Thanks to my reviewers, have fun.
9. Every scar has its story
Why do I always have to end up on a godforsaken island?, Jack wondered when he pulled the boat ashore. Yet, things had improved. This time he didn't have to stand on the beach and watch Barbossa sail away with his ship; this time the island was bigger and overgrown with dense green. There were trees and bushes that promised shade as well as food, and he could hear various animals rustling in the undergrowth. This time, he still had a boat and the company- well, the company couldn't be any better. Smirking he gazed at Rowan who, right now, shook out her red-wine mane, tiny drops of water glittering in an arc around her. All in all he could be quite happy with the situation because he was stranded on this island with her.
Rowan was running her fingers through her hair when she noticed Jack watching her, suddenly also very aware of their situation. They were on a lonely island and there was a certain tension between them; she already knew how this would probably end since they were both grown-up pirates…
"We should have a look around, don't ye think so?" she asked, breaking the silence. They hadn't talked much after they had climbed into the longboat and lain close to each other. Jack only nodded without taking his eyes off her; somehow she felt flattered.
Though the island was quite small they couldn't walk around it due to some high cliffs in its western part. Therefore they concentrated on the area nearby the beach and roamed through the adjacent jungle instead. Soon they discovered one of the loveliest places both of them had ever seen. In midst of green trees a rock rose up, spilling out clear, cool water into a small pond at its feet. The pond itself was surrounded by soft grass and separated from the beach only by a few palms; sitting there, one could still see the sea. Without needing to talk about it they both knew that this was the perfect place to make a camp, so they laid down in the grass, exhausted from last day's adventure, and fell asleep as soon as they allowed themselves to rest
When Rowan awoke the sun was high in the sky and she was alone; Jack was gone. For an instant a shock born of mistrust flashed through her- would he dare to take the boat and leave me here? She jumped to her feet but even before she could see Jack strolling the beach, collecting driftwood, she already knew how stupid that thought had been.
All I've ever wanted was to save yer life…This, he had said to her in the brig and she knew that it was true; she just had to remember the way he looked at her, the pain in his eyes when Norrington had punched her. No, he would never leave her, unless she told him so. Somehow this was a good feeling, and she couldn't believe that she'd been so foolish to mistrust him for a second.
She knelt down at the pond. With cupped hands she splashed water into her face to wash away the salt and her sorrows.
"No need to drink water when we've got rum." Jack said from behind. She turned around and saw him standing there in his typical way, swaying, a broad smile on his face, arms outstretched like a welcome. In his hands he held two bottles. "An' there're even more in a wooden box down at the beach. Now, what d'ye say, luv?"
"Let's open the bottle."
Rowan was cheerful until she saw the label on the bottle; it was the same rum she'd given Escobar. If she'd ever needed more evidence that Norrington had killed the Spaniard, that was it. Surely a box with finest Jamaican rum wouldn't swim from the wreck of the Gavina to this island of all places, so it must have been a board the Phantom…
"What's wrong with ye? Don't ye like the rum?"
"I'm just thinking 'bout how Norrington boasted that he had killed Escobar." She looked at the bottle once more, then shrugged and took a long swig. "To Escobar."
"To Escobar." Jack clinked bottles with her before he drank as well. They sat in silence for a moment. It was an uncomfortable silence since they both knew that there was a lot to talk about, for instance, they couldn't stay on this island, drinking rum. They had to get away from here and…
…well, after all is said and done they had to go back to Tortuga and talk with Santiago. That, Rowan knew though she didn't like the idea. But things were already too far gone for her to handle them on her own. Norrington was a sadist out of control and maybe possessed, hypocrite Ratbone was a mad magician, and there was also the chalice to be considered, always the chalice. Therefore she needed Santiago's help. She swore to herself that this would be the last time because she just couldn't forgive him; it would never be the same between them anymore. She looked at Jack who was watching her silently, apparently guessing what was going on in her mind.
"I know, ye hate to do it but there's no other way, aye? So we're gonna return to Tortuga 'n then ye can hit Alf in the head with the book first before ye ask questions."
"Ha, the book! I wonder if it's still there."
"Nah, it's not." Jack flashed her a conspiring smile. "The book's aboard the Pearl and the Pearl will soon be cruising these waters, as I've ordered. All we have to do now, is to light a bonfire on the beach so that they'll actually find us, savvy."
She raised her eyebrows and nodded in agreement. Apparently he'd arranged everything perfectly. "Thanks, Jack."
He immediately put her off. "No need to thank me 'cause I've probably got my own motives for it. Think about it luv. We're on a lonely island, just you and me…"
"I've noticed. So, what d'ye want? I've saved yer life, ye've saved mine- I think we're square now." Her voice sounded harsher than she wanted, so she wanted to say sorry once again; if only she could find the right words for it.
"Don't worry. I surely won't do anything unwanted, and most surely nothin' Alf could be annoyed 'bout. He's not gonna tell me once again that I'm puttin' ye into danger."
She looked at him confused. "What?"
"Well, I remember Alf saying something like, I won't allow you to put her into any danger once again."
First, Rowan was puzzled, and then she couldn't help but laugh. Oh no, he had gotten it all wrong. It had been a warning, that's for sure, and one should always consider Santiago's warnings to be serious. Nevertheless it had been something completely different the Spaniard had alluded to. Another time, another event- and she still hadn't any clue what this had to do with Captain Jack Sparrow. But when he asked her why she was laughing she suddenly fell silent, thinking about the event Santiago had actually meant and that wasn't funny anymore. Actually, a shiver ran down her spine even when she only thought about it.
Jack noticed her changed mood. Since he didn't know what else to do he clinked bottles with her again and had a good gulp before he dared to ask what was troubling her.
"Nothing but my own folly." She laughed bitterly now, wondering if she should tell him the whole story. Rum- rum might help. After that, it was easier; she cleared her throat and started to talk. "Well, ye've known Santiago- or Alf, like ye prefer to call him- for a long time so ye should know his oddities. One day, many years ago, he was in one of his peculiar moods once again, watching the sky and the sea completely absent. Then, all of a sudden, he jumped up and drivelled something incomprehensible like, the balance of the universes are disturbed and that he had to go 'n fix them. I really didn't get what he was all about since he left in a rather mysterious way. He just disappeared. Of course not without giving me a warning to stay aboard my ship, no matter what happens. And of course I ignored it when we came to Tortuga. Hey, this is my home port, nothing's gonna happen to me here, I thought. But I was wrong. I didn't know it then, but I was wrong 'cause Tortuga wasn't the same anymore. There was more violence, more plundering 'n raping than ever before. Barbossa was there. He'd come to Tortuga with his new ship, the Black Pearl."
"My ship." Jack said silently. He remembered the mutiny and how Barbossa had marooned him on that island, sailing away with his ship; it was still a very vividly memory. Bloody Barbossa! But this was Rowan's story now and he wanted to her hear out as much as he feared what he might hear. "Did he try to track ye down when ye came to Tortuga.?"
"No. It was the other way round." She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling cold. Although it was still a bright Caribbean afternoon the shadows under the trees seemed to increase, becoming unbearable. Glancing at Jack she stood up. "Don't ye think we should light the bonfire before it gets dark?"
He raised his brows but then just shrugged. Actually he would have done anything if only she would continue and it was only when the fire was burning that she did so.
"Barbossa didn't need to track me down. I sought him and I found him. It was daft- that, I really do know today. Then, I only had revenge in mind. I actually thought I could defeat him when I challenged him."
"You are daft! Challenging Barbossa! Damned, but he was already cursed at the time."
"No, ye're wrong there. The curse was took affect only after the last coin of Aztec gold was spent- but that's something I also learned later. At that time, Barbossa was still as vulnerable as we are now. We crossed blades then and I daresay I'd done a bloody good job. Actually, I'd managed to disarm him once although the glory didn't last long. Of course he was a pirate and therefore he fought with all the tricks an evil mind could think up. Suddenly I was the one in distress and he took advantage of the situation; he wanted to teach me a lesson… He knocked me down and raped me, and after he was done he just stabbed me, leaving me to die there in that alley."
That much she told Jack, and she could hear him drawing in a sharp, horrified gasp. Yet she hadn't told him all because there were still no words to describe the pain. Not here, not now. Never. Barbossa had tried to tear her apart with his fury, he'd tried to break her… but she hadn't even flickered an eye and had only laughed at him, feeling indestructible. That short moment of pain just couldn't wreck her, although it would stay in her mind forever. And before Jack could start pitying her she had better carry on with her tale since it wasn't over yet.
"Of course I didn't die. I didn't do Barbossa that favour though I must admit it was none of my own doing. I passed out for a while and when I finally woke up again I couldn't remember anything. I knew not where I was, who I was, or why I was. First was the easiest thing to find out. Dark faces watched me with excitement and admiration, calling me Goddess-Who-Died-To-Live, which explained the second. Apparently I was in a Maroon camp somewhere in the middle of a jungle and I was a goddess, their Goddess. The Goddess-Who-Died-To-Live and who would lead their rebellion to victory because I had survived death. I almost believed it when I looked at myself; I had fair skin compared to theirs, a mane of red hair and bright eyes. I was so completely different that I really almost believed it. If only the pain hadn't been, the pain and the awful weakness of my body and soul; a goddess shouldn't feel so terribly weak. Yet it was nice being a goddess. They honoured me, gave me food, drink and shelter; they brought me flowers to adorn my hair as well as many other gifts. It was nice as long as I knew not who I really was. Then, one day, I noticed that I was pregnant and with that realisation suddenly all my forgotten memories flooded back into my head again. Bloody hell, I had landed myself in a real mess. In the weeks that followed I tried all I could to get rid of the unwanted get and to explain the Maroons that I wasn't a goddess but a pirate. None of it worked. They still claimed that I was their goddess and if I really wasn't divine my son would be because I received him in the moment of death. What logic. Although I didn't know anything about the curse then, I definitely knew that a child of Barbossa's seeds could only become a monster; and I definitely didn't wanna give birth to a monster. Well, I'll be brief. Weeks turned into month and I felt increasingly like a stranded whale; I looked like one by that time. The Maroons still worshiped me but I was also their prisoner now and they watched over every move I made, taking damned good care that nothing could happen to my child who was supposed to be their saviour, their avenger. But I just didn't wanna become a plaything in their war. I only wanted to be myself again, to be free and sail the seas again, and to get rid of that thing in my still swelling belly. Ironically the Goddess prayed to all Gods she knew and it was a very sardonic one who finally answered my prayers. One day, I finally had a miscarriage. Ha, I've waited for it such a long time but I certainly didn't want it to kill me. Once again I ended up almost bleeding to death and this time there was nothing the Maroons could do about it. I really would have died in a damned jungle if Santiago hadn't found me after all is said and done. As always, he was the saviour when needed and he had already proved to be the perfect rescuer saviour before. Not only that he healed me but he'd apparently saved Bootstrap Bill Turner from Davy Jones' locker where Barbossa had sent him…"
"Bill." Jack had been unusually quiet for a long time and hadn't done anything but listen to her story. Now, he just whispered one single word, a name, and it sent unwanted thoughts spinning in his head. He knotted some loose ends into a pattern he didn't like at all, slowly comprehending that there was a certain link, that somehow their fates had entwined before, a long time ago. This sudden knowledge made him gasp in despair. Utterly shocked he jumped to his feet and turned away from the fire, turned away from her. His face was pale when he stared at the dark sea yet he was completely untouched of its beauty. There were still too many thoughts rattling his head; thoughts he could have cared less for if only he wouldn't feel what he felt. He really wished to be cursed instead of in love and he winced when her hand gently touched his shoulder. Nevertheless he changed his mind immediately. Her touch… ah, it was such a weird, maddening, wonderful pain of being in love…
"Jack, what's up? Did I shock you with my story?" she asked with a mildly mocking one in her voice.
He shrugged in a half-heartened attempt to shake off her hand and at the same time he was relieved that he failed. Now, he had three choices. He could just whirl around and kiss her- but there was still too much between them so he didn't dare to- alas, it would have been his favourite choice. Of course he could still do what he usually did, and walk away without giving any answers, sealing his heart to everybody. That was his second best choice and probably the one he'd chosen… if it just hadn't been definitely the wrong way to win her heart. So, if he ever wanted a chance, he had to pour out his heart to her and that was something he'd never done before. Therefore he hesitated, feeling unsure. What he had to tell her was also by no means suitable to win her heart… so why did he have to do this at all? It would have been so much easier if he had only walked away.
"Jack?" Her voice was behind him again, sounding troubled now, and her grip became tighter; she wanted him to turn around and face her. That, he didn't do. He just knew that he couldn't bear to look at her when he finally revealed the truth.
"'t was my mistake. All that's happened to ye was only 'cause of my folly; I've trusted Barbossa 'cause he flattered me. I had been too blind to see his real intentions- that had cost me the Pearl and so much more. Alf has been right; it seems I really love to surround myself with scum that says what I wanna hear."
"Oh well, some say that self-knowledge is the first step towards self-improvement but I don't get the rest. What has my folly to do with yours- except that we both tend to be daft from time to time." Rowan lost patience with him. She didn't want to wait any longer that he kindly deigned to turn round to her when she was talking to him; so she stepped in front of him. "Can you please express yourself more clearly?"
It really startled her to see how pale he'd turned and his face showed all of his despair. For a moment he tried to pretend that everything was alright with him and he made one of his big gestures but then he was slouching and his hands came down helplessly.
"'t was when the mutiny started… I never showed it 'n I never talked 'bout it… but I was scared, Rowan. I've trusted them, all of them, even Barbossa… then, they came to my cabin at night when I was sleeping and they gave me a good beating; some were spitting at me. I didn't understand what was going on. I never thought anything like that could ever happen to me… I mean, after all, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow." He gave her a wry smile before he bit his lips and continued. "At that time, I felt more like an abandoned kid, completely left alone. They marooned me on an island and left me to die- and I, I was scared. Don't ye get it, Rowan? I was scared and in the mess of my emotions I may have called for Alf unwittingly- not aloud but in my head. Do you get it now? It was because of me he left ye for. He wasn't there when ye needed him most, when ye needed his protection, 'cause he left ye for me. All that happened to you only transpired because he was searching the Caribbean for me. It was all my fault."
"Come on Jack, don't blame yerself for my own folly. If I had listened to Santiago's warning and had stayed aboard the Jewel, nothing would have happened. But I was never good in being obedient, and this time I had to pay for it, savvy." It didn't matter to her anymore nor would she ever blame Jack for it- that was just a ridiculous thought. But it was a thought Santiago possibly could have had, and that would at least explain his aversion to Jack- although it was still a ridiculous thought. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "We should forget about it, aye? There's no need to wake demons, we'd better drown 'em in rum."
Jack shook his head. "No, I can't. If Alf had succeeded, then maybe, but ye haven't heard me out yet. It was even much worse. I loathe to tell ye though I have to; you have to know it. And I, I will have to live with the consequences."
Despite his harsh and unusually self-critical words, his arms seemed to have their own wits; they simply enclosed her waist without wasting a thought about it. To Rowan it somehow appeared as if the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow might need a hold and that, she granted him with a hidden smile. After all, she felt rather comfortable in his arms meanwhile.
"Well, ye know my story partly. I spent three days on that godforsaken island, drinking rum, and then the rum runners found me- not Alf. It was them who saved me and took me to their hiding-place, and there… let's say I celebrated my new life by all means. You can also say that this had been a long orgy with lots of drinks, drugs and doxies. I took everything I could get 'cause I just wanted to forget, and to my shame I have to admit that I… er, I actually wasn't very pleased when Alf finally showed up there. I also wasn't very pleased that he had Bill in tow, my former 'friend' who hadn't even lifted a finger to help me during the mutiny. I didn't give a shit that Bill had seen his faults by then and had fallen out of favour with Barbossa because of it. At that time, I even wouldn't have minded if he had rotted in Davy Jones's locker for ever and eternal. But Alf had saved him first of all people… Ah, I was completely out of control, then, acting like a madman. I blamed Alf for not saving me when I had needed him, for everything that had ever happened to me, and I called Bill a bloody traitor who just didn't deserve to be alive. Finally, I told both of them to piss off and never ever to cross my path again." He sighed, wearily rubbing his eyes, before he gently touched her face. "You see, Santiago's efforts had been in vain, all of them. He just wasted his time with me when he should have protected you instead. I'm so sorry, Rowan, I've never meant to do this to you, honestly."
She sighed; he was such a fool and yet it was really moving how he said that. He was a fool because of her, because he really cared for her. It was only then that she realized she must have fallen in love with him sometime on her way from the wreck of the Gavina up to this island. Great, now we have two fools on one island. Daft idiot, ye should stop looking like a man who'd die for a kiss 'cause if ye wanna kiss me why don't ye just do it, please, she thought- and then he did.
She felt his lips touching hers; it was a soft touch first and his tongue parted her lips only slightly like an unspoken question, asking for more. And she gave him more; she yielded, inviting him to explore her. It was… well, they had kissed before but then, it had only been for lust born in a wild mood. Now, it was different. Now, his kiss was sweet- although she could still taste the salt of the sea on his lips- and gentle. She hadn't known that he was capable of so much tenderness, and yet there was a passion in his kiss that made her knees turn to jelly. It was incredible, like some sort of homecoming she'd always longed for unknowingly. Ah, it felt so good and right, and she was already yearning for much more… and then it stopped.
No." Jack murmured, his voice hoarse with suppressed desire. "We shouldn't… you shouldn't kiss me like that."
She looked at him in disbelieve. "But that's what ye've always wanted, ever since the day we met."
"Aye. No… I mean… ah, it doesn't matter now. Whatever I've once had in mind is of no importance anymore since I don't deserve yer affection, I don't deserve ye. Not after all that I've done to ye, savvy?"
Rowan felt torn between the urgent desire either to bang his head or to kiss him again. She would have favoured the first if his hands wouldn't betray his words. Somehow they had found a way to come beneath her shirt and were now stroking along her spine. Oh, this was good…
"Gimme more of that or lemme go." she moaned. "But don't play around with me."
Jack was a bit bewildered when he noticed what his hands did yet he couldn't move them away; her skin felt so warm and soft. Well, as it seemed things had already gone too far to stop now and besides- he was a pirate, therefore he couldn't possibly turn down a willing woman. And most definitely he wouldn't turn down the woman he loved, he longed for. He kissed her again, gently first, but suppressed desire had bottled up inside both of them for too and they were eager to explore each other, to learn each other with hand, mouth and tongue. Slowly! Jack thought all of a sudden before passion could carry him away completely. It should be something special this time. He got hold of her hands and urged her to stop whatever she was just doing.
"Take it easy, luv, we've got time. We're on an island where none can disturb us." Jack said smirking while he looked at her naked body; somehow her clothes had miraculously fallen off and lay scattered in the sand now. He reached out one hand to touch her face. "Ye're beautiful, d'ye know?"
Rowan chuckled sheepishly. "'n ye must be struck with blindness, Captain Sparrow."
She didn't chuckle anymore when he kissed her neck, lips and teeth sucking the soft skin. She held her breath and closed her eyes, feeling his mouth wandering further down her neck to her shoulders…
"I'm gonna show ye how beautiful ye are."
He cupped her breasts and when his mouth found its way there, she couldn't help but moan with delight. Her knees turned to jelly once more and her legs gave way so they both stumbled to the ground. He came above her with a broad smirk, continuing to handle her body like a skilled musician playing his instrument, very experienced and yet with a tenderness that was nearly unbearable since desire was already throbbing between her thighs, yearning to be fulfilled. She grabbed his head, fingers knotted in his black, tangled hair, and she begged him to bring it to an end.
Jack grinned; she didn't have to beg twice and he couldn't wait any longer. He wanted to lose himself in her, his pirate queen, his beautifully mad woman, and when he entered her at last it shook him to the roots of his soul. Slowly he began to move within her, bending his head to kiss her, to drink from her lips like a starving vampire, and she moved to meet him until he was no longer certain where he ended and she began. It had never been like this before. No other woman had ever evoke such feelings in him, no other woman had gotten under his skin so much that he could feel her in every pore, in his heart and even his soul; he had never let anyone touch his soul but now he just yielded. And then, he shuddered at the force of her climax, stunned that it was him who had aroused it and that it was his name she cried out at the end. He flashed her an awestruck glance and got caught by green eyes that fixed the course of his heart like a compass always pointing the right direction. Suddenly something was welling from deeper within him that he'd ever known, carrying him away like the rumble of the sea to a wild ocean and yet to a safe harbour as well, where being Captain Jack Sparrow wasn't important anymore. Here, he was only Jack, a Jack he had long forgotten but still looked familiar.
For a long time none of them spoke a word and the only sounds to be heard were the low roaring of the surf and the crackle of fire. Then in the fire some branches crumbled, sending orange-glowing showers of sparks in the night. Rowan lifted her head, frowning. It was a disturbing thought that someone out there on the sea could spot the fire and hurry to their 'rescue' since she wasn't in the mood of being rescued. Why at all? Here, on this island, was no Santiago, no Norrington, no trouble. Here was only Jack… Well, two days ago she would have detested being stranded on a lonely island with himof all people but now she didn't want to be with anyone else. Somehow it was also a startling thought. She snuggled closer to him yet at the same time she wanted to run away from him. There was always a danger in investing feelings and hearts were so easy to break.
"Shouldn't have lit he bloody fire, aye?" he mumbled, idly running his fingers through her hair.
"Hmm." She propped her head on one arm to look at him, feeling her heart ache at his sight. Jack was a different man today, here on that island; he had become soft and therefore vulnerable.
Maybe the Pearl won't show up anyway, maybe they're even not searching for me like Gibbs has promised. Maybe they just sailed away to wherever, abandoning me once again. There were these nagging thoughts in his head and he couldn't switch them off. Who has seen a mutiny before was mistrustful, and who has been marooned on an island even more.
"Gibbs won't let ye down, Jack." Rowan assured him as if reading his thoughts. And I won't let ye down either. Gently she brushed his lips with hers and sighed. "Dunno if I ever make friends with him but he's faithful and loyal to you. I just hope he needs some time to find us."
He gave her a wry smile and his hand let go of her hair to caress the line from her ear down to her collarbone, admiring the softness of her skin. "So ye like being on a lonely island withme?"
Rowan wanted to answer with a kiss but all of a sudden he stiffened and backed away a little as his fingertips had just sensed the only scar that marred her body; it was a faded, jagged line above her breast. Of course he'd noticed it before only he had never cared about it in the heat of lust and desire. Now it was different. Now he looked at it and shivered because he knew its origin. Barbossa.
"I wish I had been there to prevent him doing that." he murmured, feeling incredibly guilty
"Very unlikely since you were marooned on an island at that time." Rowan replied with a sarcastic undertone in her voice. She had hoped they were already through with that, alas she was wrong, and although she really didn't want to offend Jack it was hard for her not to lose patience with him. She only managed it because she had some respect for his feelings. "Hey, don't rack yer brain 'cause of me. If ye wanna do me a favour then please forgive Bill. Savvy?"
Bill. Bill Turner. Bootstrap Bill Turner. His friend. Maybe the only friend he ever had. But now it was too late to make the last words unsaid. They had been harsh words, unjust words; words born from a drunken and drugged brain. Drunken and drugged to bear and forget the world, the mutiny, treachery, abused trust, isolation, angst… 'Leave me alone, son of a lousy bitch! I don't need false friends, bloody traitors like you. Go away! Go to Barbossa and let him sodomize you.. But never, never ever dare to cross my path again.' That he had said yet he hadn't meant it, not that way. He was just completely pissed off with everything and most of all with life itself at that time…
"Jack, damned, talk to me."
It was only when Rowan shook him that he realized he had been completely lost in thoughts.
"I dunno what's going on in yer head." she complained. "Is it too much to ask for that you forgive him? Bill has already suffered enough, perhaps more than you and me together…"
Now, if there was ever the question of forgiveness it was rather if Bill can forgive me- or Will. I've never told the whelp that his father wasn't lost in the oblivion of Davy Jones' locker.
"Jack, it's like the whole burden of this bloody world is weighing on Bill's shoulders and only you can take it off him. He still feels guilty for the mutiny, for not being able to prevent it. For not warning you insistently enough of Barbossa although he knew damned well what that bastard was capable of, and he knew it because I've told him how he murdered my parents. I swear, he wanted to put it all right. He believed in the curse long before anyone else did so he send his piece of Aztec gold to his son in England as soon as they reached Tortuga. He wanted Barbossa to remain cursed forever and he wanted to rescue you; he even remembered the bearings of that island where you were marooned and he knew you could survive for a couple of days. And that you would save that one shot for Barbossa. But Barbossa's a suspicious bastard so he kept a sharp eye on Bill and then… well, you know the story. Just don't ask me how Santiago has learned of the danger or how he saved Bill 'cause I don't know. Santiago never talks about it as well as he avoids mentioning your name at all."
"He's right. Where's the rum?" Jack desperately needed some rum but when she handed him a bottle, he stared at her and decided that he needed something else, stronger than rum. He needed her. How he longed for her! He wanted her so much that his whole body ached, so he tumbled her over with his keen desire. This time he wasn't- he just couldn't be- gentle. Would he have been able to stop if she had protested? He really didn't know and there was no need to worry anyway. She shared his lust with the same intensity, clinging to him with all her limbs, her fingernails scratching his back.
In the aftermath of their wild raging they lay breathless in each other's arms, exhausted by fulfilled desire. Now, their kisses tasted sweeter again, and when they touched each other, idly caressing naked skin, it was only for the joy of it and not for lust.
"Will it ever stop?" Jack asked after a while. "I mean- we've just parted and I already miss you."
"Ye wanna do it again?" Rowan looked down on him and he followed her gaze laughing.
"Well, not right now. Just give me a few moments to recover."
"You're insatiable." There was no complaint in her voice only amusement, and then she bent over to kiss him.
"Aye. You know, I've fucked up too many things in my life but all the shit seems to disappear when I'm with you."
She felt flattered then and didn't know what to say. This was definitely a compliment and also a very special one, maybe even the best declaration of love she'd ever heard. They fell silent for a while, knowing that there's a time when words can only spoil the mood; what their hearts knew was too much to put in words anyway. Here, on that island, they had found the counterpart of their soul that had been missing without realisation- but it was another question if they could keep that feeling once they're in the real world again. That was something only time could tell.
"I'm still wondering…" It was Jack who broke the silence, his fingers tracing down the line of her scar. "… why did Barbossa stab you after he'd got what he wanted?"
"Oh, that story again." She sighed. "Well, ye know Barbossa, don't ye?"
"Aye, and that's why I'm asking. Don't get me wrong now, Rowan, but alive you could have been more 'valuable' to him."
"As his whore? Yeah, that's right. He always had a certain ill-favoured affection for me and he definitely wanted to be the one to deflower me but unfortunately for him he came years too late."
"Oh, so he wasn't the first one."
"Jack, I was almost nineteen at that time and I've always been kinda curious. Now remember my background. I was raised in a brothel before I met Santiago and then I spent most of my time on a pirate ship- d'ye really think that there was even the slightest chance to remain untouched? Of course I wanted to find out why men get so jittery when approaching a harbour, what it's all about. So Marris and me started toying with each other, and I liked it." Rowan was interrupted when Jack gasped, stunned for a moment, his mouth opened and closed.
"I never thought that a girl… that women would- ah, forget what I'm saying."
She laughed mildly. "Apparently there's still a lot ye need to know 'bout women, Captain Sparrow."
"Hey, for you it's only Jack, savvy?" he stressed
"Savvy."
"Good. Now continue. Am I right to assume that Barbossa wasn't very pleased to find out that he wasn't the first one?"
"Damned right! Actually he was really pissed."
"So that's why he stabbed you?"
She just shrugged indifferently. "Well, that's one reason. The other is that maybe I shouldn't have laughed at him when he was done, calling him a lousy lover."
"You're daft. Tell me you didn't." Jack stared at her stunned, knowing that she wasn't jesting. She had done it. She had really laughed at Barbossa while he'd still thought that he'd taught her a lesson. Nevertheless it was a daft thing to do and she'd paid for it. He shook his head, beads jingling. "You're daft and you are damned lucky that you survived."
"Aye." Should she tell him that she'd rather been dead than Barbossa's whore? No, there was no need to mention it now. It was over and forgotten a long time ago, and now it was time to change the topic. She let her hands run down his chest. "Now it's your turn."
"Are you gonna teach me what I still need to know 'bout women?"
Rowan fended off his attempt to get her on the back again and snorted. "Actually I rather thought that it's your turn to tell me a story…. But you really need to learn a lot about woman, for instance, you can't always be on top. And it's not that much fun to be breaded with sand."
"Well, if the sand's the problem we could take a bath." Jack suggested with an ambiguous grin.
"You don't give up, aye?" Rowan got on her feet and ran her fingers through her hair, knowing that he would stare at her. She could feel his eyes on her skin like an intense touch; it was a good feeling to be desired. Slowly she made her way to the pond. "C'mon Jack, let's have a bath. Maybe I show you something you've never even dreamt about. You know, sometimes women see men as playthings. D'ye wanna be my plaything, luv?"
The first Jack realized when he awoke was that he was alone. Startled he opened his eyes and closed them again the same moment, blinking against bright sunlight. Then a shadow fell above him and he saw a big fish. That was a weird dream. But only when he heard someone laughing about his stupid expression he realized that he wasn't dreaming at all. There was still a big fish in front of him, shimmering silvery in the sunlight, and that fish was speared on a sword, and of course it was Rowan who held the sword with the speared fish in front of him.
"Morning, my love. Have you come to feed your plaything?" he asked cheerfully and licked his lips. "Do you want me to eat a raw fish or can I have you for breakfast?"
"I thought we roast it in the fire but if you prefer it raw…"
"Come here, Rowan. I thought, I've told you what I prefer."
With a sigh she knelt down to kiss him and that kiss made all the thoughts undone she'd had when she woke up. She had felt tired and sore, not knowing if it had been wise to fall in love with a bloody scallywag like Jack Sparrow- but then again it was never really wise to fall in love at all. If she weren't on that island she probably would have run away. But now she only remembered how he'd melted in her hands last night when she had taught him some skills of love-making he'd never experienced before. After all, she had been to India.
"Any chance you'll repeat what you did last night?" he whispered in her ear, nuzzling her neck.
"Mayhap." she said although she was quite sure that she would. Somehow it was frightening how her body reacted to his, sending shivers down her spine when she was close to him, and yet she couldn't stop longing for him. She straightened again. "I'm hungry."
Jack followed her to the fireplace where he saw two more fishes. He made a surprised sound. "How did you catch them?"
"Well, I waded into the sea and scared them to death so I just had to pick them up. Besides, it's you who still owes me a story, remember? Every scar has it's story and you've got plenty of them."
He thought about it. What story should he tell her? She already knew the ones that made him a legend and he knew she didn't want to hear any boasting; she wanted to hear a true story because she had always told him the truth even if it was unpleasant…
"Can I at least have some rum before?"
"For breakfast?"
Jack threw his head back and gazed to the sky. "It's already noon. Besides, we're pirates- so it's never too early to have a sip of rum." He picked up a bottle and after a good gulp of rum he came up with a decision. "Panama."
Rowan had been laughing but now she looked at him rather confused.
"I'm gonna tell you a story I've never told anyone yet; I'm gonna tell you what really happened in Panama City when I sailed there with Morgan."
"Henry Morgan? You've sailed with the famous Captain Morgan? I didn't know that."
"Well, actually it's nothing to be proud of, at least I'm not proud of it. It wasn't like sacking a port without firing a single shot. There was a lot of shooting at that time. A lot of blood, pain and torture, of plundering and raping… I hadn't expected it to be like that when I signed. Dunno what I had expected. Ah, I was so young and naïve then. I was just a young fool with silly, heroic dreams in my head but there wasn't anything heroic in that raid. I had hoped to find glory but failed. But above all it wasn't what I had expected piracy to be. In fact Morgan wasn't a real pirate anyway since he had the letter of marque… You know the difference, don't you, Rowan?"
"Aye." she nodded, a scornful expression on her face. "Some people end up at the gallows while others get decorated although they all committed the same crime. It's a matter of politics."
"Only that I saw more crimes committed in the name of the crown than in my whole ruthless career as a pirate. To me, piracy was about freedom, boldness, playing tricks- something like pickpocketing, the good ol' hit and run thing but at sea and with ships. Of course there was also the booty to be considered… and that endless horizon…" Jack paused and looked at her. "You do know what I'm talking about, my love. Maybe you know it better than anyone else because you're a woman and a pirate."
"I know." she said thoughtfully, thinking about the wicked way of her life. She always had to be better than any man to get where she was now, the captain on her very own ship.
"Well, Panama was nothing of that at all. No horizon, only days and weeks at land, devastating the famous old town, the biggest trade centre for gold and silver in the world. It was like a war although England and Spain were officially at peace then. There were cruelties done. Morgan attacked all the surrounding countryside and even the islands off shore, torturing the residents because of gold. He didn't scruple to slay women and kids for the few pesos they had, wanting to gain as much he could. I've heard he was knighted in London, a few years later." Jack's voice sounded bitter and his eyes were fixed on a distant spot that only he could see. "I gained fifteen Pounds and plenty of experiences to cause nightmares, I also gained my first scar."
"I'm not sure whether I shall feel sorry for you. After all, you've participated in that cruel raid."
"No, no, no don't feel sorry for me, Rowan, you're right with that. I've told you I'm not proud of having been there. But I didn't get that wound in the battle, fighting the enemy. One of Morgan's officers shot me because I stepped out of line. He caught me when I tried to hide some kids and a beautiful young woman from the Buccaneers; I wanted to save her being raped and slain. Of course that was treason to Morgan's officer so her wanted to kill the bloody traitor. Lucky me that he wasn't the best shot. I shot him even before his bullet could hit my chest." Jack shrugged. "I didn't know it then but later I found out that Alf had arranged my recruitment with Morgan…"
"Alf? Bloody hell, why should he have done that?" Rowan gasped with surprise before then she came to the conclusion that a man who had failed to mention he was more than 200 years old even might be able of doing crueller things- for instance, sending young Jack into a war that wasn't his own one.
"Don't get him wrong, love. Morgan had an excellent reputation at that time, and I guess Alf thought it would be better for me to became a privateer and sail under the safety of a letter of marque than to become a pirate. Or maybe he wanted to erase the thought of piracy completely from my mind, I don't know. I never could ask him 'cause I haven't seen him for years… At that time, I was really fed up with him and never found my way back to his house since drinks and doxies of the dock area were much closer. I needed time to heal and to forget, and when that was done I met Samuel Davies again, the pirate captain on whose ship I have sailed for the very first time. Well, he wasn't a famous man with a great reputation but I learned a lot from him during the following years, so I stayed with him until he died. Sometimes I still miss him, he was a good man and a good pirate; he always kept to the code."
Rowan didn't say anything but just flung her arms around his neck and held him close. Now she did feel sorry for him. Life's never fair and although there were certain parallels in their lives- both of them had been street urchins when Santiago had found them and raised them- she had been the luckier one. Santiago hadn't sent her into a stupid war for gold just to test her. Instead, he'd given her all of his affection, he'd even build ships for her and taught her how to sail them. All the time he'd cared more for her than he ever had for Jack. She really didn't want to see Santiago ever again but she knew as well that it was unavoidable since she needed his help to stop Ratbone and Norrington from whatever they were up to. Hopefully she didn't have to find out too soon. She'd rather stay on that island with Jack a little longer although the thought of having fallen in love with him still scared her. For a second she felt thrown back in time and space to another one she'd loved once but fortunately that memory faded as quickly as it had appeared when Jack kissed her. And again she yielded to him, seeking confirmation and comfort in his embrace. There are scars one cannot see, nevertheless they're there, aching sometimes, and their story is the hardest to tell.