Next chapter!
I turned the rating up a bit - I figured that after this one, there'd be too many f-words to allow a PG-13 rating... I also found out that my cursing vocabulary is a bit limited! Maybe that's because English is not my native language, and curses aren't exactly the words you learn at school. ;)
Interesting tidbit: apparently Dutch is the only language that uses diseases as curse-words! Typhus, cholera, pox, cancer - cancer is even a verb: if someone is whining or complaining about something, we Dutch say he's 'cancering' about it (of course, it's not something the Queen would use in public!). When it's really bad weather, it's not unusual to hear someone say it's "poxweather". It's apparently something that we're unique in saying... funny, that...
Anyway. Onto the chapter!
May 1996.
"Of course James was a bit of an idiot!" said Sirius bracingly, "we were all idiots! Well – not Moony so much."
"Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?"
"You know, every time I'm standing in the elevator with you two, I get this feeling like I'm really cool, that I know two Aurors and am allowed to stand next to them." Remus pretended to shiver with excitement.
"Or we could turn it around and say that every time you're standing in the elevator with us, it makes you feel as if you're about to be led up to the Headquarters for interrogation," Tonks said. "Makes you feel less cool, doesn't it?"
"Decidedly. I like my version better, actually."
"Well, since we Aurors are the height of cool anyway, we'll be so generous as to let you mere mortal share our coolness." Tonks said this with an air of self-importance. Remus immediately mimicked grovelling, all the while muttering "I'm not worthy."
"Sometimes," Kingsley said darkly, "I'm ashamed that I know you two."
"Aww, Kingsley, don't be such a grumpy-man," Tonks said. "Yes, I know that's not a word. We were just fooling around."
"We can't risk fooling around," Kingsley bit. "Are you at all aware of the situation we're in? Do you know that we're playing a dangerous double role? It's madness. I've had to pretend to be searching for Sirius Black for months now, and now we're looking for Dumbledore as well, another escaped person of who we know perfectly well where he is, but we have to act as if we're completely oblivious! If this comes out, we're royally…"
"Screwed?" suggested Tonks helpfully.
"Fired, at the least." He glared at her and Remus.
"We understand what you mean," Remus said softly, seriously this time. "We do remember all those things. Like Tonks said, we were fooling around, but we wouldn't make fun of the… situations we're now in."
"Absolutely not," added Tonks. "We do appreciate what you're doing. We love you. Every night we go to sleep wishing that we were more like you, and – sorry, this is my regular tone!" she finished apologetically, because Kingsley was once again looking daggers at her. "I can't talk in any other way!"
"Level Four, Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, incorporating Beast, Being and Spirit Divisions, Goblin Liaison Office and Pest Advisory Bureau." The cool, female voice that made all announcements in the Ministry of Magic interrupted their conversation.
"Sorry, that's my level," Remus said. He looked at Tonks. "No, I do not have an entire level of the Ministry of Magic for myself alone. I meant that this is the level at which I meant to get off the elevator."
"I wasn't even going to say anything!" she protested.
"Sorry," he apologised. "But having spend so much time with Sirius makes you anticipate things being taken literally. And you sometimes do it too, you know." He winked at her. "It's kind of like… Black humour." He winced. "Terrible pun."
"Ah, no, Black humour would be when one of us died and someone, preferably from the Black family, joked about it," Tonks said. "But this is your own personal level, so get off." The golden grille had already opened, so Remus stepped out. He waved at the two Aurors when the grille slid back and the elevator ascended, out of sight. He then turned to his left and walked towards the Beast Division, where the Werewolf Registry was located.
He hadn't been here for quite some time, having been very busy with his Order-related work, but he noticed immediately that nothing much had changed. There was still a long queue of people standing in front of the welcome-desk at the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical creatures, the noise of the animals various witches and wizards had brought with them was still deafening, and as Remus nearly broke his neck over a Kneazle that had broken free, he realised that even the inability to keep pets in check had not changed.
He ignored the queue and immediately walked on to the Headquarters of the Werewolf Capture Unit. He knocked shortly before entering. As he had hoped, the person he was looking for was inside.
Romulus looked up from his book and smiled when he saw his brother enter. "Remus! What brings you here?"
"I thought that I should check whether you were still alive," Remus said, as he sat down next to Romulus. "After all, young people such as you can't be expected to be able to manage themselves without the help of their big brother."
"Oh sure," Romulus said sceptically. "Is three years really such a big difference now?"
"I heard it seems smaller when you get older, but so far I haven't seen any difference. It must mean that you're still very immature."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny." Romulus looked at Remus, studying his brother's face. "How're you? Still okay?"
"Thriving," Remus said. "Umbridge is Headmistress of Hogwarts and she has the job I used to have. She's probably indoctrinating the students against werewolves as we speak. What more can I ask for?"
"A less sarcastic tone perhaps. Yeah, that does suck. How's Dumbledore under all this?"
"Perfectly cheerful, of course. In fact, he spends his days in a pub." When Remus saw Romulus' weirded-out expression at this, he quickly added: "in Aberforth's pub in Hogsmeade, the Hog's Head. Nobody would look for him there. And I have the sneaky suspicion that Dumbledore's even sometimes standing in for his brother, simply being the bartender while nobody would even dare think that the former Headmaster of Hogwarts has just given them their drinks, or is wiping the bar clean. It'd be exactly something Dumbledore would do."
"Undoubtedly," Romulus agreed. "It does sound like him."
Their conversation was cut off by the entrance of Nicholas, who was carrying a large pie. "Hey," he said, surprised at seeing both Lupin brothers seated at the table. "Visitors!"
"Hi," Remus said.
"What's the pie for?" Romulus wanted to know, not bothering to greet his colleague.
"Don't you know?" Nicholas asked incredulously. "It's Newt Scamander day!"
"What kind of day?" both Remus and Romulus asked at the same time.
Nicholas sighed patiently, put the pie down on the table, and as he began to cut it in pieces, he began lecturing as though he was a professor at Hogwarts. "Newt Scamander, or Newton Artemis Fido Scamander as his full name is, is the reason why we are all here. Without the honourable Newton, we wouldn't know about gravity. Without the honourable Newton Scamander, there wouldn't be a Werewolf Registry, but he got the clever idea to make this long list, and appointed poor hapless wizards to the tiresome task of travelling all over the country to write down the address and occupation – if any – of poor werewolves who weren't really doing nothing wrong. And because of that nosy Mr Scamander, we're now eating pie."
A short silence followed this explanation. The combination of science and history delivered in that strange random way took a few moments to be taken in. At last, Romulus said: "so… is it his birthday today?"
"Actually, I have no idea," Nicholas admitted. "I just wanted to have pie. You want a piece?"
"Err, okay."
It was strawberry pie with whipped cream, and it tasted very good. When the three of them had finished their piece, Nicholas tapped the remainders of the pie with his wand so that it froze. This way, the rest of the Capture Unit could have a piece too, even if they didn't came to the Headquarters in a few days. Once he had done that, Nicholas went to clean out the cupboard where the Unit kept their spare robes and bedsheets for the four bunk beds in the Headquarters, leaving the Lupins to their own devices.
"I need a favour of you," Remus told his brother. Romulus pulled up his eyebrows.
"What?"
"I want you to find me an address on the Werewolf Registry."
"Whatever for?" Romulus asked, already getting up.
"Bit stupid really, but I wanted to send someone I know a letter, but I've lost the address."
"And that certain someone is a werewolf?"
"Remember the small girl you once met, a couple of months ago?"
"Yes."
"It's her. I want to write her, but as I said – I lost the address."
Romulus shook his head. "Remus, that's not like you. You never loose something. You're obviously ill."
"Undoubtedly. Now could you please..?"
"Yes, sure." Romulus led the way to the Werewolf Registry. "But why me, anyway?"
"You're a member of the Capture Unit, you can just walk in and get it," Remus explained. "I didn't want to wait in line with all the other animals."
"Oh right, I get it." Romulus narrowed his eyes. "I'm being used, aren't I?"
"It's such a relief to see that my brother can still use his brains," Remus replied, pretending to wipe away a tear.
"Colour me unimpressed."
They had reached the Registry, and like Remus had anticipated, they could just walk in. It was ridiculously easy compared to the complicated route he himself would have had to take. Romulus simply entered the Registry, asked if he could look up an address, and then did so.
"Which name?"
"Mills," Remus said. "Fay Mills."
It took Romulus not even a minute. He copied the address on a piece of paper, said goodbye to the wizard at the Registry, and then walked out again. Easy as pie, as the expression goes.
"There you are," he said, giving the address to Remus. "What'd you want with the address of a ten-year old anyway?"
"I told you, I wanted to write her." Remus carefully pocketed the address, hoping that this time around he wouldn't empty his pockets on the kitchen table in search for his keys, only to have several important pieces of paper being thrown away by a cleaning Molly. "Thanks for the help."
"No problem, I wasn't busy anyway." Romulus patted his brother on his shoulder. "You just take care, okay?"
"Of course. Say hi to Julia and the children from me."
"Will do." Romulus gave a short wave as goodbye and walked back to the Werewolf Capture Unit's Headquarters. Remus turned around and walked in the opposite direction, heading for the elevators. Time to write an offer of help and comfort, thinly disguised as an ordinary letter, to Fay Mills and family.
Dear Fay,
I meant to write you sooner, but – can you imagine it? – I lost the address. That will teach me for keeping it on a loose bit of paper in my pocket. I had to go back to the Werewolf Registry to ask for it. I'm actually starting to see the point of the Registry – it's great when you've lost the address of the girl you want to write.
How are you? I haven't seen you in months; I bet you've grown much taller now. How's Tommy? I really liked your drawing of him, he seems like a cool cat.
Please write back soon – I promise that this time I'll write back sooner!
Remus.
The answer came faster than he had expected. Not three days had passed when Arthur Weasley handed Remus two letters (Remus now let his mail be delivered to the Burrow – the Weasleys checked their mailbox more often than Remus did his own).
"These are for you," Arthur said. "I must be off. The Ministry awaits, and I need to find a reason to finally arrest Willy Widdershins."
"Just make up he hexed a toilet again," Remus suggested, smiling.
"Hex a toilet yourself and pretend Widdershins did it," suggested Sirius, always trying to top the first suggestion.
"And have Molly hex me when she finds out?" Arthur said, laughing nonetheless. "No thank you."
He said goodbye, promising that he'd be back in time for dinner this evening. Sirius also excused him, saying he needed to look for Kreacher since he hadn't seen him in a week and he missed his favourite kicking-object. Thus, Remus was left alone in the kitchen.
He sat down and first tore open the letter with the most childish handwriting – he one he suspected came from Fay. This letter had also been decorated by her – instead of a cat, little monsters with huge fangs were drawn in the margins, playing around, sitting on swings attached to the lines on the paper or just showing off their teeth.
Dear Remus, the letter read,
Tommy is a cool cat – he likes to read too, just like me. At least, he likes to sleep in my lap when I am reading, so I think he likes it when I read, so that must mean he likes reading!
Why do you live in the Burrow now? Mum says a burrow is a place where animals live, but you're not an animal. Did you move houses? Can I see where you live now? You could come and visit me too if you like, I'm sure Mum and Dad won't mind.
Did you hear that professor Dumbledore had to leave Hogwarts? I think it's really mean that he had to, because he hadn't done anything wrong, had he? And now he can't live in the castle anymore. I still hope I can go there over a few years, when I'm eleven. Do you think they'd let me?
Please write back soon,
Fay.
"I don't know if they'd let you," he told the letter quietly. "I actually don't dare to hope actually." He put the letter down and tore the second letter open. He was surprised to see who had send it to him – Fay's mother.
Dear Remus,
Please forgive me for writing to you, but I wanted to ask you a favour. I hope – I am fairly sure – that when you read what I want to ask, you'd understand why.
You seemed to be on good terms with Dumbledore when we visited Hogwarts about a year ago, so you probably already know that he has had to leave the school and step down as Headmaster. Dolores Umbridge is now Headmistress. You know even better than we do how she thinks about werewolves. Fay's father and I are worried that Fay's chances of being accepted at Hogwarts are now gone. You told us that Dumbledore had allowed you, that had given us hope, but Dumbledore has had to step down exactly for being so accepting. The future doesn't look too good for Fay.
Fay herself doesn't seem to be too worried or even interested in it, but I fear that secretly she's really afraid that she doesn't get to go to Hogwarts after all. She, like every ten-year old, isn't that aware of politics, but she knows that Umbridge is prejudiced against werewolves and that she's now the Hogwarts Headmistress. I think she knows only too well that her being accepted into the school depends on the Headmaster or –mistress, and she's worried that she now doesn't get to go – but she won't say anything about it to us. I think she doesn't want to make us worry about her anymore than we already do, so she's keeping quiet, but I know it's troubling her.
Could you please come over to our house once? I don't mean to sound rude or discriminatory, but you're the only one of 'her kind' we know, and she quite looks up to you. I think it'd do her a lot of good if you could come.
Kind regards,
Ann Mills.
There was a frown on Remus' face when he finished the letter. He could have expected something like this – a new Headmistress, particularly this new Headmistress, would bring some changes in the way Hogwarts was run. Expected, but also unexpected changes, and not all for the good. Not at all, in fact.
He just reached for a quill and a sheet of parchment to write back that yes, he'd love to come, when he suddenly heard a voice.
"Sirius?"
He jumped and abruptly turned to the fire, where the voice was coming from. To his surprise, Harry's head was lying in the fire, looking up at him.
"Harry!" Remus said. "What are you – what's happened, is everything all right?"
"Yeah," said Harry, uncomfortably turning his neck so he could look at Remus. "I just wondered – I mean, I just fancied a – a chat with Sirius."
"I'll call him," said Remus. He got to his feet, still amazed. "He went upstairs to look
for Kreacher, he seems to be hiding in the attic again…" Harry nodded, and Remus quickly walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs, taking two steps at the time. Why Harry wanted to talk to Sirius was a complete mystery to Remus, but it was undoubtedly urgent. McGonagall had told him that Umbridge had heightened security and was checking every bit of mail that came to and from Hogwarts. The fires would have to be extra guarded, so it was no small feat that Harry managed to get one to get in contact with Grimmauld Place.
Sirius was indeed in the attic, half-heartedly looking for his house-elf. Like Remus, he was utterly surprised that Harry wanted to talk to him, through the fire no less.
"Why can't he just use the Two-way mirror?" he asked. Remus shrugged.
"Maybe he thinks it's too conspicuous if he's talking to a mirror with your face on it and not his own," he shrugged. "But let's go down, he's waiting."
Sirius was all for this suggestion, and the two of them hurried downstairs again and into the kitchen. Sirius walked to the hearth straight away and kneeled down before it so that he was at eyelevel with his Godson. Reflexively sweeping his long hair out of his eyes, he wasted no time and immediately asked: "what is it? Are you all right? Do you need help?"
"No," said Harry, shaking his head slightly, "it's nothing like that… I just wanted to talk… about my dad."
Whatever they had expected, it wasn't this. Problems with Umbridge maybe, or other school-related things. Not questions about James.
If Harry had noticed their surprise, he didn't show it. He immediately embarked on a story about this last Occlumency lesson, already a couple of weeks ago. Snape, he told them, had had a Pensieve to store thoughts in. Draco Malfoy had asked Snape to come with him because of something Slytherin-related, and Harry was left alone with the Pensieve. The curiosity had been too great, Harry had entered the Pensieve and witnessed one of the Marauder's more shameful moments. The painful thing for Harry was that it had been mainly James, his father who had sacrificed his life for his wife and son, who had bullied Snape, who had humiliated him in front of the entire school. No wonder Snape hated him.
When he had finished, Sirius and Remus were both quiet for a few moments. Remus felt Sirius' eyes on him, and he could guess what his friend was thinking: what are we going to tell him? How are we going to solve this?
Remus spoke first. "I wouldn't like you to judge your father on what you saw there, Harry," he said quietly. "He was only fifteen –"
"I'm fifteen!" Harry interrupted indignantly.
"Look, Harry," Sirius took over. "James and Snape hated each other from the moment
they set eyes on each other, it was just one of those things, you can understand that, can't you? I think James was everything Snape wanted to be – he was popular, he was good at Quidditch – good at pretty much everything. And Snape was just this little oddball who was up to his eyes in the Dark Arts, and James – whatever else he may have appeared to you, Harry – always hated the Dark Arts."
"Yeah," Harry retorted, "but he just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because – well, just because you said you were bored." He seemed to feel a bit uncomfortable practically accusing Sirius.
"I'm not proud of it," said Sirius quickly.
Remus glanced at him. There were times when you were proud of it, and I've had reasons to suspect you still are, he thought. But now was not the time to talk about that. He turned to Harry. "Look, Harry," he tried to explain, "what you've got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did – everyone thought they were the height of cool – if they sometimes got a bit carried away –'
"If we were sometimes arrogant little berks, you mean," said Sirius, smiling. Remus smiled too – he could hardly deny it.
"He kept messing up his hair," said Harry, sounding embarrassed of his father.
Sirius and Remus both laughed, suddenly remembering that James did used to do that all the time, as if his hair hadn't been messy enough already.
"I'd forgotten he used to do that," said Sirius fondly.
"Was he playing with the Snitch?" said Remus, eagerly leaning forward. Fifteen-year old James seemed to appear in his mind, clearer and clearer. An arrogant idiot from time to time, yes, but also a good and loyal friend.
"Yeah," said Harry. He now sounded a bit uncomfortable, and he looked uncomprehendingly at the two before him, who were beaming and grinning at the memories. "Well…" he said apologetically, "I thought he was a bit of an idiot."
"Of course he was a bit of an idiot!" Sirius admitted readily, 'we were all idiots! Well – not Moony so much," he added, glancing at Remus.
Remus, however, shook his head. He knew that this compliment was not true – he had been an idiot too. Not in the same way James and Sirius had been idiots, but an idiot nonetheless. "Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape?" he said. "Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?"
"Yeah, well," said Sirius hesitantly, "you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes… that was something…"
"And," Harry continued, "he kept looking over at the girls by the lake, hoping they were watching him!"
That had also been typically James-behaviour. "Oh, well, he always made a fool of himself whenever Lily was around," said Sirius casually, "he couldn't stop himself showing off whenever he got near her."
"How come she married him?" Harry asked, a miserable expression on his face. "She hated him!"
"Nah, she didn't," said Sirius, dismissively waving his hand.
"She started going out with him in seventh year," Remus told Harry.
"Once James had deflated his head a bit," said Sirius.
"And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it," added Remus.
"Even Snape?" Harry persisted.
"Well," said Remus carefully, "Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James so you couldn't really expect James to take that lying down, could you?"
"And my mum was OK with that?" Harry sounded downright incredulous.
"She didn't know too much about it, to tell you the truth," admitted Sirius. "I mean, James didn't take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?" Harry still looked sceptical, and Sirius noticed it. "Look," he said, "your father was the best friend I ever had and he was a good person. A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it."
"Yeah, OK," said Harry heavily. "I just never thought I'd feel sorry for Snape."
Sirius smiled ruefully. Feeling sorry for Snape was something he couldn't imagine doing. But Harry's question had made Remus think of something.
"Now you mention it," he said, frowning, "how did Snape react when he found you'd seen all this?"
"He told me he'd never teach me Occlumency again," said Harry, and Sirius and Remus could almost see him shrug, "like that's a big disappoint –"
Sirius didn't even let him finish his sentence. "He WHAT?" he shouted at his Godson, who jumped and nearly choked on a mouthful of ashes.
"Are you serious, Harry?" Remus asked urgently. "He's stopped giving you lessons?"
"Yeah." His green eyes were opened wide at surprise at their reaction. "But it's OK, I don't
care, it's a bit of a relief to tell you the –"
It wasn't a relief at all to the two men listening to him. For months they had repeated it: nothing was as important as Harry learning to close his mind for intrusion. They could absolutely not risk Voldemort entering the boy's mind and using him for his own purposes. They had thought that Snape would have enough loyalty and discipline to continue the lessons no matter what happened.
"I'm coming up there to have a word with Snape!" said Sirius impulsively. He already got to his feet, ready to climb into the fire and Floo himself to Hogwarts, but Remus forcefully took him by the wrist and yanked him down again. Sirius hit the floor with a thud and glared at his friend, but Remus didn't care.
"If anyone's going to tell Snape it will be me!" he said sharply. He then turned to Harry again. "But Harry, first of all, you're to go back to Snape and tell him that on no account is he to stop giving you lessons – when Dumbledore hears –"
"I can't tell him that, he'd kill me!" Harry interrupted. "You didn't see him when we got out
of the Pensieve."
"Harry, there is nothing so important as you learning Occlumency!" said Remus urgently. He was leaning forward on his knees towards the fire and stressed every word with a jot of his hand. "Do you understand me? Nothing!"
"OK, OK," Harry said, sounding thoroughly annoyed at what he apparently thought an overreaction. "I'll… I'll try and say something to him… but it won't be –" He stopped abruptly and seemed to listen to something. "Is that Kreacher coming downstairs?"
Sirius looked over his shoulder, but they were still the only ones in the kitchen. "No," he said. "It must be somebody your end."
"I'd better go!" said Harry hastily. With that, he drew his head back and was gone. Remus and Sirius watched the green flames flicker and then die. After that, they stared at the empty fireplace, trying to comprehend what they had just heard. Sirius was the first one who spoke.
"I'm going to kill him," he whispered, sounding almost awed. "I'm going to kill the little bastard."
"Sirius, don't." Remus gave his friend a warning look, trying against better judgement to hold back the inevitable explosion that would follow.
Sirius aggressively turned towards him. "Do what?" he snarled. "Don't harm precious little Snivvelus? Don't hurt the poor little son of a bitch who can't even be bothered to keep a promise just because his feelings are hurt? Is that it?" Sirius' voice had grown louder with every sentence. He got to his feet, towering over Remus who was still sitting kneeled on the floor. "Oh sure, Snivellus," he continued sarcastically. "Of course you can stop giving those lessons we told you the importance of pretty much every time we saw you because Harry saw you fucking get what you deserve." He had shouted these last words in the direction of the hearth as if he was hoping Snape could hear him.
Remus had had enough. He jumped to his feet too. "Stop it," he said sharply. "Just shut up!"
"And what if I don't?" Sirius bit back. "Make me shut up, Moony. I daresay you know how to do it by now, since you've been doing it for the past months, haven't you?" He adopted a whiny, exaggerated motherly tone. "Oh, no Sirius, you can't leave the house, it's much too dangerous. No Sirius, you can't send letters, someone will find out. No Sirius, you just have to do as you're told because I and Dumbledore know best. No Sirius, you can't beat up Snape for being a fucking moron."
"You're being unreasonable," Remus said, a warning tone in his voice, "and I don't want to talk to you when you're like that."
"Oh right, I forgot, Mr Remus Lupin only want to talk to people who are calm, reasonable and boring, just like him," Sirius mocked. "Why don't you go to your big friend Dumbledore and talk calmly and reasonably about, oh I don't know, letting walking grease-spots with the intelligence of a dungbeetle teach a subject that's supposed to save the all-important boy on whom the existence of the magical world depends. Smart move, uh-huh." He nodded mock-thoughtfully, taunting Remus.
Remus was determined to stand his ground, to not give in to Sirius' desire to have a huge row. If there was anything Remus disliked, it was a fight. He therefore held his tongue, walked to the kitchen table and picked up his letters, determined to leave the kitchen, only to come back when Sirius had calmed down. He turned to his friend. "I told you I don't want to talk to you when you're like this," he said with a determined calm. "I'm leaving now. I'm sorry." He nodded shortly, and he was already halfway through the kitchen when something Sirius said stopped him.
"No you're not," Sirius said loudly. "'I'm sorry' is just your way of saying you don't want to have this conversation, that you don't want to have an argument." Remus turned around sharply.
"What did you say?" he said, despite having heard perfectly well what Sirius had just said. Sirius knew this too – he was leaning against the hearth, grinning. There was an excited glitter in his eyes.
"You heard me," he said, sounding calm but in truth being anything but. It didn't happen often that Remus actually reacted to one of his taunts.
"You want to talk?" Remus said, thoroughly annoyed. "That's what you want? Fine." He marched to the table, threw his letters on it, yanked a chair back and sat down. He glared at Sirius. "Talk."
Sirius was too angry to realise that this sudden change in Remus was not a good thing. "Good," he said. "Fine. Let's talk about Snivellus."
"Snape," Remus corrected.
"Snivellus," Sirius insisted. "That nasty little fucker who can't be bothered to put things that happened in the past, behind him."
"I asked you not to call him that," Remus said sharply. He sat up straighter in his chair, his eyes narrowed as he looked at Sirius. "And he's hardly the only one who doesn't seem to be able to put past things behind him."
"Are you accusing me?" Sirius asked. He narrowed his eyes too. "Don't you dare compare me to that rat."
"I'm not accusing you, I'm stating a simple fact, something you apparently can't realise. And yes, I am comparing you to Severus Snape. And I'd really like you to call him that."
"That git would wish he was like me," Sirius muttered.
"What? Moody, chagrined, depressing, argumentative, petty and impulsive?" Remus said with a mocking tone to his voice. "Well, gee, I can imagine Snape wanting to be like that."
"I'm not petty and impulsive," Sirius snarled, "and the only reason I'm depressed is because I've been fucking shut up in this hole for months!"
"And you know why?" Remus bit, but Sirius interrupted him.
"I bloody know why!" he shouted. "Because Dumbledore thinks the only place I'm good enough to be in is this house!"
"No," Remus replied loudly, almost as loudly as Sirius. "It's exactly because you are impulsive! We can't risk you getting out! You should've heard you, just before! You were ready to go off to Hogwarts, just like that! If that isn't impulsive I don't know what is."
"Oh, and now it's a fault if I care for my Godson?" Sirius said hotly. "I can't believe Snivellus is getting away with simply breaking off the Occlumency lessons while I get scolded for wanting to protect Harry!"
"I never said Snape is getting away with it," Remus said impatiently. "Sirius, what you fail to understand is that it's important to think before you act."
"You can't always plan everything you do!" Sirius shouted. "There are more important things than that!"
"Yes, like making sure that things are safe, that you won't mess up when you do something. Being aware of the dangers of your plans," Remus shouted back. He now got to his feet. "Face it, Sirius. You are too rash. What Snape did doesn't deserve an award, but neither does rushing out to kill him – "
"I wasn't really going to kill him," Sirius cut in, annoyed. "God, I was only joking."
"I don't always know the difference between jest and seriousness," Remus said coolly. "Especially not with you, and especially not when it involves Snape."
"I was sixteen then, okay?" said Sirius, getting what Remus was hinting at and not liking it. "I've grown up. Unlike Snape." He added this last bit scornfully.
"No Sirius." Remus was calm again, cool even. "Neither of you have grown up. You're both acting on impulses, unwilling to forgive each other. You know why I compared you to Snape? Because you are just like him." He picked up his letters from the table and made to leave the kitchen, but turned around just before walking out. "You know what, Sirius? Just… grow up." He turned around again and left, not caring what Sirius would do next, or even what he was thinking.