Freedom Isn't Free
Summary: A story of how our beloved Sector V would do in Iraq. If you can't stand crappy stories (I suggest reading No. 2's Day first, that'll give you a feel), I highly suggest you to fuck off and wipe my diapers. Just cause I can't write doesn't mean I shouldn't write. It's called Freedom of Writing, it's the 27th Amendment.
"What kind of cruddy place are we cruddy going to again for crud's sake?" Wally shouted loudly in disgust.
"For the last time Wally, we're going to..."
(Dramatic music plays.)
"The place known as..."
(Dramatic music gets intense.)
"It-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named…"
(Dramatic music reaches climax.)
"Voldemort?" Wally asked.
"No..." Hoagie sighed, "Man, blondes can be so stupid!"
"No what kind of cruddy place are we cruddy going to for crud's cruddy sake crud crud?" Wally said, growing impatient. His face blew up into a tomato.
"Oh, man, you are not going to believe this, Paris Hilton is...going out with Michael Jackson!"
(Everyone gasps and turns to Hoagie.)
"No silly, Numbuh 4 is going out with Michael Jackson silly! You silly! Haha, no you silly! Heehee, you silly!" Kuki laughed in joy.
"I am cruddy not! You cruddy girly girl of all cruds! Now where the crud are we-Kuki, I love you."
"What did you say silly Wally?" Kuki asked, her eyes filling with tears.
"Who the crud made me say that? I was gonna ask where the crud we were going!"
Suddenly there was a knocking at the door.
"Adult! Everyone be prepared to mobilize!" Nigel, the team leader, yelled.
"Relax Numbuh One, it's only Sgt. Scream," Hoagie said, patting Numbuh One's bald head.
"Sergeant? Okay, someone tell me what the crud is going on!"
"We're going to...Iraq," Hoagie said.
(Silence in the room.)
"Iraq? Are YOU out of YOUR mind?" Wally asked in disbelief.
"Apparently we've been chosen to hunt down people with a beard."
"Wow, this is the greatest day of my life! I can't wait to shoot down some bears!" Wally exclaimed.
"This is Sergeant Scream. I need all of you to hop into the vehicle, we'll be making a trip to Iraq."
"Take it to the Scream!" Hoagie shouted in excitement.
"Take it to the Baghdad!" Nigel said, gritting his teeth, unable to hold in his exhilaration.
"Take it to China!" Wally yelled.
"Umm..we're going to Baghdad, not China," Hoagie said, unsure if his best bud had a brain at all.
"Yeah, I know, I just felt like saying that," Wally said.
(Ten minutes passed. They are on a plane going to Baghdad Airport.)
"Soo...if there's a Bagh-dad, then there must be a Bagh-mom, right?" Wally asked.
"No, there's only a Baghdad," Hoagie muttered.
"Damn homosexuals..."
(In Iraq.)
"Oh, what the hell is that thing?"
"Oh my crud it's a missile!"
"Oh my crud, Mexicans are shooting at us. I want my mommy!"
"They're not Mexicans...they're Iraqis. Now if you just hold still, maybe I can thwart the missile away through some DNA manipulation with a cosmic ray that obliterates the mad cow ultimately with a final combustion that creates powerful solar power which will lastly thwart the missile."
Numbuh 4 nudges Sgt. Scream.
"See, I told he was smart, he just said something about DMA," Wally said proudly.
WE ARE NOW LANDING AT BAGHDAD AIRPORT. PLEASE USE THE FOLLOWING PROCEDURES. TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS TO AVOID DAMNED TERRORISTS FROM SHOOTING YOUR ASS DOWN. PROCEED SLOWLY AND WITH CAUTION, OR THE BRITS MIGHT BE THE ONE SHOOTING YOUR ASS DOWN. SURPRISING SOMEONE IS SO CHILDISH, IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY.
"Yes, we're finally here," Wally said happily.
"Wait, what happened to the missile?" Hoagie asked, his mind confused.
"Oh, there was no missile. It was just a cruddy cloud," Wally said.
PLEASE LAND WITH CAUTION. WE DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO DIE. THE AREA HAS BEEN CLEARED OF ALL PEOPLE IN A TURBAN. YOU ARE SAFE TO LAND. NOW, HAS ANYONE HEARD THAT EMINEM IS RETIRING?
"Oh my crud, Mexicans!"
"They're not Mexicans, they're the Brits," Hoagie said.
"Oh."
"Hey Wally, check out the chicks, hehe," Hoagie sneered, looking through the window with his awesome 99 cent binoculars he got for Christmas.
"Wow, what are they doing?"
"I don't know man, I've never seen something like this. They're all over each other. Hmm, that's strange. Maybe it's some kind of ritual?"
"Numbuh 5 thinks you guys should just shut up," Abigail said.
"Oh yeah, well answer this, miss smarty pants, if a tree falls and nothing is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Wally asked.
"Well, of course, it falls and it makes a sound. Sure no one's there but it still makes a sound!" Hoagie protested.
"No, you use chemistry to solve this problem. A sound starts off as vibrations, and it's merely vibrations until your brain changes it into audible sound, so basically no," Numbuh 5 answered.
"What? But my English teacher said that problem will never be solved! And people have been wondering for thousands of years!" Wally yelled.
"Oh yeah? What comes first, the chicken or the egg?" Wally asked, so sure he got this one this time.
"That's impossible to answer. Without the chicken, there can be no eggs. Without the egg, there can't be any chickens. But one of them had to come first, right? The world will never know."
"Well, you use biology to solve this one. Mutations are the deciding factor in evolution. Evolution exists because of the new features bought on by mutations. The period where X becomes a bird occurred because a mutation had occurred. Because mutations occur in the DNA, and therefore the egg, the egg came before the chicken," Numbuh Five said.
"Oh my..." Hoagie said in amazement.
"RAWR I'm a terrorist!" an insurgent popped out of nowhere with an AK-47 rifle.
"F-U I'm a counter-terrorist!" Sector V shouted in unison.
"Pwnage my AK-47!" the insurgent bragged.
"F-U my M4A1!" Sector V cried.
The sound of bullets blazing through the air was enough to begin a war that should never have been started. It sends chills down the spine when one sees a fallen comrade struck by a bullet, a bullet so small yet so deadly. It is a tragedy to see the same species fight each other. We may be separated by boundaries and nationalities, but one thing is still the same: we're the human race.