same of him. She said she needed time to think, time apart to sort things out. He argued that she had that time, that she was already using that time. But she had remained firm and in the end..he gave her more time. Although, time perhaps was a dangerous thing. It lead to thinking, it lead to change and it lead to an end. Stormy hazel orbs, mirroring the weather outside, fluttered shut then; Lita's forehead coming to rest against the cool surface of the glass pane.
Try as she might, the redhead couldn't prevent him from entering her thoughts. Even in her waking hours, he haunted her. Even when she so desperately tried to believe otherwise, he was a part of her. His tender voice caressed her ears, stoking the fire that burned in her inner being. Lita could so clearly see the pained look in his eyes, when she said she needed more time. It was killing her now, just as it had then. The look he had given her then, was near identical to the same look he had given her when Matt debuted on RAW. Only then, there was only a sympathetic pain. He had wanted to help her, protect her and take the heartache away. Funny now, that he was the cause of her pain. And the incident with Matt hadn't been the only time..there was also the time with Christian. Only that blow had been easier to take, because he was there. Ready to take her in his arms, offering instant comfort with silence. He didn't tell her she was a fool, never implied that she had made a mistake. Instead, he had done his best to help her make sense of it all.
But that wasn't the beginning. In all truth, that had only been the beginning of their inevitable transition. And though she couldn't see it then, she clearly saw it now. It really started when she had made her return to the roster. She wasn't an active participant yet, but she had finally been cleared to travel. Of course, it meant calling the Heat matches with Coach, but it was better than just sitting around at home feeling sorry for herself. They hadn't met, though she knew of him..heard about him in the weekly gossip and updates from Trish and occasionally from Stacy. Both Diva's had proclaimed that she would get along instantly with him. The petite blonde had even been so bold to state, that he would be the one. To forget about Matt, move on and think about the future. Lita had laughed at her well meaning friend then, but she wasn't laughing now. Because in the end, Trish had been right. Of course, when she first met him; Lita would only secretly admit that at the very least? He was cute. It had never been her intent to date him and it had never been her intent to fall for him. But, she had. Damnit all.
Apparently, he had been immune to the barriers that were set after Matt had left her. For despite her mind's protests, her heart had called to him. He had never come across as pushy, allowing her the space she craved; waiting until her scars had healed before he even hinted anything. And by that time, it had only taken one innocent kiss to send Lita on a downward spiral. Ironically, a downward spiral she welcomed. It occured to her over time, that it wasn't a downward spiral. But really, a change that had been unavoidable. A change she had almost feared, but welcomed none the less. He had managed to reach a part of her that she thought was gone. A part of her that loved and longed to be loved. And whether she had known it then or not, he would be the one to teach her to love all over again. He would be the one to bring her through the all too familiar steps falling in love and help her remember what it was like to be in love. But, she was just too stubborn to admit it. She never wanted to depend on someone, never wanted to rely on someone else to help her through things..and yet that was what she was doing. Only it was a mutual dependency, so a part of her had protested it was a good thing.
The phone ringing nearby jolted Lita from her thoughts, tears trickling slowly on her cheek as the rain outside did the same. Hazel orbs pleaded desperately with Trish then, the redhead all but asking for Trish to screen her phone calls. The petite blonde pursed her lips, but complied none the less; sending Lita a look when she placed the phone to her ear. The look on the blonde's face, let the redhead know it was him. Her arms flailed before her, Lita wanting to avoid all contact with him until she had sorted things out. Luckily, Trish got the message loud and clear..and from the touch of sorrow in her voice; so did he. After promising him that she would let Lita know he called, Trish returned the phone to it's proper face. The redhead turned her attention back to the window, while Trish debated on how to go about things.
"Li?" Trish began hesitantly, gauging her friend's body language. "Honey, are you gonna eat?"
Lita shook her head, her knees coming to her chest. "Lita, you need to eat something." Trish tried again, a concerned frown on her features. "Can I at least get you some tea?"
And when Lita nodded, Trish sighed. That was at least something..and at the point it was really better than nothing. The petite blonde nodded to her friend before she made her way to the kitchen. Lita's home was really a second home for Trish and vice versa for Lita. She hummed quietly to herself, the water already set to boil before Trish had even picked up the phone. All that was left was to find two mugs, the sugar and some creamer before Trish would begin her interrogation.
xoxo
A few moments of silence rolled by, the two women settled on the couch; Lita curled up at one end with Trish at the other. Lita's fingers curled around the mug in her hands, hazel orbs staring off distantly. And all the while, Trish waited. She waited until Lita was at least conveying some sense of participatory body language before the petite blonde broke the silence between them.
Trish cleared her throat, setting her mug down on the coffee table before she carefully began. "So, you wanna tell me why I'm here? Or should I just start tossing out random guesses."
Lita's shoulders shrugged, her fingers curling perhaps tighter around the mug in her hands. "Why question it?"
"Um, maybe because since we got here, you haven't said a word. Or maybe it's because you insisted on driving all night just to get here." Trish raised a brow, a concerned look on her features. "Or..maybe it's because you've been screening all of your phone calls..and in particular--"
Lita sighed, breaking off her friend rather teresly. "What's the point Trish?"
The blonde shrugged then, debating if she should skirt around the tension before she just gave up. "Why aren't you talking to him yet?"
"Why does it matter?" Lita responded vaugely, "I mean, really Trish. Why does it matter? So I don't want to talk to him right now, big deal."
"More like, you've been going out of your way to avoid him..which is damn near impossible since you work with him." Trish sighed, tossing her up her hands helplessly. "What's going on Li?"
Lita fell silent, bringing the mug of tea to her lips..but no sip was taken. Her lips parted, gently kissing the rim before she set the mug on the coffee table. "I don't know Trish.." The redhead sighed, raking her hands through her hair. "I mean..I--"
"Did you two fight?"
"Not really," Lita conceded uneasily, the Diva averting her gaze to the droplets of rain, trickeling on the window. "It was more of the same, really..not that big a deal."
Trish raised a brow, tucking her legs beneath her. "I don't buy that for a second. If it were really that simple, the two of you would be talking to each other. Or at least, you would be taking a phone call from him. So, come on. Spill."
The redhead's shoulders shrugged, Lita still not wishing to share what occured. "It's not a big deal, alright? Just drop it."
The blonde frowned, gauging her friend's body language. "Fine, but can I at least offer you some advice?"
"You'd offer it anyway," Lita replied distantly, her eyes still focusing on the abstract patterns that were being created. "So go ahead."
Trish pursed her lips, almost hurt by the redhead's words, but none the less. She had a mission. "Just, take it from me..and believe me I do speak from personal experiance. Don't let too much time pass before you finally make up your mind. Because if you do that? You'll just be wallowing in regret. Even if, at the time you think it's the best decision. Even if, at the time you think someone else will do. I can tell you now, it doesn't work like that. I let the one person that was best for me, slip through my fingers. And all because I was scared." The blonde sighed, raking a hand through her hair; one tear trailing a path down her cheek. "Don't make the same mistake I did Li..cuz I'm still paying for it."
Lita's brows furrowed, she knew what Trish was referring to..but she never knew to what extent. In some ways, Trish was like her when it concerned affairs of the heart. They were both sick of being treated like crap, both looking for just the right guy. And, the redhead had always thought that Chris Jericho was the right one for Trish. Apparently, so had the blonde Diva. Looking back on it now, it made sense. Trish's actions towards Chris had been nothing short of detestable. But if the blonde Diva had intended on breaking Chris's heart, she had done that. She had also effectively erased all traces of her from Jericho's life. Or so she thought. Lita knew for a fact -- after many conversations with the blonde man -- that Chris wasn't completely over Trish. Now if she could just get them talking..
"Earth to Lita, are you even listening to me?" Trish huffed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Li-ta. Are you in there?"
"What were you saying?" Lita smiled sheepishly, tucking her plans away for the moment.
"Um, are you going to talk to him or not?" Trish raised a brow, folding her hands in her lap. "I mean, that was the point, you know."
"Yeah I know." Lita replied, her voice and her entire being tired. "I don't know Trish, I mean what if I'm making a big mistake?"
"Then it's just a chance you'll have to take." Trish said logically, "Besides, that's only one, what if. Think about it Li, it could be the complete opposite."
Lita frowned thoughtfully, tucking her chin on her knees. "That's what I thought with Matt..and look at what happened there."
The blonde Diva nodded at that, even if Lita and Matt were speaking to each other again..it had taken months for them to even get that far. "Are they anything alike?"
"Well, no not really." Lita frowned at the window, expelling a heavy sigh. "They have a little in common, but not much."
Trish raised a brow, this was finally going somewhere. "Like what?"
The redhead shrugged then, another sigh escaping her as stormy hazel eyes fluttered shut. "They both know how to make me laugh when I thought I couldn't. They both make things fun, make things interesting..but in their own way. They both knew when I needed to talk and when I wanted to be left alone..mostly anyway."
"Hm," Trish tilted her head at her friend. "What about love?"
Lita blinked, wiping away a few tears before she turned her head. "What about it?"
"Well, did you or do you love either of them? Did they or do they love you?" Trish brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. "I think that's pretty important, don't you?"
Lita nodded, sweeping her hair from her face; the redhead worrying her bottom lip before she replied. "I loved Matt, still do to some extent..and if it isn't completely the same as it was before, it's still there. I'd like to think he loved me too."
"And?"
"That part, I don't know. I care about him, a lot. But, I don't know if I love him." Lita shrugged again, leaning her head back against the couch cushion. "And no, I don't know how he feels about me."
Trish shook her head, uncurling her arms to reach for her tea. "Have you given him the chance to tell you? Cuz, from what I see..he is crazy about you. He's a completely different person when you're around him. And, even if I will get hit for this one, you two bring out the best in each other."
Lita rolled her eyes, stretching her legs out along the couch. "Yeah, whatever Trish.."
"Stop being so stubborn and open your eyes." Trish commanded firmly, reaching the end of her patience. "You may not think it, hell you may not notice it..but I don't see how you can miss it. You have been a completely different person since you two started dating. You've been happier, less moody. You've been like the Lita I first met." Trish sighed, sipping her tea before it was set back down. "But, since you two stopped talking? You've started slipping back."
"Trish I--"
"I'm not finished." Trish raised a brow, rising from the couch so she could stand in front of the redhead. "When I let go of Chris, I broke my own heart. Not a day goes by that I don't regret doing that..I loved him. I still love him. But all because I was scared? I let it go. I ran from it, when I should've been welcoming it. I could be sitting at home with him right now, but no. Instead, I'm here in Sanford with you." Trish tossed her hands in the air, not bothering to wipe the tears away.
"Don't make the same mistake Li. Even if you two aren't meant to be, you'll never know unless you take a chance."
Lita could only sit there, as her friend spilled the contents of her broken heart. If she talked to him, gave things a chance..she could be making a mistake. But if she walked away, she could be making a bigger mistake.
Trish sighed, flopping back down on the couch. "I mean, look at you now. What happened to your live for the moment attitude? The fearless Diva, who would take on anyone..afraid of what? Commitment?"
"I'm not afraid," Lita stated quietly, questioning herself then.
"Then what's stopping you?"
Lita's mouth pressed into a firm line, the redhead making up her mind at that moment. She pushed off from the couch, sweeping her hair into a messy ponytail. She had just gotten to the door when,
"Where are you going?"
"For a walk," Lita stated matter of factly, tugging a sweatshirt over her head. "Join me?"
"It's raining outside." Trish pointed out then, gesturing to the window. "You'll get sick."
"Oh well," Lita shrugged, fingertips grasping the door knob. "If anyone calls, just tell them I'll be back in a bit. I just need to clear my mind a little."
She waved over her shoulder to the blonde, offering a short lived smile before she stepped outside. And once the door had shut behind her, Trish let out a shaky sigh. The Canadian Diva admitted- she was worried about her friend. Given the recent topic of coversation, Trish felt she had a good reason to be worried. The break up -though Lita wouldn't admit outright- had bothered her; possibly more than the reason behind the break up. But, Trish didn't know that for certain and as such, she couldn't form a choesive plan of action. All she really could do, was offer her support as she had been doing.
The blonde Diva hoped that would be enough.