Tragedy's Wake


After a tragedy happens what do the survivors do? What can the survivors do?


a tyka fic


Trueangel

Close your eyes, Kai.

Kai closed his eyes, as the voice told him.

Can you see me?

"I can hear you, but I can't see you."

My head is resting against your chest now. Can you feel it?

"I... I can sense your presence, but I can't see you. Where are you?"

Close your eyes.

"My eyes are already -"

Close your eyes. Don't try to see me with your eyes.

Feeling somewhat stupid, Kai squeezed his eyelids together tighter. Then, remembering the second part of the voice's instruction, Kai stopped imagining the body, the form of the person he knew so well. And then he saw it. A shimmering, shapeless form that wrapped around him.

"Is... is that you?"

You don't need to ask me that. I'm sure you know what I look like. You haven't forgotten, have you?

"No, but –"

Physical appearances are just crutches for people to recognize others with, Kai. If I had decided to possess Rei's body, using his body and his voice, then who would I be?

"You... you would be you."

That's right, Kai. You don't need to see me to recognize me.

"So that is you? Oh god... I've missed you so much..."

I've always been with you, beside you.

"But I've never seen your face... heard your voice... held your body..."

You don't need those to feel my presence with you.

"But I'm just human! You can't expect me to not feel lonely just by knowing you're there."

I never said you wouldn't feel lonely.

"It's... it's just so difficult without you."

That's why I hoped you'd be able to find someone else and forget me.

"But I can't. I can only love you."

The voice was silent.

"When can I be with you again?"

When you have lived your life to the fullest, you will find me at your side once more, if you still love me as much.

"But you never got to live a complete life! Why did you have to die?"

More silence.

"Tell me! Why did you have to leave me?"

Accidents happen.

"I can't accept that... you didn't have to die."

What's happened has happened. The only thing those left behind can do is to pick up the pieces and move on.

"I can't help but miss you... so many nights I wish I could hold your hand, hear you whisper in my ear that you love me..."

So do I, Kai, so do I.

"Let me hear you one more time. Let me hear your voice telling me that you love me."

I love you, Kai.

"I love you too, Takao."

Kai reached his hand out to grasp the shapeless form that was Takao, the only person he had ever and could ever love. Instead, all he felt was a cold emptiness, chilling and jarring. A tear forced its way out of Kai's closed eyes and rolled down his cheek. Kai took a step forward, but found himself falling, falling...

Kai opened his eyes.

Max picked up Takao's wooden kendo sword and placed it in a box together with Takao's other belongings. In that box also lay some of Takao's photos. Max took one of them out. It was a picture of Takao practicing kendo with his grandfather. Takao was known by most as a famous beyblader, but only those close to him knew that, goofy as he was, Takao was also a kendo expert. Max put down the photo and took out another one. This was a photo of the Bladebreakers celebrating their world championship victory. It was in a bar that Mr. Dickinson had booked for them. Max recognized himself in the background, hopelessly drunk. Rei sat beside Max grinning at the camera, flashing his canines. Kai sat in a corner with his eyes closed, unsmiling. The hand around Kai's wrist was Takao's, the cheerful boy smiling as always, in the centre of the photo, his other hand clutching the trophy.

The door of the room slid open. Max wiped away his tears and turned to face the visitor.

"Oh, it's you, Gramps."

"Hmm, you're here alone? Where's Rei?"

"Rei's busy with some other stuff."

"He should be here helping you pack Takao's stuff."

"Oh, I don't mind. It's nearly done anyways."

"Well, I'll leave you alone to pack, then."

Takao's grandfather turned and walked back towards the door of the room.

"Gramps?"

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Takao's a great guy, isn't he? I mean, when he was still alive."

Gramps smiled a wistful smile. "Well, it depends on what you mean by 'great'. I wouldn't call skipping kendo practice sessions 'great'."

"Well, it's just that... I don't think I'll ever be able to forget him."

"No one will."

"It just... seems so cruel that Takao had to be taken from us like that."

"It was an accident. After an accident happens the survivors still have their memories of those who have departed."

"Are memories enough?"

"They are all we have left."

Rei slammed his mug onto the table's surface.

"Give me another mug!"

The bartender emptied the contents of a beer bottle into the empty mug. Rei lifted the now-filled mug to his lips and took another big gulp.

"That's enough, Rei. You should be going home."

"No, it isn't! Bartender, another mug."

"Rei, I know you miss Takao. We all do. But sitting here drinking away won't bring him back to life."

"Shut up! You weren't as close to Takao as I was. You weren't his teammate for a year!"

"Well, I don't see Max here drinking like you!"

Rei ignored the nagging and continued drinking.

"You know, Max is pretty upset by Takao's death as well. Max blames himself for Takao's death. He thinks he should have stopped Takao from going out, should have warned Takao to be careful, should have gone out with Takao to make sure he was safe. And after what happened to Kai... Max needs you, Rei."

"Give me another beer."

"Stop this, Rei! Seeing you like this would just make Max feel all the more guilty! Max isn't oblivious to what you're doing, and I wouldn't be surprised if Max blames himself for this too!"

Rei was silent.

"And... Takao wouldn't like to see you like this either."

"You're not qualified to talk about Takao."

"Well, then, neither are you! Look at you, getting hopelessly drunk like this!"

Rei fell silent again.

"After an accident happens, it doesn't help if the survivors become trapped within the past. There's still a future waiting for them. Takao wants you to move on, not think about him forever."

"I can't possibly just forget him."

"No, but you should remember him for his life, Rei, not his death."

In the meadow of the dead Kai stood silently. Before him lay the only indicator of where Takao lay in his final rest - a small stone tablet buried in the ground, on it engraved the words 'Kinomiya Takao. Died 14th July 2003'. There was no proclamation of him being a beyblade champion. No long list of achievements, no words to show the kind of person he was, nothing to describe his life. Instead there was a short sentence to describe Takao in his death: 'Dearly missed by family and friends.'

It's a real waste, isn't it? Such a talented person, to have died like that.

"Takao..."

Takao, one of the greatest beyblade stars the world has ever known. He had a bright future ahead of him. He could have gone on to win many more beyblade championships. He could have retired after that to be a beyblade coach.

"Why... why..."

But that was never to be. That future never came.

"Why leave me behind?"

He was the greatest person in your life, wasn't he? Bright and cheerful... he would never fail the make you feel better even after the most dreadful days.

"I still love you, Takao."

Takao Kinomiya, the only person you could ever love. Takao Kinomiya, great beyblader and greater boyfriend.

"I still love you..."

"It's time to go."

But Kai never budged. Even when he was forcibly dragged away, Kai's eyes never left Takao's gravestone.

Takao's spirit watched, and wept.

Max took a small notebook from Takao's shelf and flipped it open. He recognized Takao's messy handwriting filling up the page with words. Max read:

14th July 2002

Today I met this guy called Kai. I was at the beyblade shop when this kid came in crying and told me Kai was picking beyblade battles with other kids and destroying their 'blades. I felt so angry then, I went to challenge Kai. I lost though. Kai was a really good beyblader. I've decided I'm going to train harder and improve my skills to defeat Kai.

22nd July

Yes, I did it! Well, I didn't exactly defeat Kai, but with Dragoon's help I managed a tie with Kai. I'm feeling incredibly exhilarated now. But I'm also very tired. I think I'll sleep early tonight.

24th July

Over the last two days I can't seem to stop thinking about Kai. I know I'm gay, but Kai? He's such a bastard, he's the last person I want to end up with. Still though, I can't help but keep thinking about him. Argh.

25th July

It seems that Kai is gay too, or at least bi. I heard from one of my classmates that before he moved to Japan Kai used to live in Korea. He fell in love with some guy there, but then he was found out and he decided to leave. Wow. I would be terribly upset if someone I knew went around telling everyone I was gay. I guess that's why Kai's so quiet, perhaps he's afraid of being betrayed again. But anyway, this makes me pity Kai. But only a little.

10th August

Yay, the beyblade championships are coming soon! Max, Chief and I are training as hard as possible for it. I hear Kai's gonna take part. I hope I'll be able to meet him in the tournaments and beat him properly. Anyway, today's training was really tough. I must have battled with Max over ten times. Well, I guess I'll go to sleep early. There's more training tomorrow!

20th August

The finals of the beyblade championship was today. Kenny got knocked out pretty early. Max made it to the semi-finals, but got defeated by Kai. I battled some guy named Rei in the semis, made it through, and MANAGED TO BEAT KAI! Haha. But it turns out a Mr. Dickinson wants to form a Japan team to take part in the beyblade world championships. It'll include me, Max, Rei, Chief, and Kai as our captain. Man, I just can't wait for the championships!

21st August

I thought about it a bit more last night, and I realize I'm really looking forward to spending a lot more time with Kai.

I think I'm in love with him.

1st September

We arrived in Hong Kong today and had lunch at a Chinese restaurant. I decided to tell Kai how I feel about him, but then he ran off. Fortunately we managed to find him later battling with some of Rei's ex-teammates. But ever since we returned to the hotel Kai's been really cold towards me. We're supposed to share a room, but Kai went out in the evening and hasn't returned yet.

Oh god, why was I so stupid to tell Kai everything? Did I really expect him to immediately fall in love with me? I mean, I know he's gay, but we aren't even really friends yet. I hope this won't ruin our chances for a friendship, but I don't know. I'm just feeling really upset.

3rd January 2003

I haven't written for a long time. Over the last few months we've been really busy with the Asian tournament and the American tournament, so I didn't really have a lot of spare time. But now the American tournament's over, and we've got a break for a month or so before we've got to head off for the Russian tournament. Rei decided to return to China to catch up with his friends and family, and Max stayed behind in America to stay with his mom a bit longer. Kai and I returned to Japan, and Kai's staying with me for the time being.

Well, over the last three months things have warmed up between Kai and me a little. At least he isn't giving me the cold treatment anymore. I think Kai really wants to get to know me better, and even though he always makes snide remarks I guess that's just his character. But I'm afraid. I keep thinking about what happened that time in Hong Kong, and it hangs over me like a shadow whenever I talk to Kai. I'm afraid that somehow I'll just ruin our friendship again.

I've decided I want to use this break to get to know Kai better.

2nd February

Well, our break's nearly over. Max just came over today, and Rei will be arriving an a few days. After that we'll be flying to Russia together.

Sadly my relationship with Kai hasn't progressed much. If anything, he's gotten colder over the past month. It's just so difficult. Kai's so... guarded. But it's alright. I still have time to get to know him better.

14th February

It's Valentine's Day.

But it's been the most horrid Valentine's Day ever. Last night Kai went missing on us. The whole of today we've been searching for him, but to no avail. We've already reported this to the Russian police, now all we can do is to cross our fingers and wait. And pray for the best.

Oh god. I feel so worried. I hope nothing's happened to Kai.

22nd February

Good news: we found Kai.

Bad news: we found him on the opposing team, the Demolition Boys.

You can't even begin to imagine the horror I felt when I saw him. It was relief and anger and outrage and feeling cheated and horror all at once: and entire concoction of reactions. Even now I don't know what to think.

But I also felt afraid. Kai seems so... changed. So different. There was a wild, crazed look in his eyes when I saw him earlier. As though he's a different person entirely.

I've decided. I'm going to the Abbey to find out what happened to Kai.

23rd February

(At this point Max saw a lot of cancelled words, as though Takao had tried to write an entry, but couldn't bring himself to do it. Max could guess why.)

24th February

Oh god. I was just feeling so distraught yesterday, I couldn't even get my emotions in order to write an entry.

I met Kai at the Abbey. I asked him to return to the team, but then he said that he wanted to be strong. Said he wanted to be powerful, and that he didn't need the rest of the team anymore. And then I was feeling so upset I blurted out that I still loved him.

And you know what he said?

"Get lost. Get lost! Don't you ever let me see you again! If I do, I swear I'll kill you! I'll kill you!"

I was so frightened by this Kai which was talking to me I just turned and ran. As I ran Kai threw his Dranzer at me. I picked it up and continued running.

I'm holding the blue beyblade in my hand now. It's the only piece of Kai I have left. My brain is kind of numb right now. I just don't know what to feel, what to do.

30th March

A message arrived from Kai. He says he wants to see us tomorrow.

The rest of the team says we should meet him,hear what he has to say.

I don't know what to think.

31st March

We met Kai today. He wanted to take all of us down, but in the end we managed to beat him. I think he became our friend again at the end, but I'm not sure whether he hates me. Kai said he was going back to the Abbey to settle some stuff. I hope he's really with us now.

2nd April

Kai returned today, and the first person he looked for was me. He told me he loved me, and he said what he did before because he was afraid to confront his feelings for me. And after that we kissed. My first kiss. And, as Kai tells me, his first too.

So, I guess it's official then: Kai and I are a couple.

(At this point Takao drew a giant smiley.)

3rd May

The World Championships were just over. Kai took me out on what you could call a date, yesterday. I felt so thrilled, even though it was just a simple dinner. I'm grinning from ear to ear now, even though you can't tell. Kai's standing behind me massaging my shoulder muscles right now. It feels so good, partly because my muscles are still pretty tense even though the Championship ended a few days ago, and partly because Kai's fingerwork is so good.

Kai just kissed me on the cheek, and my grin just grew an inch. If it grows anymore I'm going to get cheek cramps. Then Kai will have to massage my mouth.

In Kai's handwriting, Max read: With my tongue, perhaps?

In Takao's handwriting: I wouldn't mind.

7th June

Kai and I had sex last night. I was pretty scared, since it was my first time. But Kai was supporting me throughout. Even though it was his first time too. I could write pages about how great Kai is. I couldn't imagine how life would be like without Kai.

13th July

Rei just flew back here from China today. He had been there to spend time with his family. He and Max are out right now. I suspect they might be a couple, though I'm not sure. Anyway, Kai and I are going out together again tomorrow. It's been exactly a year since we first met. Looking through this diary, I realize we've been through quite a bit. To think that, a year ago, I could never have imagined I would end up with Kai. But I guess it's all the time we've spent together that makes our relationship all the more precious.

Well, I've got to choose my clothes for tomorrow. I think Kai wants to take me to some fancy restaurant or something. I tried dissuading him, but once Kai's got his mind set on something it's impossible to change his mind. I told him, "A fancy restaurant? Over my dead body." And then he replied, "Well, then I'll bring your corpse with me." That's Kai for you.

And that was the last entry. 13th July 2003. The day before Takao died.

"We're here to see Hiwatari Kai."

The lady behind flipped through a clipboard. "5th level, room 503. When you get out of the elevator turn left, it's the second door on the right."

"Thanks."

Max and Rei headed to the fifth level, as per the person's instructions. They arrived at the room which contained Kai. The door was locked, but there was a small slit in it. Rei looked through the slit.

Except for a bed the room was bare with white padded walls. In a corner Kai sat on the ground quietly, leaning against the wall. In his hand Kai held Takao's Dragoon, and his eyes were fixed on it, unmoving. Kai looked rather pale. Given that, and the fact that Kai was so still, one might almost think it was a mannequin.

A nurse walked down the corridor towards Max and Rei.

"Excuse me, are you friends of Mr. Hiwatari?"

"Yes."

"Could I talk to you for a moment?"

Max and Rei followed the nurse into a room that was beside Kai's. Max closed the door behind him, and the two sat in one side of a desk while the nurse sat on the other.

"Well, we've observed Mr. Hiwatari for a month now. It seems that he's suffering from extreme trauma. We've tried medication and counseling, but they don't seem to be working. The only solution left is for him to snap out of it himself. If you want to, I think it should be safe to take him home. So far he hasn't displayed any signs of violence or anything dangerous. Well, except..."

"Yes?"

"Well, there was this once when we tried to pry that object out of his hand. He went totally berserk, like a wild animal out of control. In the end we had to calm him down using tranquilizer darts. But beyond that, he's very cooperative."

"I see."

"To tell the truth, Mr. Hiwatari hasn't moved an inch on his own without external help, except for that incident. He just sits in that corner all day, he even sleeps and defecates there. During meal times we wheel him out and feed him. I'm worried whether going back will trigger some kind of reaction in him, but right now we aren't making any progress at all."

The nurse paused.

"Well, that's all I have to say. You can take your time to think about it, then tell me if you decide to take him home."

"Thanks."

Max and Rei left the room. Max sat down on a bench beside the door to Kai's room, his head hung low.

"I'll get a drink for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Rei."

A couple of minutes later, Rei returned with two cups of hot cocoa in his hands. He passed one to Max, then sat down on the bench beside him. A few minutes of silence passed, as Rei watched Max while Max continued staring at the ground. Steam from the cocoa rose like fingers caressing the cold air. Finally Max spoke.

"Rei."

"Hmm? What is it?"

"I've decided. I want to take care of Kai."

"Are you sure? Why?"

"Well, it's just that... I want to help Kai in whatever way I can. And I'm sure Takao would feel pained if he saw Kai in this state."

"If you've already made up your mind, then I'll support you all the way."

Max leaned his head against Rei's shoulder.

"Oh, Rei... the last few weeks have been so difficult, with the accident and now Kai becoming like this."

"I know. I should have been there for you."

"No, it's not your fault. You were upset too, it's understandable."

"But you were also upset, and I left you alone to deal with all this."

"Rei..."

Rei put his arm around Max and pulled him close. "Well, whatever it is, I'll be here for you from now on, whatever happens, okay?"

"Thanks, Rei."

And for a while longer the two boys stayed like that in the cold hall, the smell of chocolate wafting in the wake of a tragedy.

END